newbie questions
Hi
My name’s Julia, I’m 30 and live in the UK with my non-smoking
partner Dean.
At 10.30 tonight I will have quit for a week. After having problems
with the patch (I chucked up) I am now using the gum.
I’ve read a lot of the stuff in the files area, but have some
questions if anyone could help.
These ABCs are all about the thought that you want a cig. But I’m not
thinking that. I don’t smoke anymore so when an occasional thought
about smoking pops up I just remind myself I don’t smoke and move on.
So whats the problem? Well I feel tense all the time and I can’t
sleep. Not sleeping has always made me emotional. I had one good
nights sleep this week and was OK next day. But when I get up mostly
I’m teary and exhausted. I’m worried I won’t be able to break my new
pattern of not sleeping.
Now I thought that by now I’d be over the withdrawel time since
physical addiction only lasts a few days. Does that mean the problems
I’m having are psychological? If so what can I do about them. I can’t
see how to apply ABC because I don’t have B - a cigarrette would make
this better etc. So my questions are what is the cause of the tension
etc and what can I do about it.
By the way I’m doing relaxation, aromatherapy deep breathing etc
already.
Thanks
Julia
August 27th, 2004 at 8:18 am
hi,
just stop using gum or patches or whatever with nicotine in it !!!
your body will be free of nicotine in 2-3 days and you’ll feel a lot better,
sleep well etc.
seven
August 28th, 2004 at 6:10 am
Hi Julia,
Welcome to the group.
Until you stop using nicotine altogether, you’ll have an active nicotine
addiction. A fluctuating nic level brings it’s own plitics of experience.
As the nic level drops, we begin to experience brain fog and some antsiness
and we ‘feel’ the need for a cig. There are plenty of behavioral or
situational instances where the cig association will feel just like the
chemical need so it gets pretty hard to tell one from the other. But where
many people get stuck is in thinking that 3 or 4 days and the ‘addiction’
is all over. The ‘need/feed’ chemical cycle is over, but recovery is only
just begun. Recovery is that process whereby our body recovers from it’s
dependance on nicotine. Recovery is a process of several months. During
that time there will be sleep disruptions, emotional chaos (tears/rage),
there will be brain fog, possibly some motor function difficulties (some
ppl can’t type for a few weeks. not to be confused with those of us who
just can’t type). My point is that it could take several weeks before you
begin to feel better at all. Expecting to feel ‘better’ too quickly is a
set up for dissappointment. Be patient.
If that does it for you, great. When you “move on”, are you addressing
the reason why you had a thought about smoking?
Again, when you get off nicotine in all forms, then you can get past the
chemical addiction. Personally, I think the difficulties you’re having are
due to both a fluctuating nic level with all that brings and a pattern of
behavior where the experience of fatigue and stress is connected to
thoughts of smoking.
Julia, you don’t have to believe that a cig would help. The goal of the
exercise is to step back a bit and examine the event, what we’re thinking,
and what we believe would be an appropriate response.
Have you made any lists of ‘reasons why I smoked’(with times and places)?
Hope this helped a bit,
Steve
September 1st, 2004 at 4:24 am
Hi Julia,
I think most of us are a bit over optimistic when we start out. Feeling
Steve
better and when that happens are so very relative and personal. On the
whole, I think there is a general movement toward ‘better’.
Personally, and this confuses some people, I don’t think it’s all that
important how much gum you’re using or when you finally give it up. My
take on quitting is that it’s our “associations with particular activities”
and the resulting sensations that are the ‘reasons why we smoke’. Sure
there’s a chemical addiction also, but my experience is that that addiction
is quickly dealt with as soon as the behavior starts to come under control.
All this means is simply that when you no longer see any reason to use the
gum, you’ll stop. The same goes for those on the patch. It’s common for cog
quitters to step off their NRT’s earlier than planned. As you begin to
introduce more responsible choices as responses to your behavioral needs,
the chemical addiction will lose much of it’s compelling nature. You may
find that stepping off the gum happens soon and spontaneously.
Julia, I think your situation is one of the most stressful of all. So
many of your options are restricted or unavailable yet you still feel the
normal need to find responses for those stresses. You said it right here..
“When you are stuck at home and can’t do a lot filling the day is the
hardest thing.” You’re dead on correct with that. Start filling the day by
picking apart your old smoking habit?
I think that as you begin to pick individual instances apart, you’ll see
that there was in fact a reason for each cig smoked. However, when I talk
about ‘reasons to smoke’, it’s with the understanding that there are
probably only a few unique ‘reasons to smoke’. All the rest likely fall
into a couple of general categories that encompass the scope of our day’s
events. One common ‘reason’ might have been nothing more than “I just put
one out and don’t have one in my hand now”. No one said our reasons to
smoke were necessarily logical or realistic. I think most have a very basic
‘truth’ to them, but none are paragons of compelling logic. A chain smoker
will ‘feel’ something is missing as soon as they put out a cig, it can be
that simple. Julia, rather than listing individual reasons to smoke, maybe
try listing categories? For example, you said that you smoked more when on
the puter. Being online = waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more. We
wait for the machine to boot. We wait for the page to load. We wait….. a
lot. This has all the signs of a form of boredom, so we fill the time with
a cig? There is also a connection to ‘needing to think’ and our established
pattern of lighting up in order to think better or clearer. Being on the
phone and smoking was much the same thing, boredom and need to think. So
instances of boredom would be one category. Frustration and worry might be
another… ’stuck at home, health issues, restricted options, what will the
future hold’. Care to give ‘categories’ a try? And if you can get into
that, try to put together a list of what some of those categories feel like
i.e. tense muscles and where, how are you breathing at those times, what’s
your posture like, the goal being to become more aware of some of the
personal particulars of our automatic smoking instances. I know that
smoking nonstop created a ‘wall’ of cigarettes that can appear to be ‘our
smoking habit’. But it wasn’t a solid wall. It was more a mosaic of
individual instances when we chose to light up in response to something we
felt. It takes a bit of work to begin to differentiate some of those
instances, but it can be done and the rewards are tremendous. It’s a
process that snowballs once you start. Please give it a try
September 3rd, 2004 at 8:11 pm
In a message dated 7/14/02 9:07:11 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
Liz
ddsteve@… writes:
Hi Julia! My name is Liz and I just had to write to say that I’ve felt the
exact same way, what you wrote I’ve said the same thing word for word. I
have a hard time at the computer too for the same reason, I smoked like a
fiend when I was on it. I wish you luck. I have as of today Two weeks, two
days, 14 hours, 28 minutes and 10 seconds. 332 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$69.73. Life saved: 1 day, 3 hours, 40 minutes.
I guess what it takes is to do all the things we’ve done before with a
ciggerrette, without one, over and over again, getting into the habit of NOT
smoking is probably the same as it was getting into the habit OF smoking.
Which takes an agonizing loong time!! But I know it will be worth all the
cravings today to be a nonsmoker a year or two from now. I pray for
PATIENCE! Take Care!
September 5th, 2004 at 2:38 am
I don’t agree. If it was just a matter of mechanically repeating
something enough times to create a new habit, I think quitters would be far
more successful than they are. Some smoking patterns are mechanical it’s
true. But most include an element of self talk, of established ‘reason’
that continue to operate because we’ve continue to validate them just by
‘beleiving’ they are true. That’s why cog quitting works. We examine old
beliefs and alter them to reflect our current choices. You’ll find that
this is a fairly quick process. In actual time terms, several weeks is
often all it takes to get a good start. An example would be your thoughts
of smoking because of your stress around the tests today. The old beliefs
are that a cig will help calm that stress. ABC that situation, replace the
old beliefs with some new, rational beliefs, and see if the thoughts of
cigs don’t dissipate as they’re replaced with more responsible ways to deal
with the stress.
Steve
September 5th, 2004 at 5:00 pm
Julia and Liz; I helped Bobbie work on her very first ABC - it had
to do with working on the computer (that’s when she did a majority of
her smoking too) The main response she chose; she has a barbell
(hand weight) sitting by the computer. Whenever she is reading posts
and emails, she has been working that weight doing arm exercises
which has helped with her restlessness and filled that ‘hole’ while
she was learning appropriate responses. Other responses that helped
her were getting up to stretch every so often. You may want to work
out a few for yourself.
Steve has mentioned taking breaks and how important they are. I
actually set my computer calendar at work to ping me every 90 minutes
to take a short break. I MADE myself get up and walk around. This
helped to ease the tension and discomfort. I cut back on my caffeine
(I’m a Diet Coke addict) to only one in the morning, the rest of the
day I drank water or juice. Avoiding sugar is a good idea too, avoid
the candy bar/sugar trap if possible.
- Cat
September 8th, 2004 at 5:49 pm
Wow!!!!! Lots of new names in the list - but the messages are
similar………..
Hi Julia……….Marde was right!!!!!!!!!! 6 months ago I am sure I
Last fall received warning from my doctor that it was time I
Good luck to all of you just starting the journey………………..
did write a post VERY MUCH like yours……….
quit…………..
was in the process of a move across Canada so quit did not happen until
l January…
have survived almost 7 months now…………..cold
turkey…………from a 2 pack a day habit that had grown over a period
of 50 years……..
Not sure how I survived the first couple of weeks - (competition with my
daughter-in-law I think) - no way would I let her beat me…. :)))
And then I came across Steve’s site………….(quit would have been
easier I think if I had found it earlier…………..)
I could make my foundation statement - but like you - it seemed every
action/thought/reaction of the day included smoking……..and I could
not sort out anything I thought of as a “trigger”.
All I could do was take very deep breaths !!!!!!!!!!!! And respond
with something other than a cigarette (which in my case happened to be
food - and I have gained at least 30 lbs in trying!!!!!!!!)
Have made progress……gradually there became fewer “triggers”..but I
could now identify them………..devise an ABC……….and cope with
them……………
and now I seldom think of smoking……
There still, sometimes, is that sense of loss in the disapppearance of
an old “friend”…….
Someone mentioned having a problem getting rid of the last of their
cigs……….
I never did……….decided I was going to feel more comfortable in my
quit knowing they were within reach………..(have carried an unopened
pack in my handbag since New Year’s Day - somehow feeling their presence
would avert panic)
Jean
September 8th, 2004 at 11:25 pm
Thanks Julia! I hope your doing well on your quit today. I’ve been having a
rough couple of days, but I’m coping and still smoke free for Two weeks, four
days, 13 hours, 29 minutes and 50 seconds. 371 cigarettes not smoked, saving
$77.96. Life saved: 1 day, 6 hours, 55 minutes.
Liz