Steve’s party 3pm EST Sunday
The growth of my quit and the evolution of Cognitive Quitting have been
intertwined from the beginning. As this Ides of March wraps up, I want to
thank all of you who have joined CognitiveQuitSmoking. On this anniversary,
to be able to share both my quit and my obsession with all of you is a
blessing I hadn’t expected.
Thank you 
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 19th, 2004 at 8:51 am
The way I look at it Steve, you, Cogquit and your gang have enhanced
my quality of life and continue to assist me in becoming a well-
grounded secure person. I could never have done gotten out of the
viscious nicotine circle without this. THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Also, sorry I’ve been kinda missing in action lately. The parttime
job has really taken a toll on my regular duties and it seems I’m
always running behind. I have been lurking, just not responding.
Also, one thing that has been buggin’ me lately. I have no desire
for cigarettes any longer, but my god that feeling of not being
satisfied….. when will it go away? Mostly when I sit to relax,
Warren speaks, “reward time, light up”. I hate it, even tho I amnot
hungry I WANT SOMETHING! Hate it. Bye now.
Gail
Two months, two weeks, one day, 10 hours, 0 minutes and 22 seconds.
1860 cigarettes not smoked, saving $306.97. Life saved: 6 days, 11
hours, 0 minutes.
March 19th, 2004 at 4:26 pm
Just realized from roaming on your site that today was your anniversary
I am still “hanging” - and so far, so good, but I sometimes have an
date, Steve………
I wish you many more!!!!!!!!!!
intimation that I may be in trouble should I run into some kind of major
life catastrophe………..
Trying hard to relate your “cognitive quit” to my
reality…………….
Thanks SO MUCH for your attempt to share yours…………..
I had hoped to be able to give you an “anniversary gift” of knowing one
more person had benefitted from your insight……….
but as I attempt to organize my “lists” - and ABC’s - etc. -
I am very much aware of the stress just thinking about them brings to my
“hang” -
so the gift will be late in coming……………but I still hope to be
able to offer it………
Jean
March 19th, 2004 at 11:28 pm
Hi there,
I’m going to take a break here and send this off for your perusal. How
I think this is worth reposting….
I think it’d be safe to say that all cognitive therapy - all cognitive
approaches include a basic premise and it is that our responses to any and
every event are dependant on our beliefs about that particular event.
Example: I’m driving down the highway when another vehicle suddenly flies
past me at high speed. I’m startled (heart is thumping, breathing is
faster) and my immediate thoughts are “Holy sh-t!! That guy’s flying! What
a f—–g lunatic! That idiot is going to kill someone. Coulda been me!!
Where the hell is a cop?!! Man, I hope someone nails that SOB.” Based on
that perfectly natural train of thoughts, I’ve concluded that that
individual deserves jail time, loss of license to drive, maybe at the very
least hanging. Ok, the hanging part is a bit over the top, but the bottom
line is that I’m feeling really pissed. Here we have an event - the car
flying past me and my being startled, some beliefs - my statements re: that
driver, and a response based on those statements - I’m pissed. What if,
as I’m driving down the road, I happen to hear on the radio that there has
been an accident and a child has been seriously injured and that the
father is racing to the hospital. And at that moment a car flies past me at
high speed. I’m startled (heart is thumping, breathing is faster) and my
immediate thoughts are “Holy sh-t! That guy’s flying! Wow, I wonder if
that’s the guy with the injured child. Lord let them make it safely to the
hospital and let that child be ok.” Here we have the very same event, a
speeding car and me being startled. But the beliefs, my statements, have
changed. Based on those changed statements, my response, in spite of my
thumping heart and rapid breathing, is something other than pissed. In this
case it’s a degree of compassion for a desperate father. See what
happened here? The ‘little voice’ told me something. In one case it
‘believed’ the other driver to be a dangerous lunatic, in the other, a
desperate father. Same events, different dialogs, very different responses.
That’s an example of the event, belief, response (ABC) nature of how we
behave toward *every event* we encounter. Events can be everything from a
speeding car to some physical sensation. The response (C) of one ABC can
be, and usually is, the event (A) of the next.
Just a quick reminder, A - activating event = a simple,
nonjudgmental statement of fact i.e. “I’m groggy” , “I’m angry”, “I feel
like I got a case of the ‘nonspecific restless crankies’”. B - belief(s)
= the ‘truths’ we attribute to the event, judgements about the event, ideas
as to how to resolve/respond to the event. and C - consequent response =
our chosen response based entirely on what we believe(d) about the event.
—– A footnote at this point: smokers and those who have never smoked,
all respond to their own inner dialogs/beliefs. Smokers associate a
cigarette with any and all events, ‘never’ smokers don’t. But we all follow
the same patterns to get from event to response. It’s also very important
to realize that just because those who have never smoked don’t use
cigarettes as responses, it does NOT follow that while we were ‘learning to
smoke in response to our lives, that they were learning appropriate
responses to theirs. My experience is that a nonsmoker can be, and often
is, just as dysfunctional in life as any smoker, the only difference is
they don’t smoke.—–
Looking at the ‘little voice’ in those scenarios, we can see that’s it’s a
voice that belongs to us. It’s a part of us that deals with the evaluation
of events, both sudden profound events and the routine yawn events. As
smokers, that voice of ours examined the events that were what we believed
to be ‘triggers’. As smokers, that little voice was always dead on the mark
with it’s beliefs as to how best to respond. As quitters, our little voice
simply continued to do the excellent and very conscientious job it had
always done. This is when our little voice, our Warren, gets cast in the
role of a ‘demon’. And that’s for no reason other than we don’t want to
hear what it’s always said. Rather than listen to our little voice and
retrain it to offer better (in light of our choice not to smoke) options
for response, most ppl will try to ignore the voice. There is NO demon,
there is only Warren. But that’s a rant of mine for another time
are those lists coming?
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 21st, 2004 at 4:21 am
Katie Lou wrote
And when’s the next party?
We were talking about this a bit in Chat yesterday, when we were
celebrating Steve’s 6 yr quit anniversary. Maybe we all drank a bit
too much wine in there, cos I can’t remember what conclusions we
came to (if indeed we did). Anyway, I’ll have a go at responding.
With me, that after-a-meal cig (thats the one we were talking about
I think) was like the full stop at the end of the sentence. I
didn’t feel complete until I’d lit up that cig and drawn deeply on
it. So, I needed to think what it was about that cig that felt good,
and what else I could do instead. I think it was more about a long
practised ritual than anything else, so when I quit it was about re-
training Warren to offer up a much better, nonsmoking response.
Just changing the routine around helped a lot, and substituting the
cig with a cup of coffee - which relaxed me just as much as the cig
ever did - worked well also. If I got those ‘want something’
feelings at other times I’d get up and stretch, have a walk round,
go out into the garden, make a phone call - whatever. Often the
feeling came because I was feeling bored and a cig had been a
diversion, something to do. In time, the ‘doing something else’ is
just an automatic thing - once Warren’s clicked on to it
Pam
March 21st, 2004 at 11:36 am
Gail and Katie:
Indi and I used to talk about that ‘hole’ often. Sometimes it was
actually a physical feeling, sometimes just an awareness of a
nothingness in our life and routine. Here’s part of two posts I
wrote about my feelings of unbalance and emptiness inside. In the
first post, I was making reference to Steve’s analogy (one of my
favorites) of sitting on the beach with a beer in one hand and a
smoke in the other (didn’t they balance each other out?)
March 22nd, 2004 at 2:13 am
Picture:
There are lots of times when we simply don’t know what we want, only
Here we have a few ‘no
A few smokers show up at the usual ’stand around and smoke place’. The
first and second are out of cigarettes are waiting for the next to arrive
as he’ll surely have smokes. In the mean time, how do you picture them
standing? A bit of nervous fidgetting, some shuffling? Hang on to that
picture, we’ll pick it up in a bit…..
Cat wrote:
“…. we seem to be almost different people. We’re calmer now, more
focussed.”
I think you’re different people. There’s been a truely remarkable change.
And what did it take? One A, a couple of B’s, and a C, some practice,
and just enough patience.
that something’s missing. It feels as though no matter which way we twist,
we’re going to be uncomfortable. In a few more weeks the ‘nervous energy’
that is characteristic of nicotine addiction will begin to become a more
‘normal energy’. When we were nicotine addicts, it was as though our
‘engines were revving’ on the fast side. As we go through the recovery part
of quitting, our ‘engines run much more relaxed’. As that happens, there
will be less of the sense of missing.
Katie Lou wrote:
” ….it seems to be, mostly, when I’m bored or waiting or anticipating the
next event. I’ve chosen to do deep breathing but many times find myself
looking….”
Gail wrote:
“Now I sit and I’m so agitated and restless FOR SOMETHING”
Remember those smokers without their cigs?
longer smokers’, comparing notes. Once in a while one or two will do a
short ’something’s missing’ shuffle, and then compare a few more notes.
Meanwhile, you’re putting in your time learning to quit. Notice how little
panic is involved? Maybe once in a while for a moment, but not like those
smokers who know with absolute certainty that they are going to feel worse
than they do at this moment if some one doesn’t SHOW UP WITH A CIGARRETTE
NOW!!
Patience just a bit more patience. And while we’re being patient, we
can keep looking for that which is missing. Although I’ve begun to suspect
that we stop caring *that* something feels missing about 10 minutes before
we figure out *what* it is that’s missing.
Time to go, nite folks,
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 22nd, 2004 at 9:20 am
Steve - thought this was a great, accurate description of
Pam
those ‘want something’ feelings. That sense of ‘missing’ did
gradually recede as I adjusted physiologically and mentally to being
quit. And I’d forgotten those desperate feelings that washed over
me in huge waves when I was a smoker, when the cig supply had run
out or there was no chance to skulk into a corner to get my fix.
Thanks for reminding me, making me appreciate how wonderfully
peaceful it is to be an exsmoker
March 22nd, 2004 at 2:02 pm
I am supposed to go to a party on Sunday with my husbands daughter from his
first marriage many many many years ago. The ex will be there along with
all the new family and friends. Although we all get along, I am thinking
this is going to be the first real strong urge to smoke since February 3.
Half the party recruits to the patio to smoke for the better part of the
event. Eat, smoke, eat, smoke. You know the cycle.
I tried to work up the first step in creating my initial lists. Here they
go.
WORK WEEK: I would smoke the first chance I got after walking into the
house from work because that was the guideline I set for myself over the
past start (ok, no smoking until you get home from work) in order to lesson
the physical need. Then, I earned it from not smoking all day. This would
entail shipping non-smoking daughter out of the house if she was there. If
there was no sign of her, it entailed scoping the house to make sure she
wasnt hiding. Then down the basement stairs to the back room.
Throughout the evening, I would smoke when the opportunity arose but only up
to the magic number of 5. I really do not feel these cigs were in direct
response to any particular stimuli.
WEEKENDS: Weekends, I would smoke as soon as I woke up. This made it
harder to keep to 5 cigs because a cig probably was addressing a shorted
nicotine level at some point during the weekend.
WEEKEND NIGHTS: I granted myself immunity from any smoking rules during
weekend nights. I would worry about this or that during the weekend nights.
If you have teenage children or older, you should understand but I just take
it too far. These cigs werent included in any counts.
GET TOGETHERS WITH MY SMOKING BUDS: Get togethers have always been the
trigger that has started me back. Deep down, I am convinced that I can be
a social smoker like those people that only smoke when they go out or have
a drink. When, I tried smoking only when I had a drink, I started drinking
every night, so this new behavior had to stop.
At this point, I am expecting that I can do without all the cigs during the
WORK WEEK and WEEKENDS. I am only concerned about the weekend nights, get
togethers or if someone makes me really angry. This doesnt happen too
often, so I didnt list it, but it is important because it was the trigger
that started me back once.
I hope this is the right start. On to the additional lists.
Hope you all are doing well. Thanks.
Peg
March 22nd, 2004 at 11:58 pm
that time gone?
Actually, the first several months do seem to go more quickly when we’re
If the time has gone ‘that’ quickly, you must have been having way too
much fun.
involved in the planning and carrying out of new responses to routine life
events.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 23rd, 2004 at 9:35 am
on the month. Maybe that’s why the I WANT SOMETHINGs are occurring now.
I kept hearing about the three’s being the worst times of a quit - 3rd day, 3rd
week, 3rd month. I guess one of the things that helped me through those three’s
is that 3 is my lucky number so I refused to believe that a 3 could be anything
but lucky. Worked for me.
that time gone?
Remember that first week? Every day seemed like a week, a week seemed like a
month. I lived in slo mo (slow motion for our UK friends) for the first two
months. Now, I’m back in ‘real time’ which is ‘where does the time go?’ time.
You’re doing great, Gail!!!
- Cat
March 24th, 2004 at 12:33 am
Cat,
If I’m not a member..how come I have all the emails in my mailbox??..bobbie
March 24th, 2004 at 4:57 am
Understood. The idea that we can ‘never’ implies that we’re ‘losing’ or
Steve
‘excluded’. I think you will find that one day, in the not too distant
future, you are going to notice that you don’t feel that ‘exclusion’
anymore. It’s not that we become ok with ‘never being able to smoke again’,
but rather that you won’t want to or be able to imagine a reason why you’d
want to. The reason for this change is that as you ABC events and become
adept at ‘thinking’ your way past the old associations, you’re going to
discover a developing a ’sense of self’ the likes of which you’ve probably
never experienced before.
However for now, don’t even think about ‘forever’. It’s not a concept
that has a foundation and can be clearly grasped in relation to quitting.
another few cents
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 24th, 2004 at 10:18 pm
Ok, hi I’m Cat’s sister Bobbie in Washington. I’ve smoked for 20 years. I
thought if my sister could quit then I was ready to try too. My last cig was
last Sat nite. The hardest thing I had to do was tell friends and family that
I was going to quit. I thought if I didn’t tell, then if I failed I haven’t
let them down. Anyway tonight is 6 days and counting!
March 25th, 2004 at 2:34 am
Welcome aboard Bobbie - Cat told me when we chatted a few days ago
Freedom from smoking is wonderful and I for one can’t imagine why
that you’d quit, and I’ve been wondering how you were getting on
with it.
I’m sure Cat’s filled in the details of some of us here, but just
for the record I quit smoking 13 months ago using cognitive
quitting, having tried many many times to quit over the yrs and
never making it beyond a few days. There are a handful of Brits in
this group and we’ve got our own dictionary link so that you ppl
don’t get puzzled when we start talking about fags and quaint
customs like snogging
I’d ever want to smoke again.
Look forward to hearing more from you soon,
Pam
March 25th, 2004 at 10:09 am
Nice to meet you, Bobbie……..(and I surely hope you do well with your
I thought I was going to spend this week working on “lists” !
quit!)
(to make up for not being able to get to celebrate Steve’s quit last
Sunday)
but bad scene - my daughter-in-law (who had quit when I did - and whose
quit was probably largely responsible for mine) started smoking
again………….
most of you know I have not gotten past my formation
statement…………..
(which states in no uncertain terms that there are NO CIRCUMSTANCES in
which smoking could ever again be considered a helpful
endeavour…………)
but today I find new thoughts passing fleetingly through my
mind……………
(perhaps you should know that we (my daughter-in-law and myself) do not
have the best of relationships -
so in thinking of suggestions remember that my main goal is maintaining
some kind of relationship with her, my son, and my
grandchildren……….and also that I am well aware that I really am
past the age where quitting will accomplish miracles………….
so do you think she would find it easier to get back to her quit if I
“inadvertently” bobbled mine?
(willing to do this if it would help)
One-liners welcome………….not so sure I would/could absorb a
message that encompassed more………… :))))
Still this started out as a welcome to Bobbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(surely hope you do not run into glitches along the way!!)
Jean
March 25th, 2004 at 8:03 pm
Well, I did hit a little bump here. I am having a bad reation to the Zyban
I’ve been on so will most likely have to do this without any chemical help.
And no I did not comfort myself (yes I DO feel sorry for myself) with a cig.
And I did happen to find a stray pack of nearly full cigs in the glove
compartment of my car. Not my usual brand and I missed it in my throwing away
frenzy. This time I will not say that I think finding the pack is a sign from
God that I should start smoking again!!! ..Well Cat’s making me be a good
girl and make a quit list…later..bobbie
March 26th, 2004 at 2:49 am
Hey, Jean. Hope you’re doing well, Here’s my shot at what I think about
your questions below:
Are you saying that your relationship with your family may conflict your not
smoking? Forget about your son and DIL for a moment. What about your
grandchildren? I can’t imagine that they’d rather have a smoking grandma
than non-smoking.
Jean, benefits from not smoking start from the moment you stop. Granted,
some benefits take longer, maybe a year or two. I know that you think that
you’re old. I guess I don’t because my Nana is 94 and still going strong,
rockin’ on. Wouldn’t you like to be rockin’ on with your grandkids and
great-grandkids when you hit your 90’s?
Jean, this is blatent stinkin’ thinkin’ - don’t even go there!!! If your
DIL is going to quit, then it’s totally up to her, not up to your actions.
Maybe a bit more. You know me, can’t do a one-liner, I’ve got too much
breath now!!!
Hang in there, Jean.
- Cat
March 26th, 2004 at 10:33 am
Thank you to eveyone who extended a welcome. hope to be a steady member of
the group as those weeks turn into months.
March 26th, 2004 at 2:56 pm
Welcome to the group
Sorry bout that reaction to Zyban, hope it clears up quickly. Have you
worked out some lists? Foundation statements? Want to get together and
talk about some ABCs to prepare for some routine events?
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 26th, 2004 at 10:11 pm
No! No! and NO! It will NOT help. I’ve heard this from others in the
past. I don’t know how to say this tactfully but dropping ones quit so
another might feel less a failure, is a frightenly dumb idea.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 27th, 2004 at 5:38 am
Thanks so much, Cat……….. :)))
Right now feeling too damned much responsibility for the fate of future
More!!!!!
One part of me is celebrating my ability to hold on to this quit
……..
yet there is another part of me acknowledging that there is another
relationship that may be more important………..
mother - son - daughter-in-law…….grandchildren???
I have no idea as to why this should be a problem -
yet it seems to be universal!!! ????
My bottom line is that I got to be 68 years old before a suggestion of
problems related (possibly) to smoking became evident. And I had been
smoking for 50 years…………<and regardless of what I read or hear
find it difficult to believe that quitting now will influence my own
health
I am surely convinced though about the ability of the next generation
(s) being able to influence theirs!!!!!!! So would really hope to help
(not hinder) their progress.
This is crazy!!!!!!!!
generations!!!!
LOL!!
Will have a glass of wine and go to bed!!!!!!
Jean
March 28th, 2004 at 8:32 pm
Cat’s getting me started on the list. the foundation statement will be harder
for me to frame. Let me work on for the next few. I’m pretty good in the
short term, (everyone thought I’d smoke in retaliation to drug reaction).
It’s the long haul I tend to fail at. I heard you talk about the 3’s and I
know that around the 3rd week and 3rd month will be the hardest time to
remember why I’m doing this. Anyone had second thoughts, and how did you get
through those times???
March 29th, 2004 at 8:11 am
Hi there,
I’m going to be that presumptious as to ’suggest’ that the following
are THE foundation statements. If they work for you, use them.
1- I do not want to be a smoker.
2- There is no situation or instance where smoking would be an acceptable
action.
3- (sort of an extension of 2) I am prepared to be uncomfortable and will
still choose to not smoke.
If you have questions or are are unsure of the ‘absoluteness’ of any of
these 3, lets talk about it.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 29th, 2004 at 10:40 pm
That’s a lotta ‘learning’. Sounds like work. :))
www.cognitivequitting.com
March 31st, 2004 at 6:10 pm
KatieLou,
Thank you for this. You’re right on the mark.
Jean, I owe you a public apology for being so harsh and unsympathetic.
I’m sorry.
I really am glad that that ‘bobble’ train of thinking turned out to be only
a temporary aberration.
Steve
www.cognitivequitting.com
April 6th, 2004 at 7:29 am
In a message dated 3/24/02 10:28:48 AM Pacific Standard Time,
ddsteve@… writes:
Thanks for the sugesstions I like all three, but #2 is the one I’m going to
have to repeat to myself from time to time. I am going to copy this and set
up a file and I will add my list of reason’s I want to be a non smoker. Now
next question is what are those abc’s I am seeing popping up in the posts?
April 8th, 2004 at 10:05 pm
Thanks, Katie………..
Someone mentioned their foundation statement yesterday……….(and
Managed to get through the rough copy of my income tax today without
that brought me back to earth!) I thought of mine!!!!!
You may well be right……in that I was hoping for an excuse……….
I have found it really difficult this last month
too much cold weather = too much time on my own
and few distractions……………
warming up now - so I should be fine…………
losing my cool - (this has been on hold waiting for me to feel I could
handle the stress! ) LOL
Jean