Kelley is back …
Did you all get my last two posts before this kids and I headed off to Salt Lake
City?
Did not see any replies…maybe you are waiting with baited breath to hear if I
really did it? Well I am pleased to announce that today is day 6, haven’t had
one at all! I have learned that that is the only way I will succeed…
So, I am having hard moments, but feel more positive this time around.
Kelley
August 26th, 2003 at 9:30 am
if I
6 days of driving and being on vacation and
haven’t had one
Atta girl Kelley
no cigs is just great. Quite an accomplishment actually. Welcome home.
The hard moments, when are they? Any idea where they come from? rooted?
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
August 27th, 2003 at 12:00 am
Good morning all (at least is its morning here, the ‘good’ part I’ll
Lets get started disconnecting the ‘urge to light up’.
know better when I’m more awake). It’s the beginning of a new year, some
of us are back to work, munchkins are back to school, lets do an ABC.
Pick an event that you know will happen today … getting up, the drive to
work, the kids to school, whatever is your first ‘trigger’ of the day.
Name the event A, write out one or a couple of thoughts about how to deal
with the event including your old thought (smoking and why) B, what
responses do those thoughts suggest C. Post it here or send it to me,
but do one. We need to learn how to do them clearly. So get started
learning. it’s not as painful as you think. Honest
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
August 27th, 2003 at 2:23 pm
OK, first attempt at an ABC. Please feel free to ‘tweak’ it :-
A Driving to work next Monday after a 2 week break, feeling anxious
B I need to smoke at least a couple of cigs before I get to the
office to calm me down a bit
C I’ll have a couple of cigs - maybe even 3 - on the drive in
B1 I need to do something else to make me less anxious about what’s
waiting for me and relax me
C1 I’ll play that really nice tape that always puts me in a good
mood
Any good?
Katie
August 29th, 2003 at 11:32 pm
Well Steve - its 9.30 pm and I have been at this b….y computer since 6pm
talking to aol support cos I haven’t been able to get into aol never mind get
online - I’ve had to uninstall and then install it again. I’ve had to
uninstall icq - so will now have to find out how to install it again and I am
bloody fed up - didn’t even manage to put the dots in on that one.
Then when I do eventually manage to get online what do I find - you have left
me homework to do and I can’t even check to see if you are online so I can
shout at you.
Bugger!
I’ll try and do one for tomorrow and post it tomorrow if I can get back on
Indi
August 30th, 2003 at 10:07 pm
boring message about check my internet connection and try again.
Re-installing ICQ - we had to do that, but I’d have to ask Col how
he did it. Maybe someone here can help you out? I’ll bet Steve is
a whizz on computers.
As to feeling chirpy - not really. I think I’m just a bit hyper at
the moment, but I’m just trying to stay positive. Hope to chat
another time - if I can re-connect.
Katie
August 31st, 2003 at 5:29 am
Katie,
It’s very good. Simple and clear. One extremely effective tool used
in cognitive approaches to dealing with anxiety around things like “what’s
waiting for me” at work is to list just what is waiting. Do the same with
situations where there’s ’sooooo much to do’. As long as we leave an issue
vague, it will almost invariably seem huge. The moment it’s written down
and taken out of the vague, it becomes finite much more managable. This
simple act can reduce anxiety drastically.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
August 31st, 2003 at 7:51 pm
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “kelley w southworth” <ksouth@v…
to hear if I really did it? Well I am pleased to announce that today
is day 6, haven’t had one at all!
I thought there were replies to your last posts but then again, it
was slow around the holidays here. Lots of activities going on, like
driving two boys cross country and trying to maintain sanity and not
smoke. And you did it!!! Great job, Kelly, and one of the reasons
I’ll bet it went so well is because you were prepared. And you’ll be
prepared the next time too, right? Keep on practicing, Kelley, and
eventually you’ll be thinking in those disassociating terms without
knowing it (did that make sense?).
- Cat
September 1st, 2003 at 10:21 am
ABC.
A. Event - When I get home, I want to put my car in the garage but
there’s going to be that bookcase in the way in my parking spot along
with other project stuff.
B. Beliefs - I’m working late because there’s a snowstorm coming
(most probably won’t make it to work tomorrow) and I have to get some
stuff done before I get home. Just finished up so will be heading
home in a few minutes. I’m tired (just put in 12 hours) and I’m
bitchy (situation normal :0). Stress is going to rule me if I don’t
watch out. My options:
1. I could piss and moan and kick things around the garage and
feel sorry for myself. Probably not a good option, although knowing
my temperament, this is an attractive option. Naw, better stay away
from that one.
2. I could stop at the store and buy some smokes, park the car
outside, and puff away in the garage procrastinating on what to do
with all the stuff in the way. This would have been my number one
option a few months ago. But since this is not going to help get my
car into the garage and will actually make me feel bad about myself
for giving in the smokes, then I think that this is not an acceptable
option.
3. I can park the car outside, go inside the house and VERY
NICELY ask my dear husband and darling daughter if they would help me
move the bookcase into the house and rearrange the other furniture
projects so I can fit my poor freezing car into the garage. This
sounds more like it.
C. - Response - I think I’ll take door number 3, please. The rewards
behind #3 total far greater than behind #1 and #2.
- Cat
September 1st, 2003 at 5:36 pm
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “Marde Tibbets”
Ahhh, a smoke dream, one of my favorite topics. Here’s the way I
look at it. If I dream about smoking, no big deal. I just enjoy it
because typically the dreams stop after a while anyway. And the way
I look at it, why feel guilty? Should I feel guilty about everything
I dream about? And you all know what I’m talking about (well, if you
don’t, then I feel sorry for you, hehe).
I had a powerful smoking dream a few weeks ago. I dreamed that we
had a party at our house and I went outside and was standing on the
driveway when suddenly a cigarette appeared in my hand. I smoked
that bad boy about half way through before started feeling guilty
enough to stop. I put it out and thought, damn, now I’m going to
have to start all over again. When I woke up, it seemed so real that
I could almost taste the smoke (no Steve, it didn’t taste bad, it was
good). Well, I just had another smoking dream a few nights ago,
only I never smoked the cig. I held it in my hand for a while but
kept hesitating because I knew there was something wrong with the
whole scenario. Then it hit me that I was not a smoker so why was I
holding a cig? How silly, I thought - then I just threw it away.
And that was that said Cat.
September 2nd, 2003 at 3:21 pm
Hi Cat:
Funny, last nite (first nite of quit) I dreamed my husband (who has
quit also) sat next to me at a restaurant and flipped out a pack of
cigs smiling and offered me one. That has definitely happened in the
past and I bit. I was happy because in my dream I was so disgusted
with him I chose not to have one and I got up and went home by
myself. I think this means I’m quitting for me and only me.
Gail
20 hours, 39 minutes and 24 seconds. 17 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$2.58. Life saved: 1 hour, 25 minutes.
Well, I just had another smoking dream a few nights ago,
September 3rd, 2003 at 8:20 am
Veeeery interesting. You’re probably right about leaving because you were
- Cat
disgusted, or maybe you just wanted to stiff him for the bill!
Seriously, I like your explanation. You’re accepting responsibility for
yourself and your quit. Gee, what a grown-up thing to do. Some really good
things come out of these quits.
September 3rd, 2003 at 8:28 pm
From: “PatB” <patriciaanns@…
Steve
To: “Steve ” <ddsteve@…
Date: Wed, 2 Jan 2002 20:14:25 -0800
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook, Build 10.0.2627
Importance: Normal
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2919.6600
Hi folks,
Today I received an email from someone whose name was of so familiar,
but I couldn’t quite pin down from when or where. I did some poking
around google’s Usenet archive and stumbled across a post of mine from
my first day quit. I didn’t even have a full day in and I was already
fairly ’scattered’. Resisting an almost overpowering urge to edit it, I
thought I’d share it with you here as is.
Newsgroups: alt.support.stop-smoking
Date: 1996/03/15
Subject: Disconnected Unsubstantiated Musings
Habit, n. Settled tendency or practice.
Tomorrow I’m not going to smoke. I’m not going to engage in an
activity that I’ve practiced to perfect. I’m not going to repeat, 20-30
times a day, a mechanical routine that is probably more unconscious than
I’m aware. When I think about what smoking is (soon to be was) to me, I
come back to the mechanics. It starts by picking up the pack and the
lighter which automatically end up in their respective and appropriate
hands. I open the pack and take one out. This can be done as deftly as a
surgeon, and without looking. Then, between the lips, always in exactly
the right place. When was the last time you saw a sober smoker stick it
in his ear by mistake? Light it, one handed of course. And then the
first one or two hits of nicotine. And with that I’ve completed the
pattern. The same pattern day in day out, time after time in the same
way. It seems to me that that’s about all there is to the pattern from a
mechanical point of view. It’s the practiced hand motions, the oral
attention, the deep breath. If I stop smoking my hands won’t have
anything to do, my mouth is going to feel neglected, and my breathing,
well I’ll probably keep on breathing whether I smoke or not. Maybe I can
find something else for my hands to do like scratch some part of my
anatomy that needs or could use a scratch. Brushing my teeth often might
satisfy my oral cravings. That would help to create a new environment in
my mouth. I suppose my mouth will be able to get used to not feeling
burned out. And the breathing, I think I’ll go breathe some fresh air
deeply.
And then there are the triggers. Actually they come first but
never mind. The phone, the car, when I wake up, just before I go to
sleep, coffee, a meal, a snack, sex, fatigue, hunger, before I start
anything, during, after I finish everything, STRESS! A smokers
automatic response to any kind of stress is to reach for a cig.
I think its all about habits, patterns. This pattern we call smoking
has taken up an incredible amount of my life on a day by day basis. When
I get up tomorrow I’m not going to smoke. Something huge is going to be
missing. I’m going to fill that time with embryonic new patterns. Day by
day they will grow and begin to fill the void. The exercise that will
strengthen me as the air begins to get past the crud in my lungs. The
extra things I’ll get done because I’m not procrastinating by having
“one more” before I get started.
Unrelated Thought- New Habit = Craving Management
Got a craving?
Decode it-hungry, tired, bored (thats a biggie)
Distract it- Do something different, get up, take a short walk. Use
imagination, not will power.
Repattern-Alter old patterns that were associated with smoking.
Change the morning routine. Forget the coffee that has always gone with
the cig. Do something different. It’s time to go to bed? So GO TO BED.
Just kidding. You can stay up as long as you want. I’m off to bed to
wake up tomorrow and not smoke.
Good night all,
Daredevil Steve (0)
ps- If any of you were looking for coherent or meaningful, the header
did say Disconnected and Unsubstantiated. Next time pay attention.
September 4th, 2003 at 2:46 am
Marde the b…. word is certainly a curse word in England - maybe you are
ajust a wicked woman
Indi
September 4th, 2003 at 10:00 am
Well now I know what the dd stands for!!!!
Indi
September 5th, 2003 at 1:20 am
Morning Indi - hope you got your computer sorted out last night and
There must indeed be a great ABC round that
got your icq back up and running. Now now, using naughty words on
here…..tut tut
hassle last night….c’mon then….
September 6th, 2003 at 8:49 pm
Steve - thanks, you’re right.
I realised this mornings anxiety was about my subconscious worrying
about what’ll be waiting for me at work next week. Wasn’t expecting
anything major, just the usual overflowing in-tray. Anyway I sat
down and thought about it all, listed what I knew would be coming up
and some strategies to deal with it - non-smoking ones. ABC’ing,
right? This is something I don’t usually do - I’d usually wade
blindly in next Monday and pack a few cigs in to ‘help’ me cope.
And smoke myself silly this week putting off thinking about it.
Couldn’t get onto ICQ last night but it seems fine so far today.
Gail and Mike - hope it’s going well, and hi to Kelley. And thanks
to Pam too for all that advice and info and your welcome.
still foggy but smiling again
Katie
September 7th, 2003 at 4:04 am
Hey Cat
Tell me about smoking dreams! ….at your stage of the quit (around
3 months?) I was having those. They really used to bug me. Steve
suggested it was the subconscious coming to terms with being an ex-
smoker. I’d have dreams where I smoked furiously and felt terrible
when I woke up til I realised it was a dream, then dreams where I’d
sneak a cig in a corner somewhere, til I finally had a dream where I
was offered a cig and said ‘no thanks, I don’t smoke’ I never had
another one - it’s been months since I had one of those dreams.
Congrats - another milestone for you.
Pam
September 9th, 2003 at 2:11 pm
It was like looking at pictures from long ago that had been completely
I wrote a fair bit ‘back then’, most to a group mail list just for the
forgotten. It felt great
Daredevils… sort of an ‘inter quit group’ list. I’m afraid those emails
are lost forever. At the time I was pretty new to puters and lost lots of
material in files that just went missing.
Yesterday I did a bit more poking through google’s Usenet archives and
found more old posts. Here are two from 3.5 days quit.
From: Steve & Mairead (yu149625@…)
Newsgroups: alt.support.stop-smoking
Date: 1996/03/18
Subject: More Disconnected Unsubstantiated Musings
From a Daredevils group email:
“Smoking had physical connections I hadn’t even thought
about. Up until 2.5days ago I’d start my day with a coffee
and a cig. I mean out of bed straight to a coffee and a cig
and about half way through the coffee, straight to the
bathroom, if you know what I’m saying. Well for 2.5 days I
haven’t had a coffee and a cig. Can you guess what else I
haven’t had for 2.5 days? (Damn, I know there’s some Exlax
around here somewhere.)”
A tip from Daredevil Dana about unfiltered fruit
juice(local health food store) has got everything flowing
smoothly once more, if you know what I’m saying.
It’s all about patterns. Try and find those patterns.
Daredevil Steve(3.5d)
From: Steve & Mairead (yu149625@…)
Subject: Re: Anyone else a purely psychological addict?
Newsgroups: alt.support.stop-smoking
Date: 1996/03/18
In article <4ikbk0$81c_001@…
laura@… (Laura S. Bryannan) wrote:
(snip)
Hi Laura,
First of all, your 1wk+ is an impressive feat. Good
for you. As for phychological addiction, you’re absolutely
right. That IS where the problem lies. As hard as the first
3-4 days may be, they are managable because they are a
finite period where the nicotine leaves our systems.
However, the real problem is how to deal with the rest of
your life. I’m still trying to get a handle on this one.
When we quit, we seem to put our heads down and plow
straight ahead. This works just fine until we plow straight
into a wall.(Months or years later, suddenly wanting a
cig.) This must be because we’ve overlooked or ignored some
connection between our “selves” and our “habit”.
Since, just holding on tight and plowing ahead results in
an “on guard” defensive posture, I think the key may be in
an active or offensive approach to how and why we smoke.
I wish I had a clearer grasp of what I’m trying to say.
But at 3.5dys into this quit, recalling my own name on short
notice is almost more than I can handle.
Wish I could do more than just agree with you that the
reasons we want to smoke are buried somewhere between our
ears. I’m going to continue to look inside. I don’t want to
have to be “on guard” for the rest of my life.
“Don’t count the days. Make the days count.”
DD Steve(3.5d)
September 11th, 2003 at 2:26 am
Some ppl don’t have a smoking dream(s) til just before they hit a year.
Neat on waking yourself up. :))
Why then? Why at 4 months? Who knows. Well, maybe some one does.
Steve
September 17th, 2003 at 3:16 am
The day after New Year’s Day, Steve asked that we do an ABC. Although I think
he was probably directing this especially to the
newer members of the group. I thought I’d just jump right in and do a quick ABC.
It had been a particularly stressful day. I’d
discovered that I’d lost my extra hard drive on my computer, had important
customers coming in the next week and hardly any
time to plan an agenda, had to get my boss in and out of Newark on Friday, and
we were about to get one of our very rare
snowstorms (I live in central North Carolina). So right in the middle of all
this confusion and anxiety, I made myself stop, take a
break, and do the following ABC. I thought, this will set a good example for
some of the new members, show them that there’s
really nothing to it. I also wanted to show that there’s really no “perfect”
way to do ABC’s. Steve may tweak them every once in
a while, but that’s usually to help us to put them in a more concise manner and
to make them less confusing/easier to remember.
I have found that the following method works best for me. For others, using a
different approach works better and that’s fine.
I guess the main purpose of this follow-up post is to let everyone know that the
ABC’s are still very important to me. I am so glad
that I took the time to write these out. By writing them out, it started me
thinking about them on the way home through the
storm. It was snowing quite heavily by the time I left work around 7:45p.m.,
dark out, and I couldn’t drive over 25 mph. I was a
jumble of nerves by the time I got home but I’d been thinking about those ABC’s
off and on during the drive. What would have
happened if I’d not been prepared? Well, by the time I got home, it was still
snowing like crazy, my husband pulled in behind me,
he’d already been out to take my daughter to a friend’s house to ride out the
storm there. He came up behind me and was
already shaking his head at me because I’d never moved all the ‘junk’ out of the
way to pull my car into the garage. A few months
ago the scenario would have been #2 all the way. I probably would have smoked
at least a pack that night by the time I got
through fighting with my husband and we would have been stuck in the house
together for the next four days, feeding off of each
other’s anger. I’m not saying that might have happened, I’m telling you that’s
what would have happened.
Instead I did choose #3. It didn’t take but a few minutes to have hubby helping
me carry the bookcase into the house, push the
other projects between the other cars, and my car was snug in the garage and we
proceeded to have a very nice evening together
watching the snow. So there you have it. It’s not just about quitting
smoking, is it? A lot of it is about attitude, preparing
ourselves to handle situations in a different manner than how we’d treat them BQ
(before quitting). So do your ABC’s and
practice What Ifs in your car while driving, while standing in line, etc. It’s
worth the time we spend on them, believe me.
- Cat
July 26th, 2004 at 12:43 am
hi all,
i’ve also had such a dream on my 3 day without smoke, very realistic, took me a
i’m so glad i found this group
lot of time in the morning to decide if it was a dream or real, with all the
guilt etc…. i believe that this is the subconscious trying to trick us into
smoking again. and yes - smoking in a dream is pure pleasure. i’m somewhat
afraid that such dreams will never disapear, at least not within some years to
come….
seven
July 26th, 2004 at 7:58 am
Hi, Seven;
Check out this post that Pam posted recently about dreaming about
smokes - very interesting…
From: “ukpam2000″ <ukpam2000@…
Date: Sun Apr 28, 2002 10:19 am
Subject: Dreams about smoking
I used to have these in the early weeks/months, and know that other
ppl here have experienced them too. I found this info on a smoking
cessation site and thought it might be of interest here :-
Dr. Terry Rustin, author of Keep Quit says, “Dreams are a natural
part of sleep: they occur every ninety minutes or so throughout the
night and are associated with rapid back and forth movements of the
eyes beneath closed lids. Scientists call these episodes REM (rapid
eye movement) sleep. Dreaming sleep is disrupted by addicting drugs,
especially alcohol, Valium, cocaine, marijuana, and nicotine. In
early recovery from addiction to these drugs, there is usually an
increase in the intensity and frequency of dreams, called “REM
rebound”.
These dreams may be vivid and threatening; they are often about
using the chemical, and the dreamer may awaken believing the dream
was real. The dreams often recur, night after night. Since many of
these dreams are disturbing and interrupt sleep, people often want
to stop having them; however, REM rebound appears to be the way the
brain readjusts itself to being without chemicals. REM rebound
cannot be avoided and shouldn’t be; it means that your brain is
healing.”
So, don’t be discouraged about the smoking dreams in your quit.
Relax and enjoy the vicarious, but harmless smoking during dreaming.
When you wake up you’ll still be smoke-free and happy it was only a
dream!
a lot of time in the morning to decide if it was a dream or real, with all the
guilt etc…. i believe that this is the subconscious trying to trick us into
smoking again. and yes - smoking in a dream is pure pleasure. i’m somewhat
afraid that such dreams will never disapear, at least not within some years to
come….