Stood up
I was ready!! I had my ABC’s all lined up for my 3rd Saturday as an
ex-smoker. I had written down every trigger, every physical twinge,
and every emotion I could think of…I was ***ready***! But, not one
urge came. Not one.
Instead, I started realizing that I was able to get MORE done in less
time, feel better doing it and {{{{{{{STILL}}}}}}}} feel happy and
satisfied that I had accomplished so much. I got happy without
smoking!!
I put off a big portion of my Saturday chores since I quit, because
it was too hard to deal with all the urges and the depression I would
sense over the “death of my old friend, the cig”(yeah, some friend -
never gave me a moment’s peace.) Anyway, it’s been 3 weeks since I
ran the vacuum and dusted everywhere…I’ve been just getting by with
the basics.
But, the more I had procrastinated, the worse the house began to look
and the more aggravated I was getting over it’s condition, so I
decided today was going to be the “big day.” All stops
out…cleaning everything…urge or no urge…I was gonna do it! So,
I wrote an ABC, posted it and well, I musta killed the urge before it
ever got going because it just never came. Even when I got all done,
I didn’t have an urge for that closure cig we talked about yesterday.
The whole time I was cleaning, I had my cup of water sitting in the
microwave, with the tea bag right next to it, all ready to go….for
whenever I needed the new “C” alternative response to a smoke break.
I got all done, fixed the tea and sat in my neat, tidy, clean house
that I finally had all to myself, and just smiled in amazement at how
good it felt to be free from a cigarette urge.
It’s been so long since I was one of the non-smokers(I did quit 2.5
years ago for 18 months) that I had forgotten what life is like
without that constant little voice in the back of my mind
saying, “smoke time.” Ever see a 4 year old get all excited over the
first time he sees a centipede on the sidewalk? You, the grown up,
who have seen hundreds of them, and aren’t really amazed at all, you
bend down to inspect the little bug and say “oh my” and then just
sort of wryly smile, trying to act enthused, but really you are more
amazed at the wonder of a 4 year old. I feel like that 4 year old,
and like that grown up, all at the same time. I’m amazed at the
wonder of it all, and yet amused at my own wonderment!!
Hmmmm. Maybe I’ve breathed in too much dust and have gone a bit
wacky from it??? That doesn’t look like it makes the same sense in
print like it does in my mind.
Hope it conveys what I’m thinking.
Tonight, at 10:30 PM, I will complete my 21th day as an ex-smoker.
I will have not smoked 420 cigarettes. So then, I have either beaten
or not had to deal with 420 urges!!!!