Comments on: the big question—to Carol and Elizabeth http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/ Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:49:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 By: Wade Shantel http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2912 Wade Shantel Fri, 29 Sep 2006 07:49:39 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2912 So what you are saying that when you feel that pain in your stomach that makes you think you might be hungry is actually a withdrawal symtom? Alice On Sat, 15 Jan 2005 22:05:28 -0700 Steve <ddsteve@... Before you put anything in your mouth ask yourself this.... "Am I mouth hungry or stomach hungry?" Stomach hungry is when it's been too long since you last ate proper food and it's time to add fuel for you body. Mouth hungry is when you're bored, tired, anxious, nervous, upset, antsy, did I say bored?, there's some 'non specific restless crank, .... it's got nothing to do with nutritional needs. (Brushing slowly and lovingly and then rinsing is almost always a good response) Depending on your honest answer, decide what you'll do. So what you are saying that when you feel that pain in your stomach that makes you think you might be hungry is actually a withdrawal symtom? Alice

On Sat, 15 Jan 2005 22:05:28 -0700 Steve <ddsteve@…

Before you put anything in your mouth ask yourself this…. “Am I mouth
hungry or stomach hungry?”
Stomach hungry is when it’s been too long since you last ate proper food
and it’s time to add fuel for you body.
Mouth hungry is when you’re bored, tired, anxious, nervous, upset, antsy,
did I say bored?, there’s some ‘non specific restless crank, …. it’s got
nothing to do with nutritional needs. (Brushing slowly and lovingly and
then rinsing is almost always a good response)
Depending on your honest answer, decide what you’ll do.

]]> By: Kelvin Janessa http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2907 Kelvin Janessa Wed, 27 Sep 2006 06:09:05 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2907 Before you put anything in your mouth ask yourself this.... "Am I mouth hungry or stomach hungry?" Stomach hungry is when it's been too long since you last ate proper food and it's time to add fuel for you body. Mouth hungry is when you're bored, tired, anxious, nervous, upset, antsy, did I say bored?, there's some 'non specific restless crank, .... it's got nothing to do with nutritional needs. (Brushing slowly and lovingly and then rinsing is almost always a good response) Depending on your honest answer, decide what you'll do. Before you put anything in your mouth ask yourself this…. “Am I mouth
hungry or stomach hungry?”
Stomach hungry is when it’s been too long since you last ate proper food
and it’s time to add fuel for you body.
Mouth hungry is when you’re bored, tired, anxious, nervous, upset, antsy,
did I say bored?, there’s some ‘non specific restless crank, …. it’s got
nothing to do with nutritional needs. (Brushing slowly and lovingly and
then rinsing is almost always a good response)
Depending on your honest answer, decide what you’ll do.

]]> By: Kelvin Janessa http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2905 Kelvin Janessa Tue, 26 Sep 2006 08:24:21 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2905 Just a few cents here.... I see addiction issues and life issues only. Addiction issues: everything to do with a fluctuating nicotine level (the onset of the physical sensations of nicotine withdrawal which we've learned to relieve with smoking) Life issues: everything else (our association of a smoking response to every physical sensation or set of sensations regardless of source) Just a few cents here….
I see addiction issues and life issues only.
Addiction issues: everything to do with a fluctuating nicotine level (the onset of the physical sensations of nicotine withdrawal which we’ve learned to relieve with smoking)
Life issues: everything else (our association of a smoking response to every physical sensation or set of sensations regardless of source)

]]> By: Wade Shantel http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2901 Wade Shantel Sun, 24 Sep 2006 19:06:00 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2901 I know that there will be times when I will have to go through the hungries, but I am determined to get through them. It is worth the fight. Alice On Fri, 14 Jan 2005 23:22:30 EST sylviaed@... writes: Alice - we may be very different or not - I am however, comfortable with some of these medical situations that might occur. Please do not hesitate. I will try to talk to you. L I know that there will be times when I will have to go through the hungries, but I am determined to get through them. It is worth the fight. Alice

On Fri, 14 Jan 2005 23:22:30 EST sylviaed@… writes:

Alice - we may be very different or not - I am however, comfortable with some of these medical situations that might occur. Please do not hesitate. I will try to talk to you. L

]]> By: Barry Oneal http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2899 Barry Oneal Sun, 24 Sep 2006 04:17:25 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2899 Hmm... I did work on some issues.....as I smoked in response to virtually anything. You name it.. I'd light a cigarette: physical sensation, pauses for thought, start of something, middle of something, end of something, phone call, picking up pencil, having coffee,, existential crisis, patting the dog... ... So what exactly were addiction issues, smoking issues, or life issues was somewhat irrelevant- they were all cues to smoke! If you have an issue.. I'd post about it.....(but then again I'm an email junkie) Take care carol this is extremely helpful to me....as were Judy's suggestions about the abc's.. Your examples are SO familiar! The "stuck" parts. Did you work with Patient Steve on studio issues apart from smoking? <!--more--> I get confused (so easily these days!) about what are addiction issues, what are smoking issues, what are life issues.... elizabeth Hmm… I did work on some issues…..as I smoked in response to virtually anything. You name it.. I’d light a cigarette: physical sensation, pauses for thought, start of something, middle of something, end of something, phone call, picking up pencil, having coffee,, existential crisis, patting the dog…

…

So what exactly were addiction issues, smoking issues, or life issues was somewhat irrelevant- they were all cues to smoke!

If you have an issue.. I’d post about it…..(but then again I’m an email junkie)

Take care

carol

this is extremely helpful to me….as were Judy’s suggestions about
the abc’s.. Your examples are SO familiar! The “stuck” parts.
Did you work with Patient Steve on studio issues apart from smoking?

I get confused (so easily these days!) about what are addiction
issues, what are smoking issues, what are life issues….
elizabeth

]]> By: Barry Oneal http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2898 Barry Oneal Sat, 23 Sep 2006 21:02:30 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2898 Yes.. I agree totally. This isn't about what I actually do or actually want, its about the feelings. No matter if I, as an adult human being, know full well that I am not going to pass over responsibility for myself to another, it doesn't stop me every now and again having an aching longing to be looked after.. to go back to being two years old and to be totally cared for by my mother. It the difference between a feeling and an action. For me this has been the most difficult feeling to really understand so far in my quit. I am one of these people who has been pretty self sufficient and no way wanting someone else to take responsibility for my life.. (perhaps to an almost pathological degree J). To actually acknowledge this existential longing was a big step... that it wasn't some deep craving for a cigarette, but instead was a feeling of wanting to connect and even merge with another.. to go back to very early childhood. And then of course to feel the sadness that ultimately this couldn't happen. But by acknowledging the feeling it took away the desire to smoke, and has led me to address how to satisfy the longing in an adult way.. and yes, this may involve how to get the sort of intimacy that does, in some way, help in these deep moments. ! I am indeed in the same situation substantially as you -- but longing, as you say, for this someone/something to take care of you or make things easier is, frankly, selling yourself short. I have been married often enough to know that. No one can nor should they be responsible for that except you. Do you honestly want to be responsible for that for your mate - I mean -- you can help. But the concept of let me fall away and you will catch me - OK for the catch, but then ... We really must do this ourselves-in and out of love, lust, etc., my 2 cents. L. Yes.. I agree totally. This isn’t about what I actually do or actually want, its about the feelings. No matter if I, as an adult human being, know full well that I am not going to pass over responsibility for myself to another, it doesn’t stop me every now and again having an aching longing to be looked after.. to go back to being two years old and to be totally cared for by my mother. It the difference between a feeling and an action.

For me this has been the most difficult feeling to really understand so far in my quit. I am one of these people who has been pretty self sufficient and no way wanting someone else to take responsibility for my life.. (perhaps to an almost pathological degree J). To actually acknowledge this existential longing was a big step… that it wasn’t some deep craving for a cigarette, but instead was a feeling of wanting to connect and even merge with another.. to go back to very early childhood. And then of course to feel the sadness that ultimately this couldn’t happen. But by acknowledging the feeling it took away the desire to smoke, and has led me to address how to satisfy the longing in an adult way.. and yes, this may involve how to get the sort of intimacy that does, in some way, help in these deep moments.

!

I am indeed in the same situation substantially as you — but longing, as you say, for this someone/something to take care of you or make things easier is, frankly, selling yourself short. I have been married often enough to know that. No one can nor should they be responsible for that except you. Do you honestly want to be responsible for that for your mate - I mean — you can help. But the concept of let me fall away and you will catch me - OK for the catch, but then … We really must do this ourselves-in and out of love, lust, etc., my 2 cents. L.

]]> By: Barry Oneal http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2897 Barry Oneal Sat, 23 Sep 2006 13:47:36 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2897 Hi Elizabeth.. I think this (writing emails) is really such a good thing to do.. for me in the earlier stages writing emails about difficult things, ABCs etc, really helped to clarify things... often I had worked out the answer through the writing before I sent the email.. but sent it anyway, as other people's thoughts also helped. It's a fast learning process this way. I had to smile reading your specific smoking situation. I am a garden designer and have my computer (where I am sitting now) in my studio. I had real problems getting back to the drawing board (literally) after I quit.. I'm a procrastinator too, but this was just aweful - it was as if I had forgotten how to draw and design.. like my brain had changed since quitting smoking. Whilst I didn't want physically to smoke, I couldn't think how on earth to get back on the board without a cigarette. Steve.. ever so patiently, helped me work through the issues, and also gave me an idea of an exercise to help - drawing up a plan of action for the next time period (say the morning) and just doing what was in it, no matter whether it was good, bad or indifferent, and setting a timer every 20 minutes during the process. When the timer went off.. take a break.. even if only 90secs to do a very quick check in, stretch and breathe.... and come back to the schedule. This sounds deceptively simple but it worked for me. Now back to the ABC. I agree with Judy's suggestion about paying attention to the physical sensations in your body. At least being aware of them. I will say though that for me, getting back to the drawing board, I had to make sure I did not use these sensations as an excuse not to start. Just so you know you are not alone, I've fished out two of my ABCs. It took me quite a time to work on these, as I found that it was so easy to find something.. a response to my body sensations.. which would take me away from what I was scared of (eg stretch, or go and make a cup of tea or something). So the answer for me was just to face the thing and start (having made sure that I had done all the right preparation). The first is about just starting: A. I am standing at the drawing board ready to start a new garden design. I have done lots of prep work, and am now ready to do my first real attempt at a new design B. I want to run away or do anything other than look at the paper. I feel heavy and my mind feels blank. I have a constricted chest.. it feels like someone has their hands inside my rib cage and is trying to squeeze my heart and trachea. Its physically slightly painful. I am not breathing properly. In the past when I got this feeling I would light a cigarette to fill up" the space in my chest with smoke. Now I am not smoking, I have a strong, almost overwhelming, urge to eat or drink something,(sort of to stuff it in.. the food that is, and the feeling) but check in with my body and know that I am not hungry or thirsty So, when I get a feeling like this, I could breathe deeply into the space; sing or make a sound; physically lift up my right hand and pick up the graphite stick and make a mark on the paper. <!--more--> C. I take a deep breath and pick up the graphite stick The second is about dealing with a distraction: so easy to use this as an excuse to stop A. Postman delivers parcel of new books. I am in the middle of a design and could easily be distracted from it. Opening the parcel is a good excuse to be distracted B. I am trying to avoid the work by deliberately being distracted by the parcel. I choose not to open it and feel irritated and deprived.. the urge to leave my drawing board and go and open the parcel has a physical "longing" sensation with it. It's a slight tightness- a sort of ache- in my chest. Also slightly irritated fingers. It's a conflict... inside me... like a little fight....I am feeling frustrated because I have chosen to put my new books on one side and to continue with my design. I have a tighter stomach, twitchy fingers, hot feeling, tight face, tight throat. Past reaction...light cigarette..... Now I don't smoke, I will acknowledge that this isn't actually a big (or even small!) life issue.. it's a matter of self control and not avoiding doing the work on the drawing board. I could take several deep breaths and acknowledge my frustration, and return to what I am doing on the drawing board. C. Have a wry smile about how I am making a mountain out of a molehill, take some deep breaths and carry on working. The second is trickier for me. I am a visual artist. I have my dream studio in my house...not 10 feet away from where I sit now. I have always been a procrastinator...adn it seems the more success I have (both internally and externally), the worse it gets. In December I had a very successful show, got a great review etc. I have all these new projects going on and I should feel heavenly. Instead my anxiety shoots downwards into constantlowlevel figeting.I used to smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes before I went into the studio. My heart is racing, my breathing shallow...and I could even work myself into exhaustion so I would take a nap instead of going in there...this despite the fact that I slept in this morning, and it's only early afternoon. I went in and turned on the heat. I came back out and got on the laptop.I am breathing deeply. I remember that Steve said to take care of the physical and the rest will follow. But my heart is racing physically and in my head...the more I talk about it. I used to have the ritual of smoking to "calm me down" enough to go in there. A. Preparing to go into the studio B. excitment and anxiety about that...my belief is that stalling , or perhaps, getting prepared, is what I need to do. Smoking used to give me the quiet moments I needed to get ready. I no longer smoke. I can't seem to find a quiet place. I have to find a quiet place in my core in order to go on and smoking is no longer an option. C.OK. Deep breathing. Feet flat on the floor. hand on my abdomen. Connect to my core...love and vision.Courage. Just go in and sit there for awile if I have to. --------- Sorry about the long post and the airing .... it is hard for me to "expose" myself...but I need to trust...you have proven wise, kind and supportive. Am I doing it right?? ;-) thankyou. elizabeth Hi Elizabeth..

I think this (writing emails) is really such a good thing to do.. for me in the earlier stages writing emails about difficult things, ABCs etc, really helped to clarify things… often I had worked out the answer through the writing before I sent the email.. but sent it anyway, as other people’s thoughts also helped. It’s a fast learning process this way.

I had to smile reading your specific smoking situation. I am a garden designer and have my computer (where I am sitting now) in my studio. I had real problems getting back to the drawing board (literally) after I quit.. I’m a procrastinator too, but this was just aweful - it was as if I had forgotten how to draw and design.. like my brain had changed since quitting smoking. Whilst I didn’t want physically to smoke, I couldn’t think how on earth to get back on the board without a cigarette. Steve.. ever so patiently, helped me work through the issues, and also gave me an idea of an exercise to help - drawing up a plan of action for the next time period (say the morning) and just doing what was in it, no matter whether it was good, bad or indifferent, and setting a timer every 20 minutes during the process. When the timer went off.. take a break.. even if only 90secs to do a very quick check in, stretch and breathe…. and come back to the schedule. This sounds deceptively
simple but it worked for me.

Now back to the ABC. I agree with Judy’s suggestion about paying attention to the physical sensations in your body. At least being aware of them. I will say though that for me, getting back to the drawing board, I had to make sure I did not use these sensations as an excuse not to start. Just so you know you are not alone, I’ve fished out two of my ABCs. It took me quite a time to work on these, as I found that it was so easy to find something.. a response to my body sensations.. which would take me away from what I was scared of (eg stretch, or go and make a cup of tea or something). So the answer for me was just to face the thing and start (having made sure that I had done all the right preparation).

The first is about just starting:

A. I am standing at the drawing board ready to start a new garden design. I have done lots of prep work, and am now ready to do my first real attempt at a new design

B. I want to run away or do anything other than look at the paper. I feel heavy and my mind feels blank. I have a constricted chest.. it feels like someone has their hands inside my rib cage and is trying to squeeze my heart and trachea. Its physically slightly painful. I am not breathing properly. In the past when I got this feeling I would light a cigarette to fill up” the space in my chest with smoke. Now I am not smoking, I have a strong, almost overwhelming, urge to eat or drink something,(sort of to stuff it in.. the food that is, and the feeling) but check in with my body and know that I am not hungry or thirsty So, when I get a feeling like this, I could breathe deeply into the space; sing or make a sound; physically lift up my right hand and pick up the graphite stick and make a mark on the paper.


C. I take a deep breath and pick up the graphite stick

The second is about dealing with a distraction: so easy to use this as an excuse to stop

A. Postman delivers parcel of new books. I am in the middle of a design and could easily be distracted from it. Opening the parcel is a good excuse to be distracted

B. I am trying to avoid the work by deliberately being distracted by the parcel. I choose not to open it and feel irritated and deprived.. the urge to leave my drawing board and go and open the parcel has a physical “longing” sensation with it. It’s a slight tightness- a sort of ache- in my chest. Also slightly irritated fingers. It’s a conflict… inside me… like a little fight….I am feeling frustrated because I have chosen to put my new books on one side and to continue with my design. I have a tighter stomach, twitchy fingers, hot feeling, tight face, tight throat. Past reaction…light cigarette….. Now I don’t smoke, I will acknowledge that this isn’t actually a big (or even small!) life issue.. it’s a matter of self control and not avoiding doing the work on the drawing board. I could take several deep breaths and acknowledge my frustration, and return to what I am doing on the drawing board.

C. Have a wry smile about how I am making a mountain out of a molehill, take some deep breaths and carry on working.

The second is trickier for me. I am a visual artist. I have my dream
studio in my house…not 10 feet away from where I sit now. I have
always been a procrastinator…adn it seems the more success I have
(both internally and externally), the worse it gets. In December I
had a very successful show, got a great review etc. I have all these
new projects going on and I should feel heavenly. Instead my anxiety
shoots downwards into constantlowlevel figeting.I used to smoke 2 or
3 cigarettes before I went into the studio.
My heart is racing, my breathing shallow…and I could even work
myself into exhaustion so I would take a nap instead of going in
there…this despite the fact that I slept in this morning, and it’s
only early afternoon.
I went in and turned on the heat. I came back out and got on the
laptop.I am breathing deeply. I remember that Steve said to take
care of the physical and the rest will follow. But my heart is
racing physically and in my head…the more I talk about it. I used
to have the ritual of smoking to “calm me down” enough to go in
there.
A. Preparing to go into the studio
B. excitment and anxiety about that…my belief is that stalling ,
or perhaps, getting prepared, is what I need to do. Smoking used to
give me the quiet moments I needed to get ready. I no longer smoke.
I can’t seem to find a quiet place. I have to find a quiet place in
my core in order to go on and smoking is no longer an option.
C.OK. Deep breathing. Feet flat on the floor. hand on my abdomen.
Connect to my core…love and vision.Courage. Just go in and sit
there for awile if I have to.
———
Sorry about the long post and the airing …. it is hard for me
to “expose” myself…but I need to trust…you have proven wise,
kind and supportive.
Am I doing it right?? ;-) thankyou.
elizabeth

]]> By: lindsay100 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2896 lindsay100 Sat, 23 Sep 2006 09:29:09 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2896 Alice - we may be very different or not - I am however, comfortable with some of these medical situations that might occur. Please do not hesitate. I will try to talk to you. L Alice - we may be very different or not - I am however, comfortable with some of these medical situations that might occur. Please do not hesitate. I will try to talk to you. L

]]> By: Wade Shantel http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2895 Wade Shantel Fri, 22 Sep 2006 23:36:33 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2895 Sometimes I know the feeling of wanting someone to take care of me. Four years ago my husband had a stoke and as a result found out he had a brain anyurism and was operated on. He hasn't been the same since and as a result all the responsibilities and problems fall on me to take care of them. So sometimes I feel sorry for myself and wish he could take care of me for a change. But, that's life!!! So it doesn't last long. Good Luck. Alice On Fri, 14 Jan 2005 20:52:47 EST sylviaed@... writes: I am indeed in the same situation substantially as you -- but longing, as you say, for this someone/something to take care of you or make things easier is, frankly, selling yourself short. I have been married often enough to know that. No one can nor should they be responsible for that except you. Do you honestly want to be responsible for that for your mate - I mean -- you can help. But the concept of let me fall away and you will catch me - OK for the catch, but then ... We really must do this ourselves-in and out of love, lust, etc., my 2 cents. L. Sometimes I know the feeling of wanting someone to take care of me. Four years ago my husband had a stoke and as a result found out he had a brain anyurism and was operated on. He hasn’t been the same since and as a result all the responsibilities and problems fall on me to take care of them. So sometimes I feel sorry for myself and wish he could take care of me for a change. But, that’s life!!! So it doesn’t last long. Good Luck. Alice

On Fri, 14 Jan 2005 20:52:47 EST sylviaed@… writes:

I am indeed in the same situation substantially as you — but longing, as you say, for this someone/something to take care of you or make things easier is, frankly, selling yourself short. I have been married often enough to know that. No one can nor should they be responsible for that except you. Do you honestly want to be responsible for that for your mate - I mean — you can help. But the concept of let me fall away and you will catch me - OK for the catch, but then … We really must do this ourselves-in and out of love, lust, etc., my 2 cents. L.

]]> By: lindsay100 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2891 lindsay100 Thu, 21 Sep 2006 21:14:36 +0000 http://www.smoking.wordpress-by.org/2006/09/21/the-big-question-to-carol-and-elizabeth/#comment-2891 I am indeed in the same situation substantially as you -- but longing, as you say, for this someone/something to take care of you or make things easier is, frankly, selling yourself short. I have been married often enough to know that. No one can nor should they be responsible for that except you. Do you honestly want to be responsible for that for your mate - I mean -- you can help. But the concept of let me fall away and you will catch me - OK for the catch, but then ... We really must do this ourselves-in and out of love, lust, etc., my 2 cents. L. I am indeed in the same situation substantially as you — but longing, as you say, for this someone/something to take care of you or make things easier is, frankly, selling yourself short. I have been married often enough to know that. No one can nor should they be responsible for that except you. Do you honestly want to be responsible for that for your mate - I mean — you can help. But the concept of let me fall away and you will catch me - OK for the catch, but then … We really must do this ourselves-in and out of love, lust, etc., my 2 cents. L.

]]>