Need for acceptance ABC
Hi Again,
Here’s an ABC I’ve been working on. I don’t think it adequately
addresses the complexity of this issue but I’ve got to start
somewhere and I’m trying to keep it simple. I wrote it because I
struggle with this all the time. I’m sure I will use it more than
once.
Again, feedback is very appreciated!
Susan
A: (Co-worker, family member, etc) is avoiding me or is irritated
with me.
B: When people give me the cold shoulder I automatically assume that
I did something wrong. I don’t like how I feel (sad, unworthy,
frustrated). I really want acceptance from that person. A cigarette
will make me feel better.
C: Smoke a cigarette.
B1: When people give me the cold shoulder automatically assume that
I did something wrong. I don’t like how I feel (sad, unworthy,
frustrated). I want acceptance from people, ALL people. This is
unreasonable. The other person may be a jerk and I don’t need
acceptance from everyone. Ask myself the following”:
a) What did I do?
b) Would it have made me mad?
c) If so, how can I remedy my error?
a. Apologize (if it’s serious)?
b. Casual humor at my goof?
c. Let it rest for awhile? Let it blow over?
d. Other.
d) If I think the other person is acting (or reacting)
inappropriately then:
a. Come to terms with how I feel about it.
b. Confront the person?
c. Let it blow over?
d. Avoid future interaction?
e. Other
C1: a) Realize that I don’t NEED acceptance from everyone.
b) evalualuate the situation.
c) Take steps that I’m comfortable with.
April 21st, 2005 at 5:44 pm
Hi Susan,
First of all, your ABC is excellent and I can’t see anything that I’d
add to it. Second, yes it is a complex issue and not easily simplified
within the ABC template. And third, you’ve discovered that the ABC thinking
has more than just quit smoking applications.
The ABCs are in fact a tool commonly used in most cognitive therapies.
They are a clear and concise way to illustrate and examine behavior that is
problematic or undesirable. There have been many cog quitters before you
who have found that cog thinking has helped them address issues that
transcend quitting.
Looks to me as though you are very well on your way.
Steve
April 21st, 2005 at 10:17 pm
Thanks Steve,
Somewhere I read that quitting smoking is more than quitting
smoking. It sure has been for me (this time). In the past when I
tried to quit I’d squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the urge to
pass… needless to say I was miserable for months. I’m so glad I
found you guys!
Susan
April 23rd, 2005 at 3:17 am
Thanks Katie,
For years I thought of smoking as a dirty little physical addiction.
I’d heard the psychological and emotional (and spiritaual) aspects
mentioned but never gave them much thought… certianly never applied
them to me. It’s wonderful to finally start living and growing again.
I’ve got a major issue I’ve been trying to ignore for a few years…
job dissatisfacation. I don’t want to make any hasty moves (I tend
to be hasty) but I need to deal with it. You mentioned going through
some major life events… career change wouldn’t be one of them would
it?
If anyone else has gone through a career change in your mid-life (I’m
40) or has any thoughts on the topic I’d be very interested in
hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Susan
April 23rd, 2005 at 1:06 pm
Dear Susan,
I am looking into a new career and I am 48. I had an injury on the
job…but it only allowed me to look at what I really want to do with my life.
My cousin went to med school at 40. He was a cop. Now, he’s a “doc”! My
grandmother went to nursing school at 45.
Age usually isn’t an issue except for when you look at retirement. How close
are you now? Do you have a pension you might lose?
Just remember, they cannot take education away from you!
I’m new to the group so if anyone wants to catch me up briefly…it can be
a challenge reading back posts! And I haven’t put my smokes down yet. On my
way, but not there, yet. Sitting at the computer is a trigger for me. Time for
more lollipops!
joni