One of those days……
…..when I learned yet again, 20 months since I quit, that the tools
I learned in cog quitting help me deal with life on a daily basis.
The day started pretty well - then the new computer crashed, and I
lost a lot of data - I don’t back up stuff as often as I should do,
so today I learned the hard way. OK, b*!@*& annoying and
frustrating, but I’ll survive. The old ABC would have been something
like this
A - the computers crashed into oblivion
B - I’ve lost all my data. I feel so angry with myself for not
backing up my files. It’ll be a hassle to sort it out with the
insurance company no doubt, I’m too busy to spend ages on the phone
sorting it out tomorrow, blah blah blah. I’m really tensed up, my
blood pressures racing, stomach churning. Only one thing to do
here….
C - I’ll smoke
The new B became…
- Yes, I’ve lost all the data - but I’ve got a lot of stuff backed up
that i can reinstall later. In future, I’ll back up data every few
days, instead of leaving it weeks. I can rearrange some of my work
tomorrow and get an hour off to take the puter in for repair - and
I’ve got this ancient thing to use in the meantime so I’m not net-
less. I’m feeling calmer already - not as physically tensed up now
that I’ve a plan for tomorrow. I could smoke if I wanted to - but
what what that do for me? Some online chat with friends, a long soak
in a scented bath, ring Pete…(staying in a posh hotel, expenses
paid by work….grrr) will make me feel better.
New C’s….
chat (thanks Indi, Steve and Caisy), bath, phone call
The other thing that happened today cut a lot deeper, and put the
computer nonsense into perspective. I lost a dear friend, a
recovering alcoholic, who’d done too much damage to his health. As a
smoker, I’d have sat and chainsmoked through the tears, and got no
further forward. As someone lucky enough to develop some cognitve
tools, it was a whole lot different. I sat and thought, recognised
that yes, I felt lousy, but that nothing - least of all a smoke - was
going to change that. I could do some practical things - talking to
Maggie, his widow, offering my support. Taking care of me
physically - not neglecting to eat properly, getting some rest. A
whole lot different from the old response - and guaranteed to give me
more of a feel good factor than inhaling nicotine down to my toes.
Today taught me, yet again, that my Foundation statement is just as
solid to me as ever - that there is never a situation where a
cigarette can be a valid response to anything that comes my way.
Thanks for listening… I needed to get that out.
nite
Pam