Failed, failed, failed
Hi
I am so so so mad at myself. I am still smoking!!!! I am going to
try again tomorrow to quit - where is the strength I had last time
gone to??
Lynne
9 Responses to “Failed, failed, failed”
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February 10th, 2003 at 4:05 pm
Hi Pam
To be honest I can not think of one good reason to smoke.
Everything I feel about it is negative. But it is something that I
have done for so long (sometimes without not even realising it) that
it is very difficult to get out of the habit.
I really hate the fact that I smell of the stuff, so I don’t know
whether that is the place to start.
Lynne
February 11th, 2003 at 1:02 am
Hi Lynne
Have a look at Habitsmart.com - then you will see that there is no such thing
as failure - its all just a learning experience.
Listen to what Steve and Pam are saying and read the posts that they suggest
- it has been a real eye opener for me and I was a pack a day+ for 40+ years
smoker and if you want to know about habit then look no further than me.
I couldn’t do anything without a cig in my hand.
It looks like you work in some sort of club so that must be more difficult
than it would normally be - it is not easy to quit but maybe if you read some
of the posts and talk to steve (not sure if he has got MSN) you might be able
to get some tools in your toolbox to start work.
But remember to be a quitter you need to quit!
So never quit quitting.
Namaste
Indi
February 11th, 2003 at 9:14 am
Which “strength” are you referring to? Will you be quitting differently
tomorrow than you quit today or yesterday? What will be fundamentally
different?
Indi recently posted something to the effect that ‘if we continue to do
what we’ve always done, we’ll continue to get the same results’. This
probably won’t sound supportive in the least but if you continue to
follow quit patterns that have failed in the past, you’ll very likely fail
in the future. I spent the better part of 35 yrs trying to quit the same
way. And for the better part of 35 yrs I got the same results…. failure.
Most of the people in here share that experience. Lynne, the patterns
you are trying to follow in order to quit are not working. Most quitters
attempt to quit by following patterns that generate success rates of 1in 5
to 1 in 10, depending on whose numbers you trust. Bottom line is that the
vast majority of quitters will fail to remain quit. IMHO, those quit
patterns are characterized by a gross lack of awareness, either intentional
or consequential. (Intentional lack of awareness is drinking alcohol
knowing full well that “all rational thinking sort of goes out the window”
yet choosing to drink. Lynne, I’m not pointing a finger here, you
certainly didn’t invent ’stepping in a pile that we already knew was
there’. Consequential lack of awareness is allowing automatic patterns of
thought (that invariably result in undesirable responses) to continue to
function without examining why.
One way to change your quit pattern is to introduce an element of
awareness. The purpose of the lists is to get us to focus, to think about
why and when we smoked, to get us to begin to be aware of our normal
automatic patterns of behavior around smoking. Have you done anything with
those lists yet? Please try to at least write out the headings and maybe
one or two in each. Print them out and take them with you. Add to them if
something occurs to you during the day. Leave an updated copy on your puter
so if the paper ones get lost, all is not lost. Describe your routine for
a normal day i.e. when you get up, what and when you eat for breakfast,
when you begin work, ….. Include when you feel urges to smoke. Lynne,
you might consider taking a week’s break from trying to quit and working
seriously on awareness. Your difficulty with getting past a day or few
quit has more to do with your lack of alternative options and aware
self-talk re: dealing with withdrawal symptoms than with the actual
symptoms themselves.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
February 11th, 2003 at 2:26 pm
Sorry I couldn’t get back to you yesterday Lynne, but looks like
you’ve had a lot of great advice here.
Hopefully we can all meet up again in Spinchat one evening (web based
chatroom) and talk it all through, if that would help. How’s about
it folks? Tonight, tomorrow? Lets have your bids….
bye for now
Pam
February 11th, 2003 at 10:47 pm
Hi Pam
Tomorrow night (Friday about 9pm GMT - think thats about 4pm est - is fine
for me)
Indi
February 12th, 2003 at 11:35 am
Hi Steve
I think maybe I am also trying to quit at the wrong time. It is my
birthday tomorrow and I am going out - and will probably be quite
drunk. And of course I will end up having a smoke.
So……. It will be postponed until Saturday I think!!!
But I will still write my list
Lynne
February 13th, 2003 at 3:46 am
Hi Lynne
Hope you have a happy birthday - and you are right getting drunk is not
conducive to trying to quit.
Just make sure you keep reading the posts and trying to get your thinking
sorted out.
Indi
February 13th, 2003 at 4:34 pm
Oh I will, Indi. I think this is the best group for quitting that I
have found.
Lynne
February 16th, 2003 at 7:42 pm
Hi Toby,
I’m sorry you’re feeling so desperate. It’s doubly difficult when we
quit because our emotions get so out of whack. I’d say go ahead and cry if
that will relieve the tension and frustration, even a little bit. I’d also
suggest that you let go of trying to quit for a few days. We get to a point
sometimes where our resources are completely depleted and as desperate as
we are to carry on, we’re just to pooped. The best thing to do is regroup
and come at it after a bit of rest.
Think of it in terms of you’re going to cook up a really amazing ‘dish’.
Before you can start cooking, you need the ingredients. Once you’ve
collected what you need, then you’ll start combining it all and prepraring
it for the oven. But for now Toby, you need to back up and relax.
While you’re getting your feet back under you, go to the habit smart site
(someone got the site addy handy?) and start to read. Write out some
lists of reasons ‘why’ you smoked and note also ‘when’. List some reasons
why you would want or need to quit. List what emotions and conditions you
have felt in your daily life (anger, fear, frustrantion, hot , cold,
hungry, tired).
Toby, get some sleep, and a bit of exercise, and eat some healthy
foods. Lets get you prepared and then you’ll see a big difference when you
quit.
steve
www.cognitivequitting.com