By: Neva Marjory

Neva Marjory — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 16:49:11 +0000

Thanks Pam and Pam. I have taken on board both your comments about
not “forcing” myself to smoke. Must be the old catholic guilt
thing - punishment! I also just wanted to get rid of the packet,
but I could have easily thrown it away :)))
I think I went through a bit of a shock - severe grief? - it felt
very much like a grieving response and I have had a bit of
experience with that of course, at my age. Being an inexperienced
quitter [do I really have to do the 10 quits before success, that
the authorities tell me :)?]it was a shock for me to get through 10
or so days quite easily only to collapse into a weeping wailing
heap. My poor husband and son have never seen me like this and I
think (though sympathetic) it scared them as much as it scared me.
The nicotine addiction thing is strong but bearable, but what Steve
described as using smoking as a response to EVERY occasion is the
killer.

So, gritted teeth, full concentration I went back to the foundation
statements and got stuck on “Do I want to smoke?”. Because in my
deepest self, despite all the reasons why I shouldn’t, the answer is
still yes! What I am going through now is try to figure out why.
The educational psychologist I learnt the teaching thing from once
told me, when I asked him if I could use his ‘unlearning’ technique
for smoking, that the first thing I had to do is to bring into my
conscious mind why smoking is “good” for me. Then address that with
alternative thoughts/responses - see the similarity with the ABC’s?
The things I have come up with so far is: smoking is my punctuation
between and within tasks; I use smoking to delay starting another
task; smoking gives me permission to be alone; I am known by friends
and family as someone who clung to smoking despite their
disapproval/dismay - it is part of my identity; smoking gives me
permission to sit and do nothing; smoking allows me to slow down the
pace of my life.
Trying to ABC these will be a challenge! I feel this is the
greatest challenge of my life and at the same time the rational part
of my brain is saying “for goodness sake, get real! You are doing
something good for yourself, that will only cost you time and effort
and is actually pain free (physically speaking)” I guess I feel
like a wimp at the moment - and a stupid wimp at that.
But I will perservere and will try to forgive myself for
this “failure” and also learn from it.
Thanks again. Onward and upward! I am not ready to contact you
personally yet, but hopefully will do so soon.

Comments on: Take a deep breath and..

By: Neva Marjory