At 50 days quit ……(long)
OK, I’m in nostalgia mode. After reading Steve’s early posts not
long ago in here, and then chatting with Cat earlier on about
plateaux (and finding that post of mine about my 100 days) I kept on
reading and found some more …… I sent it to Cat to read, and she
said (I quote) “Post it !!!” Might be interesting reading for some
of the new folks around here.
Loved your post Cat. I’m back in work tomorrow, feeling a bit tense
(cos I’ve been leading a hedonistic life this past 2 weeks, and I
don’t want to have to earn money again) so I’m abc’ing too.
Anyway, here ya go - me at 50 days quit
At 50 days quit.
Quitting was always something everyone else seemed to be able to do,
never me. Sure, I used to try using gum or patches mainly, but
even had a go with acupuncture and hypnosis. I really used to think
that if I got enough `tools’ together I’d sail through it. I really
did used to think quitting was just about weaning myself off
nicotine and nothing else. I recognised there was a `habit’ element
to it all, having a cig at certain times eg after a meal, but never
for one minute did I realise that each cig was inextricably
intertwined with every moment of my day, every feeling I experienced
and every emotion I was going through.
The 10 or 15 cigarettes I smoked a day for so long had very
gradually stepped up to 20-25 a day, and sometimes even more than
that. During the last 5 years I’d experienced being made redundant
from my job, the death of my mum, plus some health worries. There
was always an excuse to keep on smoking `because I was stressed’,
or `under pressure’, or `depressed’. I honestly believed that
cigarettes were helping me to calm down, cheer me up, see things
more clearly, relax, get me moving you name it and there was a
valid reason (in my mind) to keep on smoking.
I didn’t like being a smoker though. I didn’t like the fact that I
was the odd one out in my circle of friends, and I knew it wasn’t
doing my health any good either. I had smoked most of my adult life
and had somehow avoided getting a cough. However, I realised some
months ago that my chest was feeling congested and tight sometimes,
that I didn’t have much energy. And one day I stopped and worked
out honestly- just how much I was spending a month on my nicotine
addiction.
Around Christmas time I started to look into other ways of quitting.
I wasn’t even sure what was out there, but I did know that tackling
the nicotine addiction alone wasn’t going to get me very far. I knew
there was more to it than that, more to it than just `kicking the
habit’ but couldn’t find any answers. I found one or two `Stop
smoking’ sites on the Internet at About.Com, and started to visit
them and did a lot of reading up. It was all very helpful and
interesting, but still I couldn’t find the answers I was looking
for. One day I ventured into a smoking cessation chatroom at
About.com (my first ever time in a chatroom - and I was nervous!),
and the first person I met in there was ddsteve. In chatting to him
I started to learn about cognitive quitting and about a very
different way of tackling my smoking habit/behaviour.
I set a date to quit, and worked towards it, feeling very excited
about regaining control over my life. I smoked my last cigarette on
February 24th 2001, and enjoyed stubbing out that last one. I have a
great memory of that cigarette maybe because I was so keen to
start my quit I had found I wasn’t enjoying smoking any more, and
that last one actually tasted rough and made me cough.Through
Steve`s knowledge, skills and support over the ensuing months I
became comfortably -and I believe permanently- quit. Learning about
my smoking behaviour and how to change my responses to smoking urge
situations was the key. Learning how to understand what my body
needed and addressing it, rather than making an automatic
association with a cigarette was another.
This time I was developing skills to take an active part in managing
my quit instead of `hanging in there’ and hoping for the best.
I’ve had some amazing support throughout my quit, which is still
there just as strongly, and this has made all the difference to me
reaching this 50 day smoke free stage. I have never, ever succeeded
in reaching this point before. I am not only determined to stay
smoke free, I believe I now have a blueprint for staying quit -
knowledge and skills to keep me on track. Best of all are the
quitbuddies I`ve made along the way, some of whom have become good
friends, and who`ve kept me going in some tough times.
I said at the outset that I used to think quitting was just about
weaning myself off nicotine, and didn’t appreciate that it was much
more than that. I came to learn that smoking was bound up in most
aspects of my daily life, that I’d spent my life hiding behind
cigarettes, letting them mask my true feelings. Cigarettes started,
punctuated and finished most things I did throughout my days. I used
cigarettes as a response to everything I felt joy, pain, sadness,
excitement, fear, stress, apprehension. Once I quit I realised I was
finding out so much about myself who I am, how I really feel about
things, how I deal with things. I find out more about myself each
day, and now I don’t need to hide behind a cigarette to face a
difficult situation. I now feel so much calmer and relaxed now that
I don’t smoke, something I never believed would be the case.
ukpam