Cognitive Quit Smoking

Hello all
Well I said I would post my ABC that I did sometime at the beginning
of December. you will have to bear with me as it is a bit long winded
but it wasn’t an easy ABC to address as there were so many issues.
Please feel free to tweak it Steve [ I am sure I could have done with
a simplified version] but it has really helped me to address this
situation and things are ok for the time being.
A.
IN the evenings when I am at home, I have taken to shutting myself in
one room with my oil burner whilst my husband sits in the dining room
with a cigarette burning. We only speak to each other briefly these
days and although I am proud and happy with my quit most of the time,
some nights I feel stressed, anxious and restless.
B.
I know it is since I have quit smoking that I feel these emotions. I

am the one who has created the scenario and if I smoke a cigarette
this will hopefully alleviate some of the anxiety and help me to
relax.
C.
I want to smoke so things are back to normal between Pete and myself!
B1.
I am feeling anxious & uncomfortable because I have changed my
evening routine in order for me to succeed in this quit.
In the process I have isolated myself and I feel that Pete thinks I
am avoiding him. This has been leading to tension between us
especially when I am on the computer chatting to some-one else!
* To help me relax & unwind in the living room [non- smoking room] I
like to listen to classical or Bob Dylan music and because no-one
else likes classical I put on my ear-phones to listen.
This has been interpreted by Pete and the daughters as my ” LEAVE ME
ALONE” mode so another barrier between us.
*I have thought occasionally that smoking again would solve these
misinterpretations. Pete will no longer blame me for creating this
atmosphere and we will enjoy each other’s company once again. BUT!
this will not help me and I will be back to where I started over a
year ago but feel resentful in addition. [creating even more tension]
* I could set a time to talk about how I feel [ I know he doesn’t
like me talking about my quit] but even if no-one listens at least
they will have the knowledge that I put on my ear-phones because I am
being considerate and appreciate it is not their taste in music and
that if the girls want to watch tv they can do. Not because I don’t
want to talk to any-one.
I can also explain to Pete that I am not angry with him that he is
still smoking, just that I am sad that we are avoiding each other so
creating this barrier.
I need to let him know that I will never ask him to quit but that I
need to be able to sit around the dinner table and talk to the family
without having to sit through him smoking a cigarette so close to me.
* I could also suggest that we spend some time together sitting
watching tv or chatting in the living room which is smoke free. He
can then get up and go for a smoke as and when he feels the need to.
C1
I will carry on with my exercising three evenings per week. When I
return I will have a coffee with him in the dining room before going
into the other room to relax.
I will suggest that we spend time watching tv together[ especially
when we are watching the same tv programme on two different TVs.]
I will listen to my music without my ear-phones only putting them on
if some-one wants to watch TV in the room.
When I feel an urge/ uncomfortable again I will work through it to
find exactly what the issue is that is creating this feeling and
remind myself that the nicotine addiction/cravings went away months
ago.
I will remind my self of all the benefits I have gained since
quitting 81/2 months ago and repeat my statement each time I find
myself in a strange mood. which is:
I will not let cigarettes rule my life!! …. I am in charge… and I
choose not to smoke.
Ok! That’s it.
a bit long winded I know.. I did have a talk to Pete eventually.
Initially he was very defensive and it appears he was waiting for the
day I told him I couldn’t quit unless he did.and I was kind of
blaming him for all my previous slips [silently] and used him as an
excuse to pick up smoking again.
Gradually I have been able to sit in the same room as him whilst he
is smoking and I am fine…. If I do feel I find myself wondering
what just one drag would be like I silently remind myself that: ” I
don’t smoke now…. he has to.
right I had better read up on some of these posts now… and just in
case I need it in the future… could some-one give me the address to
the homeless persons dormitary? lol
sue

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 29th, 2003 at 7:54 pm and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.