A Cigarette-Shaped Void
I posted the following letter to my Quit Diary,
but I think it bears repeating here, and I would
like some suggestions or advice on how to deal
with this, please.
Since I quit smoking, I have no more desire for
cigarettes and the craves are not satisfied by
cigarettes, however, when I get a crave, I equate
it with a craving for a cigarette, simply because
there is now a cigarette-shaped void left in my
life. The various points of the day when I would
light up have been left with holes. With voids.
I sort of walk around or sit around and feel
like I don’t know what to do with myself. So I
have this crave. And I fixate on it because I
don’t know what else to do to fill that void.
And I know that I’m supposed to chew gum, take
a shower, exercise, or find some other way to
distract myself, but none of those tactics ever
works for very long. They don’t fit into that
cigarette-shaped void so neatly. At least now, I
have separated the craving from the cigarette.
Smoking doesn’t relieve the crave.
(Unless I decide to sit down and chainsmoke
three or four cigarettes, which would only make
me sick.)
So… If I could figure out how to close up this
cigarette-shaped void, this gap, this open wound,
then I think I would be done with this habit
once and for all.
-Frank
May 24th, 2003 at 1:56 am
Hi Frank
In terms of filling a ‘void’, I think it’s down to the behavioural
changes and time and practice. Like having that cig after a meal:
think about how many times you lit up after a meal during your
smoking career - hundreds/thousands of times. It takes time
to ‘unlearn’ that and break that association of meal finished=cig.
Once you put new behaviours in place time after time, you’ll unlearn
that Pavlovian instinct to reach for the pack. I can honestly say
that after meals, as the example here, it never occurs to me any more
that I’m ‘missing’ something. Or morning wake up, or the phone
ringing, etc. I don’t think there’s a time frame for this, I just
think its down to practising those changes in routine over and over
until they become automatic.
By the way, some of you know I’ve been on a mind bending course this
week which really did require total concentration on my part. All
maths and Stats - and this is someone who only passed GCSE maths when
she hit 40 (for the non-Brits, this is an exam 15/16yr olds take).
I knew totally that a cig would have given me brain fog, made me
muzzy headed, got me even more stressed. There were 3 smokers on the
course of 14 people, whose stress levels were even higher. They’d
rush to light up at breaks and lunchtimes, missing chatting to the
rest of us so they could go and stand in the cold and rain.
Just to let you know that this peace of being an exsmoker WILL happen
to you too - just stick with it and keep practising all Steve is
teaching you so well. Really examine what those ‘craves’ really are
about and concentrate on practising other behaviours that’ll relieve
those physical symptons. Looking at it as some sort of void will only
make you feel a need to compensate in some way.
Pam
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, Frank H Weeden <fisacorp@u…
May 24th, 2003 at 9:11 am
Hi Frank
In terms of filling a ‘void’, I think it’s down to the behavioural
changes and time and practice. Like having that cig after a meal:
think about how many times you lit up after a meal during your
smoking career - hundreds/thousands of times. It takes time
to ‘unlearn’ that and break that association of meal finished=cig.
Once you put new behaviours in place time after time, you’ll unlearn
that Pavlovian instinct to reach for the pack. I can honestly say
that after meals, as the example here, it never occurs to me any more
that I’m ‘missing’ something. Or morning wake up, or the phone
ringing, etc. I don’t think there’s a time frame for this, I just
think its down to practising those changes in routine over and over
until they become automatic.
By the way, some of you know I’ve been on a mind bending course this
week which really did require total concentration on my part. All
maths and Stats - and this is someone who only passed GCSE maths when
she hit 40 (for the non-Brits, this is an exam 15/16yr olds take).
I knew totally that a cig would have given me brain fog, made me
muzzy headed, got me even more stressed. There were 3 smokers on the
course of 14 people, whose stress levels were even higher. They’d
rush to light up at breaks and lunchtimes, missing chatting to the
rest of us so they could go and stand in the cold and rain.
Just to let you know that this peace of being an exsmoker WILL happen
to you too - just stick with it and keep practising all Steve is
teaching you so well. Really examine what those ‘craves’ really are
about and concentrate on practising other behaviours that’ll relieve
those physical symptons. Looking at it as some sort of void will only
make you feel a need to compensate in some way.
Pam
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, Frank H Weeden <fisacorp@u…
May 24th, 2003 at 8:20 pm
Thanks, Pam. All of my triggers and desires for
cigarettes are gone, except for the Evening Crave.
I’ve heard other people talk about it, and it’s got
me too! By the scruff of the neck! Every evening,
it’s like getting hit by a train, and if it would
come and go, it wouldn’t be so bad, but it hangs around
from 5:00 p.m. until 9:30, and I don’t know why. If I
could beat THIS craving, I’d have this addiction licked.
I never smoked in the house, and I never jumped up after
a meal to run out and have a smoke. In fact, at home,
I never really smoked much at all. Still, the Evening
Crave is the big monster that I’m fighting. :-/
-Frank
May 25th, 2003 at 4:30 am
Ah, Frank, the ole empty feeling. Knew it well for a few weeks and
still fighting it off occasionally. You reminded me of one of my old
posts (well, old to me because I wrote it about a month ago):
============
“One thing that really made me laugh tonight was the bit about
realizing that you’re never going to be able to go on vacation again
and sit on the beach with a beer in one hand and a cig in the other
(my idea of paradise) - you’re going to fall over. Or something
like that, sorry if I got it wrong but that’s exactly how I feel!!!!
Off balance!!!! I keep waiting for something, what am I waiting
for? A smoke, that’s what. Having a smoke made me feel balanced I
guess. Sorry for bouncing around so much, but that’s how unstable
I’m feeling (and my boss and husband will agree). I can’t seem to
focus/ concentrate like I should.”
=============
I don’t know if you can pick up my frustration from this post, but
this was when I thought I was going loony-tunes. I didn’t know what
to do with myself for a good month after I quit, I also knew that I
should exercise, shower, keep myself somehow busy, but, like you, it
just wasn’t satisfying, I still felt the void. Kind of like the
emptiness, the nothingness that Indi used to describe. One thing that
I thought might be wrong was that I was missing my ex-friend, my
cigs. Steve and I don’t agree on this (that I was missing my cigs
like I would miss a good friend) but that’s OK. The thing that
helped me through this time more than anything, besides good
drugs :-),was talking, chatting, posting, reading, and it was all
about quitting smokes. Well, you know what? I’m still talking,
chatting, posting, reading all about quitting smokes. But guess
what? That void is closing, I’m starting to tilt back to an upright
position. I guess what I’m saying is I’m learning how to sit
perfectly balanced on the beach with a drink in one hand and nothing
in the other hand. It just takes time, and practicing the what ifs
and abc’s and reading Steve’s and others’ advice. Hang in there,
Frank, you can do this. Hate to sound like an old record, but if I
can do this after 30 years of smoking, then anyone can do it.
Later Gator,
Cat
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, Frank H Weeden <fisacorp@u…
May 25th, 2003 at 10:49 am
Man, Cat; You’ve hit the nail right on the head.
About the only time I notice the cigarette-shaped
-Frank
(Hit me on the head? With a hammer? Maybe next
time I go scrounging around in the trashcan for
a six-month old stubby…)
void, is in the evenings. I don’t know why the
awareness is so sharp, but yes, the feeling of
being off-balance is the perfect way to sum it up.
It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop or
something. Sometimes, it’s real quiet in the evenings
and I can hear the clock ticking. Do you know what
else I can hear? The air passing in and out of my
lungs, and it sounds clean, with no wheezing, no
rattling, no rales… Since yesterday, I keep finding
reasons throughout the day, why I’m glad that I don’t
smoke. For example, my sweetie and I were walking
to a nearby restaurant for lunch today. The wind was
chilly and it’s gray and drizzly. I had my hands jammed
deep into my jacket pockets, and I thought to myself,
“I don’t have to worry about trying to light a fag
in the middle of this wind! I don’t have to remove
my hands from my nice warm pockets, and I don’t have
to worry which way the smoke is blowing, and I don’t
have to worry what to do with the butt when I’m
done!” (I always felt faintly guilty when I would
flick a ciggie butt to the ground and step on it.
In fact, I got to the point where I was pinching
the ember off of it and keeping the butt in my hand
until I found a trashcan to throw it away in. LOL!
I also realized something today: There’s no way I could
ever go back to being a smoker. Not knowing what I know
now, and not after coming as far as I have in this quit,
and not after practically sweating drops of blood over this!
Even if I had a relapse, I would be right back to
quitting again, almost immediately. And screw that: I’m
not going to have a relapse! Everytime I’ve thought
of a cigarette today, the thought has immediately followed:
“There is NOTHING positive about smoking. Not one single
thing! Not one benefit whatsoever!” And while that may not
be ENTIRELY true, it’s “close enough for government work!”
Thanks again, Cat. The understanding and the empathy mean
so much right now.
May 25th, 2003 at 11:28 pm
First of all, carry a piece of paper and a pen and list each ‘hole’ in
your day. List the time and place and what you were doing within the
preceeding hour.
Distractions only work sometimes and not at all if you are fixating on a
crave. This is why I suggest you discover just what you want at each
‘hole’, and then see about providing an appropriate response rather than a
distraction.
I’m confused (a fairly normal state for me) how it is that you’ve
separated the craving(what you’re feeling) from a cigarette solution yet
you’ve got a “cigarette-shaped void”. Explain?
Once you’ve got a list of several ‘holes’, you can begin to ABC them.
Find the reason why you are feeling a hole at that moment, examine past
beliefs re: relief and current realistic options, and then choose one that
addresses your need of the moment. That’s how cigerette voids can be closed.
www.cognitivequitting.com
May 26th, 2003 at 1:01 pm
Hiya Frank
Just wanted to say that I know what you mean but I also know that if you are
anything like me you can keep a ‘thought’/urge/crave’ whatever you want to
call it, in your head for as long or as short as you choose to.
For me I need to deal with this (what I call most times) desire. I do that
by acknowledging it, look at alternative responses and make a choice as to
which response to take. Sometimes for me it is to physically do something -
like deep breath, like shrug my shoulders, like have a glass of water, like
eat something, and sometimes it is just to do nothing except acknowledge it
and accept it for what it is, my automatic habitual memory of my addiction.
By doing this I hope that I am not confusing it with my wanting to return to
a life of smoking.
I know that I am not immune to the addiction and I know I can return to
smoking any time I choose BUT I am sure that its not worth risking the
quality of my life for even one puff.
Maybe you should go have a look at my diary for today!
Remember you are very early in your quit (even earlier than me) so be patient
and be good to yourself.
Namaste
Indi
‘When people will not weed their own minds they are apt to be overrun with
nettles!!!
May 26th, 2003 at 11:04 pm
Thank you, Indi. Today was something of an
And yes, the memory of smoking is VERY different
I discovered this today! Just a half hour ago!
TAH-DAH!!! Now I may not be out of the woods yet, but
epiphany for me. I really feel like I have
turned a major corner from within. Check out
MY diary!
than the desire to smoke a cigarette. And a crave,
I have found, is not satisfied by a cigarette.
Either I can put the crave off, do something to
distract myself, make a different choice, or I
can conjure an image of who I **AM** and the qualities
I wish to emulate, and voila! The crave is sent packing!
I’m laughing with joy because it’s so easy, so
obvious! I’ve been doing contemplative/meditative work
with myself for years, but for some reason, never
thought to apply it to THIS until today! I see myself
glowing with good health, not having ANY desire to go
sucking on a Loser Stick, and fully, thoroughly enjoying
my life and identity as a disciplined non-smoker.
dammit, I’m awfully close! I can FEEL it! An enormous
inner shift. I’m sitting here just BEAMING!!!!
-Frank
May 28th, 2003 at 2:03 pm
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, Frank H Weeden <fisacorp@u…
Frank
I can not find your diary - where are you?
Lynne
May 29th, 2003 at 1:48 am
Cold Turkey is my diary name.
-Frank
May 30th, 2003 at 11:14 am
Hi everyone
Thanks all for the chat last night it was really interesting. Read this
today and thought I would post it in light of last nights chat.
Take what you want from it.
The desire to smoke is first of all a thought, which then becomes a physical
sensation.You might find this hard to believe at first because the desire is
so persistant and because there are other sensations during withdrawal
(created both in your mind andin your body) which get confused with the
desire. But even after a couple of days it should become obvious to you that
the desire is triggered in your mind by events and circumstances and not by a
physical need.
Even though it is created in your mind the desire is experienced as a
physical sensation that leaves you feeling quite uncomfortable
May 30th, 2003 at 6:29 pm
In a message dated 01/12/01 08:34:05 GMT Standard Time, Jacknindi@…
writes:
Hi all
didn’t mean to send this last night meant to put it in file cos it wasn’t
finished. so here is the rest.
You may well notice the physical sensation before the thought, but a thought
always precedes it (sound familiar).
When you first stop smoking it feels like a wave of discomfort all over your
body. Later on, after you have stopped for a while, it can be similar to
that sinking feeling you get when you realise, for instance, that youve
locked your keys in the car.
Different people feel the desire to smoke in different ways, in different
parts of the body. You might feel it in your chest area, or throat,
remembering the feeling of the smoke going into your lungs. You might feel
the desire in your stomach and confuse it with hunger or it may be more like
wanting to put something in your mouth. Some people salivate more than usual
when they want to smoke.
The form of your desire can change from day to day. In general as time goes
on it will become less of a physically uncomfortable feeling and more like a
thought. If you let yourself have these uncomfortable feelings and thoughts,
then you will be able to stop smoking and stay stopped for good. If you
don’t, you won’t, its as simple as that.
I can recognise lots of things in this about myself and it has helped me to
understand what it is I am having ie cravings or urges.
Like Steve says - it doesn’t really matter what it is called cos its a
feeling and it is my response to the feeling which is important. But it has
been important for me to understand what is happening to me and remembering
the physical healing that is going on in my body I have been finding it
difficult to separate the healing from the craving but now think I can.
I did in my first few weeks and still do on odd occasions salivate
excessively but never associated with desire to smoke.
I am using desire instead of wanting to cos I don’t want to.
Now I’m rambling again and its only 9.30am - will my brain ever recover?????
Don’t think so, was talking to my eldest daughter last night about plans for
xmas.
Explained to her that I can’t get my head around anything other than xmas day
cos my head has gone ga ga. She told me I wasn’t allowed to go ga ga so I
explained that I would/could be for another few months and she had to make
allowances.
Her reply - NO NOT HAVING THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GA GA DON’T THINK I CAN
COPE WITH YOU BEING GA GA - GA GA
Have a good day all
Namaste
Indi
June 10th, 2003 at 1:12 pm
ROFL Frank - YOU’RE CT? LOL I’ve been reading (& enjoying) your diary
since I quit and started my diary!
Victoria
–
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Don’t make me use uppercase…