now that I realize
now that I see the connection between my smoking and my behavior and
the need to “avoid” dealing with some feelings. I see things even in
my simplest activities that have caused me to use a smoke to
avoid “coping” and this avoidance has actually made me more
resentful. So I know that smoking has hurt me more that just the
chemicals that have polluted my body, but the time that I have taken
away from myself in life. Like going to a party and repeatedly going
outside to smoke so that I don’t have to socialize too much, what a
waste and if I really didn’t want to be there, then I shouldn’t have
gone. Or some chore at home that I really don’t want to do and I
would smoke first and think about the pending chore and then when
done smoking do the chore with resentment. Now that I am quit I
examine my direct thoughts associated with events like those and make
the adjustments, don’t do the chore now or don’t attend the party if
I am uncomfortable. It seems so simple now, I wonder why I never saw
it before. well, if I am rambling, I am sorry and I hope that this
makes sense to you. I am 1 week quit and it feel good. Thanks for
letting me vent. Any input would be appreciated.
July 3rd, 2005 at 5:23 am
Hi there,
You’re right. We did use cigarettes as a ’sheild’ between us and almost
everything. Smoking was our first response to just about everything. It was
our ‘first response’ to almost every ‘first moment’ in any situation. Once
we quit and begin to pay attention to those ‘first moments’ we find
ourselves so much more alive and involved in our lives. It’s great that
you’re finding that experience rewarding.
Congrats on your first week. Are you working on some ABCs to prepare
for how you deal with those ‘first moments’?
Steve