Words of encouragement
Thanks Cat, Steve and all for the words of encouragement. I want to do this
thing right because as quickly as I know I can put them down, I can pick
them up twice as quick if the right event occurs. I have constructed my
foundation statement and will go on to lists (will need help here) as time
allows (soon).
1. My actions will not be a response to another person’s behavior. I
cannot control anyone.
2. I believe my body is a temple and a loan. I will offer it proper
nutrition, exercise, knowledge and overall treatment which does include
occasionally goodies but does not include the hazardous and imposing effects
of cigarette smoking.
3. I will cease all SNEAKY behavior whether it is related to cigarette
smoking or other. Sneaking, by its very definition, is cowardly and
underhanded. I will stand behind my actions of which I will hopefully be
proud; especially where I am setting an example for my children.
4. I will emit a pleasant odor both from my person and my mouth. Hence, I
will not shy away from talking to my family, boss, an old friend or new
because I am afraid they will smell my stinky breath, etc.
On to lists! (help!)
Cat, I will pass along your message to Linda (wink wink)
Peg
March 10th, 2004 at 12:16 am
Hi all,
Steve
Lists help us collect and categorize. There are several that are
helpful to quitters. The generally accepted wisdom is make a list of
‘reasons to quit’. While you’ve heard me talking of ‘quit reasons’ lately,
there really is only one critical list as far as I’m concerned and that’s a
list of ‘reasons why and when you smoked’. List times, events, locations,
and activities. Why? Because most of those times, events, locations, and
activities are connected to routine daily life and have only a secondary or
associated connection to smoking. The times, events, situations, and
activities that *were* your ‘triggers in the past will be the very same
triggers of urges and smoking thoughts in the future. Since we CAN NOT
avoid every trigger, nor do we want to try that route, examine your past,
make a list, and you’ll be armed to prepare for the future. For those of
you who thing you dont need to prepare and can handle it ‘on the fly’,
trust me, it’s very much to your benefit to be prepared for simple events
that are a consistant part of your daily routines. Some of you who are quit
for several months or more will back me up on this. Indi? Cat? Others who
have discovered the advantages of preparation rather than ‘winging it’?
Lets hear from you.
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 12th, 2004 at 2:53 am
I hated making these lists and I found it really hard but got to
admit they certainly help.
Since we CAN NOT
Well guys and gals you have just got to believe this man -
preparation beats ‘winging it’ any day. From my own experience I
really didn’t prepare very much at all, cos I thought I knew better
really and thought I could do it ‘my way’ and just do the abc’s as
and when I needed them.
So I figure I suffered a lot longer than I needed to have done,
especially in relation to stress and triggers at work - which was the
major thing for me. Because it took me so long to take the cotton
wool out of my ears and listen to what people were telling me my
stress levels and what I call my ‘big hole’ for want of a better word
were throught the ceiling.
Eventually I did do a preparation abc for my work situation with
Steve’s help (he almost wrote if for me actually) and guess what it
worked so easily and my ‘hole’ didn’t bother me half as much:)
So for those of you who are newly quit and/or knew to cog quitting
just take my advice and listen to the experts.
I figure that the proof of the pudding is in the eating and with
Steve coming up to 6 years, Pat on 3+ and Pam on 1+ - not forgetting
myself (who was never gonna be able to quit and certainly never gonna
be able to quit easily) having 5+ months - it sure feels good to be
able to say that.
Namaste
Indi
March 13th, 2004 at 12:38 am
This is a list I emailed to Steve very early on in my quit, and
thought I’d post it here for you all to share. I found the exercise
really helpful, in that it made me stop and really work out what was
driving me to smoke those cigs. It was a great starting point for me.
UKKatie
**********************************************************************
Hi Steve - this is my list I worked on that I told you
about:-
Times/places/reasons why/when I smoked
a typical work day would go like this :-
First one - shortly after getting up with that first
cup of tea, in th kitchen. Smoked it because I
physically craved that first cig of the day
Next one - probably only about 20 mins later. That
first one was good, but didn’t completely ‘hit the
spot’ somehow. Usually smoked it in the bathroom,
putting on make up, with another cuppa.
In the car driving to work I’d have a couple more in
the half hour drive. Aware I couldn’t smoke at work
very easily, so felt I needed to ‘pack a few in’.
Usually feel a bit stressed going to work at the
thought of the day ahead, so these cigs helped me calm
down a bit.
Mid morning I needed a cig - felt a bit irritable,
needed my fix. Depending on the weather I’d either
stand outside, or if it was cold or raining hide in
the cleaners storeroom with the other smokers for a
crafty cig. If the morning was busy and I couldn’t
get this cig I’d feel really stressed the rest of the
morning. If I got my mid morning cig I felt like it
helped me concentrate.
Lunchtime - topping up the nicotine levels was the
main reason i smoked, packing in as many as I could in
the time available. Again, having to stand outside,
or walking to/from the shopping centre nearby.
Mid afternoon - like mid morning
Going home in the evening - the cig and lighter would
be ready in my hand for the instant I walked out of
the building so I could light up straight away.
Probably a couple more in the car on the way home.
another with a cup of coffee when I got in the house.
yet another while cooking the evening meal - several
more during the evening. Why smoke all these in the
evening? Don’t think it was about topping up the
nicotine levels. usually it was because there were
issues to sort out at home - eg one of other of the
kids winding me up, chatting on the phone cig in one
hand and cup of coffee in the other, watching tv,
going out to the pub and enjoying a cig with a drink.
Yet i felt I needed most of these cigs - but usuallly
had a bad headache later on due to all the smoking I’d
done.
Is this the sort of list you meant? It made me think
which cigs were the ones I ‘needed’ in terms of
nicotine levels, and which were about other things.
March 13th, 2004 at 7:53 am
Digging round my own archives I found another list I did for Steve,
which got me prepared for starting ABC’s. This one was about all
those A’s (activating events). It’s been interesting reading back,
I’m glad I saved them in my email box - again, hope they’re of use to
you here.
UK Katie
****************************************************************
Hi Steve - here’s the list I’ve been working on we
talked about:-
List of events
Driving to work - I had a go at an ABC around that
one. Believed a cig would calm down the anxiety I was
feeling inside. Alternatives - favourite tape
playing.
Arguments - with hubby/kids mainly: Felt like my
stomach was churning/in knots. I’d draw on a cig and
feel like it was calming me down. I tried walking
away from the situation and distracting myself from
thinking about a cig by making a cup of coffee and
talking to a friend on the phone. Alternatives could
be to go out - drive round, have a walk, go to a
different room in the house and play some music.
Pressure at work - too much to do. Smoking helped me
to think straight somehow, decide what to do
first/next. Going for a smoke meant getting away from
my desk, so maybe I could still go away from my desk
and go for a walk around outside for a few minutes, or
go and do something `mindless’ which is when I find I
find solutions to problems ie when I’m thinking about
something else.
Evenings - relaxing time. This is when I really
enjoyed smoking and did most of my smoking. Usually
drinking too much coffee, watching tv. So if I’m
trying to disassociate those activities I could drink
something else/do something else. that’s what I’m
struggling with - thinking what else I can do instead
of smoking. At the moment I seem to be getting tired
and going to bed earlier, but that’ll prob settle down
in time.
After meals - biggest trigger probably. Somehow I
feel I really need that after- meal ciggy to `finish
off’ the meal. what I’ve been doing is getting up
straightaway to do the dishes instead of sitting with
a cig, to divert my mind away from smoking. Since I
used to have a coffee straight after that meal, maybe
not having it will help to break that association with
a cig.
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “katie2905uk” <katie2905uk@y…
March 13th, 2004 at 3:15 pm
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 14th, 2004 at 3:22 pm
Wait a minute!!! Hold on, buddy. If I remember right, you had Indi and I
- Cat
writing lists out the yingyang. NOW you’re saying that those lists weren’t
so critical? Ok, Indi, how come we had to do all the homework and the new
kids on the block get it easy? I don’t know about this…
Hmm, maybe that’s why I was fussing, every thing I did or experienced seemed
to be related to having a smoke.
Naw, I still think you had us write out a bunch of lists. I still have mine
and I guess maybe one of the reasons they helped so much is because (I’m going
to let the secret out) I never had a foundation statement. I got really upset
when I realized I’d somehow missed that boat. I must have been real spacey
the day we talked about that. Blame it on brain-fog, blame it on my anger
spells, my frustration spells, blame it on my stubborness, but I just missed
having a foundation statement but I had those damn lists and I’m glad I made
them because they helped me in those first few weeks. They helped me because,
by writing out my thoughts, it helped me to think because those first few
weeks I felt like I couldn’t think. A few of my lists: Reasons for Quitting,
Benefits I Hope to Gain by Quitting, Things I Hear That Little Voice Say, and
then the Meaning of Willpower, the Meaning of Commitment, etc. We disagreed
on a few of these, but you were too nice to push it so I just assumed I was
right (hehe) in my own stubborn way.
Sure, the triggers are there but the response is different now. Like I’ve
said in the past month, the smoking response is more annoying than anything
now because I know I’m not going to smoke, so why am I wasting time thinking
about it? Annoying.
This is the key, being prepared. The ABC’s and What If’s (you’ll learn about
those later, they were my way of cheating on ABC’s but you really need to get
used to doing ABC’s first) are what’s going to get you through those ‘First
Time’ events without a smoke.
Uh, I think I just did back you up… Well, in my way I did.
March 14th, 2004 at 10:37 pm
One of the biggest surprises to myself about quitting (besides the fact that
I’ve quit) is that this turned out to be one of the triggers that I was able
to deal with early on. Maybe it’s because I thought it was going to be the
hardest hurdle so I concentrated on it- ? I do admit, though, that I have
gotten into that bad habit of wanting something sweet after eating. I’ve
been trying this week to pop a mint or a piece of gum in my mouth after a
meal and getting on with the next activity (continuing with work, cleaning
up, watching tv).
- Cat
March 15th, 2004 at 3:30 am
all that at the ‘newbies’, wasn’t there a whole lotta whi.. talk about
heads that were hurtin? Thought I’d introduce the list a couple at a time?
Are you buying any of that?
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 15th, 2004 at 10:45 am
Jean,
I’m thrilled to read that
I gotta admit, I’ve been at a loss as to how address your situation
of “smoking was what
was “normal” - and the only time I didn’t was when I was in circumstances
where it was not approved/possible” in a way that would illustrate the
cognitive approach. From your last couple of posts, I was thinking that
maybe it was beginning to come a bit clearer.
that is the case. I think that working out the lists is going to provide
you with several categories of information. Then maybe we can plug them
into a couple of generic ABCs so you can observe the difference in the
consequent thinking and desires.
Thanks Jean :))
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 15th, 2004 at 6:00 pm
Cat pointed out some more lists I’d had them do when they started their
quit…..
- Reasons for Quitting
- Benefits I Hope to Gain by Quitting
- Things I Hear That Little Voice Say
- the Meaning of Willpower (I don’t have any will power and don’t believe
it’s necessary to have any in order to quit successfully.)
- the Meaning of Commitment (which can be nothing more than the
‘commitment’ to yourself to not allow a ‘feeling’ to be the determining
factor in your choice of how you’ll respond to an event.)
….. she’s right, these lists are all helpful in helping is begin to
be aware in areas we’ve never really payed attention. So together with
your ‘ureasons for quitting’, add ‘Benefits You Hhope to Gain by Quitting’
and ‘Things I Hear that Little Voice Say’. There’s no rush on the other
two. We’ll get to them soon.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 15th, 2004 at 10:34 pm
Indi, reading your post about your weekend with your daughters made me think
of something. Its about being patted on the back. Being a professional
quitter, I noted that initially, the pats come fast and furious but as the
quit goes on, no more pats. Well deserved pats are a good thing. Anyway,
heres a pat for ya, it sounds like you really passed the weekend in flying
colors. I enjoyed the detail in what you noticed. I still cant believe
that your daughter started smoking at 34, but she probably wouldnt believe
that I started at 12 either.
OK, I am starting to feel like you guys strongly endorse the use of lists as
a pro-active tool. I can see the purpose. All my prior quits, I just
utilized a tool Ill call AVOIDANCE to get through such instances. I do not
want to do that this time. I do want to enjoy a night out with friends that
smoke, I do want to coffee clutch with my mother on Sundays all things
that I have either avoided or they have nickeled and dimed me back into
closet smoking in the past.
For these such occasions, I will start my lists, hopefully this weekend. I
have noted the added lists as well and will look at this over the weekend
too. The work week just goes by too fast == swooooosh ==.
Peg
March 16th, 2004 at 3:44 pm
Hi Peg,
One of the main ‘features’ of cognitive quitting is preparation for
events that we know ahead of time are associated, or have always been
associated, with smoking. The primary tool for dealing with those
situations are the
ABCs (we’re about to get into those). The lists, and the info they contain,
are the data we’re going to be using the fill out our ABCs. First work on
the lists, they will both provide a data pool and help you start to be
aware of the background info that was central to your/our choice to smoke a
particular cigarette.
It’s good that you don’t want to use avoidance as a tool in this quit.
It never works well or for long because we can’t avoid ourselves and it’s
from within ourselves that our desires to smoke are created.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 17th, 2004 at 6:07 am
Hi Peg
Pam
You’re so right in what you say here
Lists of reasons to quit, etc, are great tools and will help you a
lot when working on ABC’s as Steve has mentioned. Learning how to
quit cognitively will mean that being among smokers won’t even be an
issue in time: simply avoiding smokers and using avoidance tactics
won’t help at all, as you’ve already discovered. I too was a great
fan of the lists - I made lists of the lists I was going to make
April 29th, 2004 at 8:06 am
I went to my daughters spring play last night unprepared. Intermission
brought all my smoking family members including DH and daughter outside for
a smoke. I went along but was not happy AT ALL about not being able to join
in. Figured Id better ABC this for tonights second round of the play at
school.
A-Daughters play at school. I always joined the smokers outside at
intermission.
B-Warren is telling me I can be a social smoker again..
C-Just bum a smoke, Peg, so you wont feel like an outsider
New stuff
B1-YOU CANNOT be a social smoker, it has never worked in the past and would
not work now. YOU MUST remember the frustation you felt constantly when you
tried to be a social smoker.
C1-Send them outside alone for the time being and use this opportunity to
have a gab with someone inside perhaps introduce myself to a parent I didnt
know.
DHs party is tomorrow. I know I will not be able to abc every event that
might come up but wish me luck. I think if I stay off the juice and keep
busy, it should go fine.
Everyone, have a great weekend!
Peg
April 29th, 2004 at 5:54 pm
Hi Peg
This is my second spring as a nosmoker, and todays been a glorious
Good for you with the ABC. Like you said, we can’t predict and
prepare for every event, but we can be aware of a range of things we
might feel such as anxious, restless etc (whatever event caused
those sensations, and plan out what we can do to treat them
appropriately. Planning other things we can do at the old smoke
breaks is a great plan.
Old associations occasionally crop up even with the old-timers
sunny day (after yesterdays downpour, when even the ducks had
waterprooofs on). I did loads of stuff in the garden, sat down with
a drink at break time, and found myself looking for ’something’.
You guessed it. In no way, shape, or form a crave - but a much
practised ritual that I thought I’d well and truly abc’d last yr.
It was a fleeting thing, and I laughed about it. So I came in for a
few mins, logged on, and had a gab to Cat on AOL instead of sitting
there.
Hope this evening goes well for you
Pam
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “Peg Putzbach” <putzbach@m…
April 30th, 2004 at 8:31 am
Do you really want to be a social smoker? Or is it that you want to
feel comfortably ‘part’ of the crowd and don’t know how to do that without
smoking? Just something to think about that might get closer to the
discomfort you feel when ‘out with the smokers’.
Great idea. Removing ourselves from situations that we don’t ‘have to’
endure is excellent quit management.
You’re right. We can’t forsee every event. But you can be sure you’ll
be busy(comes with the ‘busy’ sensations of feeling rushed, needing to
think or concentrate, trying to keep things running smoothly, it almost
sounds like work). Be prepared to take a few moments here and there to sit
and chat or ‘rest’ for a bit and actually enjoy the party.
Let us know how it goes,
Steve
April 30th, 2004 at 3:30 pm
Steve said:
Do you really want to be a social smoker? Or is it that you want to
feel comfortably ‘part’ of the crowd and don’t know how to do that without
smoking? Just something to think about that might get closer to the
discomfort you feel when ‘out with the smokers’.
Hmmmm, been kicking this one around lately!
Had dinner with friends who are all nonsmokers (social smokers when someone
has them to offer - which noone did).
Anyway, yes, I think I would enjoy being a social smoker if I could (which I
can’t, so it’s a mute point). But when I do go out to relax with friends, I
usually have a black russian and a glass or wine (or two). So, I think that
type of smoking would be beyond Warren, since it would not be habit forming
(according to all my social smoking friends). Just my two-cents.
Gail
April 30th, 2004 at 10:45 pm
Peg wrote:
It truly surprised me how I felt physically and mentally when I was just
standing there with three people lighting up. I wish someone could have
taken a picture of me, I was probably pouting or glaring or something.
—that’s so funny, I remember when I had my first ’stupified’ moment… I was
at the gas station counter ready to pay for my milk when the cashier turned
around to face me empting a carton of my brand cigs in her hands. It was like
time stopped, I couldn’t speak, move my eyes from the cigs, or move any part of
my body for at least 30 seconds. Very strange… wished I had a picture of my
face. While you were glaring at them, I hope you saw how ugly they looked
pulling smoke out of those dirty manufactured drug deliverers… and then I hope
you felt smug that you were over that ‘crap’. Good for you!
Gail
Three months, two weeks, three days, 20 hours, 15 minutes and 33 seconds. 2696
cigarettes not smoked, saving $444.86. Life saved: 1 week, 2 days, 8 hours, 40
minutes.
May 1st, 2004 at 1:31 pm
Warren is the keeper of much more than just our smoking patterns. I’m
not convinced he isn’t involved in everything we do. I think that anytime
we either feel or think about the sensations that go with something like
“out to relax with friends,” Warren is involved in the association of all
the elements that we believe go with that event. Any time anyone, social
smoker or one of us, thinks that a cig would go with a situation, that’s
Warren’s work. I don’t think anything is “beyond” Warren.
Steve
May 1st, 2004 at 8:46 pm
How come being a social smoker appears a desirable condition? Is it
central to a ‘picture’ we have of how enjoyment is defined? Are we
hesitant to let really let go of smoking and ’social smoking’ seems a safe
way to go, if only we could be social smokers?
Steve
May 2nd, 2004 at 3:53 am
I think seeing people apparently enjoying a cig brings back old
KatieUK
memories of something we used to like doing. But when we really
analyse that enjoyment, I think it was more about relief than
anything else. As exsmokers maybe we’re just looking for that
occasional ‘quick fix’ for life’s difficult moments, and momentarily
forgetting all those new behaviours we learned in cogquitting? If
there’s an element of longing involved, then maybe we need to go
back to our ‘B’’s and start refuting them. eg :-
A - I’m going out to a bar with a group of friends tonight. Some of
them smoke
B - I always feel a bit tense when I first get there and need
something to help me relax a bit. Smoking a cig gives me something
to do and something else to concentrate on apart from feeling
anxious. I can only really enjoy the wine with a cig to go with it
C - I’ll light up
Maybe by looking a bit more closely at the B’s might help - what
else can I do to feel a bit more relaxed and comfortable? If they
are valid, maybe I won’t associate a good night out with friends
with smoking any more.
Sorry I’ve not been around much in recent times. I’m dealing with
family issues here and finally acknowledging I’ve a degree of quit
depression to deal with. Its good to be back home here
May 2nd, 2004 at 11:15 am
If Warren is whispering that a Whopper would just be soooo good, it’s
,
because he’s been ‘coached’ that that ‘flame broiled’,fast food, saturated
fat, poisoned patty is an acceptable and appropriate response to a feeling
of hunger (or need).
Bless his heart, Warren isn’t bright enough to come up with the Whopper
association on his own. At some point he recognized that a feeling of
‘need’ existed and ’someone’ with more brains and imagination offered a
burger as the response. Having been ’shown the way’ once, Warren will be
constantly connecting burgers and fries to that feeling of need. And it
could just as easily be the Wurthers butterscotch candies, or the cookies
or anything else we want to label comfort food.
The only way that I’m aware of to change one of Warren’s associations
once it’s been established, is to take him back to the ABCs and retrain him.
my 2 cents
Steve
May 2nd, 2004 at 6:23 pm
Promised Steve I’d add a bit to the new B’s when we spoke earlier
this evening - here we go :-
New B’s - Feelings of tenseness: I know from the past that some
good deep breaths help a lot, and also help get rid of tension - and
relax me too. When we arrive at the bar, I’ll concentrate on some
breathing - have a walk round for a few minutes before we go in and
take some good deep breaths.
Instead of letting myself get more anxious about what’s going on
round me I could get into conversation - I won’t be focussing on
smoking or not smoking, but on the conversation instead. There’ll
be a few there I haven’t seen in ages I want to catch up with.
I know who smokes - I’ll try and sit with the nonsmokers so it
isn’t ‘in my face’ as much
Forget the wine - I’ll have something non alcofrolic (not a typo,
Steve)
If I’m not smoking I won’t be worrying about whose face I’m trying
not to blow smoke into
New C’s - the breathing, chatting and nonalcofrolic drinks will be
much better responses. And the others are all valid too.
How’d I do, Steve?
KatieUK
May 3rd, 2004 at 1:45 am
Looks great to me. Call a couple of friends, take DH and go out for the
evening. See how it works
May 3rd, 2004 at 11:22 am
This has been key for me. So simple, but I’m starting to realize that
(maybe?) I was using smokes as something to hide behind so I wouldn’t have
to talk to people when I was feeling shy.
Good one!! Hadn’t thought about it in that way before (selfish person that
I am)…
Thanks for sharing that, Katie!
- Cat
May 3rd, 2004 at 4:08 pm
Great ABC Katie - well done!
Good to see you back here.
take care
Pam
– In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “katie2905uk” <katie2905uk@y…
May 4th, 2004 at 6:45 am
Warren? No! Independence, picture of enjoyment, drug effect, yes.
I remember times like that. It sure was enjoyment, pure pleasure. I agree
that at that time it wasn’t addiction or Warren. Maybe that was the time
when Warren was learning his cigarette associations. I bet that was easier,
and a whole lot more fun, than multiplication tables.
steve
May 4th, 2004 at 11:20 am
Thank you all so much for your encouragement! DHs party was a huge
success. I was thrilled. Because we would have ruined the surprise, much
of the work was done on Saturday so I didnt have time to ABC it properly
and post but I did ABC that I would openly discuss the fact that I knew this
would be hard time with anyone that cared to listen and I did. I was
successful because I knew ahead of time that it was going to be a difficult
event. The thought of firing up crossed my mind at least 10 times but it
did fleet quickly. I had one wine cooler which caused me to start slurring
my words (omigosh) so that was enough of that.
Noteable occurences: DHs ex is a social smoker. She will smoke but only
after quite a few drinks (not just one). I kept asking her what was the
magical number but it wasnt until late in the night that I noticed her
across the room having a puff. There was also a young girl that I have
known all of her life. She has always been an avid non-smoker but I caught
her on tape having a puff. She looked ridiculous because all the while she
was firing up she was talking about how much she hated it. I caught this on
tape and we all had a chuckle watching it yesterday.
Steve, I am young in my quit and need to grow up. That is what I am using
you guys for is to learn how to quit and STAY QUIT. Then, I want to pass
that on to others. Yes, I do still idealize about being a social smoker and
am extremely jealous of those that do this so nonchalantly. I am jealous of
the person that can bum one smoke from someone at a social event and that is
enough. When I tried that I bummed half their pack and they got annoyed
with me. I am jealous of the men in the olden days that used to work all
day long and then come home to supper and have sup and then a puff before
retiring. History has proven that I cannot be this type of smoker. When I
grow up in my quit, I know I wont even want to.
I wrote a paper once that included my thoughts on limited smoking and to
sum, I analogized that I knew I would be able to smoke just 5 cigs a day
because I envisioned someone taking them all away from me. Then later, they
re-introduced one which was like a birthday cake and then kept increasing
until that magical number of five which was like a doggone party! In a
nutshell, if you take all of something away from someone and then give part
of it back, they are actually quite thankful for that portion, even if it is
detrimental to their being.
I am so pleased and wanted to say thanks again that I made it! Youall have
a nice week.
Peg
May 4th, 2004 at 9:07 pm
Great job Peggy. Doesn’t the preparation really pay off. And isn’t
it interesting standing back and watching the smokers - especially
those nonsmokers/social smokers who are ‘just having one or two’ -
Warren’s at work in there, making some associations. How long
before those social smokers need ‘just one more’ I wonder? I’ve
seen it with ppl I know - starts in a small way, bumming a cig or
two here and there, then it creeps up to buying a pack that lasts a
week, and then…….
That is what I am using
That’s the beauty of the group Peg - make sure you stay close here.
Oh - and once ‘infected’ with cog quitting, there’s no going back to
those old ‘hanging in’ days :))
take care
Pam
May 5th, 2004 at 6:52 pm
Ah, the old Talk Til Their Eyes Roll Into the Back of Their Heads
trick. Yep, saved me a few times.
Well, see now, I think that you’re right there. It’s not so much that
I won’t want to be a social smoker, I just know that it’s not in my
personality or chemical or whatever makeup to be a social smoker, so
even though I’m jealous, so what? I’m jealous of lots of things but I
certainly don’t stress over them like I did smokes when I decided to
quit. What’s done is done, my quit is not worth taking a chance with
trying out the ’social smoking’ exercise.
You should be pleased - you passed a major test here.
Congratulations!!!
- Cat
May 6th, 2004 at 2:07 am
Pam, I agree to a certain point but like I said, I do know people who
).
can smoke one or two every few weeks and they’re fine. I’ve been
watching my DH do it for over 20 years. And he had smoked over a pack
a day for about five years before he decided that he it wasn’t a good
thing to do (see why he drives me crazy sometimes
That would be me. I know it, I admit it, I accept it. No more playing
games about it. Time to grow up, huh, Peg?
- Cat
May 6th, 2004 at 9:41 am
I do know social smoking is possible……….
(and normally I would not look to her
Just wanted to share - that without knowing - all here had gotten me
I watched my mother-in-law do that for years……………just smoked
when and where there was a “party”……..and everyone else was.
(most people and most places back in the 50’s - 70’s)……………..
I wanted you all to know that cog quit saved me once again today
!!!!!!! :))
I arranged to have my local small town newspaper sent to Calgary when I
moved across the country last fall. It gets here - even if about 2
weeks behind………
I opened an issue today to discover notice of the death of someone
special to me -
(first I had heard of it)
Big trauma - and Warren surely knew what advice to give………….
Every fibre of my being was searching for that cigarette………
Somehow (I am sure due to reading posts in this newsgroup) the thought
arose that there HAD to be a better response…………
I called my d/l and asked if I could share a rant with her……..and
she said sure.
And by the time I had let off steam - I was over the crisis (at least as
far as a cig was concerned)
An interesting off shoot to this is that my relationship with my d/l is
not exactly ideal…………
for emotional support)
Must say she came through splendidly…….. :)))))
Have since been on the phone to those “back home” and determined that
those who might have called me had understood someone else was (so felt
less abandoned)
through another bad moment………. :))
Jean
(now 3M + 3W)
May 6th, 2004 at 4:44 pm
Jean,
I’m sorry to hear of the death of a friend. And thrilled that cog
thinking helped you respond differently.
Steve
May 6th, 2004 at 11:52 pm
Jean; so sorry to hear about your friend - that’s terrible you had to
find out by reading an old newspaper. But you handled the situation so
well. Good for you on that!! And it brought you closer to your DIL,
no less!! Hey, it’s not so bad to reach out for support every once in
a while, eh?
- Cat
PS - Steve, did you notice the eh? at the end. See, I can talk
Canadian…
May 7th, 2004 at 2:21 pm
So sorry Jean to hear about the loss of your friend - how great that
you chose different responses from the old ones. Good for you.
Pam
May 14th, 2004 at 5:49 am
I just came across this post and wanted to reply. This is one of the
things I was referring to in my last post — those smokes we perceive
to have for pure enjoyment and not in response to addiction or Warren.
I can analyze those behaviors that are concrete events, but what
about the ‘just because I want one’ cigarrettes? Those are the cigs I
fight the hardest. I just want to sit on the cough and smoke just for
the heck of it and feel deprived that I can’t do that now. Make sense?
Also, I have identified that alot of my smoking served as a tool to
procrastinate. “I think I’ll just have a smoke before I start that
task” etc.. Now I have no excuse - I need a more appropriate
procrastination tool, lol.
May 16th, 2004 at 8:41 am
Here’s a thought or two…..
What does being in the ’state of procrastination’ feel like? Like we
were up against an obstruction, barrier, obstacle, blockade, bar,
impediment, hindrance, interference, blockage? (thank you Mr Roget) Did we
feel thwarted? Unable to move? Unable to think? ‘Something’ holding us
back? As smokers, as soon as we put out a cigarette, we began the ’slide’
to a reduced nicotine level which brought on the symptoms of nicotine
withdrawal …sluggish thinking/concentration, the perceived ‘need’ to get
energized. Is there that much difference between the ’stuck’ of
procrastination and the ’stuck’ of nic deprived? Does it sound like there’s
any difference in the experienced sensations? So why wouldn’t Warren be
jumping up and down saying “Hey! What’s the matter with you? Light up!!
It’ll get your brain going and energize you. Do it now before this
‘feeling’ gets any worse!!” And while we were smokers, wouldn’t he have
been dead on correct?
As for the punctuation of our routines with cigarettes, my guess is that
we’re responding to the perceived needs to ‘pick up the pace’ or ‘keep it
going’ or even just a momentary ‘break’. Personally, I think we should
continue punctuating routines, just in nonsmoking and more effective ways.
But that’s what happens in a cog quit anyway.
I’m out of thoughts for the moment,
Steve
May 16th, 2004 at 3:06 pm
Steve (and all),
When I read your email about procrastination, I felt I wanted to add a
couple of thoughts of my own.
Nowadays, in watching other’s smoking behaviors, I often get a couple of
reactions. One is that I used to do that. I used to smoke for any
reason and often for no reason that I could/would define. Talk about
being unconscious.
The other is in memory at how I once was so ruled by nicotine. When I
smoked, procrastination was not allowed. I simply could not not smoke.
Oh, I’d try sometimes (although… did you ever wake up in the middle of
the night with the need to smoke in order to go back to sleep?
Omigosh…. that really should have clued me in but it didn’t.
Sigh)…. but I definitely paid a price if I didn’t pay attention at
some point. When I was smoking, if I didn’t feed my addiction, my body
would continue to get ‘wound up’ until I would finally have no choice
but to find a place so I could smoke and raise the nicotine level in my
system. ‘No choice’ is the key phrase. The problem with that, of
course, is as you stated, that it only started the ‘need’ process all
over again… and in my case, again and again and again…
As I head towards 4 years of smoke freedom, I cannot begin to express my
thanks for your persistence in teaching me CogQuitting. It is because
of this method that I can enjoy a moment of procrastination, just for
the pure pleasure of it, if I so choose. Smile. Come to think of it, I
can do anything that I want to do now…. Say like fly a kite?
Absolutely. Soon.
Thank you for getting me thinking tonight,
Pat
May 16th, 2004 at 11:04 pm
Thanks, Steve for the insight you provided on the subject of
procrastination. I found several ‘kernels of truth’ in your
description. I do feel procrastination as a block or hindrance to
getting things accomplished. Sometimes I feel paralyzed to get
started on routine tasks and will put them off by smoking. Of course,
if I have one, that inevitably leads to several, by which time I feel
guilty that I have not started anything. Now I think I was USING
smoking to avoid doing something I did not want to do. I also see
that I USED smoking as a way to avoid people, situations, and events.
I am trying to see what exactly it is I want to avoid so I can deal
with it. If I can identify the underlying problem, I will be able to
find more appropriate responses. I hope I’m making sense here.
I made ONE WEEK today!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday was my birthday and my
goal was to quit before then. I have a good start, but as Michael
said in his last post, it’s early in the quit and it’s still fragile.
The difference in this quit is that I’m working on deconditioning
myself to cigarettes rather than just using willpower. Have a great
day everyone.
Michelle
May 17th, 2004 at 6:26 am
My suggestion would be to look for any traces of ‘discomfort’. We lit up
in response to any and every discomfort, large or small. Meeting ppl,
encountering situations (both in the moment and thinking about those to
happen) and events…. any hint of hesitation or trepidation was enough to
have me reaching for a smoke. How about you?
Steve
May 17th, 2004 at 1:33 pm
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “chelle_68″ <michelle2_1997@y…
events.
Marde and I chatted about this back in early December (my memory
might be coming back!!! Hooray!!! I think)…
We’d discovered that we’d used smoking to procrastinate for years:
=================================================================
Marde:
Cat: Oh, girl, this is a biggie with me too. I’d discovered the same
thing
a few weeks into my quit. I’ve been a procrastinator from the time I
was a baby. Smoking was a great aid in that department, wasn’t it?
Marde:
Cat: I have a project at work I’ve been putting off for about a month
now.
Everytime I think about it or I bump up against it I think a smoke
would be nice. I’m going to have to think about that now. Thanks,
Marde, this is something I just realized. I guess an ABC is in order.
Tomorrow.
=====================================================================
Anyway, you can see where this led me…yep, another trip to ABC
land!! I did work on one to help me to stop procrastinating on jobs
at work. Most of the time it helps to try to remember to jump right
into that chore when I realize I’m procrastinating; but I have found
that I now use other diversions to procrastinate (like coming out
here to the site and procrastinating by reading and posting about
procrastination!!). Bottom line, the smoking option just isn’t the
response I even consider anymore.
Congrats on your ONE WEEK QUIT and Happy Birthday too!! A very
positive week for you, Chelle!
- Cat
May 17th, 2004 at 8:56 pm
Hi Michael,
If I may, I’d like to offer some observations and suggestions re: how
one approaches a cognitive quit. I’d like to use some of your statements as
examples of what cog quitting isn’t, so please think of this as
‘perspective tweaking’ and NOT a personal attack.
I think that perspective and it’s focus are the starting point.
Cognitive quitting and the ABCs we use are based on the patterns we’ve
established as smokers to deal with the moment by moment sensations of our
experience of any particular day. Because we smoked one cigarette at a
time, it’s important to look at what any particular cigarette was being
used for in that moment. That’s where cognitive quitting can be used to
advantage. Although we usually smoked one cigarette at a time, occasionally
there may have been two burning at once, but that was simply a second
instance of a response to some sensation(s). If the sensation of discomfort
was still present and we were in automatic mode, it was easy to light up
another as our ‘perspective’ was focused only on the discomfort and not on
any relief measures that had already been attempted. The point being that
our time frame was ‘within this moment’ and NOT on interventions or
consequences at some other time. I realize many think that quitting should
include a healthy dose of ‘what we’re doing to ourselves’ with every cig we
smoke. The advice found in most other quit smoking places does indeed
include a great deal of the health issues of smoking, and generally within
the context of ‘reasons why not to smoke’. Most of the people in this group
have found that those arguments have never provided a workable perspective
with any sort of effective motivation. I think the proven reality for cog
quitters is that, within the context of dealing with this moment, only the
issues of this moment are going to carry any weight. This is exactly why we
do ABCs to prepare for a ‘this moment’ in the future. We can prepare for a
meeting we know about, or a MIL who has followed a consistant pattern. But
we can’t ‘prepare’ for some illness we’ve never had, or for some other
eventuality that may or may not happen. Focus, bring it from the ‘general
and distant’ to the ‘right now’.
Cigarettes, nicotine, and the ‘ritual’ of smoking did offer a reward in
some situations. They also provided relief. Relief can very often be
perceived as a reward for ‘hanging in’ and finishing some task where
‘hanging in’ might have included allowing our nic level to drop even
farther creating even greater discomfort. In this case, finally lighting up
would have certainly been a great reward. Once that reward association has
been established, it requires some focussed ABCs to refute old beliefs,
suggest new beliefs, and offer additional response options.
Actually, I think it’s worse in that it provides constant tiny
‘pleasures’, relief from the mini withdrawals a smoker is constantly
experiencing. This is why smoking is so insidious, it’s a part of most of
our waking moments whereas opium or hashish or any other ‘drugs’ are
generally confined to set places, times, and situations.
Again, all of these health issues are valid in that they are true and
serious. Unfortunately, they are never going to be of sufficient importance
in the moment to provide any significant motivation. If it’s never worked
before, and it’s hard to believe that there’s any smoker who hasn’t a
fairly clear understanding that smoking is not healthy, it’s not likely to
start working now. Refocus on the mechanics of ‘this moment’. That’s where
our smoking patterns are going to be altered.
There are some exercises for a smoker that can illistrate very clearly
if there is any pleasure to be found in a particular cigarette, and if
there is, how much pleasure. It’s enough for there to be only the briefest
moment of a satisfied “ahhh, that feels good” to validate smoking as
enjoyable. And once seen as enjoyable, we carry on with the belief that all
smoking is enjoyable.
Michael, some of us have used quit aids to get started. Many of those
available now are very effective to help minimize the initial chaos of
stepping off the nicotine addiction. I believe that to suggest that
patches, or any other nic replacement aid, in addition to cognitive
quitting will improve chances of quitting may be both mistaken and
unfounded. My experience is that cognitive quitters very early on have no
further use for some product that perpetuates the chemical dynamics of
nicotine. It appears to me that you are a bit stuck on the physical part
of dealing with a nicotine addiction and are missing the cognitive aspects
upon which this group is focussing.
Urges can be either/or ‘nicotine’ related or ‘internal arguement’
related. One of the central points of a cognitive quit is that it’s our
internal arguments with ourselves that are the root of most of our quit
difficulties. If we are actively employing cog quitting techniques then we
are creating a framework where all the internal arguing can be addressed in
a workable format. This is how we learn to deal with ‘urges’. Preoccupation
with the chemical side of quitting will often trap us into dealing with
issues that might have been left behind if we’d only let go of our nic
replacement.
Steve
May 18th, 2004 at 4:03 am
Hi Michael
Michael - following on from Steve’s post. as a smoker, I was
aware of some of the health issues around smoking, but was still
able to push them to one side each time I lit up. Even the
Government health warnings on the side of the cig packet didn’t
deter me from lighting up somewhere between 20 and 25 times a day.
I had lots of other reasons why I wanted to quit - but all of them
could be ignored when the cravings hit me. Only some foundation
statements, and some solid tools in the form of ABC’s helped me deal
with those urges. I came to understand that those urges to smoke
went a lot deeper than a physical dependence on nicotine, and were
about dealing with life events - whether I was angry, upset, or
smoking in order to avoid thinking about/doing something
(procrastinating, in fact - more about that later).
I think this is why cognitive quitting was such a godsend to me -
for the first time I was learning to become more aware of why I
needed to smoke, what those urges to smoke were really about, and
how to deal with all those moments in the day when `only’ a cig
would help. Developing that awareness really was the key to
reaching this comfortable stage (14 months quit)
Pam
May 18th, 2004 at 11:18 am
Michelle - you said:-
Firstly, I lit up in response to all sorts of triggers - the phone
Procrastination cigs were often just about needing some thinking
“I do feel procrastination as a block or hindrance to getting things
accomplished. Sometimes I feel paralyzed to get started on routine
tasks and will put them off by smokingNow I think I was USING
smoking to avoid doing something I did not want to do. I also see
that I USED smoking as a way to avoid people, situations, and
events. I am trying to see what exactly it is I want to avoid so I
can deal with it.”
Now - that really could have been me talking just over 14 months
ago
ringing, an argument, pressures at work. As I started to become
more aware, and develop that `step back awareness’ that Steve helped
me with, I came to realise how hiding behind a smoke haze helped me
to avoid dealing with all those things you mentioned - people,
situations, etc. I soon realised that those events I was ABC’ing
were, in fact, life events: that `what if’ ABC’s were helping me to
plan my days better and get tools ready to deal with known
stressors. I couldn’t predict everything that was going to come my
way, but had strategies in place to deal with the physical
consequences of those stressful events.
So, secondly - I lit up when I had issues to deal with that I wanted
to avoid - for a variety of reasons. Maybe it was about a
relationship, or finances - whatever. But smoking gave me something
else to do, something else to think about other than planning out
the next steps.
After I read Steve’s post about procrastination cigs, it really set
me thinkingI’m the world’s best at procrastinating, and wasn’t a
cig `the’ diversion tool at those times! I mentioned to Steve when
we spoke a little earlier on this evening that I made myself be very
aware of that today at work, and observe what I was now doing
instead of smoking.
I’d gone back after a two week break, and knew I’d be going back to
masses of urgent things that all needed doing yesterday. A perfect
procrastination moment, once I opened up the email box. I
certainly wasn’t missing having a cig to `help me think’, however, -
so what else was I doing instead? I realised it went back to those
ABC’s I used to plan out - eg an ABC to deal with stress at work
(I’ll dig that one out and put it in the Files section). In the
past I’d feel myself getting tensed up physically, and for many
years Warren could only offer up a cig as a way of relaxing me and
avoiding the moment. The `tool’ I used today was to skim through
all the mail, get rid of the rubbish, and make a simple list of what
needed to done in some sort of priority order. What I was left with
wasn’t over-facing at all - and looked very different from that `you
have 56 unread emails’ message. To get to the point this year,
instead of going off to smoke to avoid the worry about all that
needed doing, I’d completed a simple exercise which reduced the
stress I had been feeling and any consequent `need’ to smoke.
Whatever the problem or issue, it’s often much simpler to deal with
once it’s broken down into manageable pieces. When I learned how to
quit cognitively I learned some valuable ways to deal with life
issues
time too. I found out early on that going away from my desk,
getting some fresh air, a fruit juice or a coffee, helped me think
something through much better than a cig ever did - and that’s what
I observed myself doing today too. I just didn’t connect a cig with
thinking time any longer, I realised. Warren had long since
stopped offering that up as a solution. In fact he’s been so well
trained he doesn’t offer them up to me as a solution in any
situation any more
Pam
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “chelle_68″ <michelle2_1997@y…
May 18th, 2004 at 6:33 pm
Steve - you wrote
Although we usually smoked one cigarette at a time, occasionally
That was always one of those mysteries to me - how could I have
forgotten I’d already got a cig burning in the ashtray, and light
another one up in another room? How was it I found a lit cig in
between my fingers, and had absolutely no recollection of lighting
up? I had no idea in those days why I was smoking any particular
cig, although now I can see it clearly.
Thanks for setting that out - something else I’d not really thought
too much about before now.
Pam
May 19th, 2004 at 1:48 am
You hit the nail on the head, Steve! I feel discomfort when I have a
task before me which I don’t really want to get started. I am now
trying to find more appropriate things I can do other than smoke to
delay doing things. In fact, I’m trying to find ways to STOP delaying
tasks so I can avoid the discomfort. I’m thinking too hard, my head
hurts, lol.
May 19th, 2004 at 9:10 am
May 19th, 2004 at 6:48 pm
Wow!!! Does THIS sound familiar????
- Cat aka Whiniest Whiner of Head Hurting
May 19th, 2004 at 11:33 pm
In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “michael.havlicek”
Nope, it isn’t forbidden Michael. No-one has said that.
Pam
May 20th, 2004 at 2:10 pm
Michael,
I think you missed my point. Health issues may be an important factor in
our decision to quit. But they are rarely a compelling reason to not smoke
a particular cigarette in a moment of stress. At that moment, there are
other factors that are far more central and immediate. Cog quitting is
successful because it addresses those ‘of the moment’ issues rather than
the more general health concerns. In time I think you’ll come to see the
difference.
Steve
June 27th, 2004 at 12:51 am
I can see that quite a few people have joined the list recently, and
that Steve’s been encouraging you to do a bit of homework. Just
recenly Steve said:
“Lets start a list …. 3 times a day, stop, take 30 seconds, make a
note in a journal or notepad that names what you’re feeling at that
moment.
The reason for this is that most of us are fairly oblivious, on a
conscious
level, of what it is we feel. Our urges to smoke are born of our
routines
and what they involve on both an external and internal level. The
sooner we
understand and are aware of our feelings during routine times of our
day,
the sooner we can begin to apply some techniques to change
established
patterns.”
This is pretty much how I got started to think more cognitively, and
doing this helped me to become a lot more aware of what I was
feeling and what I thought I was responding to. From there, I
started to make conscious choices about how I was going to respond.
I really think it’s a great exercise to do, and it certainly paid
dividends with me.
To give you an example, just recently I’ve had computer problems and
have been getting really frustrated with the whole situation. I was
telling Steve about it last night in chat, and here’s a bit of that
conversation we had about it:
<Carla20
computer through the patio doors
<ddsteve
<Carla20
briefly came that a smoke would help - and that went out the window
instead of the pc. It really wasn’t a valid option, even though i
considered it briefly. then i was fine
<ddsteve
. <Carla20
situation’ and ‘will it make me feel better?’
<ddsteve
after that.
<ddsteve
<ddsteve
know we can do the rough ones too.
The point here is that, in the past I’d just have felt mad, and lit
up without even thinking about it. This time around, I thought
about what `mad’ felt like, and what else I could do instead, and
really questioned whether lighting a cig would help. I’d got into a
discussion with Warren, in other words, and made more rational
choices. As I said to Steve later on, I can see the time coming
when those dialogues happen almost subconsciously, once the new
rational responses become more embedded.
So - please do that homework - it worked for me !
See you later
Carla
June 28th, 2004 at 5:58 am
I think it’d be safe to say that all cognitive therapy - all cognitive
approaches include a basic premise and it is that our responses to any and
every event are dependant on our beliefs about that particular event.
Example: I’m driving down the highway when another vehicle suddenly flies
past me at high speed. I’m startled (heart is thumping, breathing is
faster) and my immediate thoughts are “Holy sh-t!! That guy’s flying! What
a f—–g lunatic! That idiot is going to kill someone. Coulda been me!!
Where the hell is a cop?!! Man, I hope someone nails that SOB.” Based on
that perfectly natural train of thoughts, I’ve concluded that that
individual deserves jail time, loss of license to drive, maybe at the very
least hanging. Ok, the hanging part is a bit over the top, but the bottom
line is that I’m feeling really pissed. Here we have an event - the car
flying past me and my being startled, some beliefs - my statements re: that
driver, and a response based on those statements - I’m pissed. What if, as
I’m driving down the road, I happen to hear on the radio that there has
been an accident and a child has been seriously injured and that the father
is racing to the hospital. And at that moment a car flies past me at high
speed. I’m startled (heart is thumping, breathing is faster) and my
immediate thoughts are “Holy sh-t! That guy’s flying! Wow, I wonder if
that’s the guy with the injured child. Lord let them make it safely to the
hospital and let that child be ok.” Here we have the very same event, a
speeding car and me being startled. But the beliefs, my statements, have
changed. Based on those changed statements, my response, in spite of my
thumping heart and rapid breathing, is something other than pissed. In this
case it’s a degree of compassion for a desperate father.
See what happened here? The ‘little voice’ told me something. In one
case it ‘believed’ the other driver to be a dangerous lunatic, in the
other, a desperate father. Same events, different dialogs, very different
responses.
That’s an example of the event, belief, response (ABC) nature of how we
behave toward *every event* we encounter. Events can be everything from a
speeding car to some physical sensation.
To apply this to a quit that’s just starting, we can call the events
“detox discomforts”.
A- I’m feeling the jitters and ‘turned inside out’ sensations of “detox
discomforts.
B- “In the past, my urge would have been to reach for a cig. According to
my foundation statements I know that a cigarette is not an option I’d
willingly choose. Today I know that what I’m feeling is most likely due to
me being in detox (see note 1). My best option is to treat the symptoms of
this quit recovery. Eat properly, rest as much as I can, drink fluids
(note 2), take time for me, walk or exercise a bit (note 3), add to my
lists, think about how I’m examining what used to be automatic.”
C- I’ll take a walk, get some fresh air, nibble a carrot stick, maybe think
about an event happening later today and work out some common sense ways to
deal with it.
Notes:
note 1-The specific sensations I’m feeling are items either for or from
your list of ‘things I feel’. Whether a quit is CT, NRT, or some meds,
there will be an initial physiological readjustment. Those associated with
nic levels usually level out within 3-4 days. However, the process of
physical recovery from any significant period of smoking will usually take
several months.
note 2- While drinking water surely isn’t the universal urge solvent that
so many people claim it to be, it does have a place in the early days of a
quit…. keeps us hydrated, helps us feel full so we munch less, helps
flush nic from our bodies.
note 3- Exercise done first thing in the day sets the stage for the rest of
our day. It speeds up our metabolism, we feel more energized, it helps
combat depression.
The response (C) of one ABC can be, and usually is, the event (A) of the
next. In this case, if you’re feeling good about how you just handled a
typical moment in detox, you’ll carry that ‘attitude’ into the next moment
and maybe into the next event. Use this ABC. See if you can adapt it to
some of what you’re experiencing today. Add your own touch to it. Post and
let us know how you’re doing and/or what questions you have.
Just a quick reminder…
A - activating event = a simple, nonjudgmental statement of fact i.e. “I’m
groggy” , “I’m angry”, “I feel like I got a case of the ‘nonspecific
restless crankies’”.
B - belief(s) = the ‘truths’ we attribute to the event, judgments about the
event, ideas as to how to resolve/respond to the event.
and C - consequent response = our chosen response based entirely on what we
believe(d) about the event.
Steve
June 29th, 2004 at 10:51 am
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “carlacornwall” <carlacornwall@y…
It’s great to read the posts from people who quit a bit more recently
than myself who are working on their ABC’s and feeling that comfort
level rising. It was almost like deja vu reading your post, Carla. I
would tell Steve that I must be making some of these decisions
subconsciously now because the thought of grabbing a smoke was becoming
a rare occasion (compared to the ole 24/7 urges). But it is also
comforting to know what to do in case the thought to smoke does
surface. Because of practicing to become aware of how I felt
physically when a strong urge would sneak up on me, it helps me now to
be better prepared to choose the appropriate response. I agree with
you 100% when you encourage people to work on those lists and ABC’s.
They do help.
Later Gator,
- Cat
October 25th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
Had a little AIM session with Steve last night and he pushed the idea
of lists. I thought I didn’t really have time to do them just yet
but then I thought “I really have to make this a priority!” so here
they are:
My reasons to quit:
1. Saving money. paying $200 a month for cigarettes is just
unacceptable!
2. Improved health
3. Improved energy, easier to exercise
4. No more “nicotine fits” during airplane flights, movies, etc.
(I will be going to Europe in early October and was not looking
forward to that long flight!)
5. I will smell better
6. No more yellowish nicotine stains on my apartment walls, etc
Reasons why and when I smoked:
1. First cig of morning, always around 8am. I get up around 6, have
coffee and go online. Exercise around 7:15 to 7:45, shower, then have
first cig around 8 or 8:15. I always loved this one because my blood
was still pumping from the exercise and I got an extra “hit” from the
nicotine. (Sick, I know…) So far I am doing well by drinking water
during that time, which I need anyway because I have just been
sweating. I also take my Zyban first thing (6am) to minimize morning
craving. Luckily I already broke the connection between morning
coffee and first cig when I started exercising in the morning.
2. Between subway and work. Well, I did OK this morning but not sure
what to do about this one. I think I smoke it because I hate my job
so much so I guess the long-term solution is to find a better job!
3. During lunch break. I work in a great neighborhood for window
shopping, so I will do that. Also, I usually get my salad “to go” so
that I can sit outside and smoke. I can eat in the restaurant now
instead.
4. Mid-afternoon smoke break, around 3:30-4pm. I have not come
across this one yet but I plan to go outside and walk around the
block instead, maybe get a soda.
5. After meals. I stocked up on Listerine breath strips and I use
one of those after the meal to signal that I am done.
6. As soon as I get home from work. Not sure about this one, I’ve
just made sure that I have activities after work every night this
week.
Marian
January 30th, 2005 at 11:10 pm
Steve,
I’ve sent quite a list to your personal email, as I’d prefer your comments
as to suitability before I post it to the group. If it doesn’t arrive,
please let me know and I’ll try again.
Phil
June 11th, 2005 at 5:00 am
Hello Steve, Had a little time off for a while there, got some kind of bug over
the holiday period.
Now happily into my 10th week [I know that is early but I feel Good] I think I
have my lists in order but not really sure what is wanted, hoping for some feed
back.
ABCs, Not sure here if I can find any that will help me, I have odd urges but
have dealt with them along the lines of what is suggested in the forum, again,
HELP!!
Lists.
Emotions and Conditions. Physical Sensations.
Bored Listless, Heavy, Stagnant.
Angry Tense, Tight[Neck and
shoulders]
Sad Droopy, Sense of
Loss,Miserable.
Nervous Jumpy, Edgy.
Happy Positive, Bubbly
inside,Comfortable.
Frustrated Impatient, Weary,Edgy.
Cold Fidgetty, Miserable,Shivery.
Love Comfortable positive
feeling.
Hungry Growly stomach, Empty, Annoyed
at something.
Tired Floppy, No concentration, No
Focus.
Resting Lazy, Floppy, Don’t mess with
me!
Some of these required a fair bit of consideration and work on my part, but that
is the object isn’t it?
But it was an interesting exercise and made me much more aware of what is going
on right now.
Hope this is where I need to be at this stage.
Thanks, Regards, Fred.
June 11th, 2005 at 11:29 am
Hi Fred,
Hope you’re over that bug. Congrats on your 10 weeks.
Looks like you’ve got a pretty good handle on the lists.
Then lets create some specifically for you. Fred, I posted earlier about
looking to what events you can expect to encounter tomorrow. Pick a couple
and determine what emotions or conditions are associated with the event.
What physical sensations are connected to the emotion or condition? What
options are available to deal with the physical sensations?
going on right now.
That’s exactly what the goal is. Our urges to light up were associated
responses to something that was happenning in that moment. If we can become
aware of what’s going on right now, we can come up with alternate ways to
respond. In doing that, we’ll alter the behavior that was smoking.
Fred, post that event/emotion/physical sensation information and we’ll
set up an ABC.
Steve
June 16th, 2005 at 8:14 am
Hi Steve, Still trying to work out my other ABCs. My problem so far is that I
have no[I think] need. I do not have any smokers near me, when I go out to
meetings or to see friends, go to our local theatre, or any other visit it is
always in a no smoking environment.
That leaves driving, I have that cornered. Sitting at home, watching T.V.,
working on comp.,working at hobby etc, all these are O.K.
My next big problem will be later in the year as golf season starts. I know I
usually would get through 4 or 5 during a good round, maybe more on a hard
day!! So, I will need to pay attention to that area when the time draws near.
I might mention that after my last attempt at quitting, I did not smoke after
6.00 p.m. in the evening, nor before 8.30 a.m. in the morning. for the rest of
the year until this quit. My smoking I cinfined to the rec room area only. The
same conditions applied as now, that usually any where I go it is in a no
smoking environment.
So, how should I tackle this? I seem to be at a loss to come up with any ideas.
Regards, Fred.
August 13th, 2005 at 5:23 pm
Hi i’m tired of doing these ABCS is there anything else we can work
on?Another web page where theres not so much writing or something i
have promb. w/ my hands & iv’e been writing these ABCS out on paper
for my own records in case my computer looses info.Then come in here
& type.I have no ink for printer & can’t afford cuz i have to eat &
pay bills so i’m stuck i dunno what to do please help. Anne
October 17th, 2005 at 12:45 pm
Here are my lists:
REASONS TO SMOKE:
1. Waking up in the morning
2. Going out
3. Coming home
4. Finishing a job/project.
5. Procrastinating about doing something I dont want to do
6. When Im trying to think, to help me focus
7. After eating
8. After cooking, before eating!
9. When Im angry
10. When Im hungry
11. When Im thirsty
12. When Im tired
Theres lots more but you get the idea!
REASONS TO QUIT:
I have thought long and hard on this; There are no good reasons to
smoke.
My reasons to quit are
Im wheezing, Ive got brown stains on my fingers and burn holes in my
clothes, skin, furniture and carpet. Chest pains and loss of
endurance (Im now in the “pathetic” category for running), I hate the
smell, I hate the coughing, sore throat, and disgusting phlegm Im
coughing up all the time.
As I said before There are no good reasons to smoke, but there are
many GOOD reasons to QUIT!
So Whats Next?
Jennie
November 10th, 2005 at 9:21 am
I’ve decided on Wednesday as my quit day - I wanted to get a few days
preparation done first of all. Steve tells me I need to ‘get on with
the work’ - so, here’s the first assignment…
Reasons to smoke
- Within minutes of getting up in the morning or after a nap
- After meals - need that something to finish it off
- With a drink (alcohol especially)
- break time at work
- in the car
- any unexpected breaks where there’s chance to sneak one
- When I’m angry
- when I’m upset
- when i’m bored or irritable
- pretty well whenever I feel any strong emotion
- finishing a chore (household, garden etc)
- on the phone
- arguments with hubby, daughters (teenagers…)
Actually, I realise any and everything is a reason to smoke.
Emotions and conditions
- angry, bored, upset, nervous, irritable, hungry, tired, thirsty,
feeling unwell (eg headachey, upset stomach, pms symptons), excited,
relieved, satisfied
Physical sensations
I feel most things it seems in my stomach and the back of my neck.
This has taken some thinking about and realisations. I’ve been very
aware today of what was going on when I felt I needed to smoke - both
in my mind and body. Mostly it seems like I get these restless
feelings, sort of a churning up sensation. Oh yes, breathing is
affected - it becomes rather shallow. The muscle sensations are like
a tautness. I’ve always assumed a smoke is whats needed to calm me
down.
Thanks Steve for the material you icq’d me today, that’s been really
interesting reading. I’d no idea about synapses and
neurotransmitters etc - its no wonder my body cries out when its
deprived of its fix. Now begins the work of re-educating it.. and
Warren.
Di
PS what do I do next? The timer exercise?
November 10th, 2005 at 10:29 pm
Di,
Great work on those lists. I agree with your observation that we
experience most of our emotions and conditions in only a few physical
ways.
Those sensations are indicitive of both a lowered nicotine level and
of most non nic related stressors. Sounds like you’ve already begun
paying attention and recognizing ‘what you feel’. The timer exercise
may simply increase the frequency of your observations. For the next
couple of days, try using the timer and at the same time begin to
think in ABC terms. What events can you anticipate happening tomorrow
that, while not directly related to a fluctuating nicotine level, were
always associated with a cigarette. Your list of ‘reasons to smoke’
has lots of those. Can you look ahead to ‘dealing with daughter’ and,
knowing what physical sensations are likely to be present, prepare a
different response?
Steve