Black tongue
We had a minor falling out about the dark side/light side of the
mirror. I t wasn’t even that really but you know what I mean.
Preamble. I had been trying to stop smoking for over two years. I
can hardly believe that now why was it SO HARD? And it was SO
HARD. It was. I read all the literature I deemed relevant. I tried
to stop, and I’d typically cave in about 8 p.m. with a `thank god for
that’. But whatever it takes to quit, it doesn’t matter. The trick
is to make you take that leap of faith. You have to believe it. And
then it works. And the opposite is true. If you don’t believe it,
it doesn’t. If you’re quitting because you think you should, or
because somebody else thinks you should, then you’ll fail.
Preamble no. #2. After a couple of years trying to quit, for
Christmas last year I got a black spot at the back of my tongue.
It was my Christmas Present from the tobacco companies. I was
appalled. Over the next couple of months, it got worse. My face
looked as good as ever 
from the outside, but my tongue obtained a
comparatively black and gold hue that scared the shit out of me.
I went for a leap of faith. I used a method to make the quit. And I
quit. I stopped subjecting my mouth to that mentally gratifying
torture. After 3 and a half months after the quit, my tongue was
pink again, although it still felt sore, and had some greyish
brownish scrabbley bits towards the back of the mouth. So I went to
the dentist, fearing the worst. The dentist was extremely nice. I
didn’t even feel his hand in my wallet.
I didn’t have a `problem’. Ok, a cavity which previously had been
filled needed renewing. But no oral Cancer so no special problem..
So where are we? We’ve had several preambles (well I have anyway,
the rest of you have probably gone to bed).
Steve. Yes, that’s you. When I came out of the dentists, with tears
of joy in my eyes, I was so happy I fancied a cigarette. Jesus, I
can hear you groan and you’re in Toronto. And then it hit me. That
dark reflection of the light side is the constant companion. It’s
the memory of ourselves in the habit. It’s me with a smoky shroud
which fits and feels comfortable in a perverse way. I guess it’s all
I’ve known. This is why quits fail.
I think we should explore this. Or am I talking bollocks again?
Phil
December 17th, 2004 at 9:37 am
Hi Phil,
You haven’t been ‘talking bollocks’ yet. That “dark reflection” is
exactly why quits fail. There is always a choice to be made between your
dark and light. That “smoky shroud” was indeed all you knew. It was all any
of us knew when emotions were being felt. Feel good because your teeth
aren’t all coming out = light up. Fell shock because they are all coming
out immediately = light up twice.
It’s my belief and experience that if we don’t want continue to fail at
quitting then we must prepare to feel. Prepare to feel the tears of joy
when we get good news and prepare for the sinking feeling when we get bad
news. And if we do this preparation relentlessly for a relatively short
period of time, new responses to joy and shock will become the habit.
Steve
December 17th, 2004 at 11:59 pm
habit.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
What a missed opportunity…
A. The dentist’s going to tell you the news.
B. Three main possibilities: good, bad and don’t know yet. But this
ABC has not been written, so I’ll probably think about smoking
whatever he says.
C. I think about smoking.
December 18th, 2004 at 7:14 am
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, “dd_philpearson”
!!!
By George, I think he’s got it.
Words, words, words, words, words, *ENLIGHTENMENT*.
You have a lot of patience, Steve.
:))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you
December 18th, 2004 at 2:29 pm
— In CognitiveQuitSmoking@y…, LAURA DOIRON <ahumblemom@y…
Well done. Stay with the quit and stay with the site. The two
things go together
December 18th, 2004 at 9:44 pm
smoking thing hard LeeOne month, one day, 15 hours
You’re doing great. Hold on and Steve or one of the other oldies
(long term stayed quit) will surely be in touch to help
December 21st, 2004 at 7:15 am
I was more scared and anxious about this quit than any other. The reason is
because I knew this was it, no more bullshit. And I was quitting for me,
even though my quit would affect my family, I was finally quitting for me.
I had to come to believe that I was worth that effort, that love and respect
for myself.
That’s just Warren popping up with that old response- feeling joyful, gotta
have a smoke. Keep doing those ABCs and What Ifs and one day you’ll be
celebrating something and won’t realize until much later that you didn’t
even think of a smoke!!
You’re doing great, Phil.
- Cat
PS - good to hear your tongue is pink again
December 24th, 2004 at 6:58 am
18 day’s that is great Lee,, I have 39 days today. Don’t take it so
hard,we are all feeling a loss.. But if cigarettes were our friend, Who in
the hell needs enemies
lololol. I’m still not good at dealing with stress without a cigarette ,But
if it helps any It does get better. It get as easy as ABC ,123 , baby you and
me Oh sorry I started singing.. See ya , Kim