(no subject)
Morning everyone. Today is Thanksgiving in the US and I have a crappy head
cold. UGH!
Got home from the office late last evening and felt way too sick to bake
Thanksgiving pies. Went to bed at about 7:30 instead.
Woke up this morning and started making the pie crust dough. Rolled the
first batch of dough and started out the door to have a cig! Haven’t had a
single craving and barely thought of cigs for a couple of days. First time
I’ve baked pies since quitting. Don’t you just love those “firsts”?
Anyway Happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating.
Char
September 24th, 2003 at 11:44 pm
Hi all, I don’t post too much but I do keep up on the messages each
day. Sometimes almost immediately because I do a lot of work on the
computer and always have my email open.
Anyway, I popped into spinchat yesterday afternoon after actually
getting caught up on everything and got into what turned out to be
about a 2 hour chat with Steve. Your dedication to helping people
really does amaze me steve.
He taught me about the abc’s and gave me a lot of background info on
the physical effects of smoking and he also gave me an “experiment”
to try. Because mornings are the worst for me when it comes to
smoking, he suggested that instead of crawling out of bed and heading
straight outside for a smoke, I should try to do my other morning
chores first and take note of my feelings and reactions during that
time. And then he said, “and then go have a smoke”. I about fell off
my chair when he said that! I was just sure he had been asking me to
go as long as I possibly could without a smoke but he said, “you
haven’t quit yet”. Man! that hit me good!
My whole thinking on quitting was you quit. You don’t try to be in
the process of quitting without actually quitting! It made really
good sense to me and I was very excited about doing it. I wanted to
see if I could control my own feelings or just how much control the
smoking had over me and this seemed a perfect way to isolate those
feelings without adding anxiety by feeling like I can’t go smoke at
all.
Well unfortunately I was thinking so much about it that I went to bed
forgetting to take my meds. And it caused me to have an incredibly
bad night only to be waken up by the terminix man this morning who
was spraying the outside of the house. What that all means is, when I
have a bad night like that, I can’t smoke in the morning no matter
how badly I want to because I hurt too much and even if I wanted to I
couldn’t because we can’t go outside for about 2 hours after he
sprays because of the chemicals (we don’t smoke in the house, only
outside).
So I felt robbed of the opportunity to choose not to smoke for awhile
or at least not first thing. But interestingly, after we left to go
run some errands this morning, I had forgotten to take an extra pack
of smokes with me not realizing I only had a few left in the one on
me. By the time we finished with lunch there was no place close by to
get any so I didn’t get that after eating smoke and thought I might
go nuts while eating just knowing I wasn’t going to be able to have
one outside (california does not allow smoking in any public building
including restaurants) after we finish.
Cindy still had hers when we got out there while I waited, she smokes
menthol, yuck! But after we got going, the feelings had passed and it
didn’t bother me not having had one. It was no problem at all waiting
until we got home. It was only a couple of hours and I had gone
longer than that before but I was surprised that I didn’t drive like
a madwoman to get home, it just didn’t bother me. So I sort of got to
experiment although not in the morning but I’m going to try that
again tomorrow morning when I get up. Just not feeling the need to
smoke first thing in the morning will be a big step towards quitting
for me and I still have my mind set on that. I apologize for the long
post.
Ginia
January 21st, 2004 at 4:15 pm
Okay, so my abc did fine for me and disintigrated one hour ago.
Played everything out as planned, one step at a time. Got everything booked and
planned for the trip, picked up the kids from school, son was a bad boy at
school, conference at w/teacher, grrrr, took coughing daughter to the doctor,
just a bad virus, no pneumonia, gave me a puffer for her bronchitis, had no idea
where DH was all day (had a small errand which ended up to be about 7 hours -
usual), he got home, and after I showed him how to use the puffer, explained
about our son’s day, and what I scheduled, after that I had a HUGE headache
(didn’t want to go to meeting), suggested they pass on boy scouts to keep
daughter home, he agreed, he stared at the map for one hour while I made dinner
and got ready to go to meeting, grrr, got daughter in steam bath for her cough,
ready to leave when DH gets a call, hangs up and tells me he has to drop off
something to a friend and the kids can just ride with him. I blew up….
daughter is already in the tub, I warned him this next three days was sensitive,
favors/visits with friends was out this week the trip is main focus, daughter
needs to tub and GO TO BED, by the time he got back it would be past their
bedtime, he insisted on going and told the kids to get ready and went to go warm
up van, I told kids to forget it that I was skipping my meeting (glad but feel
guilty). DH was enraged with me, stormed out, probably smoking as I type…..
kids are in bed, though and that’s where I’m going… good nite and thanks for
letting me rant……….. will we even make it to Florida, more important
remain smokefree???????????????
Gail
January 22nd, 2004 at 9:23 pm
Gail - how are things? Hope things have settled down a bit now for
you. If you’re online please contact me on Messenger if a chat would
help, ok?
take care
Pam
March 18th, 2004 at 3:52 am
I would live to learn more about this cognitive approach. Somehow I
can not get a grasp of the steps are my hands around it. I know it
works and it works well. I just don’t have real understanding of
the replacement process or how one goes about identifying such?
Thanks for responses.
Gwen
June 17th, 2004 at 11:24 pm
Hey Everyone!! It’s been a busy time at home and work this past
little while so posting has been a quick Type and Send. Congrats on
your five months, Marde. Well done. And Indi, it’s wonderful to see
you again…I hope that you’re well. And great posts from Pam, Pat,
Steve, Peg, Katie, Chelle, Gail, Tom, Dick, and Harry! Thanks for
sharing!
And welcome to all the newbies. I hope that you will take the time
to read about how those of us who have hung out here have learned to
use cognitive thinking as a tool in our decision to stop smoking. I
wanted to take away from this learning two main goals: 1. To be
comfortable in my quit (I can be a real whiney baby) and 2. To stay
quit. At this point in my quit - 7+ months - I am very comfortable
and have been for quite some time. Although I can’t swear to number
2, I can’t see myself ever smoking again, partly because I’ve slowly
learned to stop worrying about it (that waiting for the other shoe to
drop syndrome - right, KatieLou?).
Well, one thing I have been taking time out for is to cheer on our
Hurricanes here in Raleigh, NC. For those of you who don’t know, the
Hurricanes is our Cinderella hockey team who have made it to the
second round of playoffs for the Stanley Cup. This is a huge deal
around here and the Canes are battling the Toronto Maple Leafs to
hopefully go on to finals. I bring this up because I wanted to tell
you about the hockey game I attended weekend before last. It was the
best game I’ve ever attended. And one of the reasons it was so great
is because I got to watch the whole game!!! I didn’t have to keep
running all the way down the stairs, through the concessions and
outside to smoke a butt! This really hit home when two of the guys I
was with kept running outside. They were so excited to be there but
the addiction was stronger than their desire to watch the game!
Because of the crowds, they missed almost half of the second period!
I realized that 8 months ago I would have been with them, once again
leaving my hubby by himself since he doesn’t smoke. It’s these small
things that make such a difference in my life.
Getting interrupted again, gotta go.
Later Gators,
Cat
December 4th, 2004 at 8:34 am
Thanks for the info Amber !!!! Kim
January 28th, 2005 at 3:40 pm
a: this thing is not working
b: I still have questions, I post but often dont get anwsers, I need
anwsers sometimes,
but then I get discouraged and I dont post anymore for a while, but then
I try and post again
and same thing happens, so then I get really discouraged. stomach and
shoulders, they ache, make me feel uptight, anxious, no I dont want a
ciagertte, that dosnt solve any of my problems.
so the best thing to do is just leave.
c. I’ll leave
a: this is not working,
b: I still have questions, I just started this thing, I understand it
pretty well but Im not always good and practicing it, sometimes ir
really stumps me, but I know if I ask a qustion now most likely there
istn an answer, so there is no point in posting. this is not about a
craving, I dont desire a cigarette at all right now. I know this is the
best way to quit and to keep a quit, its already working for me, so the
best thing to do is go, but continue this work.
c; I will contiue to practice my abc’s and get good at this
cogquitting, but I will do it somewhere else.
January 29th, 2005 at 6:47 am
Hi Caisy - just read your post - hope you’re not moving away from
the group. With so many people on the list and so many threads of
conversation going on, its hard sometimes to respond to everything,
and posts get left unanswered for no reason other than lack of
time. Keep sharing your thought and mulling out loud - I know I
have done in the past - I didn’t always get responses but learned
that the thinking out loud helped me and others too.
How long have you been quit? When did you find cogquit - it sounds
to me like you’re using the abc’s to good advantage.
Hope to hear more from you soon
Jan
January 29th, 2005 at 4:25 pm
HI, Caisy,
I’m with Janine on this one; it certainly won’t help you to quit
reading/posting. I don’t post much, because I am in the planning to quit
stages, and thus don’t really have much to offer.
But I do know the long-time quitters, especially Steve and Pam, are a wealth
of support, and often encourage group members to e-mail them privately. So
how about trying that instead of quitting the group?
I’ll tell you this, too — I am just getting started on composing ABCs, and
they examples you have posted of your ABCs sure have helped me understand
Steve’s instructions on how to do them.
Hang in there!
–Harper
In a message dated 10/1/2002 12:41:50 AM Central Daylight Time,
ferret@… writes:
January 30th, 2005 at 2:10 pm
Hi, Caisy,
–Harper
Do what I do — and forgive me, Steve and Phil, for no harm is meant by this –
if Phil and Steve are having a discussion, and the message subject line is about
a topic I don’t understand or have interest in, I just delete it instead of
reading it.
Stick around! Keep posting! Keep asking for feedback! It does get quiet on the
list from time to time, but people are here — and again, would be more than
willing give you their e-mail addresses.
We’d miss you if you went away.
In a message dated Tue, 1 Oct 2002 12:21:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,
ferret@… writes:
March 10th, 2005 at 10:50 am
Dear Tim:
I am new to this group. After fiddling around with a quit for about
a year, October 19, 2002, started my quit; so just a little over two
weeks now. Made my lists and finished my foundation statement,
finally. Wanted to tell you I can relate to the garage. Talking on
the phone, cup of coffee, glass of wine - it was my haven. The first
ABC I wrote was about the garage. Felt funny even going there. But
since the washer/dryer and extra frige were there, I figured I had a
reason to be in there other than smoking. Which was how the abc
started. Being good to yourself, eating correctly, drinking water
and getting the right amount of sleep defintely has helped. I was
able to arrange my first week whereby I avoided undue stress at work
and it really helped. Planning is the key here.
Paula
May 8th, 2005 at 9:10 am
Hi All, Just some help required here please.
I am doing fine in my quit to this point [8 weeks] but I am finding some problem
with a certain impatience I seem to have just now. I have loads of energy and
tend to get testy if things are not moving as fast as I think they should. I
seem at these periods to be fairly tense particularly in the neck and shoulders.
When I find this I can consciously relax the tension, but later find it back
again. I remember this was one of the stumbling blocks I encountered in my
previous quits and
I do not want to fall to this again. I need some strategy for this condition to
be able to respond and over come this effect. Any ideas anyone.
Thanks Fred.
May 8th, 2005 at 3:39 pm
Hi Fred,
The impatience is pretty normal. That and the testiness will resolve
itself in time. In the mean time, you’re going to have to deal with the
muscle tension. You’re doing excellent by consciously relaxing the tense
muscles. That will work temporarily as it should but muscle tension will
return. And you’ll just have to continue to do what works… stretch,
breathe, deal directly with the tense muscles. This is pretty much what
quitting is, at least for a while. There are no ‘permanent’ or ‘for the
whole day’ solutions to things like tense muscles. Stress in it’s myriad
forms will have to be dealt with as it appears. And that will have to be as
often as it appears throughout a day.
Steve
June 6th, 2005 at 10:07 am
Happy New Year to you all!
I love the concept of your group. It is so true that, although the
physical addiction to smoking is unbearably strong, the psychological
addiction is definitely something that has to be worked through as
well. When I started smoking (many years ago!) it was not a physical
craving that caused me to have my first, second or even third
cigarette. So what was it? Peer pressure is always the convenient
excuse. But I know there must be more to it. I believe that I have
an addictive personality…and am very thankful that cigarettes have
been my only addiction. I quit smoking 1 day 11 hours 22 minutes and
19 seconds ago….so I am a real newcomer!! I am on the patch….it
is definitely helping .. but the cravings are still there. I am glad
I came across your group. Your insight and experiences will
definitly be a support.
Sue
June 6th, 2005 at 4:49 pm
Hi Sue!
Glad to ’see’ you. This method is the best - kudos to Steve.
I think the psychological addiction is by far the stronger of the
two. If it weren’t, wearing a patch would make quitting “easy” and
people wouldn’t go back a month later, after the nic was out of the
system!
Congrats on getting that first day in! Keep up the good work.
Nyniane
August 24th, 2005 at 8:25 pm
Hi to All, My name is ary and I want to stop smoking. I am 56 years old, have
been smoking since I was 14teen. I have tried quitting many times and end up
going back. I have been to a hypnotist and stopped for 5 years. I started
again 3 years ago. I went back to the hypnotist and stopped again for 2
weeks, but, am back to it again..I had stopped many times for 1 to 2 years. I
am setting a quit date for 3/31 and am using nicorette gum to help. My worst
time is at night. I am all right during the day. My body wakes me up with
anxiety. I also have fibromyalgia, Psoriases, Psoriatic arthritis, Raynauds
and that is another reason I find it difficult. I am also joining a gym
starting Monday…Thx for any input…ari
[Unable to display image]
Dedicated to Clifford John Leahy
Merchant Marine
Praying For Your Safe Return
[Unable to display image]
August 25th, 2005 at 3:47 am
Hi ary
you are making the right decision to stop smoking. please know we have all
been where you are and can help you get through it. You may also find that
some of your
medical conditions may be improved or at least alleviated when you stop.
Good Luck!! Wendy
August 26th, 2005 at 8:39 am
In a message dated 3/24/2003 8:04:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,
hugs, ari
kate@… writes:
Hi Kate, thx for the feedback. Went and purchased my Nicorette Gum. Bought
the 2mg. I just need something to take the edge off and I am sure this will
help alot. I also went to the gym today an signed up for that :)….I am very
excited about stopping this time and very adamant about it also…Thx for all
your imput. I am sure I will be hitting the emails at times for support and
it’s so nice to know that you guys are here…thx a bunch
Good for you Ari,
[Unable to display image]
Dedicated to Clifford John Leahy
Merchant Marine
Praying For Your Safe Return
[Unable to display image]
August 29th, 2005 at 11:38 pm
Hi all, well, I’m sitting here thinking possibly this is not the place for me
to quit. Good for some not for me. I have a positive outlook on what I am
doing and I feel there is too much negative thoughts flying around in this
group. Support is what I need and I see that this has turned into “who’s
right and who’s wrong.” Cognitive is fine and should be taken into your
program, but, I feel that some need more then that and I don’t think I should
inflict painful withdrawel on myself. What is good for the goose is not
always what is good for the gander. Withdrawel is hard enough as it is
without having to haggle over what is the right/wrong way. I wish you all
luck and praise the achievers. Hugs, ari
[Unable to display image]
Dedicated to Clifford John Leahy
Merchant Marine
Praying For Your Safe Return
[Unable to display image]
October 16th, 2005 at 10:24 am
I’m new too and don’t know my way around this site yet. My quit date is May 7.
I’ve tried to quit many times before and not been successful. I hope to win
the war this time and not just the battle.
October 16th, 2005 at 10:21 pm
Hi Nancy and Ann,
Welcome to the group.
The link that Marlene gave you is the place to start. Read through the
Foundation Statements and see if you can adopt them. Begin to put together
your 3 lists. Start to observe your behaviors as they involved the smoking
response. The Files section of the group page is loaded with info, be sure
to have a read in there.
Stay close and let us know how you progress.
Steve
October 27th, 2005 at 4:41 am
Recently blew a 161 day Quit, going to start a new Quit tomorrow, Not strong
enough for CT, using nicotine gum and inhaler. Just thought I’d post
you
October 27th, 2005 at 11:55 am
Recently blew a 161 day Quit, going to start a new Quit tomorrow, Not strong
enough for CT, using nicotine gum and inhaler. Just thought I’d post
you
November 15th, 2005 at 9:16 am
I have reading some of your info on your web sight and found it very intersting.
I have a 55 day quit started. Just liked some of your ideas and thought I would
like to find out more about it. The posting seems rather complicated to me I am
not really to familar with forums anyway. So maybe you can tell me more about
how to post. Thank you
November 19th, 2005 at 9:52 am
hello all.
I just need to touch base with you all. my step-son and daughter-in-law and
grand-daughter arrived Saturday afternoon. I have had more smoking thoughts in
these last 3 days than I did in the previous three weeks. It’s nervousness -
noise, activity, etc. that I’m not used to. I can’t just sit and visit like
after dinner or over coffee in the morning, because I want to smoke, so I feel
like I’m ignoring my family. Didn’t prepare for that emotion. I stay busy -
get up after a meal and start the dishes right away while everyone else is
chatting, go to the garden after breakfast while they sit and visit over coffee,
go to my room and lie down because I need a break from the 4 y.o. and 2
rambunctious dogs.
Steve, I’m not feeling that confident, secure feeling I was last week. Where
did it go? I started working on an ABC but it dealt with every single minute.
Too overwhelming. I live a reclusive life - alone most of time (husband here),
quiet, not much activity tho quite a bit of stress dealing with the losses
created by husband’s Parkinson’s disease and being the one who takes care of
everything, not many friends. Being around people, even familiar people, is
blowing me out. That’s the scary part - I’ve always been the life of the party,
the one who makes the holidays special, etc., etc. Now I don’t care - they can
take care of themselves, just leave me alone. All I want to do is focus on
myself and not smoke!!!! “They” are making me want to smoke - HA! - Bullcrap!
Will I ever be comfortable in social situations without smoking - even around my
family. I feel pretty strong that I won’t smoke, but that doesn’t deal with the
urges. I’ve been trying to engage my intellect and think my way to feeling more
comfortable, but it’s not working. I’m feeling guilty because I’m “hiding” from
my family. I’m pretty grumpy right now, which is no way for a grandmother to
be.
Another scary part is its like I’ve lost my self - my personality - I’m not the
same person I was 6 weeks ago. Whoa this is pretty weird. Is that normal? I
feel like I’m heading into another depression.
Carol
November 20th, 2005 at 3:56 pm
Hi all -
Steve
I’m moving to a different address (in real life).
Sometime after midnight tonight EST, my phone service along with my
internet access will be shut down as we close up utilites. It’ll be a day
or two before I’m back online.
play nice and do your homework
December 3rd, 2005 at 7:18 am
hi gang - I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying a great summer. I just
I
remembered this is an anniversary for me - 2 months. almost forgot!
quit NRT (patches) a week ago. I have a question - since nicotine essentially
replaces acetylcholine production in your brain and it takes a while for your
brain to restart the manufacturing process, what happens in between removing
nicotine and back to full production? Is acetylcholine just absent in your
system? how does that affect you physically, emotionally, etc? I’m doing okay
without the nicotine, but I have been having more depression or not really
depression but a lessening of my ability to cope well with adversity (a daily
occurrence). I’ve found myself near tears a couple of times unexpectedly.
what’s up with that!
Be well
Carol
December 19th, 2005 at 7:28 am
hi gang
today i’m quit 3 months!
Carol
December 19th, 2005 at 3:40 pm
I can’t wait to be in those shoes.
Congratulations Carol on your three months quit!
Linda
December 29th, 2005 at 12:22 am
Morning …
I’m new to this site. Have been talking to Steve and learning more
about Cognitive Quitting. Been a smoker for 30 years. Knew I should
quit, tried to quit, failed at quits, etc. Never thought it was a
problem until my doctor told me I have COPD. I’ve been wrestling
with my willpower ever since. Steve and the Cognitive Quit program
is something that I believe I can do. I’ve made my list,
thought about each “feeling”, etc. I haven’t set a quit date yet and
I’m not sure why. Still feeling my way through? When should a quit
date be set?
I’ve noticed that there’s not many posts to this forum. Only a
couple per day. Am I doing something wrong, or is everyone who posts
on this forum only up after midnight?
Hope to get some feedback …
Sandy
January 15th, 2006 at 8:01 pm
Yes, I have notices now that I am just a few hours away from 30 days
of no cigs… that past week maybe two not so fuzzy in the brain,
although did have the strong depression maybe lasting the day and be
gone the next. I am wondering if I am still operating on adrenaline
or something in the ‘fight’ against smoking because other than
severals days off and on of depression I am for me not normal(as
when I was smoking) I am active, ready to go. I am hoping that it
is a benefit from not smoking and not a byproduct of adrenaline in
the ‘fight’ against smoking. Although Warren is doing a pretty good
job right now, it does not seem I am thinking of cigs all the time.
Can you keep adrenaline going for a month??? donna
Hi Donna,
I’m think those time frames may be a little optimistic, but they
certainly are an indicator of the improvements that come when we
stop
inhaling smoke and nicotine. Physiological recovery from nicotine
dependence takes several months with the worst of it being within
the first
few weeks. The brain fog, for most cold turkey quitters, seems to
be a
2ish week affair where the fog is mild to severe. After that, it
usually
clears to the point that we feel more confident in our ability to
remember
our own name. Something to keep in mind is that once we’re nicotine
free, fatigue and lack of proper nutrition are going to be the most
common
causes of foggy thinking. Two others to be aware of are exaggerated
stress
and depression.
Steve
January 16th, 2006 at 9:10 am
Hi Donna,
No
In fact, when we run on adrenaline to excess, it begins to have
a detrimental effect. However, we can create a positive,
energized, ‘can do’ attitude when we are in control of individual
moments of our quit/life.
A routine day is a nonstop series of A-events and C-responses
where our B-beliefs determine the response. The way
they’re ‘linked’ together is in the way that the C of one ABC
affects the A of the next. An example might be:
A- I have a difficult phone call to make. I must give someone some
bad news.
B- I don’t want to cause someone to feel badly. I don’t want to feel
badly myself. I could put off making the call and smoke to calm me
(and to procrastinate a bit more) or I can make the call and get it
done and move on.
C- I’ll make the call and get it over with. It’ll be easier than
continuing to be uncomfortable until I finally get it done.
This C, having dealt with the situation in a proactive and
effective way, gives a feeling of accomplishment and you’re more
likely to approach the next A from a position of strength.
Donna, I think you’ve been proactively and effectively dealing
with your quit and that’s creating a general sense of ‘feeling good’.
my few cents and a bunch of A’s and C’s,
Steve
January 16th, 2006 at 11:39 pm
Yes and No
Most quits start out with lots of “ra-ra” but lack the
confidence.
Some time back there was a `poll’ done on the about.com quit smoking
site the question was “At what point do you think you’ve got it
made?” I asked for clarification on the `got it made’ bit and was
told it meant you “feel secure/confident in your quit”. There were
one or two who answered 6 months. A few said a year. The majority
said never. Everyone agreed that they’d have to be vigilant for the
rest of their lives. Lots of `ra-ra’, very little confidence.
That’s not the case with cognitive quitters. If you were to ask the
same “got it made” question in here, you’d get very different
answers. Those of you just starting out wouldn’t be confident,
yet. Those of you who are working the program and have a few weeks
or a month or so under your belts are feeling that `quit high’ and
are beginning to suspect that maybe you’re in control of this quit
whereas in the past the quit controlled you. Those of you who have
been quit several months are already well on your way to forgetting
that you smoked because you’re no longer associating a cigarette to
normal routine events and only deal with the quit in times of more
intense stress.
Cognitive quitters become very confident and comfortably quit. The
reason is simple. They’ve retrained Warren to associate nonsmoking
responses to the physical cues that were triggered the `urge to
smoke’. I think the proof of that is that several of our quitters
became so comfortable in day to day living that they forgot their 1
year quit anniversary.
Cognitive quitters (after a while) don’t count the time. They make
the time count.
(ok Steve, get off the soap box)
A note .. initially, the time we’re quit i.e. a couple of days,
a week, a month or several is VERY important and should be
celebrated. Considering that we’ve been addicted habituated
individuals for sooo long and after so many failed attempts to stay
quit we are now directing our quit with calm and precision. This is
something to talk about and share and celebrate. However, the
ultimate goal of cog quitting is to move past the quit process to a
place of living life without vigilance or fear of relapse or forever
counting days. Fortunately, that goal is within the reach of anyone
who chooses to do the work.
March 26th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
holiday season.
Steve
March 27th, 2006 at 5:03 am
Hi there,
I was talking to one of our quitters yesterday about a family
gathering she’d been to where there were more smokers than nonsmokers. She
mentioned that she’d felt some urges to smoke and that while she had her
cog tools and used them well, still it was a bit disappointing and
frustrating that there were urges at all.
It’s not uncommon in a situation like that to experience ‘urges’ to
smoke. Many who are new to cognitive quitting may feel they’re somehow
missing something or that they’re not ‘doing it right’ if they experience
smoking urges. I know we talk about not having to deal with recurring urges
to smoke when we use cognitive techniques to quit, but that’s a state we
get to after working the program for a while. Being in a group of
smokers within weeks of quitting is an anxious situation. We’re so very
aware of ‘them’ and ‘us’. They’re doing what we did as smokers…. they’re
smoking. We’ve quit. We’ve changed. We’ve stepped outside of that pattern
of behavior and suddenly we’re observing them and us. And through it all,
our body is experiencing the muscle tension, the breathing changes, the
awareness that this situation is ‘different’ and that we’re not
comfortable. All of that is still being instantly associated to relief by
smoking. So we bring in our Foundation Statements and we remind ourselves
that we really don’t want to be smokers. We remember our lists and we look
at the emotions we’re feeling and connect them to the physical sensations
that go with ‘those’ emotions. We recall any
ABCs we’ve done for situations like this. We do the work.
From an historic perspective, urges have always been something to fear.
They often welled up out of us without warning and usually meant we’d have
to hang on tight until they went away. For a cog quitter, an urge is NOT an
indication of failure in using this program. If you find yourself
experiencing urges to smoke, think of them as nothing more than indicators
that in ‘this particular situation’ there was an association between what
your physical feelings and a cigarette. Take that awareness, apply your cog
tools and move on. That’s how we retrain ourselves… patience,
repetition, awareness.
I hope this holiday season with it’s extra stressors hasn’t been too
rough for any of you. Keep your cog tools close at hand, prepare ABCs for
any upcoming situations you can foresee, and we’ll all make it into this
new year smoke free.
Steve
March 27th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
First, firsts….
I think it’s more than reasonable to expect that we’re going to
experience all sorts of ‘firsts’ as nonsmokers. We can probably do up quite
a list of holidays and vacations and meetings that we’ll encounter as not
smokers. However, there is an element to every ‘first’ that we’ll already
be familiar with and that’s the physical sensations that we’ll
experience. The point being that whatever the ‘first’ we’re dealing with,
the physical sensations that are part of the experience will likely be
something we’ve already seen in other settings. The physical sensations of
relaxation won’t be that different if we’re sitting in front of the TV at
the end of a work day or if we’re sitting on a beach somewhere with a glass
of something with a little umbrella in it.
Now, urges…
We feel some physical sensation, Warren associates an action/response
to the sensation, our desire to enact that action is the urge. The degree
to which we feel compelled to complete that action is the strength of the
urge. Carol wrote, “You can’t have an urge for something you don’t do
anymore.” I may have misunderstood her meaning, but as I read it, I’d have
to disagree. There are quit smoking groups of people who are not smoking
yet struggle with urges to smoke on a regular basis. As long as Warren is
associating a particular action to a particular physical sensation or set
of sensations, there will be the desire to enact the associated action. All
we’re doing is examining that association in the light of a current
awareness and asking if it’s valid, appropriate, and is there some other
action that would be better. We’re working at creating different urges.
Just some early Monday morning musing… now to walk the dogs
Steve
March 28th, 2006 at 2:40 am
Excellent post Steve!! I haven’t experienced urges in a long time
yet I did in my early quit..urge = early warning system that
something needs resolving, our bodies are good at that…urge is not
something to be feared but to be looked at…
thanks Steve so well put!!
ion
March 28th, 2006 at 9:55 am
Yup I find that if Warren isn’t retrained with a new response we
will get a smoking urge if that is all he knows. Keep up that
training it works wonders!!
ion:)
March 28th, 2006 at 5:10 pm
oh Pam lol!!!!
I hate the horridays too, I like that one!!
Glad they are almost over….
ion:)
March 29th, 2006 at 12:32 am
Hi Donna,
It *is* a very fine line. But with the awareness you’re bringing to
). Maybe just stay aware of
all of this, it’s also a very clear line. The only time we’d crave a
cigarette was when our nicotine level had dropped and we were experiencing
the onset of withdrawal. All the other times (craves) were simply physical
sensations that, for one reason or another, had become connected to smoking
and our first clue was an urge to light up. I think the real problem
stemmed from the fact that so much of our moment to moment life was lived
completely oblivious to what our body was feeling. Without an awareness of
the physical source, the associated urge or crave would appear as something
‘out of the blue’. No wonder we’d always felt powerless and victimized.
Donna, I can see why you wouldn’t “feel 3 months quit” when making coffee.
There’s the anticipation (muscle tension and breathing) of the caffeine
rush. That you aren’t also adding a nicotine rush may be a minor point that
escapes Warren. Bottom line is you’re expecting a rush of some kind and
that’s exactly what you’re creating. Add to it the smells and mechanical
actions of making the coffee and you’ve got an experience that isn’t all
that changed from when you were smoking. I’m not saying stop drinking
coffee or even to switch to decaf (yuck
what this complex ‘coffee’ action is and keep on top of how closely it was
tied to the urge. One day you will be able to brew up some coffee without a
thought to a cigarette.
When I started this, I had a vague idea where I was going with it. I’ve
lost that entirely. It’s time for bed.
Nite folks,
Steve
April 23rd, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Hi Everyone,
Why is it that everytime I’ve been doing good on quitting cigs that
my husband and I have major marital problems and I started back up
previously? Well, we’re having problems again…the worst of all,
and I’m telling you I’m close to the edge. But, I’m fighting every
second. I keep telling myself that I’ll feel the same as I do now,
except worse, because then I’ll have started smoking again. Besides,
I can’t afford it. I’ve barely gotten any sleep the last few nights
and now I’m up at 5am after going to sleep at 2am. Looks like I’ll
be up the rest of the day, cause I won’t sleep in there with him.
Well, just thought I’d through out a s.o.s. I’m so tired of this.
Sunny
May 1st, 2006 at 6:51 am
Steve, and all,
As you know, one of the foundation statements is accepting “changes in my
health.” I get the impression you are saying there may be *negative* changes
in my health… like what? Has anyone here experienced any negative changes
in their health after quitting? My health is fragile, and I need to know
what might happen.
James
May 6th, 2006 at 8:58 am
Hello Steve, Pam, and everyone…
And of course, one of my best C’s on my list of abc’s has had to go
I came back to the site because I’m struggling right now with
depression, and I expected it, and thought I was ready to deal with
it (I had all the ABC’s in place) and here it is like a freight
train, and guess what? I need more alphabet.
On 12/31/03 I boldly “retired” from my job of 14 yrs as a
stockbroker because the lack of ethics was tearing me apart. I was
SO proud of myself for making that decision, and I decided I would
get my real estate license and start selling houses and using my OWN
ethics in my OWN business, and life would be good.
Meanwhile I’d deal with my medical/dental insurance (I’m using
COBRA) and use my savings to survive. Nevermind that I’m only 54
(ONLY? HA HA!!) and all my savings is in a retirement account. I
need it now.
I also decided to quit smoking. I’d had several scares with lung
damage…COPD and emphysema, and my doctor insisted it was time over
a year ago, so I’d been obsessing about it long enough. Even though
I had quit successfully in April of 1993 and that had lasted for 5
1/2 years, or maybe BECAUSE I’d done it then…I was just terrified
of quitting. I can play the most amazingly complex head
games…very complex. I should write a book.
I heard of the site Quitnet.com on NPR in a piece on New Years
Resolutions. I thought maybe support was what I needed, so I went
there. I’d been before, but what the heck, it was worth a try.
I started out with a quit date of 2/15, six weeks from my first
visit to Quitnet. Then on about 2/1, I got the flu. On 2/9 I lay
in my bed alone, struggling for breath (with my full pack of cigs by
my side) and had that aha! moment. What was I waiting for? Death?
hello?
I called my best friend, and he came over to the house and took
everything…the carton of cigs (with 8 packs still in it), all
ashtrays, all the lighters, everything. That was it. Shortly after
that, I met Steve in chat on Quitnet. I had gone to his website on
the suggestion of one of the other quitters there, and it resonated
for me, so I spoke to him. Eventually I joined the workshop, and
some of you know me from that.
Meanwhile my sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a
scare which later proved to be a false alarm with my own mammogram.
My daughter, who lives in Park City Utah (far away, I’m in Florida),
has had a scare with her own health. Her father has Lupus, and her
symptoms seemed to indicate Lupus. Thankfully, the tests for Lupus
were negative; however, we’ve never figured out what caused her
illness…so I still worry.
After I quit smoking, I decided to give myself a big gift–something
I’ve wanted for a long time–a facelift. I had it on April 14. I’m
still in the healing process…still bruised and pretty sore. How
do the movie stars do it? Who stays with them? I feel pretty ugly
for someone who just paid a LOT of money to look wonderful.
by the wayside–exersize. The doc asked me not to do it til at
least two weeks post op, and now that it IS two weeks…I’m so sad I
can hardly get out of bed. I’ve gained about 18 lbs…I’ve gone
from a size 6 to a size 10…I cry every time I get dressed
now…NOTHING looks good.
Tomorrow I will make an appointment with a counselor, and yes,
Steve, I’m keeping in regular contact with my GP, as well as my
surgeon now that I’ve had the facelift. In preparation for the
plastic surgery, my GP asked me to have another pulmonary function
test, and just two months post quit, there was already some
noticeable improvement, which makes me happy. I’m just SAD SAD SAD,
and sooo lonely…I’m single, live alone, just moved to Florida in
2002 (a goal of mine for many years.) I’ve got several brokers who
want me to come to work for them, but now that I’ve got my license
I’m terrified to go out and start working again.
I have to admit that a very self defeating part of me says, why not
just smoke? Quit another time, after you start back to work or
after you lose this weight or when you feel better, for crying out
loud. I KNOW better, but I’m feeling so dark right now. Sometimes
I wonder if it might not help. Or at the very least…if anyone
would care.
Just wanted you all to know I’m still here. Still working hard.
And I struggle.
Barbara
Oh, and PS, thanks for all the posts here. There’s even been a
recent encounter with a man in my life that adds to the sadness.
LOL. I’m a living soap opera
May 10th, 2006 at 9:42 pm
Hello everyone!
I just wanted to update you all on my progress…yesterday marked my
3 month anniversary for the quit, and it feels very secure and
right. Cognitive exersizes stood me in good stead for each
challenge I’ve faced to date, and will no doubt take me through to
the last day.
Some of you remember that in my last post I was feeling pretty
overwhelmed and depressed, and had plans to go to see both my MD and
a counselor.
I had my first appointment with the counselor last Wednesday
morning, and it was productive. The next day I saw my doctor. We
agreed that I will call him if I feel a need for psychotropic drugs
to help in my recovery. So far, I am all right without them. In
general I feel much better now, and I plan to see my counselor again
tomorrow for another hour session.
Good luck to all the newbies! This is SO worthwhile, and cognitive
quitting is a fantastic way to put your head in control of your
impulses.
Barbara
August 29th, 2006 at 3:31 am
Just wondering how all you quitters dealt with a spouse who was smoking at the same time. Cigarettes always within reach…thought always there because you had to watch them smoke every time they wanted.
thanks
sheila
August 29th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
Hi Sheila
Yes I have a hubby who smokes and I quit in early November.
Your question made me stop to think. How do I deal with it? I think I have wiped it from my mind… I don’t even think about it now, other than to wrinkle my nose up when he walks into my office smelling of smoke! I don’t even notice him smoking most of the time. Very strange….
I quit once before for three years and then I noticed everyone smoking. In fact I enjoyed being with smokers so I could breath in the smoke…. This time, using cog quit methods, it’s completely different. I do not enjoy being with smokers, I don’t like the smell of smoke and I certainly don’t think of having one when I do notice Adrian lighting up. In fact I just look at him and think how odd it is….. and how out of touch with his body he is…..
I think the turning point came for me quite early on in my quit. At first euphoria carried me past Adrian’s cigarettes. Then I had to take him to the station one morning.. and I recognised this clearly as a smoking situation…not only the car but also being with Adrian in the car because we would always have a cigarette on the way to the station. So Steve helped me work on an ABC for this…. and it was like a eureka moment for me…to actually to be able to say (something like) “well I’m not smoking any more and my car is now a smoke free zone”, (we did rehearse all sorts of alternatives as I was finding this really difficult to do)….and for Adrian to say fine. (In the past I wouldn’t have said anything and Adrian would have smoked). And we went to the station amicably in my now smoke free car. For some reason this was a huge leap for me.. almost like I was setting my stall out as a non smoker and there was from this point on, no turning back, and no longing for his
cigarettes at all.
carol
Just wondering how all you quitters dealt with a spouse who was smoking at the same time. Cigarettes always within reach…thought always there because you had to watch them smoke every time they wanted.
thanks
sheila
* .
August 29th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
Hi David,
I read that and started chuckling. David, I’ve got to ask…. are you married or in a long term relationship?
I’ve been married (a couple of times) and in a few long term relationships and I’ve got to admit in all honesty that if I’d ever voiced the sort of demands you’re suggesting, there would have been all sorts of airborne objects and they’d all have been headed my way. I know for sure, given the women I’ve always been involved with, that if I’d ever said “the substance or me” :)) the answer would have been long, loud, angry, and have ended with “don’t let the door hit you on your way out”.
This is my several cents worth re: smoking spouses (cigarette smoking not incinerated) …. good relationships work with compromise, respect, caring. Ultimatums tend to create barriers that become insurmountable and undermine everything. If you have a smoking spouse, then by all means communicate. But communicate in a manner that allows for further discussion. That way, everyone wins.
Steve
August 30th, 2006 at 8:24 am
Well, as the second quitter in my team, I can sympathize with both
you and your husband.
I was asked to be respectful of his quit…don’t smoke in his car,
and neither of us ever smoked in the house…so I might, if I were
you, ask the same.
On the “positive side” you can always look at him, sniff the air and
say (perhaps to yourself!) “whew, I’m glad I don’t do THAT anymore!”
which is what i said to myself as I drove along today watching
smokers flick their ashes out of car windows and imagining what the
inside of their cars smelled like!
Elizabeth
August 31st, 2006 at 12:41 am
I too have a spouse who smokes.
I have now been stopped for 18 days, and using my ABC’s
This is the first quit, where I can say that I don’t feel any urge
to join my other half in having a cigarette.
My last quit, he went outside (his decision) so that I would not be
tempted by the smell of his cigarette. I always thought that the
smell of stale smoke when he came back into the house was awful.
This time, he smokes in the spare room with the window open, but I
can still smell it. The difference this time is, I am not tempted
by the smell, just the opposite. I find it quite horrid, and I
am glad that I am not having a cigarette with him.
He says he wants to stop, and I am sure he will when he is ready,
and when that time comes, I am certainly going to steer him in the
direction of cognitive quitting, as it really works.
Linda
November 14th, 2006 at 8:21 pm
hello im an ex smoker now for 2 days. im looking for
advice and ways to deal with my quit. so if your out
there let me know
April 10th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Hi Rita,
Our associations between body cues and smoking usually happened
Here it is:
Congrats on your 79 days.
I believe that smoking is mostly about body cues. Some physical sensation,
or set of sensations, is interpreted as ‘treatable’ with a cigarette. That
interpretation is based on the reality that 1- in the past we used a
cigarette every time those, or similar, sensations were present and 2- a
cigarette produced a change that was not experienced as ‘uncomfortable’.
Repeat that often enough and you’ve got the makings of o really well
established habit… a bit like our smoking
automatically, or, at the very least, without our conscious involvement.
That’s why too many quitters find themselves struggling with themselves (or
the nicodemon if you buy into quitnet’s foolishness) long after they’re
nicotine free. I think that your question re: the ease of your success is
at the center of almost every quitters concern for the future. It was
certainly the most important issue for me when I quit. The reason it was so
important to me is because I have absolutely no will power and I’m the
laziest piece of work you’ll ever meet. If I was going to have to
’struggle’ to remain smoke free, I knew I’d be back to smoking in short
order. As it turned out, this was a very different quit and the
Cognitivequitting program as evolved out of that different quit.
I’ve been looking through some of my posts from about 10 yeas ago. Here’s
one that questions this issue of struggling with ourselves. At the time, I
thought the problem lay with emotion vs intellect. I’ve since realized it’s
the physical aspect of emotion that provides the cues that trigger the
smoking association. The other thing to keep in mind is that I was at day 5
of a cold turkey quit, I was irritable and cranky, and more than a little
‘pushy’. So if the tone is a bit offensive, hey… I’d just quit. That’s
my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Subject: Mona’s Story (or Ambushed by a Butt)
Date: 1996/03/20
newsgroups: alt.support.stop-smoking
Hi there Daredevils and Friends,
Monday nite Mona was ambushed by a butt. Innocently and
unsuspectingly, she put her hand in the pocket of a coat she hadn’t worn
since quit day, and there, laying in wait, was THE BUTT. It leapt into her
hand and summoned its master the cig devil, who then took her hostage. For
the next hour the drama was played out…,
Mona(terrified)- “I don’t want to smoke it”
Devil(sweetly)- “Of course you do.”
Mona(resolute)- “I’ve quit, I’m not a smoker.”
Devil(logicaly)- “But this one’s a freebie. You didn’t
go looking for it.”
Mona(wavering)- “I should throw it out.”
Devil(calmly)- “Once you’ve smoked it, it’ll be gone.
Same thing.”
Mona(pleading)- “But I don’t want to start over again.”
Devil(smoothly)- “It’s only one butt, it can’t hurt.”
…. and so it went, back and forth, until Mona’s hubby returned
home, destroyed the butt, and saved Mona’s. This time. What if he hadn’t
returned when he did?
This raises an important question. “What will happen 6 months or a year
from now when Mona is again, unexpectedly confronted by a butt?” (And
before we look at this any further, every place where you see Mona’s name,
replace it with YOUR OWN NAME because that’s who this is about. You and
me.) Look at the absurdity and inevitability of this situation. If now,
when the pain of initial withdrawal is still fresh in our minds, it’s so
hard to hold out, what can we expect in the future when confronted by a
“butt”? What argument can grow stronger with time? What weapon can we use
to put the cig devil in his place?
First I believe that we need to get something clarified. There is no
Santa Claus, no Easter bunny, no tooth fairy, and NO CIG DEVIL!! Continuing
to personify the voice of our emotions is dangerous as it diverts our
attention from where the conflict lays. In a recent post to ass-s, Laura
Bryannan raised questions regarding the psychological side of cig
addiction. Having never inhaled, her physiological dependance was probably
minimal. Yet quitting, for Laura, is as difficult as it is for everyone
else. She shares the same concerns for the future that we all have. “How
will I deal with that urge when it comes? Will I stumble and become a
smoker once again?”
Could it be our emotions that trip us and start us smoking again? The
voices, the dialogue, that we “hear” are not between ourselves and some
evil little troll. The dialogue is rather within ourselves, between our
emotions and our intellect. The old head and heart duet.
The point I’m trying to make is that weaning ourselves from nic isn’t
even half the battle. Granted, it’s a hellish 3-5 days. But it passes and
once gone, has never provided a strong reason not to start smoking again.
We have to discover what it is that we are not addressing, on an emotional
level, that can trip us up so long after we’ve stopped. I think this
concerns the quality of the quit. Constant vigilance against “the butt”
involves an unacceptable degree of risk. Hanging tough and hanging on are
not viable long term options. Lets put our heads together and see if we
can’t find a more “secure” perspective. I would like to see a discussion
along these lines.
I believe that we have the answers. We just have to find them.
DDSteve(5 days)
Rita, lots of people find their way here after they’ve been quit for a
while. If you do some of the exercises, you can create what cogquitters
call a comfortable quit, no more internal struggle.
Hope you’ll stick around and work the program. If you have any questions or
need any help, let me know.
Steve
April 16th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Hello!
I am 4 days in to NOT smoking!!!! REally need some support and am very relieved
to have found this site…..please, write w/anything that you can…..
thank you so much
Janet
–
“I am an artist….I am here to live OUTLOUD!”
-emile zola
May 13th, 2007 at 11:07 am
I need help!!!
I forget how to get into the chatroom.
i need to talk with you steve if you are available
Nancy