repost from 2001: long time quitters + relapse
Hi there,
A few days ago Pam sent me this note:
“I’m interested in what makes people go back to smoking after a number
of months/years. Clearly its not about nicotine, so is it about not having
addressed smoking behavior in the first place? Do people who start smoking
again need that ‘hit’ again?”
I asked if she’d mind me posting my thoughts on this to the group, and
with her gracious permission :), here goes.
My guess is that long term quitters who relapse just haven’t learned how
to deal with the behavior. Sure there are lots of associations that seem to
just disappear due to disuse. I’m thinking of associations like starting
the car, or talking on the phone or sitting on the deck. Or, maybe they
don’t really disappear. Maybe they just go dormant or they’re somehow held
at bay. I’ve heard people who have been quit yrs and started smoking again
give as reasons … “I was out with some friends and I just reached across
the table and took a cig.” “I was on vacation.” “I was just hanging around
and thought “Why not?”" And then there are the crisis relapses, illness,
death, job loss, etc.
I think just as a day can be characterized as ‘routine’ or ‘abnormal’, so
can our weeks, months and even years be seen as ‘routine’ or ‘abnormal’. How
many of us can look back at extended periods where life seem to be pretty much
routine…. no major changes or events? What might happen if we were to
quit smoking during or just before one of those periods. We learn to deal
with life as a ‘not’ smoker within the context of life as we experience it
at the time, a life that’s fairly routine. And then something happens that
changes the base line of our day to day. Would it take that radical a
change for us to find ourselves in virgin territory? to find ourselves
turning toward old established responses that worked so well in the past?
The first question that comes to mind is, “Aren’t we all in that same
danger of being ambushed by unexpected events?” From what I’ve seen, most
quitters just maneuver themselves into a not smoking place. Because they
never really examine their smoking behavior, can they ever really become
secure that they have the tools to handle anything that comes down the road
AND anytime it might appear? The generally accepted wisdom of never get
‘over confidant’, of be ‘ever vigilant’, of ‘one day at a time’ … all of
these imply that there is no security because one never knows how we might
react to some unexpected event. Of course it could be argued that ‘one day
at a time’ et al are simply a daily reaffirmation of an individual’s
commitment to not smoke. Obviously that’s fine for some people. Personally,
while there are a few things I wouldn’t mind doing on a daily basis for the
rest of my life, reaffirming a commitment to not smoke sure isn’t one of
them. My belief and experience is that cognitive quitters eliminate that
danger of ambush. Our goal is to become aware of and adept at examining the
thinking that 1- goes with events we encounter and 2- precedes the
responses we choose. Once we’ve gotten a handle on dealing with a
particular line of thinking and/or a particular physical sensation that
follows some event, it no longer makes any difference the degree of
intensity of the event or of the sensations we experience. We have a tool
we can employ whether the event is a ‘routine day to day ho hum’ or if it’s
an ‘explosive all of a sudden’. That tool is used the same way in all
instances. And is just as effective in all instances. This is exactly how
I’ve stayed quit. It’s afforded me 2 huge benefits: 1- the confidence that,
regardless of the situation, I will experience no urges to smoke and 2- a
quit that is more comfortable than anything I’d ever imagined.