Holiday Prep or How Cat Is Going to Make It Thru D…
Hi All
Been a bit quiet this week cos been working late and been too tired to go
online much - but have read all the posts and managed to catch up briefly
with a couple of you.
Been on another learning curve and realised lots of things about me - didn’t
bargain for all of this when I quit smoking - just assumed that once I got
over the ‘craves’ that would be it - I would become an ex-smoker who even 10
years down the line still wanted to smoke now and then!!!
Well now I know different cos here I am nearly 2 months down the line and
definately not WANTING to smoke but finding that there are all sorts of
feelings/wants that I need to identify and deal with - wierd.
The last time I tried to quit over a year ago I managed about 3 months with
the odd puff/cig here and there and not working on my brain at all and I was
on zyban all that time.
When I got to about where I am now (without one puff this time and working on
my brain) I had big problems with my breathing so figured out with the help
of DH that maybe quitting was just too stressful for me and that I had smoked
too long so would be better off going back to smoking. At least when I
smoked I never had any problems breathing!!!!
Well how about that for junkie, stinking, thinking!
Last night when I went to bed I started again, having problems breathing,
tickly cough and lots of cattarh. Now maybe I am getting a cold or viral
infection or maybe it is still just my body cleansing itself - I don’t know.
What I do know is that I had major craves to smoke and didn’t sleep very
well. I did think about getting up and coming online to see if any of you
guys across the pond were in spinchat but was sooooooo tired thought better
not.
Did a lot of abc’ing about this and although I’m not as good as Cat at
putting it into short concise phrases this is what I came up with.
1. I feel as if it is difficult to breath, have some problems with my upper
respiratory bits.
2. In the past I would have dealt with this feeling by smoking cos thats how
I dealt with every feeling.
Smoking is not a valid option anymore cos it doesn’t satisfy the feeling my
body is telling me I have.
Maybe I am getting a cold or viral infection.
Maybe I am cleansing my body.
Options - can’t do anything about what is going on in my body other than try
to ease the situation - if its a cold/viral thing it needs to run its course.
Body cleansing - needs to run its course.
3. a) I could use some of my essential oils and/or do a reiki treatment
b) I could lie here and suffer
c) I could get up and go in the other bed if I don’t settle down so as not
to disturb DH.
d) I could just try to relax and do nothing until the morning.
I chose option d cos I really couldn’t be bothered to get up and do anything
else and as I didn’t want to suffer too much I did consciously focus on
trying to relax.
So I didn’t sleep very well and all sorts of things were going through my
mind, stuff to do with work, with finances, with family, with xmas, with
quitting, with friends, with committments - my mind was such a jumble it
would seem that no sooner had I dealt with one thought that another would
come along and take its place.
Of course it wasn’t exactly like that but thats what it felt like at the time.
What really happened was that I would sleep for while then wake up with a
thought in my head - I would at first persue the thought and like we all do
(I hope) carry it on to a full blown conversation with me trying to reach a
conclusion.
Well as it happened it got better with me realising that I had a choice - I
could persue the thought or I could just let it drift away in a balloon and
deal with it tomorrow by doing an abc about it.
This is how I dealt with each of the thoughts so today I have got a lot of
sitting down, thinking and writing out my abc’s for each of them.
So I’m here now, quite tired but DH gone off for the day so am free to do
whatever I choose to do - think I might post my abc’s so I can get some
feedback.
Hopefully will be able to catch up in spinchat later on.
Have a good Saturday all
Namaste
Indi
June 27th, 2003 at 8:36 pm
Hi Lynne
Sorry if my post to you last night seemed a bit abrupt I didn’t mean it to
sound like that, it was only when I read it again this morning that I
realised how abrupt it sounded.
Did you ever get around to doing the lists that Steve suggested? If you did
maybe if you posted them then people here with more experience than me could
offer you some real help.
love
Indi
June 28th, 2003 at 3:51 am
Cat
Not sure if I replied to your post or if I just filed it to reply later so if
I have already then please forgive me - its just me having a senior moment!
Just wanted to say well done, you have obviously worked really hard at
figuring out the abc’s which will get you over the holiday period and I’m
really impressed.
So impressed that I might ‘pinch’ some of them -
Hopefully catch u later unless you are out biking!!!
Take care
Indi
June 28th, 2003 at 11:06 am
Hi Char
If you want to tell me where you live I will do a distant Reiki healing for
you to be received at a time suitable to you - it might help especially if
you are the sort of person who does meditation.
Namaste
Indi
June 30th, 2003 at 9:55 pm
Hey, Ms. Indi. I was going to try to get to this earlier but got
busied out today although did take a quick break today from doing my
famous Last Minute Procrastination Cleaning the House Before a Party
bit. i.e., the house was a wreck this morning and I needed to clean
top to bottom for a party tonight. I cleaned for a good three hours
straight, then made myself sit down for about 30 min. to take a break
(on the ‘puter of course) and was lucky enough to catch Steve and Pam
on cogquit for a quick conversation. This was a good break. I got
some rest in the form of getting away from a tedious task (I HATE
housework), I ate a snack, drank some fruit juice for a little natural
boost, then drank some coke for a caffeine boost (hey, I drank the
juice first, ok?) and was ready to go again for another few hours. So
the party just broke up, and I wanted to get back to you because you
said something in here that just struck a chord with me:
Yeah, who knew? Seems like I have revelations all the time now.
Here’s the one I had today. While cleaning today, I started thinking
about how I’ve been bugging my oldest daughter about having a baby. I
just started doing this (bugging her) recently. I wouldn’t do it
before for two reasons: first, her husband’s family pesters her and
her husband all the time about starting a family, and second, it really
isn’t any of my damn business. OK, so that doesn’t stop me lots of
time but this is a sentitive issue with her. Why have I been doing
this? Then it dawned on me; every time I’ve quit in the past for a
significant amount of time, it was when I was pregnant and then for a
few months after birth so I could nurse. So there you go, there’s the
association - quit smoking means having a baby around. Well, I’ve quit
smoking, and I sure as hell am not about to have another kid myself so
naturally I turn to my married kid to fulfill this association. I
can’t wait to tell my daughter about this so maybe it’ll bring some
closure to this issue - the closure being the closure of my mouth for
her sake.
Ewww, classic example of stinkin’ thinkin’, Indi. Good for you for
recognizing it.
I’ve had a little bit of a cough since I stopped but this past two
weeks I noticed a little bit more of a cough and a lot of clearing my
throat. I think it’s my lungs still clearing out. I think it’s going
to take quite a while. Some people who smoked as long as we have told
me that they “cleaned/cleared” out their lungs for up to a year after
quitting!
Well, if it’s the weekend, since I’m a nightowl, you may catch me
sometime. If you’d gotten up last night, you’d have caught me on aol
or icq. I don’t usually go into spinchat unless I see someone has
announced that they are in there.
Thanks, Indi. And I envy the way you can identify your feelings so
accurately. Wish I had that knack.
One of the things that I’m starting to realize is that we have the same
issues to work out whether we smoke or not. So why not just be
miserable every once in a while (like a normal person) but as a non-
smoker?
Later Gator,
Cat
July 1st, 2003 at 5:10 am
I have a good friend who is going to some over the week of Christmas
and get me started on introductory yoga. I’m looking forward to that
but I’m am really excited because I found a video tape on tai chi.
I”ve always wanted to investigate that discipline. Going to start
tomorrow.
- Cat
July 1st, 2003 at 6:50 pm
Cat
Tai Chi is absolutely wonderful - its something anyone can do (if they have a
good teacher or do it at their own pace with a video).
Glad you enjoyed your party - I am getting really excited cos my meter is
ticking over and tomorrow it will be flashing 2 months - hope you have a
meter too.
Take care
catch u later
Indi
July 2nd, 2003 at 2:54 am
Hi again Cat - good to chat a bit over at Spinchat last night. Just
Pam
had to jump in here - I started yoga around last May and it is great -
really helps to focus the mind and the concentration, and the
breathing and stretching exercises are wonderful. At the end you get
to relax, and that involves lying down, eyes shut, with a blanket
over you. I find that bit really easy! Almost milk and cookies at
wake up time too… Some ppl get so relaxed they fall asleep - it’s
so funny when a few snores waft over!
The stretching exercises help make you really supple - I don’t really
practise them enough, but the deep breathing exercises are fantastic.
I remember early on in my quit finding they were a natural part of my
abc’ing as a new response to all those ‘anxious’ feelings, and now I
do them routinely.
Tell you what, I was doing a lot of the breathing exercises last
night when my icq hassle really was driving me up the wall. I used
to find that when I got really mad with something it was a real
trigger to ‘give the cigs some welly’ (now, that really is a Britism
and I don’t think its in the dictionary link I sent you).
Translation of giving something some welly - really going at it ie
chainsmoking in this situation. Glad to report in that I didn’t
think of having a cig. Anyway I finally got icq re-installed altho
the icq server couldn’t or wouldn’t accept me retrieving my old ID
hence the new one. At last I’ve got my buddies back on my contact
list, I told Steve last night I’d felt like I’d lost my arms and legs!
Steve - that post of yours last night was soooooo good, I’m re-
reading and I’m going to respond later on.
I’ve been way too quiet for way too long in this group, and now that
life has a clearer path for me and I’m thinking a bit straighter I
hope I can help out more around here. You, Steve Indi and Pat know
what’s been happening, and what a great support you’ve been to me. I
have good friends in the 3D world too, but we’ve all ‘connected’ here
haven’t we, and it’s been easy for this usually extremely reserved
Brit to open up and share my thoughts and listen/take advice.
Cognitive thinking has also played a massive part in helping me
understand things more clearly and give me the confidence to make
difficult decisions.
Today’s a great sunny day and I’m full of energy and feeling more
positive than I have for ages. Indi and I just had a nice chat on
icq - hope you have a good day over in Leeds today Indi, and I’m glad
you’ve got a good ABC together Steve helped you with last night to
deal with the work situation. Cat - your posts are brill, I told
Steve last night how much I love reading them. Your insight and
bubbly personality come shining through, and please pretty please
keep them coming!!! I hope you get over to Ireland to visit your
relatives - it would be great if you,Indi and I could all meet up
while you’re in the UK, and I know Sue would love to join in too.
ok, I’m off to enjoy my day, and I hope you all do too. Maybe we can
meet up in Spinchat later on? I’m around all evening so hope someone
posts a time.
see you later