One of those days when abc’s don’t work
Hi everyone
Well what a day I have had - all day one ‘thought’/'craving’/'desire’ after
another and nothing would help.
I have been really busy at work this week and I know I am tired but sometimes
life is just soooo busy that we have no alternative but to be tired.
Today was a good day at work although it was extremely busy it wasn’t
stressful (or at least I didn’t feel stressed) but from this morning until
now even I could ‘murder’ a cig.
So not sure what I really want cos I know really I don’t want to smoke - oh
yes I do!!!
If I thought I could get away with it and if I had any in the house I would
have one - oh no I wouldn’t cos if that was the case I would have had one at
work when I could have bummed one.
But whatever is going on I have used my foundation statements that I really
do not want to smoke and no matter how uncomfortable I get I will not smoke.
So I’m going to have an early night and hopefully tomorrow will be a better
day - certainly will be easier workwise cos I’m only working for an hour then
having rest of day of to have hair done and manicure.
Catch up with you all tomorrow.
Namaste
Indi
July 14th, 2003 at 4:51 am
Indi,
I have been having days like that off and on for the past week. I
kind of think I just need to hand on to my foundation statements and
get through the holidays.
I tend to be a little depressed during the winter but this year it’s
excrutiating. I feel on the verge of some sort of emotional crisis. I
hope it’s from quitting otherwise someone may need to commit me.<G
Char
July 14th, 2003 at 12:13 pm
Hi Indi,
Yup, it happens. There are days when nothing will relieve our
discomfort, certainly not a cigarette.
If the day was extremely busy, then there must have been fairly intense
demand on you to ‘keep up’. Stress isn’t only that which is uncomfortable.
Hans Selye has defined stress as “the nonspecific response of the body to
any demand made upon it.” “The stress producing factors - technically
called stressors - are different, yet they all elicit essentially the same
biological stress response.” Selye goes on to say that regardless of the
stressor and it’s particular demands, “all stressors have one thing in
common; they also increase the demand for readjustment. This demand is
nonspecific; it requires adaptation to a problem, irrespective of what that
problem may be.”
As smokers, the demand to ‘deal’, to adapt to the moment, was connected
to the urge for relief by cigarette. That you were unaware, throughout the
day, that you were under continual stress is probably why it seemed that
nothing would help. I’d guess it’s impossible to come up with an effective
ABC if you can’t come up with an A.
Hope tomorrow is better,
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
July 15th, 2003 at 2:43 am
I had a short chat with Pam re: Indi’s day. Pam pointed out that Indi
I missed that
was overtired and that until she was rested, Indi wouldn’t be able to
think her way through what was happening. I know that when I’m tired, my
thinking gets bogged down. I wonder how many of us are feeling our fatigue
a bit more intensely these days? Whether it’s a ‘holiday’ perspective or
a ’start my day in darkness and run out of light too soon in the afternoon’
perspective’, how many of us are just dragging ourselves through the week?
Earlier in the week I’d told Pam to get some sleep before she attempted to
do any more ‘thinking’. I think that when we’re that pooped, either from
lack of sleep previously or an over demanding day, maybe the very best
thing we can do is to take care of our bodies. Feed them, salve them, put
them to bed. And if it takes two or so days to recover, best to keep
expectations of ourselves to a minimum until we’re in thinking form again.
Thanks for pointing that out to me Pam
completely. I must be tired. TGTIF
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
July 15th, 2003 at 9:50 am
Fatique can work on a person, physically and mentally. I put in
another 12 hour day at work again. Got home in time to pass my
daughter coming out of our neighborhood to go look to see if I’d been
in an accident that happened up the road. Well, that made me feel like
doggy doodoo, believe me. I was even too tired to bother digging out
my cellphone and turning it on just in case she needed to get in touch
with me. This is just the type of day that I’ve warned myself against,
and after getting about 5 hours sleep last night! So, I’m stopping
right now before I can’t think at all. Um, I guess this is a HALT
situation. I’ve taken care of the Hunger part. Too tired to care
about the bored/lonely part (DH is in Bombay today), I took care of the
anger at myself part a little while ago when I talked to my mom and
took care of some expectations (lessened the load on myself). Now to
take care of the tired part. Good night, my friends.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….
Cat
July 15th, 2003 at 5:05 pm
Hi Indi,
I´ve noticed that you often mention DH. If I´m not totally
wrong with your abbreviation, he is the one you should remember when
nothing works. My DW doesn´t smoke herself and she´s the person that
would be very disappointed if I ever slipped. I try to remember this
at bad times.
I hope this helps a bit..
Remotefinn
Finland
July 15th, 2003 at 11:31 pm
In a message dated 13/12/01 21:38:30 GMT Standard Time, char@…
writes:
Hi Char
Just make sure that you don’t get too depressed cos I have read that
depression can be brought on or worsened by quitting - Pam knows more about
this.
I think I’m a bit like you have a tendency towards SAD cos never feel quite
as good during winter and in the past it would have been a snuggle up indoors
doing the couch potato and goint to back door for smoke bit that got me
through winter!
Guess its all got to have an impression on subconscious - anyway I am gonna
hang onto my foundation statements no matter what. Cos I know that if I did
smoke it would only be through my own choice - I have no need to smoke at all.
Catch up with you sometime.
Namaste
Indi
July 16th, 2003 at 6:45 am
In a message dated 14/12/01 01:21:26 GMT Standard Time,
mardesgrooming@… writes:
I won’t Marde, I won’t - thanks for caring
Indi
July 16th, 2003 at 2:00 pm
In a message dated 14/12/01 03:17:03 GMT Standard Time,
ddsteve@… writes:
HIya Steve
That is exactly what I am doing and like Cat my days are getting longer so as
a result when I get home there is just time to eat, check my mail briefly and
then its off to be.
Although I don’t feel stressed I hear what you say in your other post about
stressors so guess I’ve only got to get through another week then I’m off for
almost 2 weeks then I can relax!!!!!!! Maybe
In the meantime I’ll keep hanging on to my foundation statements and see if I
can manage to catch up with you maybe over weekend for some help in forming
abc’s.
Take Care
Indi
July 16th, 2003 at 9:15 pm
In a message dated 14/12/01 03:48:49 GMT Standard Time,
catmohan@… writes:
Cat why oh why do we do it?????????? If you come up with an answer share it
with me please.
Hope you had a good nights sleep.
love
Indi
July 17th, 2003 at 4:30 am
In a message dated 14/12/01 06:27:12 GMT Standard Time,
ilkka.lundberg@… writes:
Thanks Ilkkaa
Although my DH would be disappointed if I slipped it wouldn’t really worry
him too much - he is quite happy for me to do whatever makes me happy even if
it is smoking.
That is not quite true there are some things he wouldn’t be happy about me
doing, things which would affect him or show an image to others that he would
disapprove of - but he doesn’t see smoking as being one of them. Silly man I
know.
Anyway I will hopefully get myself back on track and try to figure out some
way of dealing with whatever is going on in my body causing me to want to
smoke cos there must be something even thought I am not aware of it right now.
I do know however that (although there would be a lot of disappointed people
around in my family if I chose to go back to being a smoker) the fear of
disappointing anyone would not be enough reason for me to stay as a non
smoker.
Hope that makes sense
Off to work now but not for long cos beauty parlour here I come
Regards
Indi
July 17th, 2003 at 12:42 pm
Char,
Please set up an appointment with a Pdoc ASAP. See your own Dr if that
can be set up sooner. Please don’t wait for this feeling of
“excrutiating” to go away on it’s own. Too often it doesn’t go away all on
it’s own.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
July 17th, 2003 at 5:15 pm
Thanks, Indi. I’ve started taking St. John’s Wort which is supposed to be
quite effective for treating mild to moderate depression. Hopefully it will
“kick in” soon and I will begin to feel better.
Perhaps we can get together this weekend.
Char
Hi Char
Just make sure that you don’t get too depressed cos I have read that
depression can be brought on or worsened by quitting - Pam knows more
about
this.
I think I’m a bit like you have a tendency towards SAD cos never feel
quite
as good during winter and in the past it would have been a snuggle up
indoors
doing the couch potato and goint to back door for smoke bit that got me
through winter!
Guess its all got to have an impression on subconscious - anyway I am
gonna
hang onto my foundation statements no matter what. Cos I know that if I
did
smoke it would only be through my own choice - I have no need to smoke at
all.
Catch up with you sometime.
Namaste
Indi
July 18th, 2003 at 2:15 am
Hi Char
I’ve had really good results in past with St Johns Wort so will keep my
fingers crossed for you - I’ll be dropping in and out over weekend so we may
be able to catch up.
Take care
Indi
July 18th, 2003 at 10:20 am
It was good advice which I took, and which worked. Sometimes we need
Pam
that ‘nudge’ to look after ourselves - and it was appreciated. The
thinking is easier when we’re not physically and mentally exhausted.
Thanks Steve
July 19th, 2003 at 8:12 am
Hi Char,
My concern is that sometimes it can take a week or so before we can get
in to see a Dr, and then, if meds are advised, a few more weeks before
those start to take effect. All in all can take several weeks before we
realize some relief. Contacting a Dr now is just good quit management. It
minimizes the ‘wait’ time should other meds or a different course of action
be required.
Hope to catch you online soon,
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
July 19th, 2003 at 3:27 pm
Hi Marde,
Where and when are you smoking now? How many? Are you using any ABCs
to plan your way through a day? Which ones? Which work and which don’t seem
so effective? Are some foundation statements evolving out of your hate of
‘having’ to smoke?
Your words reminded me of a quitting line…. “Smokers don’t ‘get’ to
smoke, they ‘have’ to smoke.”
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
July 19th, 2003 at 10:42 pm
Most of us have been where you are, or will be. Lord knows my capacitiy
Steve
for trying to make molehills out of mountains is legend. Think of it this
way…. you aren’t ‘officially’ admitting anything. You’re simply making
sure that if it becomes necessary to make an ‘admission’, you’ve got a plan
for doing it.
www.cognitivequitting.com
July 21st, 2003 at 5:14 pm
Hey Marde
A good thing to snack on is plain almond nuts, sunflower seeds, pumpkin
seeds, rice cakes (unsweetened), dried fruit although not too much cos it has
a high sugar content, carrot, cucumber, zuchinni, celery batons in little
tubs are good - not pre bought ones but ones which you have prepared each
morning and carry with you like you used to carry your cigs - hey if you
don’t think you are worth this preparation time - have long look at you!!!!!!
Lots of love
Indi
July 22nd, 2003 at 3:05 pm
Hello Char,
I’m sorry for not being able to wade into this conversation sooner but I
had beloved company. They’ve left now. I read your post before I
turned off the puter a couple of nights ago about your excruciating
depression and I knew that I wanted to write to you as soon as I was
able.
You have received sound advice from Steve in regards to making an
appointment to see your doctor. I can’t encourage you strong enough to
follow through on that advice. (I’ll speak more about this in a
minute.) I see, though, where you are expressing the same point of view
that I had when I, too, was faced with having to recognize that I
couldn’t seem to stop crying or to get a handle on my emotions no matter
what I tried.
You wrote:
“Yep, that’s pretty much the argument that I’m getting from both my
husband
and son. I am considering making an appointment. I think it may be that
I
don’t want to “officially” admit that I can’t handle this myself.
Intellectually, I know that depression is a disease…. but emotionally
I
think I should just get a grip on myself and snap out of it.”
Yup. That was my thinking. Why on earth, especially when I saw other
quit partners getting their feet underneath them without such ‘trouble’,
was I unable to do so? I had always been a very level headed person
who, yada, yada, yada. Under that impression, I struggled mightily to
hang on until I was able to live my life without feeling so incredibly
blue. And I hung on to the detriment of my well-being.
Now… Steve will tell you that I was stubborn beyond his belief. He
couldn’t figure out why I refused to accept that I was in trouble. But
I was like you. I thought that if I could just hang on long enough, one
more week, one more month, that the depression would finally go away.
For me, it didn’t go away and I only got worse. And by the time I
finally gained some sense about me, I can truly say it was nearly too
late. My regaining my balance took longer because of my stubbornness
and my unwillingness to accept earlier that I needed help.
You earlier stated that you know that depression is a disease. I want
to stop you right there. What you are experiencing is not a disease
process, it’s a healing process. Quit depression comes from a chemical
imbalance in our brains. It is not due to our inability to handle life
stresses. It’s not that at all. There is an area between our
neurotransmitters where the chemical, acetylcholine, is produced and
resides. (The acetylcholine creates the atmosphere where electrical
impulses can pass freely between the brains cells to create thought.)
Nicotine takes over this area completely. And because we continued to
smoke, these chemicals said, okay, we’re not needed here so they shut
down and allowed the nicotine to do the work for them. When you quit
smoking and you take the nicotine away, the body must then learn to
produce these chemicals on their own again. It takes some of us longer
than others to get this going. But *it is* a part of the process of
healing. And by no means, does it indicate that we are weaker than
those who don’t seem to have this problem.
I applaud you for starting St. John’s Wort. It was definitely a life
saver for me early on in my quit. But the other thing that I finally
did to insure I was headed in the right direction was to go see my
doctor. It was because of him that I found my Pdoc. (Just in case you
don’t know what ‘Pdoc’ refers to… It’s a psychiatrist that specializes
in depression and the drugs that are used to treat depression. This is
all they do. She was/is a lifesaver for me. And I truly mean that.)
In going to see your doctor, it will bring someone else, a professional,
into the loop of what is going on with you.
One other note: If your doctor doesn’t believe there is such a thing as
quit depression, you *run* out the door and find one who does. It is a
documented medical diagnosis and is a *totally treatable* condition. It
is just a part of the healing process. Just like some of us use the
patches to step ourselves down off of the nicotine, some of us need to
use St. John’s Wort (or possibly even a stronger depression med) to get
our bodies back up to speed in producing the acetylcholine that the
neurotransmitters need for their physical action.
And one last note: I will tell you over and over to take care of you.
Starting St. John’s Wort is a great first step (goodonyou!), but it is
also important that you create another list, a tool kit, if you will,
that will help you get over the moments when you are feeling so blue.
Besides keeping contact with my doctor, I also walk, write, take long
hot showers, go to bed early, get lost in a good book, drink a cup of
Chamomile tea, do anything that I can think of to take especial care of
me until I feel better. During my early quit, I told my family that I
needed just a bit of time to get my feet back underneath me again before
I resumed my active place in the family structure. And they were
wonderful. I have a very strong feeling that your husband and your son
will do the same for you.
If I can help you further, including listening to the tears or whatever,
please contact me. I know where you are in this place of unsettling
emotions. I also know there is help and a way out. Don’t wait too long
before you take the steps to help yourself. It’s really important.
With a hug,
Pat
July 27th, 2003 at 4:32 am
disappointed people around in my family if I chose to go back to
But I think it´s a shame, more or less. (However I hope this
being
a smoker) the
fear of disappointing anyone would not be enough reason for me to
stay
as a non smoker.
Hi Indi,
Most of it does make sense, yes. But I´d rather talk of
the embarrassing feeling than of the fear of disappointing people
around. Although in Finland there is nowadays very disapproving
athmosphere toward smoking, this habit is not a crime. Not yet.
doesn´t
sound morally pompous.) So I´ve owned the status of a non-smoking
citizen for 18 months. If I however voluntarily (I should say
consciously) gave away these rights by suggesting to myself that I
cannot live without a smoke, I suppose people around me (DW included)
would wonder if it´s worth of it.
The reason I´m
interested in discussing quitting at Cogquit Forum is the fact that
even if DW and other people have helped me to be “on track”, they
cannot take away the cravings. The most stubborn decision not to
smoke
is the most uncomfortable now and then. Even if it´s the
most rewarding as far as the attitudes of the loved ones are
concerned. (My ten-year-old son is satisfied, too.)
Does this make sense, Indi?
Remotefinn