Weekend Blues
I am proud to say that I made it through the 3-day weekend and lived
to day 9. I was never so happy to be back at work and that is a
symptom of something serious! But it was a hanging on by a thread
weekend and that will not make for a successful quit.
The timer exercise on the six hour drive was a failure since I had a
10-year old talking non stop. However I had abc’d the drives and
only had one urge to smoke. This may also have to do with the fact
that I brought enough snacks to open my own convenience store.
It was down time that drove me crazy. Whenever we were in the motel
itself I put myself through severe, wanting to bang my head on the
wall, anxiety. I had a lot of chances to escape my supportive
fans…you could see the gas station right out the window. But I’d
hear my grandaughter’s voice, in my head, saying Grandma! We had
stopped at one gas station and as soon as my husband went to the
washroom I bought a pack of cigs and a lighter. The kids face
crumpled and she just said Grandma?. When we went outside I told her
to throw the pack away. She was so proud and came back with the
lighter, telling me I could use it to light candles. What an
innocent. I pray she never smokes. It’s time to be a better role
model.
Anyway, this long narrative was meant to say that I have my legal
sized pad and I’m making my lists as the day goes on. I certainly
deserve the homework!
Linda
June 27th, 2006 at 12:28 am
I am having a terrible time identifying physical sensations. I can
identify the emotion in every situation but when the timer goes off
the only thing I’m feeling is inadequate that there is no physical
sensation. I’ve even gone to the web today looking up lists of
physical sensations so I could copy other’s sensations or their
terminology. For instance, when I wake up I’m sleepy and really want
to stretch my legs. But I don’t think of the sensation as muscle
tension…it just feels really great to stretch them. I do know how
to describe physical sensations from fear and anger but that’s not
what I’m feeling when the timer goes off.
I’m going back to the drawing board because I have the events, the
emotions and the rational responses but I faked the physical
sensations so I could fill in the space and that’s stupid. I’m not
giving up but it’s giving me a headache now. I can describe that.
I’m also thinking that if it were the weekend there would be a lot
more emotions and sensations. At work you’re just kind of there.
“How are you doing with identifying physical sensations like muscle
tension in your back, neck, and shoulders? Are there any ‘constants’
you’re noticing?”
June 28th, 2006 at 5:28 am
Thank you. I read and printed up the site’s advice. Strange,
because workers’ compensation administrator is one of my hats, so I
have always tried to get up and file once an hour. Okay, I usually
actually do it on Friday but I remind myself daily. However, since I
stopped smoking I quit even reminding myself to do that. I have been
walking to the coffee pot across the floor as my response to whatever
that sesnation is, but I forgot totally about the task that has me
bending and stretching. The article brought it back and my response
for the same events will be to get up and move by filing. I always
have enough filing for a year. See, you have been a brilliant help.
Linda
June 29th, 2006 at 3:20 am
Linda,
In rereading your post, I noticed something I’d like to comment on.
Steve