Cognitive Quit Smoking

I deleted what I wrote earlier, there was a lot of anger, I came in
here to post and read your post (Word). I had to think real hard
about this one. Glad I didnt post the other one. A. Thanksgiving at
Mother In Laws, B and C In the past I would take Tylenol before
leaving home, its 10 miles down the road, I smoked 4-5 cigarettes on
the way. I get an immediate headache, heart is pounding, hold my
breath, anxious, total confusion. Chew a Valium in her driveway (dont
need no water). I have to drag myself in that door. I have tried my
best for 22 years. My mother in law treats me bad in front of
everyone, her son in law is the one that hasnt had a job in 20 years,
however she gets away with talking to me bad because I LET HER. I
become the maid, no one lifts a finger, none of us enjoy going (her
son, me, and our children). I would sneak out and take a walk and
smoke, I could about suck in the whole cigarette in one breath in the
past out of anger. Dont think I am kidding. I drag myself back in for

the balance our time there. Every time I see her she tells me “When I
get old I am going to be mean, angry and horrible and your going to
have to take care of me.” For 22 years, everytime. One day I am going
to tape her saying this. She usually does this when its just me in
the room. She has always been old, mean, angry and horrible. Heaven
forbid his cousin is there, she is insane, outright crazy. She has to
put in her two cents that dont add up to a penny…telling our
daughter for years that she needs to have babies by the time she is
eighteen, garbage like that. She can cook a 25 lb frozen turkey in 2
hours, whatever. She gets away with treating me and our daughter like
****. Its awful. I look at her neck while she is talking this crap, I
am glazed over, thinking “strangulation”. I know this is alot of
griping. One day I will tell her this. When we finally leave, I
would smoke all the way home, am already dreading Christmas, let you
know that one another day. They dont drink, that is one of the many
tickets to HELL, I’m Italian and I enjoy a little something. I was
okay with this until I talked with a friend today. It hit me, OH
NO…Yuk..This is not the holiday I see advertised on TV, if anyone
has that kind please send me video. Trigger, this is a BOMB, its
ticking…I would like to send a message to her “Due to circumstances
beyond my control I am unable to attend.” Welcome to the Dead Zone.
Cant do that. There were never enough cigarettes to take car of this
stuff. B1 This year I am going to exercise a lot to relieve any
tension, wear myself out, I am going to take better care of ME, take
my tylenol as usual (we all do the tylenol thing) and head that
way I will probobly be thinking about a cigarette or jumping out
of the car while its moving. Hubby has promised he wont smoke in the
car at all, (he is going to be stressed like no other). I will have
my Foundation Statement with me at all times. This is not one ABC,
its ABCing the entire time we are there. I will take lots of deep
breaths trying not to hyperventilate. If I have to, (with kindness
and gently) I will start standing up for myself and not allow her
treat me in that manner. Deep breath some more. The thankful part
is… a. we dont live there b. we get to leave. They dont know I
stopped smoking, I dont want to hear one word from them. They are not
that supportive. I will sift through whatever is said, if it is not
worth hearing I will throw it out of my mind, that will be about
everyting. Anything said worth hearing, I will listen, that wont be
much. C1 I am staying with my Foundation Statement, there is no
reason to light up, out of stress or anything that might arise. My
Mother In Law is not worth one puff. I have made a commitment, I
have an obligation to myself, I have the tools required to deal with
her and that day. If I find I am missing a tool, I will leave and go
home. Thank goodness I am learning cogquit (although it might not
sound like it) I am going to call it the AWARE day. I will have to
stay aware the entire day. Will gladly take any ideas, tweak all you
like, if you would like to take my place, let me know. Truly Debo

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