a couple of mails between Glo and Steve…
Glo wrote:
Thanks Steve, and I meant to e-mail you privately as well.
I am having a very hard time understanding the “Timer Schedule” I can
understand perfect that I am going to have some body signals and that some
are going to be from the nicotine withdrawal and some others are not and
that the way I react to these signals can make me light a cigarette or not
if I know how to deal with them. So far is that correct?
I really don’t have a problem with that. I know I’m going to have nicotine
withdrawals every “X” minutes. My real problem is the debate between the
two persons inside of me: One telling me to light up and the other one
telling me not to.
How can I deal with this? The other stuff is easy for me. I really don’t
have trouble with that. I can be without lighting up a cigarette even with
nicotine withdrawals. If not, how can I bee all night without smoking when
I’m sleeping? My issue is the mind. That is getting in the way big time.
Can you help with this?
Steve replied:
Ok… first,
The ‘two people’ inside you are… your higher brain (the part of you
that’s reading this) and your auto pilot (the part of you that has an urge
to smoke).
The reason there is a debate (and it’s not really a debate. it’s more a
total miscommunication) is because your auto pilot is saying “I need to
smoke in order to respond to certain body cues” and your higher brain is
saying “I don’t smoke.” and your auto pilot comes back with “Your shoulders
are tense, your neck is a bit sore, and you need to take some deep breaths.
A cigarette has always taken care of all of this. Light up.” and your
higher brain says ” But I don’t smoke. I’ll suck on a straw or drink some
water or try to stay so busy I don’t hear you.”
….. and it goes back and forth like this driving you nuts. Right?
The miscommunication is that your auto pilot has recognized the body cues
of tension etc and is trying to respond in a way the creates relief. The
ONLY way it knows is a cigarette. A cigarette worked last week, last month,
last year… it’ll work now. But rather than use your higher brain to
help your auto pilot find a non smoking effective and quick way to deal
with the shoulders, neck, and breathing…. your higher brain is doing
it’s best to ignore the entire situation. See the conflict?
You can help your auto pilot by suggesting non smoking responses to cues
like your shoulders etc and your auto pilot will accept and follow as long
as your suggestion meets two criteria; that your suggested response is 1-
effective and 2- timely.
Now, having said that, most of us haven’t a clue what’s going on with our
shoulders so we don’t understand what’s going on when our auto pilot is
suggesting a smoke. That’s why the timer. Start to recognize your body
cues, whatever they are. When you recognize your body’s signals you’ll be
able to easily help your auto pilot instead of just saying “I don’t smoke”.
Has this helped at all?
Glo replied:
A lot, but I do have a different problem, I think. Here’s how I react:
I don’t necessarily go smoke when I’m tense or tired or have a nicotine
withdrawal or my shoulders hurt. Why or how do I know this? Because when
I’m sculpting I can go 4 hours or 6 in a row non stop. I can’t stop
sculpting every half an hour, because if I do, I will loose the momentum
and it takes a lot of inspiration to get it back. That’s why I am confused
with the body cues.
Steve:
Lots of people go several hours without smoking. Many who work in
office environments may go the entire work day without a smoke. But between
the time they finish work and go to bed they may go through a pack. It
comes back to interpretation of the body cues and whether it’s ‘time’ to
smoke. Keep in mind that just because a person can go 4-6 hours without a
smoke doesn’t mean they don’t experience some withdrawal during that time.
Withdrawal is a physiological issue tied to a particular chemical and the
level of that chemical in the body. That we may not ‘crave’ a cigarette
even after several hours, doesn’t mean our body doesn’t ‘need’ it’s dose of
nicotine. Someone who’s gone several hours without a cigarette is probably
thinking a little less clearly, motor skills are slightly impaired, and
mood may or may not be iffy. Again, it all depends on how all of that is
interpreted within the framework of ‘what the body feels’ PLUS ‘is this a
time I can smoke?’.
Glo:
Another case is that my “Auto pilot” tells me to drink something sweet to
smoke, like hot cocoa, or a chocolate, and I combine them both. I smoke to
take something sweet or I take something sweet to smoke, because they taste
good together. For instance: If I eat an egg omelette, I don’t feel the
urge to smoke at all after eating it, because the cigarette and egg don’t
taste good to me. In my case, it has to do a lot with the mouth and taste
buds. I eat more because of the taste than because I am feeling hungry, I
eat because it tastes good.
Steve:
I think you may be confusing this one. Sugar, chocolate (which has a
lot of caffeine), and nicotine are all stimulants. One will ’suggest’ the
others. Past that, there is certainly the taste issue. I still believe that
hot strong coffee and a rolled Virginia tobacco cigarette are the best
taste combination I’ve ever experienced. But this comes back to the first
Foundation Statement… ” I do not want to continue to be a
smoker.” Sweets may taste good with a cigarette but you are going to have
to decide if you’ll continue to mix the two. Smoking and sweets isn’t
something below your radar but rather a very conscious choice.
Glo:
This is what has stopped me from going on with the timer. I think I am not
addressing my problems with writing: “I am tense at the computer” Feeling
pain in the shoulders” “I stretched and massaged” No, because I don’t smoke
when I am at the computer because I am tense. I get up from the computer,
go to the kitchen, get a chocolate or a cup of hot cocoa or something sweet
and I eat or drink it and smoke at the same time. Am I confusing you too much?
Steve:
So you didn’t light up *at* the computer. Instead you went to the
kitchen, got something sweet, and smoked. There’s no difference. You needed
a break (mentally and probably physically) and a cigarette is part of that
whether it’s at the computer or in the kitchen.
Glo:
Another issue I have is this: I quit smoking 12 years ago and I had already
been quit for 20 months. My 17 year old son was murdered and that day I
started to smoke again. Don’t ask me how or when. I just know that at one
point I was at the police station NOT smoking and a minute later I was
smoking. I don’t remember who gave me that cigarette, I don’t remember
asking for it either. Now how does someone deal with something like this? I
guess my auto pilot took over completely?
Steve:
I’m sorry to hear of that tragedy. Of course your auto pilot took over.
That’s a shock/crisis situation and your auto pilot’s job description is to
take over immediately. How a cigarette ended up in your hand is fairly
unimportant at this stage. However, this raises the question of “How do I
not smoke in crisis situations?” When you follow the program, you retrain
your auto pilot to associate responses other than smoking. With a retrained
auto pilot you won’t find yourself smoking.
Glo:
Steve, sorry if I make so many questions. I am not in any way making
excuses, but I know myself and if I don’t address my problem directly, I
will not be able to do it.
Steve:
Please don’t apologize for asking questions. Ask anything and
everything that you need in order to clear the way for you to follow this
program.
Glo, the purpose of the timer is so you can become aware of your body
cues whether nicotine is involved or not, whether it’s a smoking time or
not, whether it has anything to do with smoking or not. The timer is only
so you can identify what your body needs at any moment in the day. My
suggestion is try to put all of these other issues aside just long enough
to set a timer and start to make some hourly notes. The timer is a simple
mechanical exercise that produces results quickly. With those results,
you’ll be better able to deal with these other issues.
I hope you can help. Thanks in advance for caring and if in any way these
questions or messages help you in any way to help someone else, please feel
totally free to use them.
Thank you, I will. I’m going to post our past couple of e-mails to the
group as I think others may have similar questions.
Thanks,
Steve