Impatient
After leaving work yesterday, I went to the mall to order some blinds for
our windows. Several of the windows were larger than 1 blind size, so I
needed to make decisions about how I wanted those blinds to be. I sat with
the store clerk looking at different options, and suddenly Warren said “Need
to leave to go have a cig”. I immediately stopped and tried to assess what I
was feeling. Physically I was feeling fairly normal, no stiffness, no rapid
heartbeat, no tension, etc. What was this? Where was it coming from? I kind
of stuffed it away, and tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but
realized that I could no longer focus well at all. The clerk went to make a
phone call to verify some information, and I tried to figure out what the
“Situation” and “Emotions” were. I realized that since I’ve been a smoker, I
have had a certain time limit that I allow on any given task that doesn’t
really stimulate me. Before I went into the store, I had taken the
measurements, and looked up on the chart what it was that I needed to order.
When I went in, I figured it would take me about 45 minutes to get them
ordered, and get out of there. Well, once the 45 minutes was up, and I still
hadn’t placed the order because of problems, Warren said “This is when you
respond with a cigarette because your time limit is up.” “You are on a tight
schedule, and need to hurry through every thing you do so you can go smoke”
Well, once I realized that, I decided to enjoy being able to sit in a mall
without having to leave for a cigarette. How many times have I not enjoyed
my shopping experience because I’m in a huge hurry to leave so I can smoke?
How many other things have I rushed through? I realized that I always used a
cigarette “To Calm Me”, but what they really were doing were making me
anxious and antsy. Now that I’ve quit, I think I’ll be able to be a much
calmer person. I won’t need to rush through things in order to smoke. I will
be able to focus on the activity, and enjoy it. It’s very freeing!
Anyway, I’m looking forward to the weekend, and have one concern coming up
that I don’t have a plan for. We are driving about 6 hours to my sisters for
Easter. In the past everyone goes out on Friday night for dinner and drinks.
I don’t feel strong enough in my quit to drink at all, so am planning on
just enjoying dinner. I know it will be weird to be the only adult there who
isn’t having at least a glass of wine with their meal, and most of the
adults will be drinking several drinks. Should I just not go to that event?
Maybe stay back and relax and watch a movie? Or should I face this
situation? After all, I am going to be in this kind of situation fairly
often, and am going to need to learn how to deal with it. Any advice would
be appreciated.
Thanks,
Amy
May 1st, 2006 at 1:07 pm
Hi Amy,
For a smoker between cigs, or when we quit, the three signs of nic
withdrawal that we experience first are muscle tension, changes in
breathing, and difficulty thinking or concentrating. A ‘need to think’ was
always a cue to smoke. In the store, feeling pressure to ‘make decisions’,
you were experiencing a situation that had always been tied to a smoking
response. That’s something that will crop up often as there are many
possible reasons why we can experience some mental fatigue. Keep in mind
things like sleep, food, when was your last break, or an activity that goes
on past our ‘patience level’ … all of this is part of daily life.
Sometimes some deep breathing and/or fruit juice will help.
It doesn’t sound like this is a ‘go out to a bar and get wasted’
sort of affair anyway. It sounds like a family event that happens to
include a glass of wine or two. I’d go to dinner. And don’t drink. I think
you’re going to find it a fairly different event than in past years simply
because you’re going to be experiencing it from a very different
perspective this year. Going into this with your eyes open and a plan re:
avoiding possible problems (alchohol) means you’ re going to do just fine.
Steve