Whatever
Need input, Steve, or Pam or …………………anyone……….
!!!!!! 
Have been doing really well I thought…………..trying gradually to
turn a C.T. quit into a cog quit…………..(and thinking that
gradually I was tuning in to the process)
Recently - for no reason that I fathom………….back has come -
during the late evening hours with nothing else to distract me………a
feeling that what I REALLY NEEDED in order to get to sleep was a “you
know what”……………….
Tried to think what had changed - and the only thing I can think of is
that up until a few weeks ago I was riding pretty high - congratulating
myself on how well I was doing……..and no way would I have allowed
the thought of changing this …………..
Now I find - no more congrats from anyone (LOL) Those who are
still smoking avoid the topic - and those who are non-smokers (and have
been for a while) - have forgotten what a big deal quitting
is!!!!!!!!!! I am sticking to my foundation statement………….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT………………………..sometimes it is hard……………
And tomorrow morning I have a son leaving for the Gulf (Canadian
Navy)…….
and I am scared to death that in a weak moment - Warren is going to tell
me that I deserve a “treat”…………………………….
Michael - I think we all start from the premise that our health (and
that of those we live with)) is our priority…..(it took a few words
from MY doctor to start me on the path)…………..
Now I tell myself - that whatever signal Warren sends - there has to be
a an alternative choice……….and so I pick up a cinnamon stick (or
whatever)……………
or become active in some meaningless alternative activity until Warren’s
signal has passed……………..
Sheesh!!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going to be up at 7 (mountain time) watching TV (though I do not
expect the news to show the ship’s departure live………………..
Support treasured………… Jean
May 20th, 2004 at 9:18 pm
Hi Jean - can’t add much more to KatieLou’s reply - I think that
We know differently. And just as we find ourselves
thinking about those late night ‘want a cig’ feelings and what’s
prompted them is a good plan, plus the alternative responses she
suggested to you.
Oh, I’ve been there! And the never-smoked-in-their-lives crew are
the worst of all - they think we should just be ‘over’ it in a matter
of a few weeks
on plateaux, so those around us do too in a sense - the newness of
our quit has worn off for them too. Enjoy being quit and learning to
deal cognitively - the awareness you’ve developed is paying huge
dividends. Well done to you, Jean !
Pam
May 21st, 2004 at 4:32 am
Jean, every process has it’s kinks every once in a while. You need
to stay strong in your conviction to stay quit, remember your
foundation statement when you waver, and carry on. One way to carry
on is to make yourself sit down and do some ABC’s. You’ve done a
good job at identifying what is bringing on these feelings of wanting
to smoke. See, there’s the starts of your ABC’s…
A. Activating Event = I’m having trouble sleeping. I think this may
be caused by (yadda yadda yadda)…
Then do your B’s which would be options to choose from and your
beliefs around them. Then C would be your response.
or
A. - Activating Event - Son leaving for the Gulf tomorrow morning. I
am feeling anxious and scared for him. (and so forth)
Jean; sounds to me like you’re still being a bit reactive here
instead of proactive. Try to think ahead some more. That’s where the
ABC’s some in handy. Hopefully, it will help with your discomfort.
Overall, I think you’re doing great and I love to read your posts.
Good luck and blessings to your son, Jean.
- Cat
May 21st, 2004 at 11:47 am
Hi Jean - its time I had another go at an ABC, so I thought I’d have
KatieUK
a try at one here, looking at that late night ‘fancy a cig’ type
feeling.
A I’m having trouble sleeping
B I can’t work out what’s causing this - it happens sometimes. In
the past a cig helped to relax me and help me get back to sleep.
Its probably because there’s nothing much going on to distract me
and making me feel antsy and tense. I could go lie in a warm
scented bath which will probably help me to feel sleepy, play some
music to help relax me, read a book, listen to my Pavarotti CD, ring
a friend, or ….(fill in the gaps)
C I’ll go have that bath, and curl up with a book
How about that next activating event - your son leaving for the
Gulf? How is that going to make you feel, and what are your beliefs
around that event? Which C will you choose?
Hope you didn’t mind me doing a ‘tweak’ Cat
May 21st, 2004 at 6:19 pm
Dear all,
In regards to the most recent emails with ABC’s that tackle late night
fancies, social smoking and procrastination thoughts of cigs, I’d like
to add my thoughts.
The ABC’s that have been offered as examples are GREAT. I can see this
group lifting up those of you who are more newly quit and helping to
give you other options other than picking up a cig. (Is that a terrific
gift or what?!!) I would tell you newer quitters to remember that this
is a process. I would have wished for myself a magic wand but alas, I
had to continue to walk the walk until my quit was solid. It will
probably be that way for you too. I encourage you to continue to learn
new options.
And I would also tell you, that although you might be feeling sometimes
vulnerable and/or sometimes frustrated (that you aren’t farther along
towards quit comfort than you thought you were), there must be a degree
of patience that must be exercised while you give yourself the
opportunity to learn this method of quitting. I found my patience
(which is still almost non-existent… I want what I want and I want it
now… smile… good ol’ 60’s attitude, eh?) when I realized that I was
in the middle of giving myself a true chance at never having to go
through this quitting business ever again. Since I had tried everything
that I knew to try in my innumerable quits before this one and had
failed every time, I had a ‘feeling’ about this method. In a short
period of time, I had experienced more hope than ever before. And I was
beginning to believe that giving myself a way of thinking myself through
this quit versus just hanging on for dear life was the true key to a
permanent quit. As it has turned out, both feelings were dead on.
Allow yourself the time to learn your ABC’s. Allow yourself the time
for your body to heal from the years of nicotine abuse. Allow yourself
the ability to experience a freedom that is so sweet, so BIG, that once
you have gained your quit comfort, you will feel like you have given
yourself the greatest gift imaginable. And you have. Allow your
patience to be experienced in order to give you the time for all of this
to come forth.
In the end, when you have reached that place where you no longer get
those late night fancies, where you have no fear of being in a social
situation with smokers (who haven’t found their courage to quit yet) and
where you have learned to give yourself other options where once you
would have procrastinated with a smoke… In the end, the payoff is true
freedom. It’s an amazing experience. You can get here… you can.
Pat
May 22nd, 2004 at 2:17 am
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “katie2905uk” <katie2905uk@y…
Heck, no. This is great, we should have an ABC party!!! Thanks,
Katie!
May 22nd, 2004 at 9:39 am
Hi there Jean,
I read your post this morning just before I headed off to work. It
appeared to me that what you needed was an ABC or two that would help you
define the alternative options you needed. I thought of a few things
through the day intending to get home and send them off to you. And here I
find that Katie and Katie and Pam and Cat and Michael have covered just
about everything I’d have offered. (Thank you Katie and Katie and Pam and
Cat and Michael. To everyone who posts, thank you thank you. You are why
this group is so effective.)
Jean you are tuning into the process. You’re aware and realizing that
very well done.
very well done. (Congratulations and apologies to any
there has been a change and you’re trying to look analytically at that
change with a view to finding a better way to handle it.
How are you sleeping? Are you getting ‘enough’ sleep? Fatigue, I think,
is the worst of all the stressors we can encounter. It aggravates every
other ‘negative’ feeling we’re experiencing.
When others fail to notice or remember how wonderful we are that we’ve
quit and stop saying things that support us, isn’t that a pretty lonely
feeling?
A son heading into danger is sure to be a source of worry and concern,
and, in our smoking past, both would have been classic ‘reasons to light
up’. As for Warren telling you anything in a “weak moment”, don’t fear him.
He will offer up his ’suggestions’ based on past experience just as he’s
been doing all along, even if you haven’t been hearing him. And when he
offers up his suggestions, you will look them over, agree with what’s
acceptable, and veto what isn’t. Then you can use whatever works from the
ABCs that have been presented here and come up with something that actually
helps you respond in a way that’s in keeping with your foundation beliefs.
There, you see? You’re aware of Warren and you’re critical of what he
offers. Remember, he’s just offering up what has worked in the past. It’s
up to you to create new options, preferably something other than
“meaningless alternatives”. You’re certainly on the right track, just need
some additional options that are more on target.
Jean, congratulations on your 4 months quit
Katie, you too
4 month quitters I’ve failed to mention.)
To all you New Years quitters whom I haven’t met and are out there
lurking, I hope you’re finding a cognitive path through your quit and that
you are discovering the comfort of being aware and in charge.
Steve
May 22nd, 2004 at 5:07 pm
Thanks for response, Katie…………..
And they seem to come out of the blue - mostly when I am sitting here at
And I have not
(or food when absolutely necessary)
It just seems so strange that after 4 months of not smoking I am once
again getting these pretty strong messages from Warren………….
(I thought I had him boxed in and under control)
the computer (radio or TV on at the same time)
identified anything in my conscious thought that would trigger the need
for a response…………
Coping as much as possible by trying to consciously interpret message as
a signal for the need for deep breathing or a bit of exercise……….
Jean
May 23rd, 2004 at 12:21 am
Thanks, Pam…..am holding……and trying to identify
source…………
Perhaps I just need to get to bed earlier…….. LOL
Jean
May 23rd, 2004 at 7:36 am
Thanks for your input, Cat………………
And you are right - I have been reactive…….
I think perhaps I have been looking too closely for “clues” as to what
was prompting a message from Warren……….(what I was feeling rather
than what I was doing)
Perhaps some of this is due to an awareness that I have spent my life
reacting to feelings far more than to facts……… :))
The way you have framed the beginnings of an ABC - makes far more
sense…..
I think perhaps I should share with the group my final response to
concerns about seeing that ship set sail for the Arabian Sea…………
Mothers feel really helpless, you know!!!!!!!! (once sons are grown
and married)
Someone else gets to hear their fears (if any) and to comfort
them………
I just felt I HAD to do something……..and lo and behold in the paper
I was reading this morning was mention of a petition that had been
started by a lady here in Canada,
who concerned about possible escalation of the response to September
11th - and the number of civilian casualties in Afganistan - was asking
the Canadian government to
withdraw support of the US actions in the middle east and to bring our
troops home.
I signed it like a shot!!!!!!!!!!! And feel MUCH better!!!!
I have done something!!!!!!
(I hope any American cogquit buddy will understand!)
Jean
May 23rd, 2004 at 2:51 pm
“michael.havlicek” wrote:
I do NEED them!!!!!!
I was just overwhelmed by the weather……….
Since I am not working - and have no committments - I decided just to
But I look forward to a time when I know the battle is won and I can
Thanks much for your support, Michael……………
You are right about the books………..
Think perhaps you were not around when I shared my history…….
Moved from small town Ontario to the city of Calgary in late fall
(early winter here)
And spent most of the winter just hibernating like our bears while I
waited for it to get warm again…..
This has just started to happen within the last week or
so…………and I have yet to find my way to the library. (in
Ontario I went weekly and brought home as many as I could carry) LOL
I also have tried the herbal teas…………….chamomile seems to be
recommended here
(but this has not seemed helpful)……….and valerian root (also
recommendedl) actually made me ill)
Admit I also tried a glass of wine …………..(which worked
beautifully until I realized one glass had turned into
two…….)………so I scrapped that avenue………
let the scenario play itself out……..so I sometimes find myself
“retiring” (for the 5th or 6th time) just about the time others are
getting up…..
And so there is good reason to suspect that some of my difficulties are
due to a lack of sleep………….
Perhaps also I expect too much too soon…………..
It really seems as if one has gotten 4 months in - there should be SOME
feeling that a hurdle has been passed and it can only get
easier………….
But obviously this is not always true - since so many seem to get this
far and then lose their quits………..
It is 7 months now since I heard my doctor suggest that my latest x-ray
indicated it was time to quit smoking if I wanted to avoid major
problems…………..
I hear her voice every time I am tempted to listen to
“Warren”………………..
and I am depending on pure fear to keep me from smoking……….
But I am 68 - a widow - and one son’s death has preceded mine……….
and I have to admit there are days when the thought passes through
that perhaps I do not need to live to the century mark???????
So why NOT smoke????????
In the end the goal that sustains me is to serve as an example to a few
people who long ago gave up on any belief that they COULD quit……….
At the time I quit my consumption of cigarettes was up to over two
packages of 25 cigs each per day. I smoked almost non-stop whenever I
was in my own home or in any other situation where smoking was
permitted…………
So anyone who knew me prior to 31 Dec 01 HAS to be able to think
“if she can do it - so can I”
And I know a few people who have started a quit thinking the
above………….
So I shall hold to this quit regardless of temptations (as long as I am
in control)
turn any leftover energy toward helping myself or others to tackle a
different one……..
Jean
May 24th, 2004 at 7:51 pm
Thanks, Katie…………still working at it…….
Jean
May 25th, 2004 at 3:06 am
Thanks for posting, Pat…………
Maybe one day I will “KNOW” I am quit!!!!!
Nice to see the view from “there” ……………..
Jean
May 25th, 2004 at 5:36 pm
Thanks, Peg…………..
Have to admit that the though of being a “good example” to
Did not mean to sound so maudlin, I think (but it was late at night)
anyone……….
fills me with just about as much glee as the thought of actually
conquering these leftover cravings……… !!!!!! :))
Jean