Communicating with the SO/DH
Hi there,
ABCs are the primary tool we use to help Warren learn new responses to
routine events.
The following is a repost and a decent intro to ABCs.
ABCs-
I think it’d be safe to say that all cognitive therapy - all
cognitive approaches include a basic premise and it is that our responses
to any and every event are dependant on our beliefs about that particular
event. Example: I’m driving down the highway when another vehicle suddenly
flies past me at high speed. I’m startled (heart is thumping, breathing is
faster) and my immediate thoughts are “Holy sh-t!! That guy’s flying! What
a f—–g lunatic! That idiot is going to kill someone. Coulda been me!!
Where the hell is a cop?!! Man, I hope someone nails that SOB.” Based on
that perfectly natural train of thoughts, I’ve concluded that that
individual deserves jail time, loss of license to drive, maybe at the very
least hanging. Ok, the hanging part is a bit over the top, but the bottom
line is that I’m feeling really angry. Here we have an event - the car
flying past me and my being startled, some beliefs - my statements re: that
driver, and a response based on those statements - I’m furious. What if,
as I’m driving down the road, I happen to hear on the radio that there has
been an accident and a child has been seriously injured and that the father
is racing to the hospital. And at that moment a car flies past me at high
speed. I’m startled (heart is thumping, breathing is faster) and my
immediate thoughts are “Holy sh-t! That guy’s flying! Wow, I wonder if
that’s the guy with the injured child. Lord let them make it safely to the
hospital and let that child be ok.” Here we have the very same event, a
speeding car and me being startled. But the beliefs, my statements, have
changed. Based on those changed statements, my response, in spite of my
thumping heart and rapid breathing, is something other than anger. In this
case it’s a degree of compassion for a desperate father.
See what happened here? In one case I ‘believed’ the driver to be a
dangerous lunatic, in the other case, a desperate father. Same events,
different dialogs, very different responses.
That’s an example of the event, belief, response (ABC) nature of how we
behave toward *every event* we encounter. Events can be everything from a
speeding car to some physical sensation.
The ABC template is:
A - activating event = a simple, nonjudgmental statement of fact i.e. “I’m
groggy” , “I’m angry”, “I feel like I got a case of the ‘nonspecific
restless crankies’”.
B - belief(s) = the ‘truths’ we attribute to the event, judgments about the
event, ideas as to how to resolve/respond to the event.
and C - consequent response = our chosen response based entirely on what we
believe(d) about the event.
To apply this to a quit that’s just starting, we can call the events
“detox discomforts”.
A- I’m feeling the jitters and ‘turned inside out’ sensations of “detox
discomforts.
B- “In the past, my urge would have been to reach for a cig. According to
my foundation statements I know that a cigarette is not an option I’d
willingly choose. Today I know that what I’m feeling is most likely due to
me being in detox (see note 1). My best option is to treat the symptoms of
this quit recovery. Eat properly, rest as much as I can, drink fluids
(note 2), take time for me, walk or exercise a bit (note 3), add to my
lists, think about how I’m examining what used to be automatic.”
C- I’ll take a walk, get some fresh air, nibble a carrot stick, maybe think
about an event happening later today and work out some common sense ways to
deal with it.
Notes:
note 1-The specific sensations I’m feeling are items either for or from
your list of ‘things I feel’. Whether a quit is CT, NRT, or some meds,
there will be an initial physiological readjustment. Those associated with
nic levels usually level out within 3-4 days. However, the process of
physical recovery from any significant period of smoking will usually take
several months.
note 2- While drinking water surely isn’t the universal urge solvent that
so many people claim it to be, it does have a place in the early days of a
quit…. keeps us hydrated, helps us feel full so we munch less, helps
flush nic from our bodies.
note 3- Exercise done first thing in the day sets the stage for the rest of
our day. It speeds up our metabolism, we feel more energized, it helps
combat depression.
An ABC is almost never a one time cure for a day, or an hr, sometimes not
ever for 10 minutes. And the reason why is that we humans are constantly
confronted with life in the form of events. We may resolve one event only
to be confronted by another in the next moment. An event called ‘fatigue’
that is resolved in this moment may be back 30 minutes later needing
addressing and resolution yet again. And this might be how a day would go
if we didn’t sleep well or enough the night before. My point is that the
simple act of living through a day means we spend our waking hrs going
through ABCs whether we are conscious of them or not. As new cog quitters,
we will be very conscious of both our day and our ABCs. The response (C) of
one ABC can be, and usually is, the event (A) of the next. In this case, if
you’re feeling good about how you just handled a typical moment in detox,
you’ll carry that ‘attitude’ into the next moment and maybe into the next
event.
Use the above sample detox ABC. See if you can adapt it to some of what
you’re experiencing today. Add your own touch to it. Post and let us know
how you’re doing and/or what questions you have. Even if you aren’t yet
quit, start thinking in ABC terms. You’ll be glad you did.
Steve