Warning: Newbie approaching!
Hi,
I am new here. I go by Elle. I’ve got tons on my mind and I hope I
don’t choose this occassion to dump it all! 
I found this site while talking with some people on quitnet.com.
I was begging anyone, everyone to tell me how to beat my own mind,
or as they call it the evil twin or nicodemon, and as I now believe
it to be your very own “Warren”.
I have read the cognitivequitting.com site, and some posts here, but
know that I am waayyyyyyyyy behind on knowing all that this
involves, so bear with me, please.
I have tried to quit several times, sometimes seriously, sometimes
to please someone else. I would say 4 or 5 times seriously. I don’t
think I failed any of the times. I think that quitting is at least a
6 or 7 step process. Hey, could be 100 steps for me, who knows, but
I start another quit in 5 cigarettes. <smile
Where is it written we have to choose a date? Why not simply choose
a pack, or a “last one”?
I will interject that I also quit last week. LOL. On Monday also. I
lost my quit on the 5th day. Why? I honestly believed all I had to
do was beat the nicotine addiction. Many sites will have you believe
that and that is where I had been reading. No judgment, just I
think they must be written by nonsmokers…..the kind that never
smoked.
When my own head started talking to me internally in my own voice, I
assumed it was me, what I really wanted and I caved in to a
particularly good “give me a cigarette” talk.
But all along, I had been telling my husband things such as, “I need
a reward for a task completed besides a cigarette..Or I need
something to cap a good meal besides a cigarette.” He would nod his
head and say “Umhummm.” Like the nonsmoker that he is. (Thank
goodness!)
And when I was directed to the cognitivequitting site I knew
(Eureka) I had found it!!! THIS is what I was wanting to know, what
I was needing to know.
I am a bit concerned that I jumped back on a quit too soon and I
should study here a bit before I try another. My only reason to go
ahead with this quit is due to my involvement with Nicotine
Anonymous. I know about the disagreement on whether we are always
addicts or not. I don’t have any idea. I just know I need not to
smoke “today”. I’ll deal with that later.
But, one thing that NicA taught me is that in order to break ANY
addiction the basic thing that is required is brutal honesty with
oneself.
I have been humbled. I am not afraid to say, I blew it 1000 times
and start over until I succeed. I hope to quit and quit in the
proper way that will be not a whiteknuckling event, but a process
that makes me a different, better human being. At least a healthier
one with a long enough lifespan to get all this <expletive omitted
figured out!
Okay, I think this is officially a ramble. So, I will finish with my
basic stats.
I am 43, married ( for the third time, I’m a slow learner too). I
have 4 children ages 25,20,9 & 8. You see? I told you I’m
not afraid to start over until I get it right!!!<vbg
I work for the government, but am off work because I had a spinal
fusion of two lumbar discs last month. My doc says smoking
contributed and continues to contribute so I am very hurried to
learn. I also have a moderately prolapsed aortic valve and want very
much to keep it at only that level.
I am here to learn. I will be reading posts and catching up on the
fly. I am honored to be here. I have made a few ABC charts and
probably should stop writing now and make more before the brainfog
sets in.
I take Wellbutrin to help. I have NRgum, but am not sure I am going
to use it. I will decide in 4 cigarettes.
Elle
January 30th, 2004 at 5:51 pm
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “bookie5332″ <bookie5332@y…
I found the conquitting site a few days into my quit. It didn’t
Hi, Elle, and welcome!! We like people here with tons on their
minds. As opposed to people with nothing on their minds, I think
it’s a no-brainer.
Did that make sense?
bother me too much because: a. I’m used to being behind (typical
me) and b. It probably motivated me to try to focus to get “caught
up.”
Well, now you know that you can go without a smoke AT LEAST that
long. Good on you.
That’s how it hit me too. After trying to quit so many times, I
stumbled across this site and thought ‘this is it, this is what’s
going to make the difference’ and it has.
Good luck, Elle. I look forward to watching your quit progress (when
it starts).
- Cat
January 31st, 2004 at 1:06 am
Welcome Elle ! You’ve found exactly the right place - I loved your
I’m one of a
Looking forward to hearing more from you soon!
post and your obvious enthusiasm to get the quit moving. Seems to me
like you’re picking up what it’s all about very quickly - I’m sure
our gaffer will be along later on to welcome you aboard too.
Have a look in the Files section (if you’re accessing the posts
through the groups’ page) - I’m gathering together key posts
covering topics like ABC’s into folders.
I’ve been quit almost a year now, thanks entirely to cognitive
quitting, Steve’s patience and a sore brain at times
handful of Brits here, teaching our transatlantic friends some
quaint and not so quaint expressions
bye for now
Pam
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “bookie5332″ <bookie5332@y…
January 31st, 2004 at 8:21 am
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “bookie5332″ <bookie5332@y…
My major reason for quitting this time was to do with my health
problems namely my heart:))) Good enough reason I feel
I also used Wellbutrin but didn’t like the side effects so stopped it
after a couple of weeks but have to say it did take the edge off in
the initial few days.
I have found cog quit to be the way for me and would suggest that you
have a look at Steve’s site also the Habit Smart site which gives
lots of good advice about recognising and pinpointing nasty
cognitions.
I don’t think you have to choose a day to quit I think your ‘day’ can
begin at any time I quit some time in the afternoon. I think I tried
every way under the sun to quit except for NicA but having been in AA
I knew that this way wasn’t for me. But got to say that, like you
and as Cat has said, when I read about cog quit I knew it was the way
for me.
So nice to meet you - stick around, jump in when you are ready.
Indi
ps. I’ve been quit 4 months today and although its not easy the
method itself is very simple:)
February 1st, 2004 at 1:40 pm
Hi Steve and all…………
Can’t say enough about how I have appreciated the support…………
but I am a long way from fully appreciating the cognitive quit
approach………..
I am hanging in, though, and reading,,
………………………………
The big news (for me) is that I am holding on (42 days and 46 min
smoke freeJ) as of a few seconds ago…………)
I really think, if motivation continues, no need to fear
Nicodemon…………
BUT……………
42 days equals 6 weeks??????
and I STILL know I am subject to some kind of insane desire
to reach out …………….
Something inside me says - reach out for just one - and relax and
sleep!!!!!!!!!!!
And there are days when I surely am tempted!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is not, I think, that I do not know better…………..
it is just, that occasionally I find myself thinking that perhaps I have
left it too late
and perhaps it really does not matter whether I smoke or
not……………
and if it does not matter
WHY CAN I NOT BE COMFORTABLE WHILE I AM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not looking for answers ……
just thought it might help someone, some time, if I shared what went
through my mind in my weaker moments………….
I STILL consider it a miracle that I have managed to last 43 days
plus!!!!!!!!
(with no cigarettes)
Blessings to all…………….
Jean
February 2nd, 2004 at 6:27 pm
At 08:04 AM 2/12/02 -0800, Elle:
Coming and going is entirely up to the
Yes, it’s all about what what we say to ourselves. However, that said,
it’s critical just what it is that’s being said. If that inner dialog isn’t
‘correct’, then it’s nothing more than ‘mumbling ineffectually’ to ourselves.
Foundation statements are a set of statements that define a personal
truth. That in itself is great, as far as it goes. But ‘foundation
statements’ were never intended as the be-all and end-all of a cognitive
quit. Tey are only intended as a ‘fall back’ position after, or during
times when, ABC’s have been employed, but because of detox or unusual
circumstances we need a bit more ‘rational arguement’. They are used as
part of a ’step back and gain perspective’ strategy.
As for ‘willpower’, thank God it’s unnecessary, or I’d still be smoking
a pack a day. Elle, have you tried to write out any ABC’s? Pick one event
you know will happen tomorrow. It can be getting up in the morning, after a
meal, a meeting that will be stressful or has always had a smoking
association, or any other, it’s up to you.
A- Name the event simply in one short sentence i.e. “I’m getting dressed
and starting my day.” or “I’m finishing breakfast (or lunch).”
B- Write out one or two sentenses that describe what has always been your
smoking ‘belief’ (this is the tough part)… “I’ve just gotten up and I
feel as though I’m trying to come awake. I want to get my day started (or
not, but must). Coffee is on, and I’m looking for my smokes. A cig with
coffee will get me started.
C- Based entirely on the statements in B, there can be only one response -
light up or want very much to light up.
Now,
same A, ……..
new B1- I feel the need to wake up and get my body going. A cig is one way
to do that as it’s always been part of my morning routine for as long as
I’ve been a smoker. However, it’s not the only way. I can take a quick
shower immediately after getting out of bed. I can eat a light, energy
packed breakfast. I can do 20 minutes of exercise. Based on the alternative
options I’ve given myself, and acknowledging that I do not want to be a
smoker, my choice for getting me up and going is…
new C1 - elle, you choose. Does a cigarette still look like the only way to
get up and get going? What I would ask of you is to write this, or one like
it, out tonight so you’re prepared when the event happens tomorrow. Try it
and just observe your thinking. As you go through your prepared thoughts,
observe what you feel in terms of ‘urge to light up’. I expect you’ll find
lighting up to be a far less compelling thought.
And for starters, that’s all you want to do. Just try that little
experiment in self awareness. See how, and if, your own structured thinking
can change what has always seemed like a pattern that’s outside your control.
We don’t do kick out.
individual ….. as is whether or not you choose to do the exercises that
begin the shift from ‘urging to choosing’. It’s all up to you.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
February 3rd, 2004 at 1:42 am
Thanks Katie Lou, reading this I realized that there is something else I
want to stress about Warren. This might be over kill in that it’s already
understood by all …. but it’s that Warren has always existed. He was not
born when we became smokers. He was not created when we developed a
nicotine addiction that needed maintenance.
Warren has been part of us from our very beginning and will be with us
for life. When we ‘need’ to go to the bathroom, how do we know? We feel
some physical sensation and there’s an association of that sensation to the
knowledge that it’s time to ‘go’. Based on that experienced knowledge, we
find a bathroom, hopefully in time…. but that’s another matter. Warren
is the one doing the associations. Without him, or your counterpart of him,
someone would still be diapering us and wondering when we’re ever going to
master toilet training. Uhoh, have I gone too far?
www.cognitivequitting.com
February 3rd, 2004 at 8:57 am
Actually I had gone quite far enough, hate it when a mistype sends an email
before I’m ready……
the point I was trying to make is that Warren takes care of a huge
range of associations and smoking was only one of many. If we’ve decided
that smoking is a valid response only to a nicotine addicted person, and we
choose not to smoke, then re-educating Warren so that he may continue doing
his job with more appropriate associations is our first and most important
goal. Everything else will follow.
There, now that I’ve beaten that point to death, now it’s time to
hit ’send’ …..
www.cognitivequitting.com
February 3rd, 2004 at 4:05 pm
used to trigger those urges to smoke. Best toolkit I ever invested
in.
Pam
February 3rd, 2004 at 11:20 pm
Now its me hitting the send button too quickly….
ABC’ing helped me to …….
for ‘helped’ please read ‘help’. And it does, each and every day.
Pam
February 4th, 2004 at 4:19 pm
Etiquette? Uh oh, have I missed something the last four months (?) cuz I’ve
blown it big time.
- Cat
February 5th, 2004 at 4:27 am
Doing ‘best’ or ‘better’ for ourselves is certainly preferable.
That’s assuming we know what that positive action would be. I know that
early in my quit, what was ‘not best’ or any ‘better’ was usually a lot
clearer and more obvious that what would have been better, let alone best.
Knowing what we don’t want can often be the only thing we’re sure of. (If
those lines made no sense… my excuse is it’s 1:30 in the morning, I woke
up and am looking at some mail. That might not have been the best move but
it’s better than tossing and turning (and just realized that expression may
not translate well into Brit.) )
Simple has always worked best for me. Keep you’re ABCs short and
simple. They’re a road map toward what’s best.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
February 5th, 2004 at 11:41 am
Yes. When we practice ABCs, our behavior (smoking) begins to come under our
control… begins almost immediately.
www.cognitivequitting.com
February 5th, 2004 at 6:56 pm
You mean you didn’t read the “mABC” (manditory Accepted Behavior Code)?
It came with your Enrollment Package and was suppose to be stapled inside
the front cover of the “MESS” (Manual of Expected Survival Strategies).
www.cognitivequitting.com
February 6th, 2004 at 2:04 am
Steve - you said
it’s a very Brit expression - and hope you got some sleep finally.
Pam
February 6th, 2004 at 9:19 am
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “Katie Armitage” <katie@a…
message have been removed]
ABC’s working for all aspects of your life are a nice perk to
cognitive thinking. As I’ve explained in a few posts, it’s helped me
to temper my temper which is related to smoking my smoke.
I know from practicing cognitive thinking that it’s been a great tool
to help in many situations where I would have lost my temper, lost my
composure, lost my common sense, etc. For example, last night I was
in a fender bender on my way home from work. Damned if it wasn’t my
fault. My reaction? Pretty calm, I was kind of proud of myself.
When DH got there (couldn’t drive my car), I sensed he kept waiting
for the Cat-explosion which never happened. Not so proud today,
though, now that I’m having to face the $$$ cost of repairing the
car, plus my insurance may go up. But what the heck, I guess I’m
due. It’s been a strange few weeks.
- Cat
February 6th, 2004 at 4:34 pm
Hey, you’re a funny guy at 3:00 in the morning. Must have something
to do with that Positive Thinking thing that you insist on telling us
about.
Hope you got some sleep. You don’t get enough as it is.
- Cat aka Mother Hen
February 7th, 2004 at 2:38 pm
Dear heavens, Cat……….
you have my deepest admiration…………..
had it been me - this quit would have been on hold until next year!!!!!
To date - since 3l Dec. - the most major crisis I have had to face was a
problem with my keyboard…….and that almost did me in!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL
Congrats…….
Jean