What is this?
Hiya Marde - good to see you. Must be feeling good now that Tuesday
and that appt are out of the way.
When you said
..that really rang a few bells with me. Like the exsmokers who go
back to smoking after a couple of yrs quit, I think its down to not
having disconnected those old associations, and getting new
responses in place.
Have a look at this; I asked Steve a similar question way back in
April last year on the other egroup (cogquitting) about ‘long term
quitters and relapse’, and I think his response is really relevant
here :-
From: ddsteve
Date: Wed Apr 11, 2001 3:36 am
Subject: long time quitters + relapse
Hi there,
A few days ago Pam sent me this note:
“I’m interested in what makes people go back to smoking after a
number
of months/years. Clearly its not about nicotine, so is it about not
having
addressed smoking behavior in the first place? Do people who start
smoking
again need that ‘hit’ again?”
I asked if she’d mind me posting my thoughts on this to the group,
and
with her gracious permission :), here goes.
My guess is that long term quitters who relapse just haven’t learned
how
to deal with the behavior. Sure there are lots of associations that
seem to
just disappear due to disuse. I’m thinking of associations like
starting
the car, or talking on the phone or sitting on the deck. Or, maybe
they
don’t really disappear. Maybe they just go dormant or they’re
somehow held
at bay. I’ve heard people who have been quit yrs and started smoking
again
give as reasons … “I was out with some friends and I just reached
across
the table and took a cig.” “I was on vacation.” “I was just hanging
around
and thought “Why not?”" And then there are the crisis relapses,
illness,
death, job loss, etc.
I think just as our days can flow through different stages all
within a
very short time, so can our weeks, months and even years. How many
of us
can look back at extended periods where life seem to be pretty much
routine…. no major changes or events? What might happen if we were
to
quit smoking during or just before one of those periods. We learn to
deal
with life as a ‘not’ smoker within the context of life as we
experience it
at the time, a life that’s fairly routine. And then something
happens that
changes the base line of our day to day. Would it take that radical a
change for us to find ourselves in virgin territory? to find
ourselves
turning toward old established responses that worked so well in the
past?
The first question that comes to mind is, “Aren’t we all in that same
danger of being ambushed by unexpected events?” From what I’ve seen,
most
quitters just maneuver themselves into a not smoking place. Because
they
never really examine their smoking behavior, can they ever really
become
secure that they have the tools to handle anything that comes down
the road
AND anytime it might appear? The generally accepted wisdom of never
get
‘over confidant’, of be ‘ever vigilant’, of ‘one day at a time’ …
all of
these imply that there is no security because one never knows how we
might
react to some unexpected event. Of course it could be argued
that ‘one day
at a time’ etal are simply a daily reaffirmation of an individual’s
commitment to not smoke. Obviously that’s fine for some people.
Personally,
while there are a few things I wouldn’t mind doing on a daily basis
for the
rest of my life, reaffirming a commitment to not smoke sure isn’t
one of
them. My belief and experience is that cognitive quitters eliminate
that
danger of ambush. Our goal is to become aware of and adept at
examining the
thinking that 1- goes with events we encounter and 2- precedes the
responses we choose. Once we’ve gotten a handle on dealing with a
particular line of thinking and/or a particular physical sensation
that
follows some event, it no longer makes any difference the degree of
intensity of the event or of the sensations we experience. We have a
tool
we can employ whether the event is a ‘routine day to day ho hum’ or
if it’s
an ‘explosive all of a sudden’. That tool is used the same way in all
instances. And is just as effective in all instances. This is
exactly how
I’ve stayed quit. It’s afforded me 2 huge benefits: 1- the
confidence that,
regardless of the situation, I will experience no urges to smoke and
2- a
quit that is more comfortable than anything I’d ever imagined.
I’ve just been told it’s time to get off the soap box and go to bed.
Good night,
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 10th, 2003 at 9:32 am
Hi Marde,
We smoked in response to both good and bad events. I remember
hearing something in a SmokEnders meeting about the ‘completion of pleasure
cycle’. Seems we tend to look for the ‘cherry’ to top off a positive event.
Almost as though a cig is the closure we need in order to really enjoy the
event? The news your Dr gave you on Tuesday was great news and
quite a surprise. Is your joy and relief, specially after so much worry,
looking for a cherry?
just wondering,
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 10th, 2003 at 3:50 pm
Marde
You are doing well but (yes its me again - sorry about nagging) but you are
not looking at the feelings - what is going on in your body - where is the
‘anxiety’ - which we have always quelled with cigarettes?????
You know as well as I do that you couldn’t possibly have enjoyed, really
enjoyed the sensatiion of all that hot burning smoke/tar/stuff being inhaled
into your lungs. I was really good at telling myself there were some cigs
which I needed, some which were habit but there were some ‘that I really,
really enjoyed’!!!!!
What a load of ‘b cks’ - I never enjoyed any of them - I NEEDED every one
of them - even the ones I thought were pure habit.
Cos if I hadn’t needed them it would have been easy not to have them and I
wouldn’t have the withdrawals both physical and psychological that kept me
going back time after time after time in spite of all my good intentions to
quit.
I was an addict and like all addicts I used my drug to
calm/aneastetise/tranquilise - whatever you want to call it - my feelings of
discomfort/anxiety/stress. There are all sorts of different words we use for
it - but it all boils down to the same thing.
We have a feeling - not a thought, not an emotion but an actual feeling -
warren/hermy says I’ll fix it - so we light up cos thats what we have always
done.
And if we always do what we’ve always done then we’ll always get what we’ve
always got - if we want something different we have to do something
different. Do you agree?????
So what do we do - we really examine where this feeling is manifesting itself
- in what part of our body - and if we can’t find a reason for it then we
just accept that there is some discomfort somewhere and it used to be quelled
by smoking but it doesn’t anymore.
Marde I really can’t stress enough how easy this is once you have ‘got it’ -
its taken me 3 months to get it (no cheeky remarks here) and in the beginning
I thought like you that it was never ever going to go away and I would always
have these urges, cravings, thoughts - but I DON’T.
Think it through Marde - what really would be nice about it - if you can come
up with 3 good things - things that would be really nice about sitting down
and smoking a cig then post me and I’ll join you if I can’t dispel your
‘truth’.
Was just going to say ’sorry for nagging’ - but I’m not really sorry cos
maybe its just what you need to hear right now.
love
Indi
October 11th, 2003 at 8:49 pm
In a message dated 12/01/02 16:59:45 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
writes:
Gail
Join the club - every time I post I think its garbled - but let me tell you
when others read your post it certainly doesn’t sound garbled - guess its
just our ‘false beliefs’ - everyone verbalises stuff better than me!!!!
Indi
October 12th, 2003 at 4:04 am
In a message dated 12/01/02 17:50:37 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
writes:
Do you want me to blow a gasket today - can only think one post at a time -
but I’ll work on it:)
What immediately springs to mind (before I’ve even thought) is that as human
beings - (bear in mind I’ve been on a quest recently to find the meaning of
life!!!!!! aaggghhh.)
we are always in the persuit of happiness - that is our only reason for
‘being’. Now I’ve been trying to figure out what ‘happiness’ is and the
nearest I can get is the way the buddhists ’sort of’ describe it - the
release of suffering.
So if I have no suffering then I must be happy - yes BUT like everything (and
maybe this is an addict thing) we always want a little bit more!
Now I’m having a brain storm!!!!
There is no guarantee that we are relaxed, happy, calm and pleased after
sex!!!! What if we aren’t satisfied or maybe weren’t satisfied at one time
and hermy says - light up it will make you feel better!!!!
Thats about as good as I can get right now - no doubt the lord and master
will enlighten us with his pearls of wisdom:)
Sorry Steve - someone’s got to crack the funnies today seeing as Cat is off
having an evening of debauchery with DH watching the football.
By the way Cat when you are referring to football - do you mean the same
thing as we do by football?????
Catch up later
Indi
October 12th, 2003 at 11:19 am
In a message dated 12/01/02 17:49:39 GMT Standard Time, tiko_chloie@…
writes:
Tiko
Listen to what Cat is telling you - and don’t believe what is written at the
top of this post. I’m relaxed and comfortable in my Quit and its definately
not scary its absolutely brilliant.
I know that I will never ever smoke again unless I deliberately CHOOSE to.
Indi
October 13th, 2003 at 10:01 am
Dr Hans Selye is considered by many to be the ‘father of stress’. His
work is what brought the concept of stress into mainstream awareness. Dr
Selye’s research was not that of a phsychiatrist or psychologist examining
ppl to see how they interact with stress, but rather as a clinical
biologist studying how organisms react/respond at a most basic level to any
type of increased demand upon the physiological machinery. What he found
was that regardless of the event (the stressor), “they all elicit
essentially the same biological stress response”. In other words, “From the
point of view of it’s stress-producing or stressor activity, it is
immaterial whether the agent or situation we face is pleasant or
unpleasant; all that counts is the intensity of the demand for readjustment
or adaptation.”
(quotations are from “Stress Without Distress” by Hans Selye MD)
In Marde’s case, recieving the news that she would not need another
operation with all that that entailed, meant a shift in thinking to the
complete opposite. That had to bring a feeling of relief that, while
certainly welcome, is almost uncomfortable in it’s intensity. This would be
a prime cig situation. Marde, the past several days, what have you been
thinking about this new reality re: your eye? How have you felt?
Gail, when you sat down with a coffee and CNN, was that taking a break?
Did the action include any sense of relaxation that might have included the
desire for the same sort of ‘calming, relaxing’ that a couple of hits on a
cigarette produced?
Just something to think about.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 13th, 2003 at 5:16 pm
I’ve got to elaborate/correct this. While it’s true that cognitive
quitters don’t have to be ‘on guard’, it’s not because all associations to
cigs are gone. We don’t have to be forever ‘on guard’ because cognitive
quitting and the cognitive exercises we do to get quit arm us with
effective ways to deal with our cigarette associations when and if they
arise. It’s because we’ve aquired a way to return our thinking in the
moment to that of a rational, non-smoking perspective that we are empowered
and able to live without the fear of being ambushed by an urge. And if
there are events in the future that include old associations …. let
them come, we’re educated, armed, and ready.
Obviously, all of the preceding is valid only if we’ve actually done the
cognitive work to get to that place. Have you done an ABC recently? Have
you done any ‘what ifs’?
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 14th, 2003 at 2:10 pm
Dear All,
I have a moment before I have to scoot off to work. I have read with
great interest all of your posts in regards to the ‘voice’ inside your
head that whispers ‘just one’. I have also read all of the TERRIFIC
information and advice that have followed the original post. I really
don’t have much to add to all of that but I would like to share a bit of
my present experience with being smoke free.
Come May, I will indeed celebrate 4 years of freedom. 4 years!!! Who’d
have ever thunk it? Certainly not me. I had a two year quit before
this one. Wouldn’t you have imagined that by that time, I would have
outlasted all of the ‘whispers’? Smile. No way. Not even close. My
going back to smoking took one cigarette. (How sad, too.) One of you
wrote (in this exchange… which I think is one of the best threads so
far) of the possibility that these folks who had gotten down the road a
ways and they still owned up to still struggling to remain quit… that
they might not have changed the associations in their thinking.
Exactly!!! That’s what Cog Quit is all about. We are learning to
change the associations so that when we get down the road a ways, when
life hits us with one of those ‘times’ when, in the past, we would have
gone screaming for a smoke, now we either ‘go screaming’ for a glass of
water or a walk around the block to clear our heads or any number of
other more appropriate alternatives. These alternatives that you are
learning now will become your ‘whispers’ in the future. That is truth.
I also had to smile at the comment about when does this new learning
take over and the ‘whispers’ go away? How long before I quit being
uncomfortable? Well… the answer is… as long as it takes. Think of
what you are doing. You are learning/changing the way you respond to
life. If I could have waved a magic wand in my case (Oh man, did I want
one!), I’d have been the first in line to buy one, no matter the cost.
But a magic wand never did appear for sale. Smile. So that left me
with working towards this eventual place of freedom. I was working
towards a place that would afford me a peace that I would NOT have had
if I hadn’t of changed my thinking and the way I approached my
life/existence. Each person has their own time frame because of the
uniqueness of our beings. So, the answer is… As long as it takes. At
this point, on this side of my quit, I have to smile at me. Because I
realize now, it really didn’t take all that long after all. What’s 6
months or so to gain your freedom for all time?
One last thought here… The thought that there is some ‘presence’ out
there that is waiting to steal my quit from me… I don’t know about
that. I have taken responsibility for my quit. I am in charge. No one
or no thing can steal what I am choosing for my life. No one or no
thing. I get to choose my course and my course is smoke freedom.
Period.
I would tell you to not short yourself in not taking advantage of this
learning. At 3 yrs. 7 mos., I can very honestly tell you that I do not
think of smokes any more. By now, I have come across most of life’s
little surprises. I have handled them smoke free. And each time that I
have handled one of these surprises (that in the past, before Cog Quit,
would have automatically produced a “‘whisper’), I have gained a
confidence in myself and that my life will be smoke free for all time.
Talk about freedom. Oh, yeah…
Keep on keeping on. Each step gets you there. When a ‘whisper’ hits,
consciously choose an alternative. In the long run, these alternatives
will become you new ‘whispers’.
Pat
www.talkingstick.net
October 15th, 2003 at 5:30 am
Those visuals of you putting your “feet up and just smoking a cigarette”
didn’t include the remembered sense of relaxation, contented, and
“enjoyable” that were part and parcel of smoking on the deck?
If we’re looking for, or imagining, the sort of comfort that a ‘deck’
situation includes, then unless we’ve prepared or established an
‘alternative whisper’, as Pat calls them, then we are going to
automatically and naturally feel that there is something (a cig) missing.
If there was a point to this, I can’t find it or remember what it was.
As Cat says, “Clear as mud”.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 16th, 2003 at 2:18 am
In a message dated 12/01/02 20:58:14 GMT Standard Time,
patriciaanns@… writes:
Pat
You are soooo right - when I first came across this group and people like
you, Pam and Steve said this to me all I had was a glimmer of hopel
Hope that what you were telling me was the truth and not a load of b……t -
I really thought that after having smoked for sooooo long that I would have
to spend the rest of my life living with the ‘whispers’ and hanging on to my
quit for dear life.
Now I always thought that there were lots of ‘things’ out there all ready to
sabotage my quit - my addictive brain, my friends, situations, events, my
inadequacies, my fear, even my DH who when I was trully suffering big time in
the first few weeks would say to me - go and buy a pack of cigs!!!!!
Sometimes I think that I used to let him think I was suffering more than I
really was just so he would say this and give me permission to break my quit
(cos then it wouldn’t be me to blame would it???)
I’m not sure why I believed the three of you but I can honestly say that I
did - maybe it was reading your past posts, maybe it was instinct - I don’t
know but it was that belief that made me listen, talk and learn.
Now at 3 months I have to hold my hand up and say Thank You - thank you for
helping me stick with it (even through the rough times - the really rough
times) because now I don’t have many thoughts of having a smoke.
That for me is a miracle and thats how long it has taken for me - yes I still
get all the shit that goes with life. I get all these feelings that I don’t
know where they are coming from. But what I do know is that I can recognise
them as needing some sort of response and choosing the best one to deal with
it.
Like you said Pat - anything to get me through until I can think rationally
to sort out what it is. And now I’m being really clever and trying to plan
ahead *vbg*.
I too would like a magic wand but the only magic wand I am going to get is
you guys! Not a bad alternative really:)
Namaste
Indi
October 17th, 2003 at 8:07 am
Indi wrote
Back to my visitors now - catch you later
and people like you, Pam and Steve said this to me all I had was a
glimmer of hope
It doesn’t seem so long ago that you joined the list Indi, and look
at you now - you’ve made great progress in your quit and in taking
cog thinking on board. Well done to you!
Isn’t it great when the ‘whispers’ stop, and you realise you aren’t
hanging on to the quit but actively managing it. I never say ‘told
you so’ - but this time I’m going to, and I’m sure you don’t mind me
doing…….told you so
Pam
October 17th, 2003 at 3:30 pm
Let me guess, …. you excused yourself to go to the loo, snuck off to
we’re not
www.cognitivequitting.com
peek online, and now you’re headed back to the guests??
addicted are we?
October 18th, 2003 at 5:02 am
I’ll accept the ‘I told you so’ Pam but I’m with steve on sneaking off for a
pee!!!!
Enjoy your guests catch up tomorrow.
i
Indi
October 18th, 2003 at 12:17 pm
In a message dated 12/01/02 20:15:19 GMT Standard Time,
ddsteve@… writes:
Steve
My biggest ‘what if’ - is and always has been what if I get diagnosed with a
terminal illness????
When I quit drinking I said at the beginning that if I was ever diagnosed
with a terminal illness I would go straight back on the booze!!!
My ‘what if’ I was diagnosed with a terminal illness in respect of smoking is
a bit different.
If I was diagnosed tomorrow there is no way that I would decide to choose to
smoke - not at this stage of my quit. Not really sure what I would decide if
I was still in the full stage of withdrawals - but that doesn’t apply.
When I made my (got real bad brain fog and can’t remember what its called:)
I said that no matter how uncomfortable things got smoking for me was not an
option.
Well then ‘what if I got diagnosed with a terminal illness’
October 18th, 2003 at 8:22 pm
Pam wrote:
we’re
www.cognitivequitting.com
Back to my visitors now - catch you later
Steve replied:
Let me guess, …. you excused yourself to go to the loo, snuck off
to peek online, and now you’re headed back to the guests??
not addicted are we?
And Pam’s reply (as she headed for the loo AGAIN) was
. you could be right therebut we’re all addicted aren’t we - to
our puters, that is ;))
(Wish they’d go home….)
Main Entry: ad.dict
Pronunciation: &-’dikt
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: Latin addictus, past participle of addicere to favor,
from ad- + dicere to say –
1 : to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or
obsessively
October 19th, 2003 at 5:17 pm
In a message dated 13/01/02 02:51:18 GMT Standard Time,
catmohan@… writes:
Hi all
Sorry about my what if post - it shouldn’t have gone out cos it wasn’t
finished!!!!!!!!!
October 20th, 2003 at 12:32 am
In a message dated 13/01/02 02:51:18 GMT Standard Time,
catmohan@… writes:
Gail
Similar thing happened to me quite early in my quit - I’d had a traumatic
weekend - DH was away and I was surrounded with his family!!!!!
They went of to the pub leaving behind one of their packs of cigs on the
garden table - with the lighter on top.
Now I’ve got to confess I looked, even went so far as to pick pack up and
open it - but talked myself through not having one!!!
So gues thats what you would do - if ‘ what if’?
Indi
October 20th, 2003 at 11:06 pm
Hi Marde - I found a past post that you might find helpful reading -
its in the folder called ‘Cravings and urges’ and covers awareness,
feelings, and the dynamics of an urge. If you can’t access the
files for any reason, its post number 77.
Its important to share how we’re dealing with our quits so no need
to apologise for ‘thinking out loud’ - we’ve all done/do it, and its
important and helpful. OK? I’m sure Steve will back me up on this.
take care
Pam
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “Marde Tibbets”
October 21st, 2003 at 6:21 am
Hi Marde - let me repost it here instead - maybe its just that your
screen isn’t displaying right? Steve might be able to help out on
that one. Anyway here goes:-
From: ddsteve <ddsteve@…
Date: Tue Oct 23, 2001 6:35 am
Subject: Being aware, but of what?
Hi folks,
Indi, it’s great that you’re aware of Hermy and his (it is a ‘he’
I’ll find those posts tomorow.
isn’t it?) dialogs. But are you really hearing all he’s saying? Are
we
aware of what he’s aware of?
This is mostly my take on our Hermys and Warrens and their place
within
the dynamic of an urge….
1- We feel something and our awareness, on some level, is aroused.
2- If that ‘feeling’ is such that some response is desirable or
necessary,
a decision must be made as to what response would be effective.
3- If the ‘feeling’ is one that we’ve never encountered or one which
we’re
unfamiliar with immediately, then our higher brain (the you who is
reading
this) gets involved in deciding what might be an effective response.
4- if the ‘feeling’ is one we’ve dealt with in the past and is easily
recognizable, then we, the higher brain us, usually doesn’t
get ‘involved’.
Warren, or hermy, already knows what’s worked in the past and steps
in
immediately with the ‘correct’ response.
Here’s where I’m going split a hair, but I think it’s a critical
hair.
First the drum role…
In situations where the ‘feeling’ is a familiar one and where our
widget weigher steps right in, we, the higher brained ‘we’, need to
be
aware of the ‘feeling’ and not just the widget weigher’s decision’.
Why?
Because there is a pattern, a cycle, that’s followed. That pattern
being 1-
sense a feeling (event), 2- “do I have/want to do something about
this? and
what?” (beliefs), and 3- move toward enacting the decision
(response).
Once that ‘enacting’ has been initiated, the horse is out of the
barn, the
train has left the station, the ship has sailed, the ‘urge’ is a
defacto
condition. At that point, whether we actually smoke or begin a
process of
questioning what we really want, we’re simply starting a second
cycle using
the decision/response of the first cycle as the event of the second.
And now for the cleaving of the hair…. here goes….
** I think we need to learn to be aware at the first instance
of the ‘feeling’ that initiated the first cycle… before hermy
decided
that a smoke would work. **
It’d be a fair question to ask, “How the hell can I be aware that I
feel
something before I feel it?” Well, we do ‘feel it’ before our higher
brain is aware that there is a feeling happening. That’s why hermy
and
company exist, to deal with all this stuff so ‘we’ don’t have to.
And what
are they aware of one cycle before we are? They are aware of the
physical sensation of emotions and conditions.
I think it’s time for me to get into our emotions and conditions.
What are
they? I could say, “Make a list of all the emotions and conditions
you can
think of.” but I amy have already said that and you guys are
probably about
‘listed’ out. I was gaing to post somematerial written sometime ago
which
included luist of emotions and conditions that others, including
myself,
have come up with. But I can’t put my finger on those posts, it’s
1:30 in
the morning, and I’ve got to be up in about 5ish hrs. Cat, as I’m
dragging
my ass around tomorrow (today), I’ll be thinking of you dragging
yours too.
nite kids,
steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 21st, 2003 at 1:43 pm
Hi Marde,
I agree with you on this. What’s more, I’m pretty sure none of us
*want* to have to figure it out 100% of the time either. I don’t think we
have to. This is why I’m on about foundation statements and working out
sets of rational thoughts, ABCs, for those situations where we can figure
it out. Then, at those times when we can’t get a handle, or don’t want to,
we can say to ourselves, “I may not know where this is coming from, but I
do know that it’s no more valid or compelling a reason to smoke than those
situations or feelings that I can understand. This is just one of those
times where I’ll trust in my personal truth that I don’t want to be a
smoker and there’s no situation where smoking is ‘ok’.” I time, trusting
yourself becomes a habit.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 21st, 2003 at 8:58 pm
and all I can say is thank God for DSL and unlimited accounts
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 22nd, 2003 at 3:16 am
In a message dated 13/01/02 11:06:32 GMT Standard Time,
mardesgrooming@… writes:
Marde
Well what can I say????
I reckon you are where I was at when I was at your stage of quitting. What I
couldn’t differentiate between was the ‘feeling’ that came from nowhere! Now
often the ‘thought of I want a cig’ was in my head well before the ‘feeling’
in my body. Sometimes I couldn’t even feel the feeling but its all about
trying - well for me it is anyway.
If I can accept that the ‘thought’ must have been triggered off by a feeling
then I can learn and look at different options to satisfy that feeling.
Now I’m not really very good at trying to explain this stuff and hopefully
Steve will come in and put what I have said in a nutshell.
If I have a feeling which produces a thought of ‘I want to smoke’ then it is
pointless me trying to satisfy that feeling with stuff that is not what its
all about. So for example if I have a thought of I want to smoke and chomp
away on chocolates, candy bars, (whatever) or drink lots of water then this
is not necessarily satisfying the feeling.
But at the end of the day when I was where you are I was just grateful to be
able to get through the ‘feeling’ by recognising thats what it was - now I’m
rambling and its not making sense but like you its going in the mail.
Hope you had a good weekend.
Indi
October 22nd, 2003 at 11:28 am
yup, what Pam said. She’s right. We don’t get to look clearly at our
thinknig if it’s only rolling around tween our ears. Writing it out is what
makes it ‘visible’. Talking it out helps us find ‘alternate whispers’, and
it can be amusing too. I’m hoping Indi will finish her ‘lousy sex’ post,
curious where that one goes. ;))
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 22nd, 2003 at 6:43 pm
Yep, sure can. Only recently got the DSL. Before that I did a LOT of
yawning and cursing. That’s not an area where I’m not a patient person.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 23rd, 2003 at 1:01 am
In a message dated 13/01/02 16:03:30 GMT Standard Time,
ddsteve@… writes:
Not gonna cos none of my so called friends would join in::::)))))
October 23rd, 2003 at 8:16 am
In a message dated 13/01/02 16:04:07 GMT Standard Time,
ddsteve@… writes:
That makes the one I posted about as clear as mud too!!!!!!
October 23rd, 2003 at 3:31 pm
In a message dated 13/01/02 16:14:11 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
writes:
Not quite sure that it did - but then may be a freudian slip:)
Indi
October 23rd, 2003 at 11:35 pm
You started it Indi ;))
(Remember Magnus Magnusson - Mastermind - ‘I’ve started, so I’ll
finish)
Do tell
Steve wrote
October 24th, 2003 at 6:58 am
Actually, it said, “There is no guarantee that we are relaxed, happy, calm
wouldn’t be a ‘good’ reason to
and pleased after
sex!!!! What if we aren’t satisfied or maybe weren’t satisfied at one time..”
sorta sounded like lousy sex to me.
light up, but the frustration involved might include smoking thoughts.
(Please, no ’smoking after sex’ jokes …. unless they’re really good ones.)
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 24th, 2003 at 2:13 pm
My guess:
Because the “Ahhh” after a good meal, or after sex, or of any other
’satisfying’ event is a recognizable sensation that has been associated
with the “Ahhh” of inhaling a cigarette.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 25th, 2003 at 3:45 am
Yes Tiko have been quit for 3 months and I am very proud of the fact -
sometimes it seems like I have never smoked and at others its like I only
quit yesterday and there is a major part of me missing.
Well there is a major part of me missing - something that I have depended on
for 44 years and now its gone - so its bound to take some getting used to.
But the amazing thing is that with cog thinking I do not miss it very much at
all and when I do think I am missing it I cannot find any reason to choose to
smoke again so figure I’m not missing it at all really.
I cannot think of one reason why I should ever choose to smoke again.
Indi
October 26th, 2003 at 1:30 am
In a message dated 13/01/02 20:39:26 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
Good Night All
writes:
Well it looks like you lot won’t let the sex issue go so here is my two
pennorth on the subject. For those of you who don’t understand pennorth its
the same as cents:)
I’ve had good sex, I’ve had lousy sex, I’ve had sex I didn’t want sex so lay
back and thought of England (or what we were having for dinner next day).
I’ve had sex indoors, I’ve had sex outdoors, I’ve had sex upstairs, I’ve had
sex downstairs.
THE REST OF MY SEX LIFE IS CENSORED:)
BUT - no matter what the sex was like, no matter where the sex took place the
one thing I always did was light up as soon as it was over - it almost seemed
as if it was part of the actual sex. I have even been known to light up
during ‘foreplay’ -now that is another story all together.
Like Steve said earlier it was like ‘ahhhhh’ or ‘bloody hell is that it????’
Now I’m on my 3rd marriage (and not telling how many in betweens:) and both
my other husbands smoked so it was ok to light up in bed - cos I always used
to smoke in bed anyway.
My cigs were taken to bed with me - put on my bedside cabinet and were the
last thing I touched at night and first thing in morning!!!
Husband #3 doesn’t smoke - he never minded me smoking really but wouldn’t
hear of me smoking in the bedroom. So after sex I would have to get up go
downstairs to have my ‘fix’.
So it all comes down to the association of some feeling which sent the
message to hermy - this is what will fix it!!!
Fortunately the sex stopped long before the smoking so didn’t have to deal
with this first (or not yet anyway - don’t worry you will be the first to
know if I do)
Indi
October 26th, 2003 at 4:07 pm
Indi,
I am sorry for being a bit late in responding to your post but I wanted
to take my time in the doing of it.
I am totally blown away by how well you are doing. I think of me at 3
months and I just shake my head… a lot. Omigoodness. (I know the
quit coach did a lot of head shaking too. But don’t ask him about it,
okay? Giggle.)
You wrote:
Hope that what you were telling me was the truth and not a load of
b……t -
I really thought that after having smoked for sooooo long that I would
have
to spend the rest of my life living with the ‘whispers’ and hanging on
to my
quit for dear life.
You have now found your own truth in regards to this method of quitting.
And that is why you are more than well on your way to a permanent quit.
Do you remember the first time this method worked for you? I don’t
remember my first time exactly but what I do remember is that first
inkling that I was truly on to something…. and on to something big.
And along with this feeling of ’something big’ was a feeling of hope.
NEVER did I have reason for hope in all of the ‘just-hanging-on’ quits
from before. But there it was. Wow. It’s a precious feeling, isn’t
it?
You also wrote:
Now I always thought that there were lots of ‘things’ out there all
ready to
sabotage my quit - my addictive brain, my friends, situations, events,
my
inadequacies, my fear, even my DH who when I was trully suffering big
time in
the first few weeks would say to me - go and buy a pack of cigs!!!!!
Sometimes I think that I used to let him think I was suffering more than
I
really was just so he would say this and give me permission to break my
quit
(cos then it wouldn’t be me to blame would it???)
This made me smile. I bet all of us can recognize this behavior in
ourselves. But no…. the only saboteur to my quit is me.
And then you wrote:
I’m not sure why I believed the three of you but I can honestly say that
I
did - maybe it was reading your past posts, maybe it was instinct - I
don’t
know but it was that belief that made me listen, talk and learn.
I really believe that the Creator puts folks in our paths to help us
along the way, if we just recognize them. I am VERY grateful our paths
crossed. I am grateful that my words strike a chord in you but more
than that, I am grateful you are here to brighten my day with all of
your successes. So I must thank you too. (And actually, this feeling
of gratitude and thankfulness goes to all of you who are sharing your
journey with me. I get to see miracles all over the place!!! That is
so grand for me. So thank you… to all of you.)
And then to all of you…
I am getting ready to go out of town next week to go make kites. My
days are gonna get consumed from now on until I get back so I won’t have
a lot of time to be with you. If I’m quiet, now you will know why.
The first time I went to Oregon to make kites was also in January of my
first year quit. I had been gaining in self confidence during the first
few months of my quit. And I was starting to recognize my courage from
it all. You know, it comes from, If I can quit, I can do anything.
Well… I was truly beginning to believe that. You can’t really know
this about me but I am pretty shy. I had my circle and I was very
comfortable in it. Well… quitting smoking took me out of that comfort
zone toot sweet (smile). I didn’t catch my breath from that first push
when I found myself heading further out of my circle again… and then
again some more. I used to HATE change. Omigosh… I think that’s an
understatement. But when I started looking at change as part of the
bargain I made to quit smoking, I started enjoying the new things that
the Universe was giving to me because of it. (I’ve already spoken of
the gifts that I have received from my quit so I won’t go into that any
further but change is no longer a dirty word to me.)
I had gained enough courage by January of that year to go to the coast
of Oregon, to be with a lot of folks that I didn’t know and to learn to
sew kites when I never had before. I own up to still being nervous
inside at the time but just that I went and did that was a miracle to
me. It was awesome.
So… to all of you… quitting smoking is such an incredible gift that
you are giving yourselves. But it’s not just the relief of the physical
aspects of quitting smoking that is all there is. It is the realization
fo the depth of our courage, strength and self confidence that we never
knew we had. Watch it unfold in front of you and you will know what I
mean. Next week, I’m gonna head back up to the Oregon coast and will
once again experience the gift of the newfound courage from 3 years ago.
Take care of you and keep on keeping on… You’re going grand…
absolutely,
Pat
October 27th, 2003 at 12:04 am
Pat - I hope you have a good trip to the Oregon coast - don’t stay
away for too long ! I for one will miss reading your posts and
having a chat on ICQ
take care
Pam
October 27th, 2003 at 7:27 am
The ability to navigate the world wide web is not necessarily an indication
of smarts.
But taking active control of you own quit sure is.
There are none smarter than the people in this group.
www.cognitivequitting.com
October 28th, 2003 at 7:34 am
OK, I’ll look forward to the updates.
- Cat
October 28th, 2003 at 11:29 am
In a message dated 13/01/02 22:13:57 GMT Standard Time,
ddsteve@… writes:
Steve I’ve got to second that
Indi
October 28th, 2003 at 6:44 pm
In a message dated 13/01/02 21:44:58 GMT Standard Time, todora@…
writes:
now we’ve done the sex bit maybe we can change the subject - thought we were
supposed to keep these sort ot discussions for ’spinchat’ *vbg*
Indi
October 29th, 2003 at 9:14 am
In a message dated 13/01/02 21:50:39 GMT Standard Time,
patriciaanns@… writes:
Oh Pat
You are so right it really is a precious feeling - to know that I can do
this, I can quit this addiction and not be uncomfortable, miserable and
wanting…. for the rest of my life.
I remember sharing with Steve how I was concerned about going somewhere (a
social event) and being so worried that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself
cos I would be so caught up in wanting to smoke!!!
That for me was my turning point - when he helped me abc that and hold onto
my foundation statement and it worked - WOW.
I think you are right about people being put in our lives at the right time
and I am proud to be following in your footsteps. The other thing I forgot
to mention which has helped me enormously is meeting up with CAT who is only
a few days behind me.
We both used the same quitting aid and we have been able to compare our ups
and downs along the journey which for me has been wonderful.
I hope you have a great time making your kites and really must get back to
finish reading your site cos I’m sure it will tell me in there how you got
into this!!!
Catch up when you get back Pat
Indi
October 29th, 2003 at 11:44 pm
In a message dated 14/01/02 02:55:46 GMT Standard Time, tiko_chloie@…
writes:
Tiko
It took me a long time to get my head around all of this too but what really
made a difference for me was the ‘foundation statements’ - I could get my
head around that straight away.
So when I got into a situation where I had an urge then I used my foundation
statements if I didn’t understand where it was coming from or if I couldn’t
abc it.
I am sure you will get there and once you do get there (if you are anything
like me) you will wonder ‘why you didn’t get it before cos its sooooo
simple!!!!!!
I think sometimes I try to make things much harder than they really are so I
couldn’t see the simplicity in cog quitting - now I don’t want any one coming
back at me saying its not.
Its very simple - NOT EASY - but very simple
Indi
October 30th, 2003 at 7:48 am
Indi said
and
It was certainly a ‘bumper’ day for posts yesterday with sex being
the topical subject
I must have been there at the ‘wrong’ times!
Pam