Note to Jean
Thanks so much, everyone, for your responses…………..
Right now I just seem to be an emotional mess!!!!! 
And a physical one as well………….
But I am not smoking!!!!!!
Thinking productively, however, seems beyond me…………
I shall sit and read and hopefully absorb…………
And hope I soon get over this need for constant nap time….
Jean
(5 weeks today!)
January 21st, 2004 at 11:58 pm
thanks Marde…………..
it was strange today………….weather was super - for Calgary the 1st
week of Feb. … and I took off for a walk……found the mall - and all
in all was gone about 4 hours……….
in response to that yet unidentified “feeling” I occasionally popped a
hard candy into my mouth to suck on but was pleased that the only real
thought I had of smoking was in the food court - when I wished someone
was there who knew me so I could give them a “thumbs up”
sign…………..<big deal you know - to be in a non-smoking food court
voluntarily!!!!
at the end of the 4 hours though - was back in my apartment - and “knew”
as soon as I unlocked the door - that some part of me was thinking
“thank God, I am home - I can smoke!!!!!!!”
I grabbed a bottle of apple juice and a half bag of junk food and turned
on the news……
did not help……….
desire still there……….
but there is no darned way I am giving in to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(at least not today)
had bad news this morning………my daughter-in-law……….
quit smoking when she became pregnant - about 20 years ago?????
Says she STILL is tempted…………..any time she is under
stress………..
This lady is a Reg. Nurse - and KNOWS the dangers……….
and certainly far outweighs me in terms of strength of
character…………
I know she passed this info on with the thought that it might make me
feel better that I am having such a hard
time…………..BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!………………she frightened
the hell out of me…………(she really is STRONG!!!!) and I feel so
weak!!!!!!
Phew!!!!!!!
MY mantra these days………………….I can breathe or I can
smoke…………….
and I would rather breathe……………….
36 days and holding…………..
Jean
January 23rd, 2004 at 2:23 pm
Ok, no pressure, but you just set yourself up for a perfect abc. You
associate coming home with smoking. Kind of like I associated with coming
home and pulling into the garage with smoking because I that’s where I did a
lot of my smoking. I had some of the strongest urges at that time. Now, I
don’t even think about smoking when I pull into the garage.
Possibly because you were trying to ignore it instead of facing up to it
(the urge) and figure out how to disassociate coming home with smoking?
This doesn’t surprise me at all. Your daughter-in-law never learned to
disassociate smoking with the events in her life. When I quit for over 2
years with my last quit, I never got as far in those two years as I did in
my first month wtih cognitive thinking.
You’re just as strong, Jean. You just “lost” your belief in your strength
somewhere, sometime ago. You need to find it.
You’re doing great. Good for you on the exercise.
- Cat