Relapse
I had successfully quit smoking for three or four weeks. Then, my 2-1/2
granddaughter and toy yorkee came to stay with me for a week while my daughter
and son-in-law were away.
The first day they were here, my husband started to rectally bleed and ended up
in the hospital three days later. I had bronchitis and a sinus infection so I
could not see him for 48 hours.
After four days at home with a dog that would not stop yapping, rain, and a baby
who wanted her mommy, I broke down and smoked.
My husband has been diagnosed with a variety of diseases including a mysterious
mass that they thought was cancer but came back negative. He must go back in
the hospital in Dec. to have his esophagus stretched as he has been choking on
food as it has narrowed. He must also go back in Jan. to see if this mysterios
mass has spread.
Next week, I am going to my daughter’s house for a few weeks to take care of her
daughter as she is having shoulder surgery and won’t be able to take care of her
daughter.
With all of this, I am not seeking pity but help in finding the strength to quit
again. I do not want smoking to control my life and find that on top of
everything else, the fact that I have started smoking is depressing to me.
Thanks, Rose Marie
]
January 30th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Hi Rose Marie,
Reminds me of when my son, and daughter-in-law come
to visit with the baby, and bring their dog. LOL Naturally my dog can’t
stand their dog, needless to say makes for a stressful visit, so I
understand.
I’m sorry to hear of your husband’s medical issues, he’ll be in our prayers.
Donna
January 31st, 2007 at 2:01 am
Dear Rose Marie,
I quit smoking on August 19, and the first couple
of weeks were great. I felt good, and strong, and
happy, if a bit wacked out.
Then wham! intense emotions and depression –
everything I had been coping well with, prior to the
quit, I suddenly was unable to handle. I did not
start smoking again — but believe me, on many
occasions it seemed to be the best thing to do.
I knew that going back to smoking would make
me feel better, in the short run, or at least in the
moment, it would bring me relief.
I also knew that it would be ok, it wouldn’t be the
end of the world, and that I would keep on trying
to quit. But for some reason, I didn’t go back.
It wasn’t even a fight.
The thing that kept me from relapsing I think is
the way my lungs have felt since I quit — light
and clean, after years of pain and congestion.
The ability to breathe easily, without guilt or
anxiety about smoking.
If I had to start all over again, knowing what I know
now about my quit response, I would probably wait
until (1) spring and the increasing light and warmth
and (2) a time when I am not in the midst of intensely
difficult and painful life situations, as I have been
these last weeks.
I am writing all of this to encourage you to NOT be
depressed about relapse. If you are not ready to
quit, in the midst of these difficulties, then wait until
you feel stronger, work with the timer, work with your
body, your breathing, being compassionate towards
yourself. Do not beat yourself up about it.
I think that when you are really ready, you will
choose not to relapse, no matter what comes. Also,
your 4 weeks quit is a small success — it’s like two
steps forward, but only one backward.. you have
had a taste of success, you know that you want to
quit — and therefore you ought to know, without a
doubt, that you WILL.
Best wishes with your husband’s health and your
own challenges. Have some faith in your real self.
You will ultimately triumph, because it is natural and
healthy. It is in your original nature, to be a nonsmoker.
[I think there is already a nonsmoker in all of us, that’s
how we were born. I have never seen a newborn
baby smoking; what a funny idea.]
Annie
January 31st, 2007 at 11:24 am
Hi Annie,
I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.
I always think that too, about how when you’re born you don’t smoke, you’re
body doesn’t want or need smoke.
Take Care, maybe we can chat sometime.
Donna