Help me with this
Okay, feeling good this morning doing the usual picking up, dishes, etc. Sit
down for a break and wham - one of those demons hit me hard (kind of knocked the
breath out of me). These are the kind that scare me. I remember from my old
quits that after a while when I’d become a bit tired of thinking about the quit
and fighting the urges, this demon is the one the assisted in my failing. I
want to try to nip this one in the bud, because I know it’ll come again and
again. This one doesn’t seem to be associated with anything i.e., arguing with
my mortgage company, feeling anxious about a meeting, etc. You guys are much
better at this than I am, so please help me on this ABC. My new B/C1’s seem
pretty lame for this out-of-breath producing demon.
A. A tired, pestimistic, self-destructive feeling of blah-whatever
comes over me.
B. I need a lift, who cares, Ill have a cigarette, noone will know.
C. Ill smoke a cigarette, feel the immediate buzz, enjoy the sneakiness.
New one:
B.1 I need to change this attitude and realize what I have and what is
important.
C1. Look at my family picture and envision my future with them healthy.
Thanks for any ideas/advice.
Gail
My silkquit disappeared when I had to hard-boot — I’m somewhere around 9 1/2
days.
October 7th, 2003 at 1:40 am
Just chatted a bit with Cat and while talking about my puzzling ABC
problem previously referred to, I think I came up with a new B/C1.
B1. Here I go again, I need a shrink
C1. Look in the phone book and seek counseling.
Whatcha all think??????????????
Deep and Distracted
Gail
etc. Sit down for a break and wham - one of those demons hit me hard
(kind of knocked the breath out of me). These are the kind that
scare me. I remember from my old quits that after a while when I’d
become a bit tired of thinking about the quit and fighting the urges,
this demon is the one the assisted in my failing. I want to try to
nip this one in the bud, because I know it’ll come again and again.
This one doesn’t seem to be associated with anything i.e., arguing
with my mortgage company, feeling anxious about a meeting, etc. You
guys are much better at this than I am, so please help me on this
ABC. My new B/C1’s seem pretty lame for this out-of-breath producing
demon.
October 7th, 2003 at 9:03 am
At 09:53 AM 1/11/02 -0600, Gail wrote:
“Okay, feeling good this morning doing the usual picking up, dishes, etc.
Sit down for a break and wham - one of those demons hit me hard (kind of
knocked the breath out of me)”
Had you planned what to think before you sat down? You know, like an
ABC for ’sitting down for a break’ …..? What alternate dialog had you
preparred? Katie, you too…. do you sit down for a break with a
prepared dialog?
And what “demon”? There IS NO demon. There is only Warren who, seeing
you sit down to take a break/relax and being aware of only one set of
criteria for ‘how to take a break/relax’, is offering up that which has
been the correct response for as long as you’ve been a smoker. He’s not a
demon. He’s just doing his job.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 7th, 2003 at 3:20 pm
In a message dated 11/01/02 20:53:52 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
writes:
Well Gail - here is some advice from someone who is very good at giving it
but not at putting it into practise but is getting better.
Tired, pessimistic, self destructive feelings are not really feelings at
least I don’t think they are. I think they are emotions and what you should
be doing really is trying to work out what the actual feelings are???
Like right now I am tired and I feel very heavy, my neck and shoulders feel
tight and stiff, my eyes feel gritty and are hard to keep open. When I feel
like this (not so much now) I can easily think - ‘have a fag’ cos thats what
I used to do when I was tired.
Today at work I was extremely stressed. I was anxious cos I thought I would
get into trouble for not getting it all done and not getting it right. I was
hurt cos someone was really nasty to me on the phone and I was pessimistic
cos I should be able to handle this and am not.
What I actually felt was a big knot in my solar plexus (top of stomach just
under ribs), constriction in my throat, tearful (actually crying) and my body
felt extremely heavy.
In the past these were very good triggers to indicate that I needed to smoke
and today got to admit that the thought ’sort of’ crossed my mind.
But honestly it really was just a thought - I recognised that the feelings
were all signs of stress which were to do with me being overwhelmed by the
amount of work I was convinced I had to get through - even though I knew it
couldn’t be done.
So I did stuff to deal with the feelings - I did stretches, I looked at my
list of ‘positive affirmations’ - I ranted, I raved, I actually ate when I
should, I took breaks, I put phone on answer - I even went for a ‘little’ run
around the block in the cold.
And best of all I decided I would ‘pay myself a decent wage for the work I
had done. I wasn’t greedy and people were telling me that the
responsibilities I have just now and the hours I work should merit about £500
per week so I decided to pay myself half of that.
I am still tired, but its a physical tiredness now and the emotional stuff
has gone (for now) - but such is life. There are millions of people out
there in exactly the same boat who don’t deal with this stuff by inhaling a
poisonous substance into their lungs.
Just based on the false belief that it will make them feel better.
So Gail - rethink whats going on with you - what are you feeling - how can
you deal with these feelings in a better way.
Can’t remember where I heard this from but it sort of relates to the 3 minds
that Steve talks about with one of the minds being responsible for the
‘flight/fight’ syndrome and the mind not being able to tell the difference
between ‘real’ and ‘imaginary’ danger.
Words, create picures, which trigger feelings which trigger actions!!!!!!
So for me the more I tell myself something the more it conjures up a picture
of me being which makes me feel ’something’ which is satisfied by (in the
past smoking).
So if I tell myself I can’t cope and J will think I am stupid when he comes
back from his holidays. This can create a picture of J actually telling
people that Dave’s wife is really stupid - she messed up big time while I was
away. This creates a feeling of anxiety cos I think I am worthless and in
the past smoking relieved these feelings.
Now thanks to cog thinking - I can actually see that it is a false belief on
my part that J will say any such thing cos there is no evidence to suggest
that he would (other than what I have heard him say about others).
I know that its a physical impossibility for all the work to get done and all
I can do is my best and not beat myself up.
So I know that the anxiety I am feeling can be changed by me dealing with
they physical things that are going on.
The emotional stuff that is going on is a much harder issue for me to deal
with but I am doing it a little bit at a time and I know its all about
looking at me.
Maybe in the long term I may need to see a counsellor about this - who knows
but just for now I think I am dealing with it all and I honestly think that
if I can get through what has gone on today - not thought of smoking too much
- then its another step up the ladder.
Think I got a bit off what I was trying to say here Gail so if I’ve waffled
on too much then I’m sorry but hope you understand something of it.
Going to try and log on now to see if anyone is hanging around - so maybe see
some of you later.
Indi
October 8th, 2003 at 6:40 am
HEY!!! I did NOT tell Gail that she needed a shrink!!!
- Cat
October 9th, 2003 at 10:50 am
In a message dated 12/01/02 00:59:35 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
writes:
Well done Gail - I am sure you are
Gail I didn’t want to get into the ‘emotional’ head of mine deeply cos there
is all sorts of stuff in there which is best left there (for now anyway).
I found it very difficult to separate feelings and emotions and spent a long
time wondering what different kinds of emotions felt like. For me this was
due to my being an alcoholic and stuffing all of my emotions down with booze
and cigs. Take the booze away and the cigs carry on to do a real good job
cos still haven’t had to identify what it is that made me smoke.
So in the beginning - it was very basic - ok must be hunger/tired - well
bugger me its not any of those - its just a crazy thought that is telling me
I want to smoke. So in these times all I could do was use my mantra and
stick with it until it went.
I have a desire to smoke
I have the freedom to smoke
One puff and I will be smoking
But just for now I choose to accept this desire to smoke
So I can gain the benefits of - then I would list my benefits.
For me this was acknowledging that there was some discomfort going on
somewhere - in the past smoking releived this discomfort and probably would
again if I chose to let it.
I have a choice today about how I releive this discomfort and sometimes the
choice has to be just to accept that its there and no matter how
uncomfortable it is the benefits far outweigh the discomfort.
But bear in mind we can keep stuff in our minds for a long time - if we
choose to and for me by using this mantra the stuff that I couldn’t identify
where it came from went away - until the next time.
The choice we make is only for now cos the next time the discomfort comes we
have another choice to make.
This is pretty profound stuff for 6.44am - maybe my fog is lifting!!!!
Indi
October 9th, 2003 at 6:05 pm
In a message dated 12/01/02 00:03:13 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
writes:
Gail - you don’t have to cover up for her - we all know what she’s like and
she’s always telling me I need to go see a shrink:)
October 10th, 2003 at 11:04 pm
I don’t believe what has just happened to me - I came online for half an hour
to give myself a break from doing some ‘work’ related stuff. Just reading my
email and got a URL through from someone in UK - called Mary Williams (now
that just happened to be my mother’s name!!!!) So I looked at URL (don’t
usually bother) - and it was advertising FREE CIGARETTES & TOBACCO - with
your order.
Didn’t read the URL so don’t know what its all about but it made me smile -
maybe catch up later.
Indi
October 11th, 2003 at 2:24 pm
Evenings seem to be my ‘worst’ times when ciggy thoughts come to
mind - these past couple of evenings have been hard and I couldn’t
work it out.
How Steve explained it to me yesterday evening in the middle of this
discomfort made a lot of sense: I hadn’t stopped to think for
myself what part nicotine had played in keeping me ‘cranked’ during
the day, and that in the evenings I’d smoke more because I needed
more stimulant, because by this point I was feeling more tired and
fatigued - which certainly goes a long way to explain why I’ve been
having a difficult time in the evenings.
Solution? I need something different in place, a new response to
deal with those tired and fatigued feelings. I’ve decided I’m going
to try more exercise - go for a swim after work to get the
endorphins moving again. I used to go swimming lots, and always had
such a ‘feel good’ factor afterwards which set me up for ages. And,
later on if I feel tired - well, thats ok, I’m allowed to feel
tired. I just need to change the way I’m sitting around. I used to
do a lot of cross stitching/embroidery yrs ago - I used to find that
really relaxing too. I’m going to look for that sampler I started
yrs ago. Not to simply ‘fill in time’, but doing an activity I know
I enjoy, and much more effective than letting Warren pass the cigs
over to me.
Thanks again Steve for your insight
Katie
October 13th, 2003 at 1:49 am
Katie
I too was bad in the evening - mine was usually during the adverts cos thats
when I used to nip out for a fag!!!!
It took me a while to figure this out but with Steve’s help I did it - so
during my first month or more even - during the adverts (not all of them) I
would get up go run up and down the stairs, sing, come up do some deep
breathing, come online, pickup something I had printed off the group.
Anything really just to have a different healthier alternative.
It used to be the same just before I went to bed cos the last thing I always
did - even if I had just had one - was to have my ‘last’ one of the day.
So when my body was telling me it was bedtime I had to change what I did
before bed - again I had to have a healthier alternative. My alternative was
to have a cup of really nice herbal tea.
Now it never bothers me I watch TV - the adverts don’t register and I just
come to bed when I’m ready - don’t even always think about the cup of tea.
Like he keeps saying it just takes practise and experience and we get there.
Indi