ABC - Is this the idea?
Just to see if I’ve got the hang of this (and GEE, I wonder why this
just popped into my head??) But seriously, is this the basic idea?
OLD:
A. My 3 year old is driving me insane!
B. I need a cigarette to calm down.
C. I go out to the garage and smoke.
NEW:
A. My 3 year old is STILL driving me insane!
B. I used to think that what I needed was to smoke, but now I realize
that what I *really* need is to get away from this little hellion for
just a few minutes. The garage is really pretty icky, and I don’t
want to hang out there anyway.
C. I throw HIM out into the garage. 
No, JK.
REAL C. I have a perfectly nice room upstairs. I go up and close the
door, putting a track from a CD on to play to act as both a calming
factor and a timer.
or
Alternative real C: I put aforementioned hellion in HIS room for a
time out, thereby possibly improving future behavior.
Nyniane
May 18th, 2005 at 7:36 am
Hi Nyniane,
Steve
Yep, that’s the basic idea.
Try to focus on what you are feeling physically. Who ends up going where is
logistics and will help in defusing an existing situation, but it’s your
physical sensations that Warren is connecting to a cig response.
As for the layout of your ABC, ALL observations and thoughts go in the B
section, a bit like the following…
I have a perfectly nice room upstairs. I go up and close the door, putting
a track from a CD on to play to act as both a calming factor and a timer.
OR I put aforementioned hellion in HIS room for a time out, thereby
possibly improving future behavior and creating the necessary space for
us both to calm down. Regardless of who goes where, I need to deal with my
physical experience of this situation. That may include breathing,
stretching, taking both of us for a bike ride or a walk, etc.
C. Seperation of myself from the ‘irritant’ and some
breathing/stretching/time for me.
Nyniane, sorry this didn’t go out last night. Only just realized it was
sitting in the out box
May 18th, 2005 at 10:06 pm
Hi Nyniane,
yes, much closer.
From your list of emotions and where/how you feel them, pull up your
‘data’ for ‘nervous’ and ‘edgy’ what actions can you take to deal directly
with relief of those? Warren is aware only of your physical sensations of
nervous and edgy and is trying to associate a resolution with those.
Wrinkled forehead and tense jaw are facial tension that are characteristic
of ‘nervous and edgy’. Again, Warren is concerned only with associating an
action that will resolve those discomforts. Deal with those and you
eliminate the smoking connection. Putting ‘hellion’ in his room is an
‘indirect’ action, probably effective but indirect. Where I’m trying to go
with this is here…. you can deal with your physical sensations
regardless of whether or not your son is in his room. Putting him in his
room may not always be an option, but taking a few deep breathes, doing a
couple of neck and face stretchs, and being aware in the moment that you
are in control of your responses is always entirely up to you. Did that
make sense?
Steve
May 19th, 2005 at 6:40 am
Hi Steve,
Thanks for the input. I thought I understood, but now I’m not so
sure. It sounds like you’re saying to go after the immediate physical
symptoms (tense jaw, et.al.) and pretty much ignore the root cause
behind the symptoms. It that because Warren is really a kind of
superficial dude at heart, and he’s just worried about the very
immediate?
Nyniane
May 19th, 2005 at 7:51 pm
Hi Nyniane,
I am absolutely saying go after the immediate physical symptoms. Cog
quitting is about examinig your physical sensations in order to retrain
Warren to offer different responses to your tension regardless of the root
cause. We’re trying to get you quit and that has to do primarily with the
physical sensation/response dynamic that has been our smoking habit.
By all means go after the root causes because it’s important to try to
arrange our lives in a way that minimizes irritants. But realize that
that’s an issue seperate from quitting smoking. We can’t eliminate the
smoking cue of tension by avoiding all stress. And this is because it’s
doubtful that you will ever alter your son’s behavior to the point that it
will not occasionally create tension in your jaw.
Steve
May 21st, 2005 at 2:09 am
And this is because it’s
HAHAHA! Truer words have never been typed… so okay, this makes
sense then. So now I need help on another kind of thing.
As I come down to the wire (1/2/3 is the planned time), I’m getting
more concerned about “situational cues”. It seems to me that at least
half of my smoking doesn’t come from physical sensations as much as
the ingrained notion “it’s time to smoke now.” I hardly ever make it
to the physical cues, ya know - my “times” are frequent!
The one that’s really got me stymied (because I had so much trouble
with it before) is the procrastination cigarette. I work at home,
see… and every time I stop working for *anything* I smoke before I
start again. There’s nothing physical about it. It’s kinda like, “I
don’t want to do this just yet, I’ll just go have a smoke instead.”
Bedtime is another BIG one. I could have just had a cigarette, but I
seem unable to head up those stairs until I have just one more.
These things REALLY gave me trouble last time I quit, and desire to
return to the comfort of just doing what I was used to was a big
factor in my blowing it. Can anyone give me help or insight into
these sorts of things?
Thanks for all your help,
Nyniane
May 21st, 2005 at 11:54 pm
Thanks; if I come up with anything, I’ll let you know, too. So far
today, I (hope) I may have been panicking over nothing. Of course, I
haven’t really tried working, either. I’m getting a little bit of the
dizzy withdrawal even with a patch, but I just haven’t really wanted
to smoke at all. (So, bear in mind the fuzzy mental state and forgive
the ramble. Please. <G
to “situational cues” rather than physical ones, is there’s a “flash”
of “time to do it” but once you think “nah, I’ll do (x) instead,” and
start (x) then it’s gone.
I remember last quit though, it was really weird. I couldn’t go to
bed! (You’re allowed to laugh at this. I do!) Bedtime was (is) one of
my biggest ‘learned smoking times’ - I think I learned it to top off
the nic level in case falling asleep took awhile I wouldn’t have to
get back up. It really took nearly a week before I realized that the
reason I felt glued to the computer and couldn’t drag myself to bed
was because I hadn’t had that “last smoke.” (Sounds idiotic, but it’s
true!) Once I realized what was going on, getting past it was
relatively easy.
Thanks again,
Nyniane
May 22nd, 2005 at 5:50 am
relatively easy.
I think you’ll find that’s the case in most areas. Growing awareness and
ABC prep will help you step around everything.
Nyniane, if you’re online today and want to talk about any of this, let
me know.
Steve
May 22nd, 2005 at 2:24 pm
ok! i have a little while… I’ve tried opening a room in SpinChat.
May 22nd, 2005 at 8:20 pm
Hi Doreen,
I’m confused. You didn’t smoke yesterday but you did today? What was
your struggle?
Steve
May 23rd, 2005 at 12:09 pm
Hi Doreen! Is it okay if I try to help brainstorm? Are you usually
Good luck to all of us!
tired when you get up, or are you more of a morning person? (Tired is
one of the “bad times” for most of us, along with hungry, lonely, and
angry.) Are you used to using smoking as part of your way to wake up
in the morning? You might try doing some stretching when you first
get out of bed, or even a brisk walk outside - get the heart pumping
in some other way.
For me, I did NOT give up my coffee as part of the quit - the
association with smoke was not very strong for me anyway, and giving
up the caffiene jolt too might just have been too much.
Nyniane
p.s. I’m happy (and relieved!) to announce that hubby’s continued
smoking has not even TEMPTED me (yet). I looked at his cigs sitting
out there in the garage and didn’t even TWITCH towards them. :-))
May 23rd, 2005 at 6:05 pm
Past the knee jerk reaction, why would you ‘twitch towards them’? You
but then, why would you do that?
don’t want to be a smoker? You know that smoking is an innappropriate
response based on your current foundation statements. Unless you’re
playing some mind games with yourself…
good going
Steve
May 24th, 2005 at 6:44 am
Hello All,
I am new to your group. I am a smoker of about 40 + years. I’ve had
times when I went 48 hrs without a cig and there was one time I went 3
weeks.
I hang my head in shame to admit that I have emphysema but am not yet on
any medicine nor oxygen. I also have to admit that I was diagnosed with
lung cancer little over a year ago. I sent through chemo and radiation
and I am free of cancer until the next bout starts. I did not know that
once I had cancer, I would be prone to get it again.
If you wouldn’t mind, could some of you post some of the abc that you
use. I am familiar with Albert Ellis, but think it would be helpful to
see how others have applied this to quitting smoking.
Many thanks,
Judy
May 24th, 2005 at 5:08 pm
I typed up an explanation, but figure I still better work on not
Nyniane
getting confident. Suffice to say that, so far no mind games is
pretty amazing for *this* gal.
May 25th, 2005 at 4:28 am
Hi Pam,
Thanks for the urls for the abc. I will be checking those out. I am
very familiar with Rational Emotive Therapy and the general concept of
doing the abcd, but not in terms of quitting smoking.
I have not set a quit date. My inclination is to say manana, always
thinking of a future time. I have tried all the aids except I didn’t
buy the inhaler though I went to the trouble to get a prescription for
it. I did read about how addictive the inhaler was. None of the things
I have tried thus far have helped.
I’ve come to the conclusion that ‘cold turkey’ is the only way that will
work for me. All the others are like taking a band aid off slowly which
causes more pain than if jerked off. So cutting back is a waste of time
and effort for me.
When I recently thought that there must be some ’smoking groups’ and
looked around, I saw several. The one I thought might help me the most
was this group. It does seem to me that what I think and believe has a
lot to do with my failure to quit.
Judy
May 25th, 2005 at 1:34 pm
Hi Judy,
Welcome to our group. If you’ve got any actual experience with cognitive
thinking to change behaviors, you may have a fairly easy time slipping into
a cognitive quit.
Everything you’ve tried so far has been focused on and directed toward
your chemical addiction to nicotine. Obviously the chemical addiction is
not where our primary efforts need to be invested.
Change the way you think about your long established beliefs and your
behaviors will automatically change.
Steve
May 25th, 2005 at 8:49 pm
my previous post was sent with an attachment. it’s waaaaay down at the
bottom, so you may have to scroll down to get it.
May 26th, 2005 at 11:31 am
Hello, Maya –
I was another smoker of many years…………and had the same problems
as you in trying to turn my behaviour around…………..
I think we all know that an international tournament is not the
saame…….. :))
Will be cheering on the week-end………
J.
June 2nd, 2005 at 8:11 am
Hi Doreen,
I haven’t quit yet so anything I say is suspect. I am hoping by reading
these emails that I will have it in my face so to speak of the need to
quit.
Anyway, about the mornings and I know that will be my worse time, you
might want to set the clock a little bit early and grab a book to read
for awhile if you are a reader.
I’ve discovered I don’t mind getting up early as much if I have a few
minutes when I don’t have to do anything. It is when I have to get
moving first thing that makes the mornings less enjoyable and more
stressful.
Judyw
June 3rd, 2005 at 1:50 am
Judy,
HTH,
Since you haven’t quit yet, you’d still have time… something that I
think really helped me in the “first mornings” was done long before I
really quit. We started to smoke outside a long time ago, and I’d
never take my coffee out with me. So, after I quit, I was still able
to linger over the coffee and savor it without expecting any smoke to
go with it.
The outside business helped a lot with time spent on the computer
too… I’m not automatically reaching as I type.
Nyniane