Comments on: Surviving the ‘horridays’

By: Roxie Rocha

Roxie Rocha — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 23:33:15 +0000

i think it’s a great idea. i am an addictions counselor and have come
to believe that nicotine is the most difficult addiction to break. i
have been sober in AA for 22 years and have just finally quit smoking
15 days ago.
where do you live. i live on the west side of los angeles and would be
willing to help if you are nearby.
susan

By: lawerence_16

lawerence_16 — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 15:35:07 +0000

Hello All,
I am interested in starting a residential treatment program for smokers
to quit .To date It has been more than a year for my quit and I’d like to
help others. My question is how many people might be interested in a serene
supportive environment at a reasonable cost to quit smoking?
I’m sitting on the fence. I do know of a few programs but they are very
costly and I think are unreachable by most people. I think I could offer a
very comparable service for much less,as I am very concerned with helping
others to get the freedom I now have. I would appreciate any feed back I can
get,
Sincerely,
Inmiandsingle

By: Candy Justina

Candy Justina — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 22:35:32 +0000

Hi Pamela - looks like there are now 3 of us. Incase it gets
confusing, I’m Pam in the UK (hence the ukpam), there’s Ozipam in
Oz, and now you. My late parents always called me ‘Pamela’, never
Pam - I somehow associate my full title with being naughty since my
teachers also only ever called me Pamela However….
As Steve says frequently, smoking is mostly about events and
routines that really have nothing to do with cigarettes. I can think
of 1001 events/routines which always signalled ‘time to light up’.
In the first hour of the day from waking up, for example, it’d read
something like this
Get out of bed - head for the kitchen - smoke (to wake me up)
Switch on the kettle - smoke while waiting for the kettle to boil
(boredom, filling in time)t
Pick up the post off the doormat - smoke (anxious about bills)

Make tea and drink it - smoke (keeps the body balanced…. mug in
one hand, smoke in the other)
Think about what to what to do first (loo, shower, what I’ll wear
etc) - smoke (easier than making a decision)
Make some phone calls - smoke (procrastination smokes - delaying
making what might be difficult calls)
You follow what I’m saying - always a reason to light up, and in my
case, using a smoke to delay making choices/decisions or taking
action. Then there were the ‘filler smokes’ - time to kill eg
waiting for the bus/taxi/train, waiting for guests to arrive, etc.
Before I found cogquitting I sort of recognised the habit element to
smoking (all the sorts of things I’ve mentioned) but thought
diversionary tactics were all that were needed to somehow ‘break the
habit’ It was only when I got to recognise the body cues in these
different situations and decide how best to respond, that I really
started work on directing my quit. Going back to my old morning
routine - I started work on identifying the body cues that came with
boredom, anxiety, feeling sluggish, indecisiveness, and then worked
out what responses were more appropriate than inhaling on a smoke.
And the beauty of this is that it can be done ahead of time, so that
the new response is ready and waiting. (Actually, its crucial that
we plan ahead and don’t simply react on the fly) So for example,
if I know that I’ll feel anxious about opening mail and seeing how
much of my salary is going to go to some bureaucrat or greedy
Utilities owner, I’ll be prepared to do some simple shoulder
stretches to ease tense muscles, some deep breathing to regulate the
shallow breathing. You can apply that to waiting in a queue for the
bus, or killing time at the laundromat or whatever event will be
coming your way.
Don’t know if you’ve chatted or emailed with Steve already - if so
I’ll probably be repeating what he’s already said. First get in
touch with your body cues/sensations and try to define them. The
timer going ‘ping’ is the moment to step back and do a simple body
check - is there any tenseness in my neck/shoulder/stomach muscles?
What’s my breathing like - shallow, laboured? Getting that
awareness is key to the process - you can then set to work on
deciding on more rational responses. We’ll walk you through that -
pls ask if you need help.
We call this a ‘thinking quit’ - no more need to distract yourself,
race around avoiding ’smoking situations’. The process certainly
got me doing a lot of thinking - I realised that the cogquitting
tools were helping me confront and address a lot of issues in my
life. - quitting smoking almost became secondary I’d think most
cogquitters would say exactly the same. Hopefully some of
our ‘oldies’ will talk about how they approached their cognitive
quits and you’ll hear things that you can relate to. In fact, you
oldies and lurkers, please post! Its way too quiet in here at the
moment. It gets Steve and I verrry nervous…
As to all those woolly scarves - 2 are getting recycled next
Christmas. Better make sure i don’t give them back to the donors
(or maybe I should..) One of them is getting worn next week - I’m
thrilled to be meeting up with Carole who will be visiting family in
my area, and its being used to help identify me in the coffee bar!
Would like to wish all of you a healthy and smoke free new year.
And as ever, huge thanks to Steve for devoting so much time to
helping cogquitters and for enabling me to move into a 5th yr smoke
free
Pam
Pamela wrote

By: Ruby Thomas

Ruby Thomas — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 19:19:03 +0000

Hi ~
Interesting topic. Ive been thinking about it for that past couple of
hours and what I feel without a smoke, first of all. I feel
incomplete. That makes me begin to see how many refer to quitting
smoking as a death to grieve.
But it has taken a while to figure out, at least for starters, why I
would feel incomplete after a meal that sated me. For me, its the
gap. The gap between one activity and another. Its those gaps that
I wish to fill so that I wont get the feeling of being incompetent,
inadequate, incomplete, unsure of what to do next.
But I also use cigarettes to create gaps. When Im working hard on a
project, I use a smoke to take a break. Taking breaks is scary because
the inner brat will begin to chatter. You should have put this there.
You should have chosen the other topic for the term paper. You missed a
spot. Whatever.

There is something in nicotine that buffers the critic within. I can
look at things it points out without reacting emotionally. It dulls the
feelings somehow.
Needing to smoke at the bus stop has bugged me for a while now. Id
identified that I felt exposed/vulnerable but couldnt get underneath
that term. And I think this has helped me to make headway on that I
feel inadequate as member of society. The way I look, dress, walk,
stand, talk. I always have my bus pass or money ready but not
because its a simple courtesy to others on bus line. Because I dont
want people to secretly say Im stupid or for the bus driver to give me
a dirty look of impatience and barely contained anger. Have seen them
do it many times to others. It would confirm what I already feel about
myself and I prefer to live without the confirmations (whenever
possible, that is depends on how much control I can get over a
situation).
Except for the times when I rebel against their rules their right to
judge me and dress, walk, talk the way I feel like doing. And then
have a smoke to ward off the asshole remarks from within. Cigarettes have been the glue that has prevented many a meltdown through
the years. deadening effect.
In the first day of the two quits Ive done since joining CogQuit, Ive
been very stoic about the procedure. Unable to identify the physical
feeling. Well, I dont know if Im still doing it wrong but its a
start for me to finally be able to put that stomach feeling into words.
It was like a quiet nauseous-ness. Not the kind like the flu brings
something else.
Its like my body is wanting to puke emotions. To projectile vomit them
in a 360 radius (Linda Blair feelings below that physical sensation is the stuff of above concerning
the after dinner smoke.
Its a start. I think Im beginning to grasp the mind/body connection.
And now that this mess that is currently me is on the page, I feel
strangely hopeful of achieving the quit the CogQuit way.
Im going to bookend with you guys about tomorrow morning. I have to
go to the Laundromat. No big deal, right? Haha. In over a year of
living here, Ive never gone by myself. Have always made the trip with
another guy who lives here (a smoker) until last week when I missed
the date.
A normal morning would involve getting fortified for the trip (even with
someone), then smoking during the half-hour of washing and another ½ hr
of drying. Then a smoke before the trek of ten blocks or so home.
Because of something my grandmother said years ago when I was a child, I
simply have never smoked while walking. Thatll be the easy part. The
hard part will be not walking into the Country Market which is only a
few feet from the Laundromat.
Anyway, Ill quit smoking at midnight tonight. Have already decided to
make the to trip around 6 a.m. to block some of the exposure. Maybe
no one else will be there, as well. and protection. Will make every effort to notice the subtle body cues.
Ive always had the desire to quit and the willingness to follow
through. It just seemed like that willingness always threw me into some
unnamable abyss that I couldnt find a foot-hold in. Ill check in with
yall in the morning and then when I get back. I hope you dont mind.
I dont have a portable timer but checking my watch will give me
something to do. Ill take a book in case things get too hairy, but Im
really kinda looking forward to seeing how many discomfort cues I can
find without using something to side-step them.
Its weird, really, that I packed up the tablecloths for the night
stands and TV stand, and a blanket to wash today and cleaned my room.
Its as if something was gelling underneath earlier today without me
consciously being aware of wanting the smoke stuff gone. Cleaned the TV
screen three times before there was no trace of yellow. And then
couldnt stand the thought of the store closing without enough smokes.
Like some weird see-saw.
Thanks, Steve, for your encouragement and the suggestion to not sign off
the group. I realize that this is only a baby step on the CogQuit path
and am very open to others sharing their experiences. Thanks, Pam, for
posting your lovely upbeat note today and those that followed made
for a rather acute catalyst for this quit in bringing things into focus
for me.
One thought bothers me at the moment. Am I setting myself up to fail by
choosing a difficult (for me) activity to do on the morning of the quit?
Part of me says to wait and the other part says that if I can do this
(the cogquit way of body cues), it will give me more confidence to do a
few more hours. Then again, there probably isnt any right way.
Sitting at the computer is as much of a challenge as anything else
without a smoke. Will just do it tomorrow and see what happens.
Thanks for being here and Happy New Year to All!
Pamela
P.S. Im not going to proof this before sending cuz I have a feeling I
wont send it if I do. Just pushing through the fear. _____

By: Raleigh Missy

Raleigh Missy — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 10:08:14 +0000

I spent a short time in another quit smoking chat room this evening
listening to several quitters talk about their cravings to smoke. They
talked about urges coming suddenly and one even claimed to keep a nicotine
lozenge handy ‘just for emergencies’.
Smoking is mostly about events and routines that really have nothing to do
with cigarettes. It’s about routine patterns and stresses and great meals
and sex. (Sometimes even not so great meals. Ummm and not so great sex,
but that’s a different thing)
The people in that chat room hadn’t considered that their urges to smoke
would disappear if they’d only take the time and a bit of effort to
understand what it is they’re really missing, what their body really needs.
It’s good to see you posting again Carol. Welcome back Steve

By: lydia_10

lydia_10 — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 02:54:13 +0000

I have had a surprisingly delightful smoke-free
horriday. Part of it has been re-encountering some
smoking acquaintances and seeing how impressed
and envious they are that I have quit. I felt proud
telling other smokers that I had quit, and they could
see how glad I was. There is no greater motivator
than inspiration. I am getting chubby though.. but
people keep telling me that I look really healthy.
LOL.
No cloud of smoke around my head.
Happy New Year to all! Annie

By: Barry Oneal

Barry Oneal — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 16:46:46 +0000

OH pam. you can give them to me!!!
Its freezing here in the south of England and Ive just got back from
doing my horses and have to face the biting wind with my dogs!
Horridays is a good expression..though I find, after a year quite, that
the only time I EVER get the slightest wish for a cig is in the moments
after a particularly satisfying meal or sitting at sunset with a glass
of wine.. you get the picture.. the satisfaction cigarette. I have
yet to find a really effective method to deal with that, other than
reminding myself I have saved over £4300 since I quit 13 months ago.
Fortunately this works! But would welcome a better suggestion. Rage,
anger, grief.. none of these remind me in the slightest of cigarettes..
but satisfaction HMmmmmm
Carol
_____