My ABC’s Have Put Me In Denial
When I re-wrote my ABC’s I had to wonder how I am such a cigarette
addict. I found very few cigarettes every day that I need. Why on
earth do I go through a carton a week unless I’m kidding myself? I
took every cigarette I smoked this week and wrote done why. I don’t
want to be the oddball of the earth so please help me here. Remember
I’m a beginner at this identifying feelings. I won’t write down
every smoke because there’s not enough room but here goes.
A) I woke up
B) I always have a cigarette when I wake up
C) I want a cigarette
This cigarette doesn’t wake me up and I already know that. I can’t
identify my belief here. I have that cigarette because it is a habit
I’ve fed year after year. I’m not groggy, I just woke up. I don’t
need a nicotine fix or maybe I just think that right now. Yet I want
it because it’s a comfort thing that I do. Too wierd, huh? Anyway I
still did the exercise because I want to change.
B1) A walk with my new walking cassette will get my metabolism going
and I’ll feel proud that I did this for myself first thing in the day.
C1) Since I laid my clothes out for this, I’ll take a walk.
I really like the second part of these exercises.
These are very real triggers for me
A) Finishing dinner
B) There will be no leftovers in this house ever unless I have a
cigarette to stop me from having three helpings. A cigarette will
stop me immediately.
C) I want a cigarette.
B1) A nice cup of tea is a wonderful way to end a meal.
C1) Since my mother left a box of stop smoking tea in my mailbox as
a hint, I belive I’ll have a cup of tea.
A) Phone calls from retirees with issues I can’t do anything about.
B) I feel sad for not being able to solve their problems. IF I go
have a cigarette the feeling will go away.
C) I want a cigarette
B1) I know the feeling only goes away until the next issue. It’s
something I have to deal with as it’s part of my job. No cigarette
is going to make sad situations easier.
I have to think more on this B1 and C1.
Anyway most of the cigarettes that I wrote down I smoked because they
were there. That’s not totally honest. When it gets to be three
o’clock in the afternoon I want my fix. I have to go do more
homework now before I begin to contradict myself. My mind is having
a little battle at the moment thinking I should have written this out
on paper and scratch off a lot before people read it but I’m going to
hit send anyway. Thanks for listening.
Linda
November 14th, 2003 at 4:39 pm
Hi Linda
Indi
I’m Indi from UK and I know exactly where you are coming from cos I was just
like that and found it really difficult at first to identify what was going
on.
Its not actually about habit, its not actually about waking you up or calming
you down or relaxing you - which is what I thought it was all about.
If you imagine that your brain is in 3 bits and liken it to a computer.
Messages get sent all over the place through things called synapses from all
bits of the body to the brain and back again.
One bit of your brain is responsible for identifying messages from other bits
of your body. So we call that bit #1
Second bit is responsible for answering questions from #1 - so we call that
bit #2
Third bit is responsible for inputting new ‘beliefs’ - so we call that bit #3.
So it goes something like this -
# 1 brain senses a ‘feeling’ coming from part of body - its asks # 2 brain
what is this feeling? Have I felt it before? What do I need to do to
satisfy it?
This all happens in the blink of an eye.
# 2 brain - tells # 1 brain - yes you’ve felt it before (whatever it is and
it doesn’t really matter at this stage) and yes you need a cig to satisfy it.
Are you with me so far?
And on and on it goes - so whatever the ‘event’ the message is always the
same to the brain and the answer is always the same - a ‘cig will fix it’.
So when you get up in the morning - there will be some ‘feeling’ in your body
which sends a message to # 1 brain - this is why we light up - it can go back
ages and ages and be something like one day I woke up and was feeling not
very well rested and thought ‘what will make me feel better’? I know I’ll
have a coffee and cig to try and wake me up/pull myself together. Then I’m
on the merry go round.
So what I have to do now is when I get the ‘thought’ of having a cig - is to
try and identify what actual ‘feelings’ are going on in my body. Then I can
deal with the feelings in an alternative manner.
Now I think I’ve totally confused myself so no doubt you are doubly confused
but at the end of the day it is late and I have just got home from work so my
halfzeimers is really kicking in.
Welcome to the group Linda and well done for working on your abc’s so soon -
hope Steve can be of more help than this garbled post.
Guess I should maybe have done what Cat did and left it to him or the other
oldie in the group cos I’m really only learning.
November 15th, 2003 at 10:28 pm
Hi Indi.
You explained that perfectly, the little light bulbs in my head are
clicking on like crazy. Certainly I have woken up in the past groggy
or anxious of the coming day and a cigarette made me feel better. I
am sure your explanation accounts for all of the cigarettes I
couldn’t find a reason for. I’ve been looking for concrete reasons
for each one, never thinking I’ve smoked so long that a lot of
reasons are buried in my subconscious mind. You would think that
doing ABC’s to ingrain new beliefs in to my brain would have given me
a clue that I had to look a little deeper. Back to the drawing
board.
Thank you. Linda
November 16th, 2003 at 1:06 pm
Hi Linda,
For a first run at ABCs, you’ve done a super job with these.
If you were going through a carton/week, then you had a pretty solid
nicotine addiction in the sense that whenever your nic level dropped below
‘comfortable’, you’re body would begin to experience the characteristic
symptoms of nic deficiency. One of those symptoms was reduced ability to
concentrate, to focus and maintain attention. I’d bet that upon waking
after a ‘nights’ sleep, after being without a nic fix for 5-8 hrs, our
brains were not running ‘up to speed’. And I’ll bet we felt, in some way,
that we were a bit sluggish. To me, a cig or a few and a large coffee were
as integral and effective as a yawn. I’m pretty sure I ‘needed’ that first
couple simply because I was an active nicotine addict and it had been last
night or sometime during the night (I was a ‘middle of the night’ smoker)
since my last fix. Actually, you said it in that paragraph … “I want (a
cig) because it’s a comfort thing that I do.” That “comfort” in and of
itself is an excellent reason to continue doing something?
Great alternatives. Try shower first thing to wake up, some OJ, a light
breakfast, etc …. create a ‘Start You Day Alive” routine.
Linda, when you write out the B1, include some rational observations the
automatic/historic B above. Try the B1 something like this….
stop shoveling this food into my mouth. No one is sitting on my chest
forcing me to eat. I stopped being hungry one serving ago. What
void am I trying to fill? What discomfort am I trying to relieve? Am I
afraid that if I stop eating, I’ll ‘want’ a cig simply because everytime
I’ve ever stopped eating, I smoked. Does that mean that I ‘wanted’ those
cigs? Do I ‘expect’ them ‘at this time’ just like I ‘expected’ my
morning cigs?
One good alternative … A nice cup of tea is a wonderful way to end
a meal. Maybe take the tea to a different room?
rational B1…
B1) “IF I go have a cigarette the feeling will be ‘ignored’ for a moment,
but it will not really have ‘gone away’. I know the feeling will slowly
ease until the next issue and then I’ll get to go around this emotional
bush yet one more time. It’s something I have to deal with as it’s part of
my job. No cigarette is going to make sad situations easier.
C1) Linda, to tell the truth, I don’t really know what would be a good
response is this case. Part of your job includes some duties that are very
unpleasant. Obviously they can’t be avoided. Aside from info and sympathy,
you’ll know what you can offer. As for how you help yourself deal with
those situations, the only thing that pops into my mind, and I know this is
just a ridiculous idea (maybe I’m over tired…), but after a call why not
do something like …. 5 minutes on a tread mill or exercise bike if you
have either or …. I spose deep breathing (does anyone have directions
for properly ‘belly’ breathing?), some sort of relaxation exercise, ever
going and brushing your teeth very slowly and rinsing with some tasty
mouthwash….
you can see I’m floundering here for options as I don’t know what
you would find acceptable, but I’m sure you get the idea and can work out a
few.
You’re dead on right with that. When we started feeling the ‘3 in the
afternoon’ ‘needed a nap after lunch and I’m draggin it now’ ‘been a long
day and I’m bushed’ feeling, we really really ‘needed’ a cigarette because
only a cigarette would energize us and improve thinking within seconds.
And we really really ‘wanted’ a cigarette exactly because it did what we
‘needed’ it to do.
Linda, you’ve gotten off to a fantastic start with these ABCs. I’m
anxious to the next batch.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
November 18th, 2003 at 3:50 pm
I wonder if somewhere I thought meaning was optional?
That was suppose to read, “I’m anxious to SEE the next batch.”
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
November 19th, 2003 at 6:12 am
Denial Woman Here! I’m beginning to think I’m not in denial but have
aquired a severe lying problem.
” To me, a cig or a few and a large coffee were
as integral and effective as a yawn.”
Since it was only yesterday, I do remember that I would have three
cigs with one cup of coffee before I got dressed in the morning. I
thought that was breakfast and we all know that breakfast is the most
important meal of the day! This has given me a new ABC for yet
another cigarette that “I didn’t need”.
A) It’s ten o’clock in the morning
B) I’ve been sitting at this desk for two hours. I’m not feeling
quite right and a cigarette has always re-energized me.
C I want a cigarette
B1) I’ve been awake for hours and not eaten. I’m hungry!
C1) I want breakfast.
Steve, thank you for your suggestions for phone call stress. My C1
is complete.
B1) I’m feeling sad but no cigarette will ever be the answer to my
problems.
C1) I will re-group by taking a brisk walk around the block.
ta da!
Have to go have some cereal now, it’s 10:42 and I have not ripped the
patch off or even wanted too. For this I thank YOU ALL for your
wisdom and support. I realize nicotine is pouring in to my arm so I
may be looking through those rose colored glasses. This does not
alter the fact that the patch has been ripped off before I’ve left
the house 4 times since January 1. The other days I did not bother
to put it in.
November 20th, 2003 at 3:07 am
In a message dated 18/01/02 16:51:45 GMT Standard Time, ljohnson@…
writes:
Hey Linda
Don’t you know that your body needs fuel within an hour of waking up for it
to do its work effectively????
This is from someone who has never eaten breakfast in her life - brunch maybe
but never breakfast!!!!
But really thats what the body needs and it needs protein with slow release
carbs (wholegrain of course) so your blood sugar level is optimised and the
serotonin in your brain is stimulated - the happy chemical:)
Now I’m real good at handing out the correct advice - thats not to say I do
it myself but what I do now that I have quit is try really hard to make sure
my body doesn’t go into starvation mode. That means not going longer than 6
hours without food and not having too many sugar spikes!!!!
So cos I really can’t face eating in the morning I make myself a protein
shake with OJ/Milk/Oatmeal/Banana/Sunflower Seeds/Protein Powder - its yummy
and it last me until lunch time.
So whatever you do don’t skip breakfast - don’t wait for 2-3 hours
Keep on thinking
Indi
November 22nd, 2003 at 6:42 am
Linda - been having a think about this ABC you posted
Just a thought: in my job as a Careers Counsellor, I’m dealing with
ppl who come in with various issues/problems, which can be
upsetting. In the past the feelings/sensations could ‘only’ be
relieved with a cig. We introduced a ‘buddy’ system in the Company,
so that if we got distressed or upset by what we heard, we had
someone to ‘offload’ on - someone who was detached from the
situation. It was/is a great stress/anxiety reliever - maybe
something like that where you work might help to re-write that C
into something like ” I did all I could to help, I know that now
having checked things out with a colleague. I don’t need to smoke
because I’m feeling comfortable now.”
Just a thought.
Sorry I had to leave Chat - Steve and I had been jabbering for a
little while, and I really needed to eat. Hope to catch up with you
soon - post a time if you’re back in Spinchat over the weekend. Now
to catch up with some phone calls….
Pam
November 25th, 2003 at 7:11 am
…. I spose deep breathing (does anyone have directions
In my reasearch this week I read that three group of people use this
breathing technique naturally. I might mess up the first two but
I’ll never forget the third group. The first two may have been (?)
athletes and babies. The third was smokers in the act of smoking. I
should be a natural at this belly breathing!
November 25th, 2003 at 2:33 pm
or 4 groups:
athletes, wind musicians, babies, and smokers.
www.cognitivequitting.com
December 5th, 2003 at 8:52 pm
Hi Indi. I swear that I was going to compromise and start eating
breakfast 1/2 hour earlier every week until I could eat early without
gagging. Well Monday I had to go home, Tuesday I stayed home.
Today, it was 11:30 and I went to get my second cup of coffee.
Halfway there I remembered my oatmeal. My Lord, I’ve gotten worse!
But I ate my oatmeal. I really have to work on this breakfast
thing. I have no problem eating at night or even at midnight. Maybe
if I planned something more fun than oatmeal? Like pie?? Or I could
check out protein drinks. I did have my orange juice at 8:30. Oooh
I must get better at this.
February 8th, 2004 at 5:08 am
You surely have more than a few people trying to
Jean
relate……….