A wave whine, or a whine wave.
Hi folks,
I said I’d wave when I got hooked up again, so I’m waving because I’m
hooked up to the net via a very old and slow computer while my new faster
than stink memory up the ying yang box languishes on some techies work
bench. I’ll get it back, eventually. In the mean time, I’m practising
patience because I HAVE NO CHOICE. Did I mention that I have no patience?
I really really don’t like winter. Did I mention that? Not that I
’should’ complain as it’s been a mild winter, relatively. Those of you who
know my whines, know I’m not a real ‘fan’ of that white shit that falls out
of the sky, or of the ‘arctic flow’, as they call that air mass that
reaches down from the north pole pointing directly at me just to freeze my
ass.
When is a road not a road? When the ‘arctic flow’ and a bit of dampness
combine to create ‘black ice’. Have I mentioned the Canadian penchant for
‘vehicular curling’?
Did you know that when the van engine heats up enough so the heater is
blowing really hot air and you redirect it out of the dashboard vents, you
can put your hands over the vents so the hot air blows up your sleeves and
it just makes you all toasty. But you need to steer with your knees cuz
your hands are on the vents, which can make the whole ‘vehicular curling’
experience both warm and exciting. Did I mention that?
Some day the spring will come, right? ( This is where you say “YES!!
Absolutely it will come again. And you’ll come alive again and feel good
again and want to get up in the morning (well, maybe not that far) and
feel like writing and be able to string insightful thoughts together to
create something other than this pitiful pile of arctic poo.)
I have this belief that I’m suppose to offer something of value when I
post. I mean, I AM the ‘gaffer’ right? What the hell is a ‘gaffer’? Sounds
like something you’d use to snag a really big fish. Anyway, the only thing
I can think of that might be of any value is this thing M pulled from a
local paper. It’s entirely and totally off topic, but I need a laugh
desperately and reading this makes me laugh, so…..
Each year the Washington Post’s Style Invitational askes reader to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing only
one letter and supply a new definition. The 2001 winners:
Intaxication. Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation. Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy. Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.
Giraffiti. Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm. The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte. To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis. Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis. A degenerative disease.
Karmageddon. It’s like, when everybody is sending off these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious
bummer.
Glibido. All talk and no action
Dopeler Effect. The tendency of stuid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you faster.
February 22nd, 2004 at 4:44 pm
Aw, c’mon, Steve, don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel!
OK, I know that you’re grumpy because you’re not getting your dose of
prescribed sunshine. M (Mrs. Steve) needs to knock you on the head
and kidnap you to a warmer, sunshiney climate before you become a
real bear and retreat to your cave for good. You can go to Key West
and stay with my cousin. She smokes like a chimney. You can teach
her cogquit for a bed. Then when I go to see her in the near future,
I won’t be so tempted by her puffing away all the time. Hey, see how
I turned this into a positive for me too?
Hmmm, I think I may have just talked myself into going sometime
soon…
Seriously, can’t you just take off for a week or so and just go south
for a while for some sunshine therapy? You need it.
- Cat
February 22nd, 2004 at 11:59 pm
Hiya Steve - remembering how much you love that ‘white shit’
take care
reminded me of the snow plough joke you sent me last winter - and
that joke still makes me laugh.
Dr Pam’s prescription is 2 weeks in the sun to recharge the
batteries - we need our ‘gaffer’ (boss man) in good shape. If you
don’t you’ll have us gang fussing around. Now, could you really
stand that?
Pam
February 23rd, 2004 at 7:21 am
Oh that there were a 7day/6night hole in the next 4-6weeks. I’d grab a
pair of shorts, a couple of kites, a sell off flight to any southern beach
with temps near the 80’s, and I’d be doin a road runner routine outta here.
But year after year, it seems that my winters get busier. I’m not yet sure
if this annual ‘busyness’ is due to me becoming more functional or simply
more dysfunctional. And to think, I grew up in a little yankee town
outside of Boston. I used to wish for ‘northeasters’ so they’d cancel
school. The harder the wind blew and the deeper the snow drifts the
better. What ever possessed me? Mustta been some form of ‘juvenile
dementia’.