Cognitive Quit Smoking

You Better Watch Out, You Better Not Cry, You Better Not Pout
Yeah, right!
Steve and I chatted about this a little bit last night. I wasn’t
surprised to see all the posts from earlier this week saying what a
rotten Monday everyone had. I had a rotten one too. Why did most of
us have such a bad start to the week? Now, this is with a little bit
of help from Steve. He said something that hit me between the eyes
when I stopped and thought about it. He said he has helped us (in some
cases, helping us) to come to our OWN conclusions in realizing that we
smoked in small part due to nicotine need, but we smoked in large part
due to life’s triggers, i.e, living life. What I liked about that
statement was the way he pointed out that we come to our own
conclusions on how we feel and how to deal with the triggers that we
associate with those feelings. The idea isn’t forced on us, it’s a
realization that we can use our own brains and think this problem

through. Steve just kind of nudges us through the process sometimes.
Hey, thanks for the nudges, Steve.
I think most of us are aware that Christmas is probably the most
commercial holiday around. This is followed closely by Halloween (for
commercialism). I realized today that when I think back to when I used
to trick or treat as a child, a costume was no big deal. We’d always
find something to throw on to be a ghost, a witch, a hobo, a gypsy (my
favorite; never understood why my sister would shake her head at this
red-headed gypsy). When I started dressing my kids for Halloween, it
got a little bit more complicated as the years went by - the
competition for the best costume, the parties, the expectations got
higher as the kids got older. And all of this is miniscule compared to
Christmas.
Why was Monday so rotten? I think it’s because December appeared over
the weekend! Isn’t that the big trigger for a lot of us? Time to get
all the decorations out and put them around the house, inside and out,
start baking, shopping, creating, charity work, etc. And as if that
wasn’t enough (it is), we still have to handle our everyday chores (our
job and household/parental/spousal duties). By the time Sunday night
came around, many of us were up too late, not getting a good night’s
sleep because we just HAD to finish whatever it was we’d started during
the weekend. And then, of course, Monday rolls around and we either go
to work all tired and stressed out, or take some well-deserved time off
from work to do what? To do work around the house! But we HAVE to do
this, don’t we? It’s expected. From our families, our friends, and
most of all, from ourselves. We are expected to provide the “perfect”
Christmas (please forgive me at this point if any of you celebrate
Hanukkah but you know where I’m going with this). In the past, we
relieved the stress with taking breaks with our smokes. And they did
provide some relief, didn’t they? As we would work and run around, a
smoke break gave us a bit of respite during the most stressful time of
the year. Now we find that on top of everything else we have to do, we
need to learn how to deal with the holidays smokefree.
Well, I say Not Fair. I have too much to do to have to add this huge
burden to my list. But what’s the alternative? Maybe take a break
from this not-smoking bit and go back to not smoking after the
holidays. Wow, is that some stinkin’ thinkin’!!! Of course, I can’t do
that, Reality sets in. Of course, I don’t want to start smoking
again. So I need to be prepared. I need to learn to deal with this
time of year when there are so many triggers. What do I need to do?
First of all, I need to accept that there are going to be a lot of
expectations put on me, the least of which I named earlier. I need to
work out some abc’s for some of the activities that I will be involved
in that will trigger hunger, anger, loneliness, boredom, and fatigue
(remember HALT). And while I’m working out the ABC’s and What If’s, I
don’t want to forget the good old Post Holidays Depression that hits us
like a rock when it’s time to put everything away, and we have to face
going back to work, and realize that another year has gone by, and what
have we accomplished, whine, whine, whine.
Let’s face it, the next month is going to be nerve-racking for all of
us; we have some triggers that are common, some not so common. Hey, we
need to remember also that there’s plenty of non-smokers out there
going through the same thing. As much as I like to think that all my
problems are unique, well, they aren’t really. OK, Steve came up with
this one (although I think he admitted he saw it somewhere else):
Stress will wash at you like waves. And you can just walk along the
edge and your feet will get wet now and then when you get caught by a
wave but you won’t get caught in the undertow. Kewl, huh?
OK, here’s some ABC’s that will help to keep me from getting dragged
under the sea in the undertow, although I may do some sputtering
occasionally:
A - Shopping. Gotta do it. Easy for me, I love shopping.
B - Even though I love shopping, Christmas shopping can be a pain - I
enjoy browsing but there’s not much time for that when I’m looking for
specific gifts. Also, ugh, the crowds. My feet will start hurting,
I’ll get frustrated at not finding the “perfect” gift, and I always get
thirsty walking around in that hot mall in a coat and sweater. My
options:
- Find a place to park my derrière and rest my feet and sip on a cool
drink. Not bad.
- I can run outside in the nice cool air and have a smoke. Not really
happy about that option at this point in my life.
- Let’s see, I can limit my shopping time to a more reasonable amount
of time instead of staying so long that I’m walking around like a mall
zombie. Sounds good but may not be realistic, I do have to get it all
done sooner or later.
- Maybe limit myself to shopping at a few specialty stores outside the
mall. Hmmm.
C - I really like the specialty store idea. I think I’m going to opt
for that one. It’ll keep me out of the mall where I know my
frustration will the greatest. I can always go for the gift
certificate thing. I know it’s not so personal but, really, when you
buy for the teens and the relatives who are young ‘uns, they really
prefer the certificates anyway.
A - Christmas Dinner/Meal - In the past, we had Christmas dinner on
Christmas Day.
B - Over the years, I’ve grown to hate this tradition. I’m pretty much
responsible for the whole meal. And I start on this after already
making a great breakfast and cleaning up after that. I’d say I would
spend a good half a day in the kitchen on Christmas Day preparing food,
the other half out on the deck outside the kitchen puffing away on a
cigarette and slinging back white russians. My options would be:
- Skip the meals. Too much work.
- Grin and bear it. Well, that would certainly have me outside on the
deck with a smoke in my hand if I’m not careful.
- Prepare dinner on Christmas Eve. Have every member of the family
prepare a dish to contribute, even if it’s just to be responsible for
the dinner rolls, it’s that much off of me. And it doesn’t have to be
a traditional dinner either.
C - I have actually gone with the last option the last few years and
what a difference it’s made in my enjoyment of the holiday! This will
definitely be my option again this year since it will be important for
me to maintain my cool. We’ll have our dinner on Christmas Eve and the
next day, it’s leftovers so I can enjoy the day also. We will decide on
the menu in the next week so everyone will agree and will know well
ahead of time what they need to contribute (one year it was a
traditional ham dinner, one year lasagna, one year it was steak). I
still make the huge breakfast but now I enjoy it because I know that’s
it for the day. Also, as a side note, I need to watch during this
stressful time. Back to wine spritzers at the most.
A - Decorating - need to drag out all the decorations, everything needs
to look just perfect.
B - This is something I bring upon myself as far as stress. I still
have to watch it. I need to learn to cut back, i.e., my family would
be very satisfied if I would use a simple centerpiece of a piece of
holly and a candle. But, NNNOOOOOO!!! I have to go out into the woods,
drag back pieces of the great woods, pine cones, branches, berries (all
of which I spend way too much time scouting the woods looking for), and
spend forever getting the table to look right. Now, I have to admit
that maybe if I did this on just one or two focus decorations, then my
stress level would be much lower but NNNOOOOO!!! I have to do it for
every friggin’ decoration, everything from the tree, to the stockings,
to the evergreen on the mantle, to the towels in the bathrooms, on and
on and on. Get my drift. OK, need to cut back on that.
- I will take a look around, decide on a FEW focal points, concentrate
on them and keep the rest of the decorations in their boxes and forget
about it. Gee, it’s going to be hard to decide what to use and what
not to use.
- Or I could get some help with the decorations. Maybe have my husband
and daughter help? (Snort) I don’t think so. Their idea of decorating
is taking a candy cane and throwing it on a doorknob. Fast, easy,
done. And their stress level is almost nil. What does that tell me?
C - the first option definitely. Need to find a few things to
decorate and stick to that, pack the rest of the decorations up. This
may be only for this year anyway. I need to be aware that I need to
keep this season as trigger free as possible.
OK, now to deal with the some of the other things I dwell on this time
of year. What if I start dwelling on everything I have not
accomplished this year and start feeling depressed about it again? How
can I head that off? I think I’m going to try to nip it in the bud
this time by making a list (oh, Indi will love that) of everything GOOD
that has happened this year. Hey, if I take a few minutes and really
think about it, I’ll bet I can think of quite a few things to go on
that list, starting with you-know-what! Yep, October 14, the day I
decided enough was enough. No more smokes for me. You know, I just
thought of something else I’m going to do. I’m going to make a list
for my husband and all three of my kids too of good things that they’ve
done/accomplished or good things that have happened to them this year.
Not only will it make them feel good, but it will remind my criticizing
self that maybe they’re not such a bunch of underachievers after all
(they really aren’t, I AM very critical).
One other thing I took care of during Thanksgiving while visiting with
my family. Instead of having the stress of finding gifts for everyone
in my family (Mom, Dad, Brother/Spouse, Sister/Spouse, etc.), it was
suggested that we draw names to buy one present for one person and the
rest of the money we would have spent is to go to a charity to be
designated by a different family member each year. They loved the
idea. The stress associated with that gift-giving has almost
completely disappeared. And if it works out well, it’ll make future
Christmas’es less stressful. But at the time of the suggestion, I was
thinking mainly of this holiday. Anything to help me through the rough
spots smokefree.
Looking back at my ABC’s, I see that they are very general, not task-
specific. But that’s OK because I’ll work on some more task specific
ones tomorrow. Such as what just happened here in my household.
A - Daughter just came home. She is a few minutes past her curfew.
Daddy is not happy. Voices are being raised.
B- - Help, this is the time I would usually head out to the garage for
a smoke. Well, that’s just not an acceptable option any longer. But,
I really don’t want to deal with this. It’s ridiculous that they’re
arguing over this. I could go in there and try to play peacemaker. I
could go into the bedroom, shut the door and turn up the TV to tune
them out. I could just leave the house (maybe run away from home?).
C - I decide to take a deep breath and to go out there and find out if
I can help. As usual, by the time I get out there, they’re laughing
and horsing around, all forgiven. Typically, by now, I’d have been on
my second nervous cigarette. How much time and health I’ve wasted on
not facing up to things!
Well, I need to stop this novelette I’m working on here and get out to
the garage and work on that dresser. If I can just get that done!!
OK, have to do a What If for this also because the garage is where I
used to do most of my smoking and it still smells of smoke (a little).
I guess if my mind starts wandering, my muscles start tighening up from
the painting, this can leave me open to start thinking about a smoke.
I’ll need to open the garage door and let some fresh air in or take a
break, get something to drink, stretch. Yes, I think that will work.
I’m sorry that this is so long. But you see, this is what’s going to
help me get through the rest of this month. By writing it out, I’m
making this commitment to myself to make the effort to work through the
triggers, sometimes even heading them off by going over these
preparations before they happen. Because they will happen. I haven’t
gone through 46 Christmas’es and not learned some of what sets me off.
Oh, great. I just remembered. We’re going up to New York for the
weekend before Christmas to visit DH’s family. Oh, boy, a whole new
set of ABC’s and What If’s will be spouting from me soon.
Later Gators,
Cat
PS - Hey, I showed mine, you show yours J Your ABC’s I mean.

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