I finally realized that thinking about the lists and trying to figure out how it all worked wasn’t really benefiting me. So finally did the lists. But not sure what to do next. If I’m right that I should start making ABC’s based on these lists, it seems pretty daunting. Any ideas about a do-able way to approach it? Am I on the right track? I hope it’s ok to post my lists here—-
1) Reasons why I smoke:
When I: wake up (with coffee), finish walking with the cat, start to plan my day, before bath, after bath, before breakfast, after breakfast, before lunch, after lunch, take a break as I work on tasks/activities (with diet coke), start working on a task, finish working on a task, talk on the phone, drive anywhere, take a break while watching TV, take a break while working on the computer, wake up during the middle of the night, sit outside or in the porch, sit in a beautiful place (by the lake, in the woods, etc), visit a friend, before a movie, after a movie, before bed, before during and after cleaning, am trying to plan or decide what I want to do next, am trying to problem-solve something, when someone comes over to visit, want to take a time out from a social situation, before/during/after workshops, thereâs something difficult to do (even mildly difficult like going to get that wood from the neighborâs dumpster), or something I donât really want to face, finish having
sex, talking with someone, finished eating and sated, to mark time (how many cigs until that person calls me back, waiting for someone or something, etc), my mouth is not fresh, when my mouth has been fresh for awhile, when I donât know what to do, when Iâm working on a list that seems like it could go into infinity (!!)
Where: porch, patio, car, outside the building at work, coffee shop, restaurant, while seated in a beautiful place, at friendâs house usually outside, outside at events, any social situation, outside at workshops, outside during car trip with another person, parties, anywhere with smoking friends
Why: to avoid dealing with the craving and other withdrawal symptoms, to accompany me during breaks or relaxation times, to preserve the ârebelâ part of my spirit—the âcomplete lonerâ persona, the free thinker, the independent thinker, the spirit of rule-breaking badness, to give me something to do when I escape some social situations or help me deal with them when Iâm there.
2) Emotions and conditions I experience:
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, scared, anxious, worried, happy, peaceful, satisfied, relaxed, alpha state relaxed, grateful, sated, spent, confused, creative, problem-solving, figuring out, chilly, cold, warm, hot, just right, sticky humid, dry, itchy dry, just right humidity, quietness, loudness, bright screaming sunshine, dark gloominess, yearning, pining, wanting, sexually aroused, sexually sated, zero libido, irritable, annoyed, at the end of my rope, intolerant, edgy, groggy, dull, sleepy, afraid, disgusted, repulsed, bored, lost, curious, sitting too long, standing too long, laying down too long, pushing to finish something, under pressure (whether mine or someone else), zoned out, feeling rebellious, âbadâ, going it alone, or âbreaking rulesâ, feeling like Iâm in a war zone surviving, when everyone and everything is against me, when Iâm loved and blissful, weariness, despair, melancholy, sad, depressed, wound up, anxious, hopeful, excited, content, contemplative, numb,
teary, guilt, shame, insecure, unsafe, confident, cocky, right, wrong
(more…)
