Cognitive Quit Smoking

Hi,
I’m new here. I found this list purely by chance by an email I received the
other day confirming a subscription that I didn’t even ask for?!? a mix up in
subscribing to another list I suppose,
But it’s all good, as I am interested in quitting smoking.
I skimmed briefly through the archives, and I have a question. What is the
getting started materials?? Is this something I need to order? The list thing
sounds interesting, but I really don’t know where to start.
I’ll try to keep my intro as brief as possible, but it’s kind of complicated.
I just started smoking again about six months ago. I had quit for almost five
years without so much as a single craving. Of course I had the scare of my life
with the diagnosis of a life threatening illness, that sort of helped! But, I
didn’t think I would ever smoke again. In fact, I really detested it. My husband
is a smoker and things were getting o the point, I’m embarrassed to say, that I
was embarrassed by his smoking habit. I started thinking I was so much better

than he was because I had quit and he was still a slave to it. Then my teenage
daughter started sneaking smokes and I was furious with her.
After I was diagnosed with the illness, I experienced a religious conversion,
which I’m sure isn’t all that unusual, but as a part of this deep conversion
many things in my life changed. Although I felt a deep inner peace, I noticed
that many of my relationships were definitely changed. This wasn’t a bad thing
as I pulled away from many destructive situations, but I was lonely for
companionship, or a feeling of fitting in.
Anyway, I received news from my doctor after four years that I was cured. About
the same time I had a couple over for dinner who are of the same faith and I
really looked up to them alot. I was so surprised that after dinner they excused
themselves to the back patio for a smoke. Of course my husband went with them
and so did I. It just kind of clicked in my head that I could “fit in” and enjoy
a smoke with them all. I of course told myself it would just be a “social”
thing, and I remember thinking that now I wouldn’t have to be so judgmental of
my husband. It’s funny because I didn’t even inhale as I was afraid how it would
make me feel. This “fake” smoking went on for a few weeks. Then I started
rationalizing that it was a good thing that my husband and I could smoke
together and it felt nice not to be so separated by judging him for his smoking
habit. Little by little though, I started smoking by myself and when he started
complaining about me taking his cigarettes I finally broke down and bought my
own.
now I am exactly where I was before I ever quit the first time smoking more than
a pack a day. I have put it aside for a day or two here and there, but I guess I
have to admit that I’m hooked again. It’s so embarrassing to me. I’m forty years
old and I hide it from my mother. I feel like such a failure and I feel guilty
because here I’ve been given this clean bill of health and I’m doing something
so unhealthy.
It’s not against my religion to smoke, but I feel like I’m letting God down as
well because a lot of people attributed my initial quitting to His power. Nobody
ever thought I would ever quit before. Now it seems like I only quit because I
was scared.
Anyway, that is my story, as briefly as I could make it. I really want to give
this up for good, but I’m so afraid of failing that I don’t know were to start.
Any thoughts, advice, questions, or knocks on the head are welcome!
Blessings,
Sherry

This entry was posted on Monday, October 24th, 2005 at 9:23 am and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.