Complacency and Anxiety
We all have different approaches to our quit. Some of us put down the
smokes one day and say, that’s it, enough is enough. Some of us
prepare ourselves beforehand we look into smoke aids, we read about
smoking and it’s effects on our health and our lives. Then there’s
some that take it a step further and that’s what I chose to do with
this, my final quit. I did the preparation, I did the reading, but I
also knew that I would need to do more. I wasn’t going to go through
the rest of my life with the thoughts of craving a cigarette foremost
in my mind. This just is not acceptable to me. I decided to work on
disassociating smoking with every aspect of my life. This was not easy
for me. I had to use my brain everyday (ouch) and that’s not so easy
in the first part of the quit (brain fog). This approach (cognitive
thinking) is not for everyone, some people don’t need it to keep a
lifelong quit, but I have to tell you, when I hear about some of the
cravings people are having that have the same amount of time quit as
me, I know I chose the right path for myself because today I have been
quit for three months and I have more confidence in my quit than I
would have ever imagined at this time. Since nothing is perfect, even
my quit, here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately:
The past few weeks I have been hit with the Complacency bug which led
to anxiety. Now, before you get your shorts in a wad over this, let me
explain.
1 : COMPLACENCE; especially : self-satisfaction accompanied by
unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies
This feeling of complacency has come up a few times this past week in a
few different quit sites. Here’s some of the comments.
=========================================================
Our Pam: “The first 50 days were a real adventure. I so badly wanted
to be quit, and it was exciting as each day rolled by without smoking.
I seemed to be on a permanent high somehow, although in and between
there were days when I had craves to deal with, especially the first
couple of weeks. The last 50 days have been different. There have been
many days when I felt like I was on some sort of plateau. Feelings of
`what’s next’, or `so what’. Some days I’d forgotten why I’d quit
it’s easy to become complacent about it all, forget all the benefits I
experienced in the early days such as more energy, senses of smell and
taste returning. And a few craves to deal with too not nicotine
related, but `mind’ craves. They’re the hardest of all, taking you
unawares.”
New Pat (from another site) said:
And then there’s complacency….I think that’s the one that gets me.
Somehow, after a little while I just begin to become complacent about
quitting. I stop thinking of it as the single most important thing I
can do for myself. I forget about the benefits I’ve already begun to
experience and the even greater benefits yet to come. I forget to
think about my list of reasons for quitting. I forget about my mantras
and motivators. Then, in a single moment, without an overwhelming crave
or reason of any kind, I just smoke. And just like that, I’ve thrown
away all that hard work and time and energy, and I’m left feeling lousy
about myself.
=========================================================
Well, I guess I’m at that next plateau, or close to it. After a few
little restless days after Christmas, a bit of a letdown feeling which
is normal for anyone after the holidays, not just for quitters, I
started to worry that maybe I’m just not worried enough. What happened
to worrying about this quitting thing 24/7? How dare I (and my family,
and my friends) act like my quitting is not the most important thing
going on in my life anymore? Ok, ok, I guess I can accept that, but
now I’m starting to get a little bit wary of this new feeling. What if
I don’t constantly monitor my moods, my body’s needs? Will I suddenly
be walking down the street, driving in the car, sitting out on a bench
at work, and look down and see a cigarette in my hand because I haven’t
been so vigilant?
I was feeling kind of confused about this and caught up to Indi last
weekend so we could talk about it. I wanted to comfort her because she
was having such a sad time the past two weeks with the death of her
good friend (died of lung cancer from smoking). The reason I like to
bounce things off of Indi first is because she is just about the same
age in quit as I and we find that we are going through the same
hurdles. Although I think that we may have been further apart on this
one due to our different events around the holidays, she still would
have empathy for me.
When I talked to her on Sunday, I’d been fighting some powerful urges.
But it felt different. Physically, it was pretty much like many
others, starting in my stomach going up through my lungs, kind of like
I want to breathe that smoke. I could almost taste it. But the
thoughts of actually inhaling the smoke didn’t sound so good. I was
trying to remember how it would really make me feel. Probably sick to
my stomach, and dizzy. Now here comes the part that feels different -
All these feelings are accompanied by a feeling of complacency - ? the
feeling of ‘well, I’ve been doing this crap for almost three months
now, it was good, I felt good about doing it, but now I’m getting
tired of being so vigilant.’ Ho hum. Why not have a smoke. I’ve
proven I can quit, why not have a few and quit again? So the
complacency was now actually replaced by anxiety (I was anxious because
I felt complacent - do you see how I drive myself crazy at times?)
Here’s how we worked through the anxiety. Indi asked me what nicotine
does for me. She asked me to work through why exactly I wanted a smoke
when feeling anxious. She wanted to know if it REALLY helped. I
thought:
November 4th, 2003 at 3:47 am
Thanks Cat. Reading this brought back a lot of memories to me. I
well remember talking through the plateau scenarios with Steve -
especially that first ‘been there, done that, whats next’ one.
Feeling worried that I wasn’t worried etc etc. Touch of boredom with
it all even?
We all go through similar stages of the quit - reaching them at
different times but there’s a pattern, for sure, that most quitters
follow, and it was really reassuring for me when Steve said that to
me. And yes, there are different plateaux, and it’s the stepping
from one to another that can be scary: one day we seem to be
constantly challenging those ‘B’s and devising new ‘C’s, and the
next day its all sorta happening ‘by itself’ and we feel like we
should be ‘doing’ something. (In reality of course, Warren has just
cottoned on how to redirect those widgets, quietly and effectively).
I think that’s where the complacency feelings come in - that false
perception that we aren’t actually ‘doing’ anything.
Not too many months ago I remember chatting with Steve about being
worried that I still ‘thought’ about cigs sometimes. But why
shouldn’t I? Its one of a range of options open to me in a given
situation - but one I choose not to take because it isn’t valid any
more and doesn’t offer me anything. I smoked for 25+ years so ciggy
thoughts aren’t going to just disappear - and why should they? I
think about smoking a lot - because I’m talking about it here in
this group and in chatting - to you, Steve, Indi, Marde etc - but
that doesn’t mean it’ll make me want to smoke again. I hear lots of
quitters saying they’re ’scared’ to think about smoking incase it
makes them want to smoke again. I think thats because they haven’t
learned how to disassociate smoking from the events in their lives,
and haven’t the tools that cognitive quitters have at their disposal.
At nearly 11 months quit I still get a real buzz to realise that
smoking just doesn’t offer me anything valid any more, holds no
appeal whatsoever, and has no place in my life. Its just not
something I consider doing now. And I think that’s where you’re
getting to. I don’t have to ‘do’ anything anymore, it just ‘is’.
I’m me, Pam, I don’t smoke - it’s great. This is one plateau I’m
really enjoying being on.
Pam
November 4th, 2003 at 11:02 am
Hey, Pam! You seem to be able to put into words exactly how I’m
feeling right now, the ‘what’s next?’ stage. Well, I guess what’s
next is to keep on learning how to live my life smokefree. Thanks,
Pam.
- Cat
November 5th, 2003 at 7:57 am
Hiya Cat
Loved your post and I’m glad too that we are side by side in this journey
into the world of non-smokers. All I can say is I second and third
everything you said.
Tiko
So sorry about your lapse but please stick with it and don’t let it turn into
a relapse.
Maybe you should do like Cat says and get into abc’ing - foundation
statements and chatting one on one to Steve - he really is helpful.
Pat
Not sure about the melatonin and AD’s so guess it pays to be careful - I’ll
check up as soon as I have a minute.
Everyone Else
I am missing you all so much but am sooooo busy and not able to get online
until weekend - didn’t get home from work until 9.30 tonight and DH has
actually forbidden me going on my puter!!!!
So hopefully I’ll get a chance to catch up over weekend cos been doing a lot
of thinking (groan I can hear you all say) and want to get some thoughts
posted and shared with you all.
Take care
Indi
November 5th, 2003 at 6:31 pm
Must………….not……………..make……………..joke!
Must………be……..nice……..
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
November 6th, 2003 at 1:46 am
OK, I’m taking bets. I’ll bet 10-1 that DH can’t keep Indi off the computer til
the weekend. Any takers?
- Cat
November 6th, 2003 at 1:46 pm
Indi said
Cat said 
she’ll be online later or tomorrow - I’ll bet £100
At least you must have pushed him out of the way to get on to write
this
Pam
November 8th, 2003 at 11:46 pm
Pam said
she’ll be online later or tomorrow - I’ll bet £100
Pam
Tee hee - I won
November 9th, 2003 at 7:00 am
KatieLou - I’m glad to hear all’s going well for you - Warren gets
And once he catches on
It was always a relief to wake up and realise it hadn’t really
interesting the more you get to know him
to sorting out the widgets for you he’ll slip quietly into the
background…..
Now - smoking dreams. Been there, had those. I’ve heard this from
lots of quitters. Maybe something to do with the subconscious
coming to terms with being quit? Who knows - I’m sure there’ll be
lots of views on this.
I had lots of ’smoking dreams’ in the early weeks of my quit (well,
the first 2 or 3 months, I think it was). Usually I felt really
guilty in those dreams, really feeble, bit worried my quitcoach
would chew my ear off when he found out I’d been smoking
happened. In the last dream I ever had, a long time ago, I do
remember being offered a cig and saying ‘no thanks, I don’t smoke’.
I think Cat had one of those, she said a while back. It was as if
at that point I’d finally ‘let go’ and knew that I’d finished with
smoking once and for all.
bye for now
Pam
November 11th, 2003 at 2:37 am
Smoking dreams are very common. Most ppl have one or two or more. While
they can pop up at any time, seems most ppl experience them early on in the
quit and/or just before a yr quit. I’m not an ‘expert’ on dreams. What’s
worked for my belief system is that dreams are how we ‘come to terms’ with
events that are part of our waking hrs.
I’m pretty sure yours aren’t about ‘tricking you’ or trying to ‘tell’ you
that you aren’t going to succeed in your quit. My guess is that your mind
is simply adjusting to new realities that that involve you in every nook
and cranny of your being. Personally, I’m surprised we don’t do a lot more
dreaming about cigs when we quit.
my few cents,
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
November 17th, 2003 at 2:38 am
Hi Ann
Nice to see you online again - well done on your 6 months
Indi