Dreams of Smoking
My computer problem is not fixed but at least now I know what the problem
is. I have a home network, either my hub is bad or my cable IPS has my
account set up wrong. I can not get both computers online at the same time.
I am having to share the internet connection. <go
It finally happened, I had my first smoking dream. Even in my dream I was
saying I am a non smoker as I held a cigarette in my hand. In my dream I
freaked out saying where did that come from, immediate put it out and then
what do I find but a pack of cigarettes in my purse.
Yesterday was a “hard”day. I was very anxious. Took me hours to figure out
it was my rheumatoid arthritis medication (predisone) that was making me so
anxious, nervous wreck is more like it.<G
self talk to alleviate the desire to smoke. To compound the matters, I was
in the company of two smokers and in a smoking environment (casino). As
usual I became angry. Angry because I could not make the voice in my head
shut up, wanting to smoke, what I perceived as family members being
non-supportive, and the list goes on. To make matters worse, I feel like I
am 4 years old and can not articulate what I want to say and how I feel. So
I end up crying, then I get mad at myself for crying. Vicious cycle.
So here is the psychological break down.
Meds made me anxious
anxiety is uncomfortable so I want to smoke the feeling away.
non smoking alternatives did not shut up the desire to smoke
I then became angry,
with angry I become frustrated ( I think the frustration and angry
interchange but not going to split hairs)
Frustration leads to being in a child like state, can’t think nor articulate
I get pissed with myself and the “parent” in my head starts a barrage of
shaming “self talk”
I believe the shame talk and begin to cry
The real fun part of this, all of these emotions and mental conversations
can happen in minutes.
A 48 year old adult turns into a crying child and you don’t think this is a
powerful addiction? The voice of addiction will lie, cheat and steal to get
you to give it one more shot of it’s drug of choice.
When I got home I took a nice aromatherapy bath, took a few shots of Bach
Rescue Remedy, did some breathing exercises and imagery meditation. ( I am
fairly “out there” in alternative thinking) Nothing really gave me
“relief”, “I wanted to smoke” but I did make it through the day without
smoking. I was thrilled when bed time arrived so I could sleep off this
terrible desire to smoke. What do I do, dream I am smoking.
yikes…. can you never get away from this “demon”?
Karen N.
Memphis, TN
oboegirl@…
Simply Schnauzer Net
www.simplyschnauzer.net
September 12th, 2004 at 1:33 am
Sounds like you are coping admirably, Karen…………. :))
Jean
September 13th, 2004 at 8:50 pm
Anxiety/antsy is also one of the first cues that a nicotine level has
dropped. There were many instances of low nic level where wanting and then
lighting up a cig was the correct response. I’d say that after a few years
of smoking, it’d be natural to think of a cig the moment any sort of
anxiety or nervousness appears.
Which alternatives had you considered? Were any of them effective at
relieving specifically anxiety?
I start with frustrated and move to anger. But I agree that the two are
often experienced as a pair.
Another example of us believing what we tell ourselves? Maybe this was
the tail end of a cascade of ABC patterns…. an event (anxiety) + some
beliefs (about how to best relieve anxiety) = an historical response (an
urge for a cig) which became the next event (discomfort because the
nonsmoking alternatives weren’t reliving the urge) + some beliefs (about
the ‘lousy alternatives’ and maybe your own abilities) = a response
(frustration) which became the next event (more discomfort: anxiety and
frustration) + some beliefs = a response (anger) which became the next
event (unable to think creatively in the moment) + some beliefs (about
what’s ‘wrong’ with you if you can’t perform) = a response (tears). Toss
in a healthy dose of emotional instability because that’s what being 2+
weeks into a quit includes.
Nope, I don’t. Agreed it’s a strong addiction in that there are very
uncomfortable consequences to not keeping a nicotine level consistent. But
are you referring to chemical addiction or the behavioral smoking habit?
Karen, I think it’s fantastic that you are that aware, even through your
fog, that you can trace the patterns you followed to get from anxious to
tears. But the only signs of addiction that I can see in any of what you
went through were connected to the original anxiety and to your thoughts on
how to best deal with it. Everything after that was built on your personal
beliefs about frustration, anger, your ability to think, and tears.
The voice of ‘Warren’ was simply telling you to respond in a manner that
has always provided the fastest relief for what you were feeling. In the
absence of an acceptable alternative, all Warren can do is repeat himself.
There’s no deception or trickery involved, only the persistence of a
marginally intelligent and incredibly stubborn widget weigher.
Sometimes there is no relief, meaning that there is no way around some
discomforts. And sometimes the ‘relief’ we desire looks only like ‘wanting
to smoke’ and that’s all we can see.
We can be uncomfortable and still make good decisions. Sounds like you’re
making some good ones Karen.
just a bunch of thoughts and mostly IMHO,
Steve
September 14th, 2004 at 12:00 pm
Sometimes there is no relief, meaning that there is no way around some
discomforts.
Steve,
Today I am aware the “no way around some discomfort” if factual. At the
time, I did not want to feel the discomfort, period the end. Even though my
ABCs gave me the tools not to smoke, I was still in a place of discomfort.
Which I did not like.
<Toss in a healthy dose of emotional instability because that’s what being
2+weeks into a quit includes.
Gee thanks for the reminder, I thought I was just losing my mind. <G
want to give large kudos to those members that are working during the
beginning of their quit. I really do not think I could function on the job.
I am currently unemployed, so decided to turn this time into something
positive by stop smoking.
<We can be uncomfortable and still make good decisions. Sounds like you’re
making some good ones
Being uncomfortable and making good adult decisions, is new. I am learning
and doing my best. Thanks for the support.
2 Weeks 5 Days 16 Hours 18 Minutes 5 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 787.
Karen N.
Memphis, TN
oboegirl@…
Simply Schnauzer Net
www.simplyschnauzer.net