Filling The Cigarette-Shaped Void
Control. Cool control and complete confidence.
Now THAT’S sexy! To walk anywhere, be anywhere,
relax anywhere, needing neither a whiskey to
lean on or a smoldering pacifier to suck on,
but to be self-possessed, relaxed, and fully
confident, glowing with good health…. To
go on vacation and instead of sitting on the
beach with a cigarette and a beer, pickling
and poisoning myself, running along the sand
because it FEELS GOOD, and scuba diving because
it FEELS GOOD, and swimming because it FEELS
GOOD! To build up my body, to tone these muscles,
to feel new sinewy strength running through my
arms and chest and back and legs…. To go
bike riding and running and surfing and walking
and romping around with my daughter in the waves…
To know that I am healthy inside and out, instead
of having to say, “Well, I’m healthy except for
the fact that I’m a smoker…” Someone wrote
that being a smoker means constantly having to
apologize. How perfect. How true… How sad…
Look at the cigarette ads: How are smokers
always portrayed? Laughing, healthy looking,
beautiful, with glistening smiles and beautiful
bodies. Now look at REAL smokers! Gosh…
What a difference! Look at the movies: The
movies ROMANTICIZE smoking. Who are the sexiest
actors and acresses? The ones who look like
they’ve been beaten to hell? Or the ones who
look wonderfully healthy and vibrant and strong!
What are the sexiest roles in Hollywood? The
roles that portray control, discipline,
confidence, strength. Hmmm… Smoking and being
a slave runs counter to that, doesn’t it? I can’t
imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger digging through the
damn trashcan for a six-month old cigarette butt.
Can you? Or how about Angelina Jolie or Cameron
Diaz? No… The image doesn’t jive. Which image
of yourself are you going to seize? Which version
of yourself do you love more? Which version is
drop-dead sexy?
Control. Control is sexy. Discipline is sexy.
Confidence is sexy. A beautifully disciplined, trained,
and honed body is sexy! Or, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe
slavery is sexy! Maybe having a stoma is sexy! Maybe
hauling around a frickin’ oxygen tank or needing an
iron lung is sexy! Smoking a cigarette through a hole
in my neck is sexy? Oh baby…. NOW you’ve got me
feelin’ hot! Yowza!! Hrmph…. They don’t call them
“sickarettes” for nothing. There is nothing romantic,
rakish, dashing, cool, tough, or sexy about smoking.
The sooner we realize that, the further along we are
towards breaking the trance that cigarettes hold on us.
Two things that a woman can do to make herself instantly
unappealing: 1. Get her face pierced. 2. Light a cigarette.
*shudder*
Now see yourself at a distinguished party of the
social elite, and standing in the middle of the room,
dressed to the nines, with a glistening white smile, smooth
skin, brimming with robust health, not smelling like burning
cow pies, and saying with a radiant smile, “No… I quit
smoking last year… No, I really don’t have any cravings
anymore. I’m so much HAPPIER now!” Damn… Now THAT’S sexy!
Control. Perfect control. Perfect discipline. Perfect
independence. Perfect freedom!
Mmmmm!! Now THAT’S sexy! In the face of THAT vision,
what power can Nico-demon have? Pretty lame, eh? 
You soon-to-be non-smokers are DROP-DEAD SEXY!!
CONTROLLLLL…. Dig it……
(How’s THAT for cognitive quitting? This technique
is called “Visionary Quitting.”)
-Frank
May 27th, 2003 at 7:15 am
Rakish?? Have you been in the Harlequin Romance books again?
Sorry, but watching someone smoking generally doesn’t turn me off
(yet). I guess my love of old B&W movies comes through on that one.
A lot of those actors did die of lung cancer though, didn’t they?
The *results* of smoking definitely are a turn-off.
Control is important in a quit. I guess we gain control eventually
in our quits as we learn to disassociate smoking with everyday
events.
Cat
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, Frank H Weeden <fisacorp@u…
May 28th, 2003 at 9:27 am
At 04:02 PM 11/30/01 -0600, Frank wrote:
< snipped
It isn’t. It’s not even close. In what way does it address the
mechanics of your 5:00 - 9:30PM craves?
Actually it’s called ‘positive visualization’ and has been around for a
while. In the past 5+ years of talking to other quitters in quit smoking
venues all over the net, I’ve seen only a handful of quitters try to use it
to stay quit. I say “try” because while it seems to work fine until life
hits a bump, most people find it pretty hard to stay positive during those
periods when life sucks.
Whatever you wish to call it, I wish you the best of luck.
btw, does this mean you aren’t going to list your ‘holes’? no ABCs?
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
May 29th, 2003 at 9:03 am
It completely wiped them out. I’m serious. This evening,
Really? It’s kind of silly to think that getting hooked on something
-Frank
I had one very minor craving that was almost nothing.
It was NOTHING like those monster craves I *was* getting
Well, to be honest, I really don’t care WHAT label gets assigned
to it. Hands down, it’s the most effective technique that I’ve
found so far.
is going to make life smoother… Especially after the hell of quitting.
But you’re miffed because I have found success with something
besides your technique? It kind of seems that way. I’m not trying
to piss you off. Your attitude is curious, though.
I have no holes to speak of, except for that one BIG evening crave
that I was wrestling with. Yes, I have ABCs, but I don’t necessarily
spell them out. I go over them in my mind though, and I know exactly
what I’m going to do, how I’m going to handle various situations, and
what the outcome will be. I may not be done with the physical portion
of this habit yet, but I do believe that I have the mental portion of
it licked.
May 29th, 2003 at 2:27 pm
On the contrary, the goal is to quit and stay quit. I have no vested
interest in how you acheive that goal. I started this list for people who
would like to use cognitive techniques as set out by Albert Ellis etal.
That you’ve found something else that works for you, great. With luck,
it’ll continue to work.
Time will tell.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
May 30th, 2003 at 4:06 am
Dear all,
I have read with great interest this entire thread. I must say that it
brought back many memories. I would like to add my thoughts to all of
yours.
When I first quit smoking this time, like I’ve told you, I think, I
knew…. deep inside knew…. that I couldn’t use any of the old quit
tactics that I had used in the past. Every single one of them had
failed me…. including the ones I used for the 2 1/2 year quit. I am
not saying that there aren’t those out there who can quit and walk away
and never turn back. I say to them, Lucky you. (Some of us have
medical reasons to walk away … bless you, Ann…. that is not what I
am talking about.) But I knew that was not an option for me. I knew I
had to change how I approached this addiction and how I approached
getting free. At the time I quit, I just didn’t know how I was going to
accomplish that as yet.
I first met Steve about ten days into my quit. By that time, I had
already gotten through the physical withdrawals. That was hard but over
soon enough. What was proving extremely difficult (AGAIN!!!) was
convincing me to stay quit. Every argument came to the forefront. I
was really beginning to despair over my ever being able to quit. I just
didn’t think so. And then I was introduced to Cog Quitting. I would
LOVE to report to all of you that I was a model student and that I
easily learned to do my ABC’s. (I am shaking my head here in memory. I
am hoping the quit coach doesn’t pop up here with his memories! It
would be embarrassing!) It was not that way. I don’t know if I can
claim heavier that ‘normal’ brain fog or the horrible emotional effects
of the raging roller coaster ride that I was experiencing…. whatever
it was that was going on, I really struggled to grasp what Steve was
trying to teach me.
But because I had failed so many times in the past to quit (and I knew I
was fast running out of chances in which to get free as the health
problems were already beginning to set in), I stuck with the learning.
Besides that, it made sense to me. I came back time and time again and
said, Okay…. teach me one more time. I honestly can’t remember how
far along I was when I finally felt comfortable with Cog Quitting. It
may have been around the same time I reached my 4th month milestone. (I
wrote about it in a post to AS3 titled, The Quit That Fit.) This 4th
month milestone was not the first plateau that I had reached in my
healing process, but it was the first time that I was able to really
think in terms of a possible success this time. And I knew that it was
due to the way I had chosen to quit.
Cog Quitting is not an overnight fix. I had to really understand what
was behind all of those reaches-for-smokes. I had never approached the
thinking aspect of quitting before. But once I had gotten my head
wrapped around the ABC model (Indi, CONGRATS!!!) and was using it
successfully, I was beginning to realize a quit comfort that I did not
know could exist for me. And this quit comfort has translated into a
long term quit…. And I dare say a permanent one.
I, like Steve, encourage everyone to use a FULL Tool Box to the best of
their advantage. But I also would encourage all of you to continue to
wrap your brain around the ABC model. It is important to write them
down, to get them out in front of you so that you can truly see your
strategy at work. The options that you can begin to choose from become
more automatic the more you do this.
One last thought for Frank….
I had to smile when I read your using visualization to help you along.
I applaud you. I have used visualization a great deal in my life. In
my heritage, we believe in our sending out into the Universe our wishes
and I do this by ’seeing’ it so. How else is the Universe going to know
what we desire? But it doesn’t stop there. We are then told to back
those thoughts up with action. It takes our doing to create the energy
to make our desires come to life. So, although I applaud you for your
visualization, I would suggest you continue to back it up with action.
And now…. I’ve stayed up way past my bedtime…. I’m an old broad, you
know? HUGE smile. So I should scoot to bed. I am grateful for another
day smokefree…. and this is because of Cog Quitting. I know it. I am
grateful for being able to breathe from the bottom of my lungs….
’cause they no longer hurt. I am grateful for the freely given smooches
from my grandsons…. they are sweet indeed and inexperienced by me
before I quit. And lastly, I am very grateful for all of you. Keep on
keeping on…. I really believe that you will never regret learning this
method of getting free,
Pat
May 31st, 2003 at 8:59 am
In a message dated 30/11/01 23:35:11 GMT Standard Time,
ddsteve@… writes:
Hi Steve/Frank
I used positive visualisation for my last quit which lasted a year - during
this year I wasn’t totally smoke free and still had major craves. When the
craves were really bad I used to have the odd puff from a friend, husband,
relative whoever and although I hated the taste and that would reinforce my
reasons for wanting to quit until the next time.
This time, using cog quit I have not had one puffffffffffff which makes me
totally smoke free and I hope if I keep working at it that the cravings will
not last for a year!
I think with other techniques I used I was repressing my desire to smoke
which meant I had no way of controlling my automatic reaction (which was to
light up) once the desire found a way to break through.
I think, for me anyway, accepting and dealing with my desire to smoke rather
than repressing it cos I don’t like the pain that it causes is important.
That way I am making an active choice and choosing something else as my
response rather than smoking in the hope that the ’something else’ will
become the automatic response.
Indi
May 31st, 2003 at 4:14 pm
Oh Pat
Your posts always make me feel so good and I understand and heartily endorse
everything you say. I almost feel like I am walking your walk so every time
you post it gives me more hope for what is just around the corner.
I, like you, am not finding cogquit easy - but then Steve never promised it
would be easy. In fact what he promised me, I think (but remember my brain
is still farting) was that it would be different, it would be successful if I
put the work in and it would eventually give me tools to deal with whatever
life throws at me without me having the need to reach for a cig.
So far it is doing that cos like I said in my last post I have never gone
this long without a puff!!!!
In visualisation therapy I was taught that the words trigger pictures which
trigger feelings wich trigger thoughts which trigger the actions. That to me
is not much different from cog quit. So although on the whole I am doing my
quit the cog way I am also using bits and pieces of other methods which to me
fit in with cognitive thinking/therapy.
Have a good day again. I’ve just written to the group a real ‘poor me’ post
moaning but what I was also disappointed about was that I had no mail from
the group!!!!!
Until I realised I had automatic aol set - so there it was all in my mailbox
- very ga ga - but still no birthday cards from my horrible kids but got some
flowers from the eldest who always remembers.
Thats it for now
Indi
June 1st, 2003 at 4:47 pm
Thank you, Pat, for sharing your story.
As for backing up the visualizations with
Congratulations on remaining free of
cigarettes!
action: Absolutely! That’s the other component
of the Work! There is an Inner and Outer, and
both require equal attention in order to manifest
anything in the MEST worlds. (Matter Energy Space
Time) I already know who I am as a nonsmoker, and
I already have my vision firmly fixed. It’s one
that I call to mind each time I have a crave, which
has become increasingly rare, (Thankfully!) and I
am also experiencing a level of comfort that I
didn’t think possible. The more time I spend with
this image of myself, the more I want to BE that,
and the more I *AM* that. I have a business trip
next week, but after I get home, I am throwing myself
wholeheartedly into the Body For Life program. It’s
a program that combines weight training, aerobics,
and diet into a highly efficient, highly effective
12-week program that actually WORKS! It’s the first
program I have ever seen of its type, and I did it
for eight weeks last year. (I got sidetracked by
some things that happened in my life at the time,
and got knocked out of my rhythm) but the program
REALLY works, and although I’ve never had a problem
with my weight personally, I have seen this program
do miraculous things for others who have that difficulty.
bttp://bodyforlife.com
I think the book is available at most bookstores,
Walmart, and your local GNC might have it.
Bill Phillips “Body For Life.”
Have a terrific day!
Thanks again!
-Frank
June 3rd, 2003 at 9:35 am
Frank,
I wrote earlier:
I have used visualization a great deal in my life. In my heritage, we
believe in our sending out into the Universe our wishes and I do this by
’seeing’ it so. How else is the Universe going to know what we desire?
But it doesn’t stop there. We are then told to back those thoughts up
with action. It takes our doing to create the energy to make our
desires come to life. So, although I applaud you for your
visualization, I would suggest you continue to back it up with action.
Please don’t mistake my meaning here. The example I would use is this:
More than anything, I want to learn to fly a Revolution kite (This is
truth.). It is not enough that I see myself in my mind’s eye flying
one. It is not enough that I sew them, read about them or watch the
video on how to fly them. (Likened to writing down my ABC’s) The only
thing that will make me a flyer of a Rev is to fly one. Everything up
to that point is preparation for the event when I finally pick up the
kite to fly. Further, I know that when I begin to fly the kite, I will
crash the kite into the earth many, many times. But with practice, I
know that I will eventually fulfill that vision of me flying this
amazing kite. It is in the doing that will make me a Rev flier.
You then responded with:
As for backing up the visualizations with
action: Absolutely! That’s the other component
of the Work! There is an Inner and Outer, and
both require equal attention in order to manifest
anything in the MEST worlds. (Matter Energy Space
Time) I already know who I am as a nonsmoker, and
I already have my vision firmly fixed. It’s one
that I call to mind each time I have a crave, which
has become increasingly rare, (Thankfully!) and I
am also experiencing a level of comfort that I
didn’t think possible. The more time I spend with
this image of myself, the more I want to BE that,
and the more I *AM* that.
You mention all that you have done to ‘visualize’ yourself as a
non-smoker. That’s valuable, I agree. But what are you ‘doing’ to make
that a reality? I truly believe it is *not enough* just to ’see’
oneself as a non-smoker, that one must ‘do’ something to make that
reality happen. That is where my work with my ABC’s came into play for
me. It was my preparation for (permanently) changing my reality to that
of a non-smoker.
You then wrote about getting back from your business trip to pick up the
exercise program, Body For Life. But I think this comment is the
telling comment:
(I got sidetracked by
some things that happened in my life at the time,
and got knocked out of my rhythm)
What are you equipped to do (quitting smoking-wise) when you get faced
with ’some things’ that knock you out of your rhythm again? I think you
should indeed use this program to enhance your quit. But the program is
not ‘doing’ anything to secure your quit…. it only enhances your
physical being. I truly believe you must change the behaviors, the
responses to life’s events to gain the reality of being smokefree. And
the only way to do that is to look at them separately and reprogram, if
you will, new responses that will move you towards a permanent quit.
It’s in the doing.
Pat