Cognitive Quit Smoking

I guess the point is that Steve was ALWAYS telling me to be patient,
that I was doing fine, it was just going to take time and, lo and
behold, he was right! It does take time.<
Hi All
This post is in response to the posts that were going on
about ‘wanting something’ or the ‘big hole thing’. It’s very long
and not sure that it makes a lot of sense but it has really helped me
get some things sorted in my head. So if you’ve got time to spare
pull up a chair, grab a coffee and see what you make of it.
Namaste
Indi
Just thought I would put my two pennorth in on this one. Cat wrote
that she and I talked about this feeling as being a ‘hole’. For me
it was really, really bad and I had the most horrendous physical
feeling inside. Nothing would seem to fill it!! Not breathing, not

eating, not anything. Yes it would go away for a little while but it
would very quickly come back.
Like Cat I had many a long chat with Steve who kept reminding me to
be patient and slowly, very slowly I learned that I really needed to
do my abc’s and be prepared - when I did this the hole went away for
longer times.
But my hole didn’t really go away until I went on holiday and really
chilled. Was talking to someone on my return about how different I
felt inside and how the only thing I could put this ‘hole thing’ down
to was ’stress’ and that I never had felt stress like it so maybe in
all my life I had never experienced real ’stress’.
Now this friend of mine told me that I probably had but I hadn’t
actually ‘felt’ it because as soon as the ‘feeling’ occurred I would
satisfy it with a cig or a drink.
This made me think about cog thinking and the whole thing about
feelings of discomfort in the body and Warren telling you how to ease
them.
Ok this is the way I see it.
I’ve smoked for 44 years. That is the majority of my life, like all
of you I’ve smoked when I’ve been happy, sad, afraid, lonely, bored,
etc. etc. Smoking to me was as much a part of my life as eating,
sleeping and doing all the other things we need to do to stay alive.
At least I thought it was until I met Steve:)
It takes someone much cleverer than me to be able to explain how it
all works but I know that messages are sent from one part of the body
to another via synapses and a lot of the stuff that goes on happens
almost automatically, unconsciously. Like getting somewhere and not
being able to remember how you got there or what you saw on the way:)
So I get a feeling of discomfort, Warren tells me what will ease this
discomfort and without even thinking it all through I have the pack
of cigs and lighter, took one out of packet, lit it and am merrily
puffing away.
If you really think this through the amount of actual actions and
decisions taken in this are vast and if we had to consiously think it
all through it would take far too long so we wouldn’t get anything
done.
I know I’m rambling here and it might not be making much sense but
there is a reason for it and that is that its just over 5 months
since I quit and I know I have done really well as I found cog quit
to be like the ‘light going on’- I remember telling Steve how easy I
was finding it and he would say ‘doesn’t sound ‘easy’ from your
posts!!! -
This took me a long time to understand and although I thought I had
got it sorted out I now realise that I am still a ‘baby’ in the
quitting process - although five months is very good and seems like a
very long time to me it is still early days.
All throughout my quit I have noticed stuff like this in retrospect
and if I’d done my abc’s properly in preparation of events I would
not have had to suffer a lot of the discomfort or even thoughts
of ‘wanting something’ that I have done.
As I said before my ‘hole’ had gone when I was on holiday so haven’t
had it now for about 3 weeks. Not really had much problem with
the ‘wanting something’ and not knowing what it was I wanted cos I’ve
always known that what I wanted was a ’smoke’.
So cog thinking deals with this want and then I find its not what I
really want at all - what I really want is to get rid of a ‘feeling
of disomfort’ in my body which is sending messages to my warren who
answers a ‘cig will fix it’.
Now thats all well and good but I can’t define this feeling, I can’t
even ‘feel’ the feeling so how the hell can I find an alternative
healthier option. Sometimes I can and sometimes I just have to
accept that the only option is to not have an option - there is no
solution.
On Saturday I had thoughts of wanting something all day and as usual
I put it down to wanting a cig. This wanting a cig got stronger and
stronger
as the day went by. I put it down to the fact I was going out that
night on a night out from hell.
With a group of people, 20 of us and only 4 non-smokers. Now I don’t
know this group very well, have nothing in common with them and don’t
even like them very much - But they are old friends of my DH and we
only go out with them a few times a year.
This was going to be the first time since I quit - so normally when I
was out with them I would be ‘puffing’ away, cos I’d be bored,
lonely, a bit resentful cos didn’t want to be there and all that
jazz. (But guess what - puffing away didn’t stop me feeling like that
all it did was make me a smoker who was bored, lonely, resentful
etc!!)
Now this sort of thinking has only become apparent to me since
quitting and becoming a more enlightened, knowing person - but I
still have to do it in retrospect and suffer all day on the Saturday.
The night out was dreadful - we were all in a private room in the
restaurant with no ventilation and no windows to open. My eyes were
streaming, I could smell the smoke getting into my skin, clothes,
hair and even my lungs - it was awful and there was no way I could
make my excuses to leave.
But there was no ‘big hole’ - no cravings - no whispers or shouts
from Warren - all there was was gratitude that I didn’t have to do
this anymore and how much stupid they all looked puffing away on a
little white stick, screwing their faces up, inhaling all that hot
smoke and ash into their lungs and worse of all having to rush
through their meals so they could get their next fix - YUK.
So all day Saturday obviously had some ‘discomfort’ going on inside
which for whatever reason I chose to hold onto instead of dealing
with it in a cognitive way (maybe I’m a sadist or is it masochist -
never can tell the difference?)
Saturday night - no craves/urges/want somethings - but on Sunday when
I was doing my housework had lots of ‘want something as reward’
thoughts in between jobs.
Now I was talking to Steve yesterday about this and I was a bit
surprised that it had happened cos these thoughts haven’t happened to
me in a long while.
I think for me one of the things about rewarding myself or wanting
something is all to do with the ‘how much am I worth syndrome’. Now
I’m very good at taking care of everyone else and I’m very good at
telling people how to do things to look after their own health (all
of it not just physical) and I know all the right things to do but do
I do them???? NO
Cos its just like - its too much bother to even think about an
alternative reward, smoking was instant, didn’t take any thinking
about, gave me an excuse to ‘take five’.
This is really stupid - here I am, an adult and I think I need an
excuse to ‘take five’!!!!
Well its taken me a week to write this post cos I tend to get very
verbose when I’m sure a few one liners would have given the same
message which I think is this……….
None of us are completely trapped by exterior circumstances, we only
think we are. We all have a degree of choice about how we live in
relation to each other and society. Habit is mostly to blame for
entrapment in worong places or roles and once we decide to change our
habits - which takes courage, commitment and consistency - new doors
will open up in our lives. Look at it this way, an old habit is
merely an established memory trace in the synapses of the brain: new
(good) habits are fresh memory traces which commit us to a new goal.
It takes only 18 days to create a new memory trace but that means
putting into practice consistently the abc’s, and I’m still a baby at
it:)))))
Learning to give myself a break and to play takes practise and
practise makes perfect. Now that I have taken responsibility for
living I have to decide what to do with the time I have built into my
life for me - time that used to be spent smoking!!! The answer to
this is uniquely personal - what works for me may not work for anyone
else. There are many simple and inexpensive wys to escape from the
worries and stresses of everyday life and not all of them involve
putting something in my mouth or doing something physical so I’m
going to go on a quest and find out what will work for me as a reward
thing or a relaxation thing or any other thing where ‘Warren
whispers - a cig will do it’.
Will let you all know when I find out what works for me:)
Regards
Indi

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 27th, 2004 at 7:49 pm and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.