Doing the work…..
Hi everyone..I just wanted to post to say how much doing the ABC’s is
helping me. I’d got to the point where I’d thought ‘oh, I can do
this… I can think my way out of craves easy enough’. Not true! I
learned that the hard way by going to a bar and smoking a cig around
10 days or so ago. I fessed up - didn’t get a lot of sympathy
because I didn’t deserve it! I had the tools and wasnt using them,
end of story.
So.. I think we should get writing and posting some ABC’s. Reading
all the ones in the Files has helped me a lot, and writing my own
out. I’d really like to see the Polar Bears posting some. BTW, can
I be a sort of ‘associate’ polar bear ? 
bye
Dilly
June 2nd, 2005 at 3:26 pm
Hi Dilly,
I speak as a person who has yet to get up her nerve to try once more to
quit. Your comment that it would be helpful to share abc’s with each
other is a good idea.
I only have one floating around in my head which I didn’t make up
myself, but don’t recall who said it. It is that the craving will pass
whether I light up or not. It makes sense to remind myself of this.
I want to get a bunch of these under my belt so to speak before I jump
off the non smoking cliff.
Judyw
June 3rd, 2005 at 1:10 pm
Hi Dilly,
I think of rational beliefs vs. irrational beliefs. My typical
irrational belief would be ‘I cant stand this craving. I need to smoke
to end it’. The rational belief is ‘Whether I smoke or not this craving
will end.’ A simple statement but one that I had not considered before.
My understanding is that there is the activating event, the irrational
belief, the rational belief and the consequence. The belief controlling
the consequence. Many years ago I attended a seminar in which Albert
Ellis talked of his theory and how to apply it, not that I remember all
of it.
I am trying to come up with more understanding of how to apply
smoking/non smoking to this framework. I haven’t searched out all of my
irrational beliefs, but I know they control me at this point.
I welcome suggestions from others as to how they have discovered their
irrational beliefs and substituted rational beliefs as it relates to
quitting smoking.
Judyw
June 3rd, 2005 at 10:16 pm
Well said Dilly. You’ve got the ABCs in hand and you’re working them very
effectively.
June 4th, 2005 at 12:46 pm
Judy,
Three days ago you posted this:
Pam pointed you toward the ABCs in the ‘files’ section of the group’s
site. Those ABCs illustrate how others are applying the ABC
(event/belief/response) process to the development of *effective*
responses. “Whether I smoke or not this craving will end” may be a
‘rational’ belief within certain contexts, but it’s not an ‘effective’
belief. The implication of that statement is that we need do nothing and
the crave will pass. My sense is that that statement enables an attitude of
‘hanging on and hanging in’ which is not at all our goal within this group.
To split this ‘craving will end’ hair a bit more… as smokers, we
established a time frame of minutes at the most, and more often only
seconds, between the moment we first fealt a crave and it’s relief by
smoking. With that time frame as a base, my experience with many quitters
is that they may find themselves having to deal with an ‘endless’ crave,
particularly within the early stages. Craves can hang on tenatiously if
some effective action isn’t implemented.
Judy, I think you might be trying to fit a quit into what you remember of
the RET format. I’d suggest that you let go of that for the time being and
first see if you can adopt the Foundation Statements:
1- I do not want to be a smoker.
2- There is NO situation where allowing Warren to choose a smoking response
will be appropriate.
3- I’m prepared to trust completely that no matter how uncomfortable or
cranky I may be, these foundation statements will ALWAYS be my personal
truths and that I will always help Warren find a nonsmoking response to
whatever I am feeling.
BTW, have you met Warren?
Steve
June 5th, 2005 at 3:55 pm
Hi All,
I am seeing that my understanding of cognitive principles is not the
same as the group here. I am still smoking. I thought to gather up
some rational thoughts/beliefs would be a help before I attempt to stop.
I will continue to read some emails from this group and see if any are
helpful to me. If not, I will go along my way.
Judyw
June 6th, 2005 at 8:54 pm
Many thanks for the suggestion, Nyniane. I will definitely read it.
Judyw