The story of a lost quit.
Hello all,
My computer must be in communication with Steve’s. It’s been ugly here too.
I am not up and running perfectly yet but I don’t have the time to figure it
all out as Inventory is happening in a week’s time. So I’ll still be pretty
absent from you. I did want you to know that I am really impressed with how
well all of you are doing. I know there have been ’stumbles’ too. All I
can say to that is to pick yourself up, get better prepared and start
walking the walk again.
Speaking of stumbles, I took a trip down to see my mom for her 80th
birthday. All of my siblings were there with me. My brother and younger
sister and I all quit around the same time which by now is almost 4 years.
My older sister still smokes. (Omigosh, I am truly worried about her too.
If she doesn’t have emphysema at the moment, I know she has to have lost
lung function. She’s already started with the serious coughing and lack of
breath problems and she’s only 55!!! Not good. What a very personal
picture for me of what I, too, would have been like had I not quit. I’d
prefer that she wasn’t my bad example though. [That’s sort of an
understatement, isn’t it?]) My younger sister is still quit. I was VERY
surprised to smell cigarettes on my brother though.
As a family, we hug a lot. We are a very tightknit group. The first time I
thought I smelled it on him, I thought he had to have been near my older
sister too much. So, I tossed it off. Then the Sunday night before I was
due to come home, he and I had a chance to talk, just the two of us. I sort
of guessed he had gone out for a smoke. I know the smell so well. So,
after we got some important stuff out of the way (aging parents are hard to
deal with), I asked him, What’s up?
He told me he had bummed a smoke from a friend in a weak moment and within a
week, he was back to one pack a day. It’s all done on the sly too. I
remember so well, the sneaking around just to smoke, just to get that
nicotine level up so I could think again. As I listened to him tell me of
his struggle, of his disgust and of his ’shame’ (That’s not exactly the word
I want to use and is said truly for lack of a better word. I think you know
what I mean, though), deep inside me, I breathed a huge sigh and was
grateful all over again for my solid quit. I had told him that I would be
there for him whenever he decided to quit again… and then I let it go.
But damn! It is very sad to see him lose his quit.
Was I tempted to smoke along with him? Smile. No. Not even for a moment.
I have chosen to keep myself smokefree. And I have armed myself with
understanding to help me keep that choice. I could not/would not want to
quit again. Oh my…. especially after seeing and experiencing the smoking
life of my siblings.
The key to my success is Cog Quitting. The reason I do not fear having
folks smoke around me is that, early in my quit, I learned to give myself
options to deal with these kind of circumstances. I no longer need an ABC
to help me past the experiences. My responses now are automatic and
gratefully so. You can get here. You can. The work that you put in now in
learning to understand your smoking behavior will pay off, like it did for
me. I am sure of it.
Now it’s back to work. Smile. I’ll check in when I can.
Keep on keeping on,
Pat