foundation criteria
Hi there,
The reason for foundation statements, at least the reasoning I had in
mind when the idea occurred to me, is to distill all of our ambiguous,
ambivalent, “I want to do this but I’m not sure I can” feelings and
thoughts down to a couple of unshakable personal truths. I was looking for
the sort of state of mind we come to when we stand in front of the mirror,
look straight into our eyes (which I find to be a very ‘unsettling’
experience), and acknowledge what we know to be our personal truths. I
think many of us, certainly me, carry a lot of half thought out and half
hearted ‘desires’ to work out, to clean the basement, to finish that
course, to quit smoking, to lose weight. The one thing most of these share
is a lack of stability. They’re important in this moment but may be of less
priority in another moment. If we allow quitting to be one of those
‘variable’ desires, or one that is subject to constant questioning as to
it’s priority, then we’re in for a very rough ride.
(I need to clarify something here……
When I make statements like, “many of us, certainly me, carry a lot of half
thought out and half hearted ‘desires’ to work out, to clean the basement,
to finish that course, to quit smoking, to lose weight”, I’m talking about
me. The reason I include everyone else is because I don’t think that there
is anything special or unique in the way I grapple with getting through the
day. And because I’m pretty much like everyone else, by extension I think
we humans are all pretty much alike in many of the ways we function.
Sometimes this is an accurate way of looking at things, sometimes it’s not
even near the target. If you believe that this material doesn’t describe
you or isn’t relevant to your experience, at least you now know where I’m
coming from.)
I thought our own ‘foundation statements’ might work as tools to refocus
swirling thoughts and desires in times of chaos such as we encounter when
we quit. Their sole purpose, at least the only purpose I saw initial, was
to provide a ‘fall back’ position that we determined ahead of time to be
rock solid and reliable.
Toward the establishment of such a position, I came up with 4 questions.
If the message in the post were to be pared down to one line, it’d be….
“If your foundation statement(s) answer all 4 questions, then you’ve
probably established a solid foundation.”
The questions:
1- Is this a calm, rational moment where I can ask myself some questions
and answer those questions honestly without the answers being influenced by
any emotion or physical sensation? If the answer to this one is ‘yes’
continue, otherwise wait until a more appropriate time.
2- Do I want to be a smoker? meaning do I want to respond by lighting up
to all the stresses that are life? If the answer is ‘no’ continue,
otherwise, I need to spend some time thinking about why I’m attempting to do
something that requires ‘total’ commitment at the same time that I’m
lacking that commitment.
3- Having stated that “I don’t want to be a smoker.”, can I think of any
exceptions? (Don’t confuse the desire to relieve discomfort, a perfectly
normal and natural desire, with the thought(s) that a cigarette is the
appropriate tool for relief. The question here is simply, “Is a cigarette
ever an appropriate response?” If I can think of situations where it would
be valid, then we need to examine those in detail and refute them.)
4- Am I prepared to stay aware of these personal truths and stand by
them regardless of how rough I may feel at any point in the future? That
there will be many points in the future where I will be uncomfortable is a
given. To not accept that as a fact of reality is to be intentionally blind
and will cost me in terms of effort required to deal with that discomfort
when it happens.
have at it 
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com