By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 19:04:27 +0000

Hi there: like you a new non-smoker, but I wanted to comment on
your particular problem, by telling you what my husband did for me.
He quit about 5 years ago and never ever pressured me to do the
same. Like your husband, I was convinced I could not give up and
really never tried to, though secretly I wanted to have “the guts”
to do so.
The main thing my husband did was to demonstrate time and time again
what being a non-smoker had done for him - but not in an “in your
face” type of way. It was just because I have been with him so long
I could see the difference. He is more confident, healthier
(obviously), less fearful of doctors, dentists etc, more engaged in
life and the types of things he likes to do by comparison to his
smoking days. And he only has ever said once that he might have a
cigarette. Funny thing was though, he looked at me (through a
drunken haze, I have to say - it was a very special party) and

said “should I be having a cigarette?”. I said “no” and that was
the end of it. It was like he had forgotten whether a cigarette was
part of the occasion, but had a vague thought it might be - now that
is amazing!
The thing this did was to show me that you can be a non-smoker and
be normal! ie you weren’t spending the rest of your life missing
something. Even now, some 10 days into my quit, he sort of assumes
that things are fine whilst at the same time knows “what I am going
through”. Which actually is not bad thanks to the help from this
site and from Allen Carr’s book - more boring than painful (I am
sooooo sick of going through the mental routine - that is my danger
point, low boredom threshhold).
I guess 5 years is a long time to wait for your partner to get the
message, but that is the way it had to be for us at least. I think
if your husband sees you being NORMAL as a non-smoker, that one day
he will lose the panic that comes to every smoker at the thought of
giving up. The best thing you can do is continue to love him and
help him to get over his very normal fears by showing him that there
is really nothing to fear at all!
Marg

Comments on: time sheet and smoking partners

By: Neva Marjory