Thanks for the welcome……..
……Gail, Cat and Pam. I have to give credit for the frozen grapes
to my S.O., she used them when she quit - over 10 years ago!!
I had a rough day today, seems my urges are strongest in the morning -
not first thing, (I’m actually happy about not smoking in the morning
because I don’t have to allow time for 3 smokes, so I can sleep
later) but mid-morning. And today I had my buttons pushed big-time by
a co-worker, and was in a foul mood. I have trouble sometimes
determining whether the urge is the chemical dependency or an old
behaviour, but when I’m in it it doesn’t seem to matter, I’m in it!!
Anyway, I’ve made it past 5 days, into my sixth. Still have the
crawling/tingling skin thing, I’m not using Zyban or anything else, I
quit cold turkey. Actually, I used Melatonin as a sleep aid last
night, it seems to have helped, but I wonder if that contributed to
my edgyness today. Anyone had any experience with this one? That’s it
for now.
Paul.
September 20th, 2004 at 7:33 pm
Hi Paul,
Welcome to the group. You’re coming up on a week quit and should feel a
lift at that milestone.
Mid morning is very often a primary stress period. It usually has to do
with running out of, or low on, energy. What do you eat for breakfast? Are
you providing proper fuel to carry you through till lunch? Do you eat
lunch? Here’s a bizarre breakfast that works wonders for me: 1 hard
boiled egg (or substitute 2/3 cup 2% or low fat cottage cheese), 1 cup
apple sauce (unsweetened), 6 plain almonds. Then if I’m really feeling
responsible, a snack of fruit mid morning, and then a light lunch (salad
with some lean sliced meat). Gets me through a day with energy to spare,
my body doesn’t feel fatigued and my mind is clear. Give it a try.
Are you taking breaks during the morning, during the day? Breaks are
critical to optimum performance. They’re not just opportunities for the
smokers to head out for a smoke.
When I read the part about the co-worker it reminded me of a definition
of stress I heard a long time ago…. “Stress is the confusion created when
your mind overrides your body’s desire to beat the living shit out of some
a–hole who desperately needs it.” We’re extra ‘touchy’ when we quit.
Usually doesn’t take much to set us off, at least that’s how it is for lots
of us. As you start to get into doing ABCs you’ll see that the same pushed
button will elicit a different response depending on the dialog we
associate with the pushing of that particular button. In other words,
others can bend us out of shape only if we allow them to. But that’s a
subject for some time down the road when you aren’t so ‘just quit’.
Speaking of just quit, how’s the brain fog? CT quits usually include lots
of fog, sometimes I wonder if that might not initially be a blessing.
Maybe that skin sensation has to do with improved blood circulation? A
hit of nicotine constricts blood vessels reducing blood to the extremities.
Seems that would create a tingling. I can remember a facial tingling when
I’d inhale a couple of deep drags of a cig. Maybe a similar thing happens
when we quit using nic. Just a thought.
Again, good to have you with us Paul.
Steve
September 21st, 2004 at 9:56 am
Thanks Steve. Yeah, one week….and I’m still alive and I haven’t
killed anyone. Been interesting and educational for sure. Especially
watching my triggers happen, and getting past the urges. Your
Foundation Statement has helped a lot.
My breakfast is usually juice, cereal and coffee. At about 8am. Then
a bagel with peanut butter and a piece of fruit at about 10:30, lunch
at about 1. But I do find that I’m hungry not long after breakfast,
used to smoke through that hunger. I’ll look at a more substantial
breakfast with more protien.
That’s how I felt. This particular person hasn’t been alive for as
long as I’ve been smoked, has never smoked, and was trying to tell me
what I should be doing for myself around not smoking - I didn’t quite
lose it on him, but I let him know quite clearly that his advice was
not wanted. Then later on he asked me if I wanted to go for a smoke -
I stayed remarkably calm and told him that was not a very wise thing
to be saying to me. I also said that I haven’t smoked or killed
anyone in the last 5 days, but given the choice of doing one or the
other,I’m not gonna smoke……….he got the message.
blessing.
Brain fog hasn’t really been an issue, or else I’ve been so foggy
that I haven’ noticed it!! I deliberately set up this past week with
no social activities in the evenings, just coming home from work and
hiding/vegging. But now that I’m thinking about it, my memories of
earlier this week are kinda hazy, so I guess the fog was there. I
feel mostly alert now, sleep seems to be better. The constant
tightness in my chest isn’t as intense as it has been, and almost
lets up at times. And the tingling skin sensation is still happening -
not at all irritating, just a curious feeling. That’s all for now.
Paul.
September 22nd, 2004 at 2:55 pm
Thanks Gail. Your encouragement brings tears to my eyes.
Actually, that’s something else that’s been going on for me for the
last couple of days - crying. Your reply triggered quite a little
crying session for me, I haven’t figured out what’s causing the
sadness yet. Perhaps grieving the loss of a 32-year companion
(cigarettes), or all the times I’ve felt sad and used a cigarrette to
make myself feel better, not sad. Or a combination of the two. Any
insight always appreciated.
Paul
September 23rd, 2004 at 8:20 am
Pam, I tried to get in touch with Steve at MSN.com but they said that he was
not on that site. How can I get in touch with him privately. I need to know
as I am going through HELL.
September 24th, 2004 at 3:17 am
Not too deep, only a little deep. I think your post was beautiful. You
Kinda fun isn’t it?
are right in that once we find something that works, we tend to use it more
and more. It’s just that cog thinking seems to have a cascade effect and we
find ourselves more aware of the nooks and cranies of our behavior.
Thanks for the thanks Gail. See you in spinchat tomorrow.
Steve
September 24th, 2004 at 10:32 am
For the past 6+ yrs I’ve been caught up in an ongoing attempt to define
some of what cog quitting is and how it works. This is yet one more stab at
it.
Recently someone posted that they couldn’t find their ‘want to quit’.
Most quitters get psyched up to quit. They make lists of reasons to quit,
they get quit aids in place, they work up an attitude of gung ho that they
hope will carry them through and keep them going. As intellectual as we try
to be in preparing for a quit,I think that most of our ‘want to quit’ is
emotional. Sure there are logical arguments supporting quitting, but when
the emotional ‘want’ isn’t there, we feel stalled and inneffectual. In a
related way, when we do quit, we are concerned about those times when some
event happens and we find ourselves neck deep in an urge and can’t seem to
locate the ‘want to stay quit’ that we’d hoped would be an ongoing part of
‘this last quit’. Sometimes there just isn’t a compelling ‘want to be
quit’. Sometimes we can’t even come up with a compelling ‘want to be quit’
ABC. Sometimes all we can find is a prior commitment to quit and no ‘want’,
at the moment, to go with it. The only way I know of to recreate that ‘want
to stand by the commitment’ is to recreate the state of mind that existed
when that commitment was made. If that commitment was made “During a
moment of personal calm, (when) I rationally determined that…
1- I do not want to be a smoker.
2- There is NO situation where behaving as a smoker would be appropriate.
3- That I’m prepared to accept and trust completely that no matter how
uncomfortable or cranky I may be, these foundation statements will ALWAYS
be my personal truth and that I will respond accordingly.”
… then the Foundation Statements are an anchor and a starting point.
They can be the difference between emotionally ‘wanting to be quit’ and
intellectually ‘knowing I want to be quit’. However, on their own they
probably won’t be the vehicle for change. That’s the role of ABCs. And as
much as the ABCs are a blue print for proactive, effective action, they are
also a direct link to a state of mind, a perspective from which we can
repeatedly make choices according to the Foundation Statements.
We can allow our feelings to determine our thoughts, or we can make our
thoughts
determine our ‘wants’. The choice is ours.
Somehow, that feels like it fell short of being clear and complete. But
it does point in a direction that might help some of you regain your
footing at those times when some event has you not ‘feeling’ the ‘want to
stay quit’.
Steve
September 24th, 2004 at 5:47 pm
Thanks Pat
September 25th, 2004 at 8:09 am
I could really identify with this Steve. I’d spent years trying
Pam
that ‘intellectual’ approach to quits, and had all my reasons for
quitting clear in my mind - but they were never enough to fuel
my ‘want to quit’. Something Carla said in a recent post made a
lot of sense to me and struck a chord :-
“but the decision to quit has to be yours, and only you will know
when and if you want to quit - it happens with most of us, that one
day we know with absolute conviction, that we passionately want to
quit.”
I’m not sure where that ‘absolute conviction’ and ‘passion’ to quit
comes from - but it must come to all of us at some point? When we
reach a point where we’re ready to put our toes on the edge of the
water, and jump into our quits. And hopefully at that point we’ve
got the tools together to manage that quit, direct it and stay
proactive within it.
Having those Foundation statements that we can check out at those
really difficult times helps such a lot, helps us to ’stand by our
commitment to quit’. And, as you say, using the ABC’s then helps
us with the process of making our choices about how we’re going to
respond. When we spoke a little about this yesterday, when you
were asking me what it was that I feared most as a quitter: it was
definitely that fear of not being in control of that feeling
of ‘wanting a cig’, and not being able to defuse it. Of wanting a
way to get back to that rational state of mind where I could feel
lousy but still know that I was going to do x,y and z to deal with
the situation. Again - even as an ‘oldie’ quitter, I have my
moments when something’s happened which provokes a range of feelings
and sensations, and I have a choice of responses I’ll take. Even
after 17 months quit, one of those choices could be to smoke - but
that is very different from a crave or some ‘need’ to smoke, now. I
know now with absolute certaintly that a cig can never be an
appropriate response for me any more, and that is an inner
conviction I have now that is very part of me, now, ingrained in
me. This is where a cognitive quit is so very different from
the ‘hanging on’ quits we all tried in the past. And it’s why I
still use ABC’s, and still do some ‘what ifs’ if I know I’m going to
come up against some pothole.
You got me thinking again….. thanks
quit’.
September 26th, 2004 at 1:09 pm
Thanks Pam - and Steve - for your thoughts on this. I think this is
why I love being part of this group, this chance to examine thought
processes and behaviours which go way beyond defusing those urges to
smoke, and equip us with tools to deal with what life throws our way.
Carla
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “ukpam2000″ <ph001b6379@b…
September 28th, 2004 at 3:53 pm
Are you trying to tell me I have no committment?
September 29th, 2004 at 6:31 am
I’d never do that.
Well …. maybe I would. Personally, I’ve never been much on
commitment, and I have absolutely no willpower. The only way I’ve gotten
to 6+ yrs quit is because not smoking ‘made sense’ in a very rational way.
This is connected to what I was trying to say in that “emotional vs
intellectual” post. Emotional decisions, i.e. “what do I feel like eating
for supper?” or “what do I feel like doing on my day off?” are based on
feelings/emotions and that’s fine because if I ‘feel’ differently 10
minutes from now, changing the menu or what I do for the day is no big
deal. But if I make a decision today to quit based on my ‘feeling’ of gung
ho and that ‘feeling’ changes, as all feelings do, then I’m caught in a
situation where I’m trying to maintain a status that no longer has a basis.
This is why I suggest making the quit decision a very rational/intellectual
decision and base it on the fundation statements so you can ‘return your
state of mind’ to that place where you can stand by your decision
regardless of what you ‘feel’.
Steve
October 3rd, 2004 at 7:07 pm
I hope you took that the way it was intended. You would be right if
you did tell me that. I am aware of that little failing in my
character. Your right it is making a decision and knowing it is the
right one and staying with it. Don’t ask me where this panic is
coming from. It is foolish and silly.
Stella
October 4th, 2004 at 2:22 am
Hey, Stella; One of the reasons I couldn’t even start a quit for so
many years is because I would just about panic when I even thought of
going a whole day without a smoke, much less quitting for the rest of
my life. You’re not foolish and silly, you just need to learn to
make decisions (proactively) connected to not smoking without the
emotional attachments. Just like most of us who are still learning.
- Cat
October 5th, 2004 at 12:14 am
Hi Stella,
The panic you’re ‘feeling’ isn’t foolish or silly. It’s probably a very
normal reaction to the sensations you’re experiencing. I’m guessing that
even if you can get past the panic to a rational evaluation of what’s
happening, it’ll still come with a large dose of anxiety and anticipation.
Steve