I lost it today or running in a circle
Hi all,
today wasn’t my day at all. I just lost it at work, first barking at the guy
I am reliev\ing and that wasn’t enough I send my boss an E-nail telling hime
I dont’ wont to work the day shif any longer and I want I transfer. I don’t
know what was hitting me. I don’t evne know what I wanted. Result my boss
called me and for the first time ever he yelled at me. The worst part of it
is that I felt guilty and disappointed him.
After in my office I realized how stupied that was and then Warren was
really fast telling me lets have a smoke everything will be okay. So here is
my response to Warren.:
A) its Monday morning and I hate being here, I just ended up in an argument
with one of the Supervisors. I know I am just more sensitive and irritated
than ever but that doesn’t justify what happen earlier. Now I
am all upset and close to tears. My head feels light headed kind of dizzy,
my whole body is shaky, jittery, I want to run away, my throught feels like
I swolled a frog and my stomach feels like I ate something wrong.
B) I want to smoke and that’s all I can think off. I can’t even work, I am
just boiling inside, I know a smoke would help it always did. I am sure a
lot of the physical sensation would go away and also the irritation. It
gives me time enough to hide, back off and get time to think. A smoke would
slolve everything.
C) I go and smoke
new B) No I will not smoke no matter what , yes I feel shitty so what, yes I
lost it earlier but is this going to make anything better. Is this going to
delete my E=mail or what ever I did will it take it back. No it wont and
smoking will only make it worse. I may be lucky I don’t loose my job (cause
I do like my job). so first I think it’s better to stop poor me, just cry
and cry it all out in my office I am all alone and no one will see it. than
set back and think how the damage can be fixed I guess I do have to appolige
and no a smoke before that is not going to cut it either.
newC) stay in my office, just sitting ther doing nothing letting out all the
pressure, then go to my boss and apologize and work as best as possible.
So and thats what I did. Now I jsut keep slow profile at work and have to
try not to loose it again.
I guess Zyban isn’t working I tryied to call my doc but lucky as I was it
was her day off. So I guess i wait until Wed, to see what I can do. I just
hope soon I am getting back to myself.
Carmen
November 23rd, 2005 at 11:40 pm
Well done Carmen. You might have lost it and come uncorked on a few
people, but you managed to keep your head on straight where it really counts.
Quitting almost always comes with lots of situations where we wish we could
take it all back. I know I did a lot of apologizing in the first few weeks
of my quit. If you explain to whoever you’ve snapped at that this quitting
business makes us a bit crazy for a while, most people will cut you a fair
bit of slack.
Steve