Comments on: Anger ABC’s

By: beckie1900

beckie1900 — Wed, 14 May 2003 03:27:37 +0000

Yea, I think this preteen stage is a little like quitting smoking.
Their raging hormones have such a drastic effect on their brains that
they temporarily become some transitional demon and when things
settle down and their systems adjust they return to the intelligent,
lovable people we once knew. In the meantime, a stay at the Holiday
Inn sounds very inviting if only every once in a while!!!— In

By: addie_50

addie_50 — Sat, 10 May 2003 20:49:59 +0000

— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “kelley w southworth” up, but then I could go to the garage and smoke and I would feel better…..
Ah, the old sneaking out to the garage trick. Kelly, did you see my
post a few weeks ago when I had an epithany (sp) one day when I
realized that I was being hit with the strongest cravings when I came
home. It was the simplist thing, I felt like such an idiot, it was so
obvious. I did most of my smoking in the garage (and on the deck) so
when I would come home and pull the car into the garage, it was a
trigger for me to crave a smoke. The urges have gone down tremendously
once I realized this and worked out some simple ABC’s for this trigger.
Just thought I’d mention this in case you’re going through the same
thing.
- Cat

By: addie_50

addie_50 — Fri, 09 May 2003 23:05:15 +0000

Hmmm, an almost 13 year old, which means a middle-schooler. I don’t
know what happens to kids when they reach that age but mine became
reasons to seriously run away from home (me, not them) when they hit
middle school. Well, I survived three of them through that time so I
guess you can do it too. Some proactive ABC’s on how to handle issues
that will come up in dealing with children might be good. I’ll have to
think about that one myself.
Good luck, Terri.
- Cat

By: hassan_11

hassan_11 — Wed, 30 Apr 2003 10:38:53 +0000

HI Kelley
You need to ask yourself if you would normally have blown up at the kids ie
when you were a smoker did you blow up at the kids for doing the same thing
they were doing today????
Indi

By: beckie1900

beckie1900 — Wed, 30 Apr 2003 06:01:46 +0000

Thanks Indi, Cat, Steve and everyone for your input. I think I am
just not used to the intensity of normal emotions and need to use
the “I can’t talk about this right now. I need to think about it”
approach. The place I find myself losing it is with family so this
approach should work most of the time except with my almost 13 year
old who has to have an answer NOW! Guess she will have to wait. It
will be good practice for both of us!
Sorry about chat tonight, just logged in and then had to leave!
Terri

By: addie_50

addie_50 — Mon, 28 Apr 2003 04:23:47 +0000

Remember, there’s ALWAYS an excuse to not keep a quit or ALWAYS an
excuse to not even start a quit. It’s that stinkin’ thinkin’ coming at
you.
I think that you did the right thing by getting away from the kids. I
believe you have younger children than I (my youngest is 16) so walking
away before yelling is certainly more mature than how I handle the
anger at times. Not that I think yelling is a solution, I was just
letting y’all know how I handle my stress at times (poorly). One thing
I have learned though is how to look at my different options even when
I’m feeling angry. This usually has a calming effect on me. How can I
be mad when I’m trying to think? I mean, that would mean concentrating
on two things at once, an almost impossible task for me! This is how
practicing the ABC’s has helped me with my anger at times.
Please don’t let your anger at your kids be your excuse to start
smoking again. Don’t do that to them, and don’t do that to yourself.

Whoops, using the Mom-guilt psychology again. Did it work?
Cat
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “kelley w southworth” here to try to calm down….my first thoughts after getting so mad were “Maybe I
‘m r=just not ready to quit , maybe this is not a good time, etc. etc…

By: Nathanial English

Nathanial English — Mon, 21 Apr 2003 19:15:00 +0000

I have found that anger does one thing:
It makes me weak. If I turn it inward,
it becomes depression. If I am weakened
and depressed, then it’s easy to say, “Oh,
F*** it,” and start smoking. The addiction
is intimately bound up with anger. There is
not only anger with ourselves and anger at
having to quit, but there is anger at the
tobacco companies, deeper anger that prompts
self-destructive behavior, and anger at people
who have never smoked who flippantly say, “Why
don’t you just quit?” on and on and on…
Some people advocate getting angry and using that
anger to provide the drive for your quit. I totally
disagree. If our quit is sponsored by our love and

respect for ourselves, ah; then we’re on to something
real and lasting and something that only strengthens
and feeds us spiritually on the road.
Your mileage may vary… -Frank

By: hassan_11

hassan_11 — Fri, 18 Apr 2003 08:42:30 +0000

Terri
What stopped you saying the things you would regret when you smoked? Cos it
wasn’t the cig or the nicotine, so what was it?
Indi

By: beckie1900

beckie1900 — Fri, 18 Apr 2003 04:05:23 +0000

Indi,
You are correct on how I handled anger as a smoker. Not being very
successful at it right now! Any thoughts?
I am a night owl so am posting late. It is about 12:30 a.m. Mountain
time here in the Southwest US. Terri

By: hassan_11

hassan_11 — Thu, 17 Apr 2003 18:12:41 +0000

Hi Terri
Anger is a biggie isn’t it and although I don’t have too much anger I have an
awful lot of resentment which is really suppressed anger.
Wasn’t really clear from your post if this was the scenario
A I am angry
B If I smoke it will calm me down and stop me from saying things I will
regret
C I smoke, calm down and don’t say things that I will regret.
Was this the scenario when you were a smoker?
Indi
ps Are you in Australia, only asking because of the email addy and the time
your post came through?