By: Raleigh Missy

Raleigh Missy — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 05:28:31 +0000

Hi Sara,
you wrote:
“Am I just being self indulgent; am I using not being able to decompress
at any time during the day as an excuse to light up; is fear of never being
able to decompress again at least once or twice daily playing a part in
this and/or fear of not finding in time an equally suitable substitute or
different method of decompression.”
I think the issue of self indulgence arises only when our need of
decompression has gone too long un-addressed.
I think that ‘when’ we decompress, is at least as important as
‘how’. This goes directly to how stressed we allow ourselves to become
before we do something about it. I think that the longer we wait, the more
involved the intervention that’s necessary in order to be
effective. Maybe we can learn to function at a less frenetic pace
internally if we can prevent ‘over compression’ using more breaks, better

monitoring.
Steve,

By: Araceli Cherry

Araceli Cherry — Wed, 31 May 2006 16:04:44 +0000

Hi Sara,
Welcome to our group. Just to introduce myself - I quit cognitively something
over 3 years ago with Steve’s help, and am now enjoying a comfortable smoke free
life. Even though my life still has the same mixture of stresses and strains
(anger, frustration, boredom etc) that it had in pre-quit days, the way I react
to them now is very different. The tools I gained to help me understand my
smoking behaviour as I grasped and worked the cognitive quitting programme, now
help me direct my responses to so many events in my life. I now instinctively
stand back in the moment, question how I am reacting to a particular situation,
examine the physical consequences, and decide whats really needed. Its no
longer about ‘I need a smoke to feel better/relax/calm down’ or whatever - I
stopped making smoking associations a long time ago - but more about ‘what is my
body telling me I need to do in this situation, feeling (physically) as I do’.
Just a few observations of my own, since Steve has already given you much food
for thought, and possible ways forward.

Whilst you’re having the occasional few drags on a cigarette, you’re maintaining
a physical addiction to nicotine. Whilst thats happening, it can be difficult
to work out whether the ‘need’ or ‘urge’ has a physical basis (nicotine
depletion) or is due to you associating a smoke with ‘relief’ from physical
discomforts which result from emotions/conditions. Those occasional smokes
(lunchtime, after work, during the evening ) can also become very ‘precious’ -
viewing them almost as a reward, perhaps. Steve’s already addressed those
particular times, and how you might deal with them, so no need for me to go into
that. If you haven’t already done so, try the timer exercise over the next few
days, and keep a log of the results (and better still, post it here). You’ll
find that pretty enlightening, and it’ll help you become a lot more aware whats
happening with you physically througout the course of a day, and get into the
habit of dealing effectively with the physical sensations/discomforts you
identify.
You said:-
“I know it’s physically stopping, getting physically relaxed, taking
deep breaths that is physically relaxing me but it has been focusing
on smoking the cigarette/watching it burn and letting everything
mentally fall away that has provided the mental relief. The
cigarette is the focus, the distraction, for quieting my mind. I
just don’t seem to be able to find that alternate thing to focus on.”
You’re quite clear on the fact that its the stopping, relaxing and breathing
deeply thats giving you the physical relaxation you need. With regard to
focussing on a burning cigarette to ‘help’ that process along, why not choose
something else to focus on? If I’m consciously unwinding eg after a day at
work, I realise I choose to do something which turns my focus away from whats
gone on in the office. If its a cold dark evening it might be something as
simple as watching the fire or a candle flickering or listening to some music.
If its a nice day it might be sitting out in the garden. Whatever you choose,
find something pleasant to focus on that relaxes you, so that muscles un-tense
themselves, and breathing becomes more regular.
Hope that helps,
Pam

By: Kelvin Janessa

Kelvin Janessa — Wed, 31 May 2006 06:14:42 +0000

Hi Sara,
I’m a bit confused…. you quit on March 30th but you have the
occasional puff or half a cigarette? How many times a week does that
happen?
Have you read the Foundation Statements? Are they a valid set of
statements for you?
Steve

Comments on: Need Help With This ABC

By: Raleigh Missy

By: Araceli Cherry

By: Kelvin Janessa