Cognitive Quit Smoking

Dear Friends,
I was recalling today the way I was feeling before
I stopped (August 19). I was coughing most of the
time and my face was beginning to have a gray
pallor. I was wheezing at night, needing to sleep
with a vaporizer. I could not eat any dairy or
wheat because it made me so congested that
I could barely breathe. I was regularly coughing
up something really gross that I won’t describe
here out of respect for people’s sensibilities.
I felt a chronic anxiety about what the smoking
was doing to my lungs and heart and my overall
health. I rarely enjoyed the cigarettes, maybe one
or two a day at most. The rest were controlling
me, it seemed. I rarely felt well physically.

I did not participate in any activities which
required a bit of ‘wind’ — nor anything which might
cut me too long from off from being able to smoke.
My teeth were stained yellowish gray in places
from the smoke. Horrid ghastly tobacco smile.
I felt a chronic sense that I was a slave
to this habit, and a wish that I could quit — but
a resignation that I would probably never, ever
be able.
How has this change come about? It is a real
miracle to me.. that I found the cog site, that
Steve existed, that we met at the moment I was
wanting to take a step, that the timer exercise
convinced me I could do it. I have been through
some kind of emotional hell these last few weeks,
and I think I am not completely out yet… but am
trusting that part of this is readjustment to not being
a smoker; accepting it may be emotionally difficult for
a few months. I will give myself 6, or more if
necessary.
I don’t mind a journey through hell, if it is part of
the route out of Smokeland. I am SO glad to not be
smoking. I DON’T want to be a smoker. It was
SUCH a crappy way to live; and it’s a crappy way
to die, I’m sure. There is nothing beautiful or
wonderful about being a smoker. Quitting is
totally possible, for anybody, I have no doubt.
Much love, Annie

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 18th, 2007 at 2:20 am and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.